


Wayward Daughter: Part I

by CBFirestarter



Series: Wayward Daughter Series [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angels, Angels are Dicks, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bobby as a Father, Canon-Typical Violence, Demons, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Follows the Show, Humor, Lamiae, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, POV Original Female Character, Pining, Post-Hell Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Sara Lance - Freeform, Season/Series 06, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulless Sam Winchester, The Winchester Family, Time Travel, Vampires, Vessels, Weapons of Heaven, alphas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:04:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 126,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CBFirestarter/pseuds/CBFirestarter
Summary: Alexandra Singer, daughter to Bobby Singer, has been hunting monsters for most of her life much to her fathers frustration. She grew up along side the Winchester Brothers, and in recent years was pulled into their epic battle to stop the apocalypse. Now with Sam stuck in the Cage and Dean off with Lisa, Alex is struggling to find a way to go on when she finds herself faced with an old friend she never thought she'd see again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. It started as a story I wrote for a small group of friends but with their encouragement I shared it here. All the love to my SPN family and special thanks to all my friends who have helped me develop and write this fic.

Alex stood back against the wind, shoulders slumped, wondering how the hell she had ended up standing in the freezing rain on a night like this. Well, the answer was hell itself, or more like someone in hell. Her dream had been too real to ignore, but not nearly real enough to warrant calling her dad or Dean. It had only been a month since the big showdown had happened at this very spot, but it still gave Alex chills. Sometimes she wondered if the apocalypse had actually happened and she was in some strange new kind of hell. A hell where the world was less one Winchester.

            Sam Winchester. Her throat caught at the name. She had told herself the whole time that he would be strong enough to toss Lucifer in the pit. But knowing and seeing it were two different things. Sam was one of the strongest people she had ever known, and her best friend. Ever since John first brought a young five-year-old Sam over to her house, they had been fast friends. She was her father Bobby’s only kid so she had grown up an only child. Bobby was wary about letting Alex too far out of his sight when she was young, likely due to her mother’s violent death when she was only one year old, something she sadly had in common with the Winchester brothers.

            She had so looked forward to the familiar roar of the Impala, heralding John Winchester’s arrival to drop off the boys. Even now she lifted an ear, listening and hoping for the familiar sound of Dean’s Baby approaching. That was silly to think though, since Dean was miles away… with _her_. Alex tried to shake off the resentment but the green monster in her reared its ugly head. It just about shattered her when Dean had gone to another woman’s arms for comfort. She had no one to blame but herself for that, however, and maybe someone else who didn’t remind him so much of Sam was better anyway.

            Sam and Alex had usually spent their time finding ways to irritate Dean, which never proved too hard to do. Dean was older and had a lot more devious tricks up his sleeve but if Sam and Alex worked together, they could usually pull off a pretty good prank. She smiled despite herself at the thought of 13-year-old Dean chasing them through the salvage yard, hollering about revenge for messing with his pie.

            It was nearly pitch black out, and Alex leaned against the hood of her car watching the still cemetery for any signs of movement. She was quickly deciding, however, that she was crazy and had finally cracked up. Considering all the crazy shit she had seen in her years of hunting both with her father and the Winchesters, it really should be no surprise.

            “Castiel, you Bastard! If you’re yanking my chain I will kick your ass!” she screamed out into the rain. It had been Castiel’s voice in her dream telling her to come to the cemetery - the last place on earth she ever wanted to go back to. Cas, her sassy trench-coat-wearing angel (yes, angel), had never led her astray before. So she sat, patiently waiting, figuring she would give it another hour before turning in and finding a motel.

            Suddenly, movement caught her eye in middle of the field. The earth was moving. Alex pulled out her silver knife, grabbed her holy water flask, and pushed her wet, sandy-blonde hair out of her eyes. Creeping toward the spot, she suddenly saw a large hand come rising out of the earth, then another. Alexandra Claire Singer did not scare easy, but she felt her stomach give a lurch at the zombie-like hand coming out of the earth. If it was Lucifer or even Michael crawling out of that dirt then there was nothing she could do at this point to stop them, or save herself. Running or fighting were pointless. She suddenly wished she had an angel blade, even though it was likely useless on an archangel.

A dirty, shaggy head popped up out of the mud, gasping for breath, and terrified grey-green eyes found hers. She tossed the water at his face - hey, it was muddy anyway - and gave his grasping hand a quick cut with the knife. Nothing but a little red cut appeared.

            She tossed down the flask and knife and reached to pull the filthy six-foot-four figure of Sam Winchester out of the freezing earth. When he finally pulled free, they both stumbled and fell to the ground next to each other, knocking the wind out of Alex. Sitting up again, she stared. Could it really be him? Unable to help herself, she put her hands up on either side of his face and he grasped her upper arms in his huge hands.

            “Sam?” was all she was able to get out. He seemed to struggle to speak at first, clearing his throat a few times.

            “Lex? Is that really you?”

He gave her a small side-smile and she wrapped her arms around him, practically crawling into his lap. He was really there, flesh and blood. “It’s alright Lex, I’m okay. At least, I think I am.”

Alex wasn’t sure when she had started crying. They both stumbled to their feet.

            “Come on, get in the car, you’re a mess.” Even though he towered over her five-foot-seven frame, she still managed to help him to the car and get him in the front seat.

“You’re back.” She wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. She felt shell-shocked. She had seen people come back from the dead, Sam and Dean included, numerous times. But Sam hadn’t just been dead - he had been in the darkest pit of hell in a cage with the devil himself.

            “I’m back,” Sam said, examining his hand, then trying to clear the dirt from his eyes.

            “How?” She asked the next most pertinent question.

            “I was kinda hoping you could answer that,” he said, looking at her with a bit of apprehension.

            “No fucking clue, and for tonight I really don’t give a shit.” She smiled at him but he just stared out the windshield ahead.

 

The next few months were a blur for Alex, filled with several go-rounds with her dad and Sam. As far as Alex and her dad could tell, it was in fact Sam Winchester, and neither of them had any idea as to how he had come back. No deal had been made, no archangels roaming around. Alex had screamed herself hoarse for Castiel but he hadn’t come to provide any answers. Alex had exhausted herself arguing with Sam and Bobby, neither of whom wanted to tell Dean that Sam was back.

            “How can we not tell him?!” she had exclaimed one night at nearly 2am.

            “Sam doesn’t want us to, and honestly Al, do you really want to ruin that boy’s shot at a happy life?” Bobby settled his hat on his head and took a swig from his flask.

            “It’s wrong and you know it is,” she shot back. How could they want to keep Dean in the dark like that?

            “He’s out, Al. Do you really want to be the one to drag him back in?”

She stood, staring at him for a moment. Her gut instinct was to say yes, she did want to drag him back in. The more she thought about it though, Dean safe in his apple-pie life, the more she hated herself for wanting to ruin that. She grudgingly agreed to keep it secret, though part of her screamed that it was a terrible mistake.

            She had stupidly decided to go to Lisa’s house just to see how that apple-pie life looked. Sam had said that Dean looked happy, and he didn’t want to mess with that, so she thought she’d see for herself. She had driven out in her baby-blue 1968 Pontiac Firebird, that her dad had fixed up for her when she was 16.

What she saw as she sat in her car outside their house, was Dean and Lisa standing in a darkly-lit living room sharing a pretty steamy kiss. It was like a knife in the gut. Without meaning to, Alex had peeled out down the street and was relatively sure she saw Dean in the rear-view, standing in the yard.

She flew to the closest bar looking to drown herself in a bottle of whiskey, and had made her way through three shots before she noticed the text messages on her phone.

Dean: Hey Lexi was that you outside the house?

Dean: is everything ok?

Dean: don’t make me call Bobby

Dean: what the hell Lexi

“Fuck!” she yelled, startling the man next to her. She sighed and focused her eyes on the phone before replying.

Lexi: Its fine, I’m fine don’t worry about it

There. She hoped that would be the end of it. She shouldn’t have peeled out like that. Her phone pinged again.

Dean: So there is an “it” to be worried about? You can still talk to me Lexi

            She looked at the phone, envisioning the worried green eyes on the other side and she shoved the phone into her pocket, signaling the bartender for another drink. She loved a good dive bar, the smell of the whiskey and the mumble of the voices. She had a fairly high tolerance for someone her size and while that hadn’t changed through the years, the severity of her hangovers had. She had started running in the morning after a night of drinking to sweat out the alcohol.

            She brushed off the attempts of two drunk bar patrons to buy her a drink, something that was par for the course of life on the road. She did hope she hadn’t broken the second guy’s fingers but maybe he would learn to keep them to himself. Bon Jovi, of all things, came on and she laughed to herself.

            “Something funny about Bon Jovi?” A familiar voice came from behind her and she spun around looking up … and up again at Sam Winchester. He wore the familiar smile but it didn’t touch his eyes. Sam was different now. She supposed hell had something to do with that. Hell had changed Dean as well, but it was different to this. Dean’s soul was heavier when he returned from hell, like he carried so much more weight. Sam seemed... lighter, almost empty.

            “Fancy seeing you here. Grab a stool.” Alex said, trying to ignore her suspicions.

Sam slid onto the stool next to her and ordered himself a whiskey. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and took a long draw. Alex didn’t normally like long hair on men, preferring a cleaner look like Dean’s, but something about Sam’s hair just suited him.

            “Didn’t expect to see you here! Are you looking into that vamp’s nest next town over?” Sam shifted on the bar stool.

            “Didn’t know about a vamp’s nest. You hunting it with the Campbells?” She struggled to keep the resentment out of her voice. She loathed the Campbells, maybe unfairly and maybe not. They were arrogant, self-righteous pricks as far as she could tell from their one meeting, and she didn’t trust them a bit. Sam’s namesake, Samuel Campbell, had also risen from the dead without an explanation and had started up a band of merry hunting men and a woman from his extended family. On one side, she could understand Sam wanting to work with them, family and all, but on the other, he had family. What were she, Dean and Bobby? Chopped liver? She couldn’t wrap her head around it and she had refused Sam’s offer to hunt with them.

            “No, I’m solo on this one, so don’t worry, we are alone.” He rolled his eyes at her and she cracked a small smile, despite herself. Even if Sam was a little off, she was incredibly happy to see him.

            “I missed you,” she blurted, and blushed.

            “I missed you too, Lex. You gonna tell me why you’re upset?” Sam gave her a side look.

            “Why do you think I’m upset?” She nervously swirled her ice cubes around her glass.

            “Cause you’re drinking whiskey.”

            “So? Why does that matter?”

            “You drink whiskey when you’re upset, tequila when you’re in a good mood, and rum when you want to get laid.” Sam took a swig as Alex nearly choked on her drink, making Sam laugh.

            “I do not!” she said, once she coughed to clear her throat.

            “I’ve known you your whole life. I think I know what I’m talking about.” He raised an eyebrow, regarding her with that Sam smile she loved so much. It was hot in the bar and he had his flannel shirt unbuttoned. With the low-neck v he wore underneath, she could make out his collar bone.

            “Well maybe you’re right, but I don’t wanna talk about it.” She finished off her third glass of whiskey.

            “Maybe I can talk you into switching drinks tonight then,” Sam said.

            “What, make me switch to tequila?” she chuckled.

            “No I was thinking rum, if you’re up for it.” Sam looked her up and down quickly before turning back to his drink. Alex froze for a second. _He did not just say that?_ She looked at his face, but he wasn’t laughing. He turned at looked at her, giving her a look she had never seen before. He looked hungry… and like she was on the menu. She shifted on her stool a bit and reluctantly admitted that he did look incredibly good. _NO_! She told herself, _don’t go there, it’s Sam_.  But her mind was already there, looking over his broad shoulders. Before she could reply, the bartender came over to them.

            “Another?” he asked, grabbing her empty glass.

            “She’ll take a rum and coke, and so will I,” Sam answered for her, which was annoying and yet very hot. Since when was Sam the bossy one?

            “I never said I wanted rum,” she said, crossing her arms.

            “You didn’t say no, either,” Sam replied, taking the drink from the bartender and handing it to her. She reluctantly took the glass and Sam gave her a mischievous grin. _Did she shave her legs? Yes she did. What the fuck am I thinking?!_ Her mind was racing but when she looked at him she flushed all over. She took a big sip of her drink, nearly choking on the bubbles.

            “Easy does it, killer,” Sam laughed.

            “This is a bad idea.” She felt it needed to be said. Everything inside her yearned for contact for someone’s touch, for his touch. It was probably the worst idea she ever had and she shouldn’t even be entertaining it. She would never risk her friendship with Sam. Not ever.

            “Why is it such a bad idea? We’re both adults.” He seemed so calm, so cool, like he was lawyer pleading a case he knew he’d win.

            “‘Cause you’re Sam!”

            “Yes?”

            “And I’m Alex!”

            “Your point?” He said, casually, as he took an unsubtle glance down the front of her shirt. She squeezed her thighs together to try and quell the uncomfortable throbbing sensation starting down south.

            “I don’t want to screw with what we have, Sam.” She was kicking herself for shooting him down, though Sam Winchester was not put off at all.

            “It won’t change a thing. It’s just one night! We’re both due to let off some steam.” Sam reached a hand over and put it on her knee and she struggled not to visibly squirm, her body giving her away. It had been _way_ too long since Alex had gotten any, and she wanted to scratch the itch.

            “Maybe,” she finally said, draining the last of her drink, feeling very loose but still capable of killing a vamp if need be.

Sam looked her up and down one more time, making her feel almost naked. He then slapped some cash down on the bar and grabbed her hand, nearly pulling her off the stool.

She could barely keep up with his long stride but she managed, with him towing her along. She should protest, but his strong grip held her tight. The cold night air hit her in the face as they practically jogged toward the motel.

            “Slow down! I can’t keep up with you, Moose!” she grumbled at him. Surprisingly he stopped and turned around. He faced her, bent down, and threw her over one shoulder. She gave a little shriek and pushed herself up on his back, trying to see where they were headed.

            “Sam, put me down!” He ignored her and gave a laugh. More shocking still, he gave her ass a smack.

            “Always wanted to do that,” he said, laughing, and put a key in his motel door.

            “Put me down this minute, Sam Winchester!” She smacked him on the back but she didn’t have a very good angle. He brought her inside and closed the door, managing not to bang her head on the wall. He then unceremoniously threw her on the bed.

            “I put you down,” he stated matter of factly, staring down at her. “This is much nicer than the parking lot out there though, right?”

He pulled off his flannel shirt and tee-shirt in two quick movements. This was actually happening. She had seen Sam shirtless countless times before. Hell, she had pulled a fang out of his stomach and stitched up along his ribs many times. So why did she gasp at the sight of him? Maybe she had just always blocked it out. Standing there, he looked like a Greek god. Plus she was fairly sure he had been working out. The curves along his broad shoulders and the definition of his abs... She found herself biting her lip for control.

            He slowly walked over to her, and knelt down at the foot of the bed. He carefully removed her boots and socks, tossing them to the side. He crawled up her legs, hovering over her, stopping at her belt. She had propped herself up on her elbows, mesmerized. He peeled off her jeans and ran his huge hands over her thankfully smooth legs. He slowly lay down on the bed beside her, rolling her on her side and pressing himself up against her back. One hand snaked its way into her panties while the other worked to unhook her bra.

            He felt warm and hard, pressed up against her. _I should stop this, I can’t be doing this._ Alex tried to tell herself to stop but it just felt so good. His fingers we so long and skilled and her body roused to him, immediately wet. She let out a small groan as he put his mouth on the back of her neck and began lightly biting and kissing her. It sent a shiver right down her spine.  After a few minutes of this she was squirming and writhing in his arms.

            He suddenly sat up, leaving her momentarily bereft. He stripped out of his jeans and she quickly removed her remaining clothing. He moved to come toward her but she put a hand up for him to stop and he did. She took a moment to stare up him. He was maybe the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. All long, lean, taut muscle. It was dark in the room except for some light from the bathroom, and a little street-light leaking in the window. He had a wild, dangerous look in his eye she had never seen before. Her eyes traveled down and … _Holy mother-fucking god!_ Alex had once speculated that Sam was proportionate to his size everywhere else and the answer was: hell yes, he was. She took a deep breath and lowered her arm, leaning back against the bed. Pushing that last twinge of guilt away, she was ready.

            “Alright already,” was all she could think to say, but it was enough and Sam came at her. He didn’t wait and it was a good thing she was ready because with one thrust he filled her completely. She let out a small, barely audible cry and Sam just gave a soft, light chuckle, his mouth by her ear. She reached up and ran her hands through his beautiful, soft hair as he began driving into her. She could feel a wonderful sensation building as he dropped his mouth to her breast, slowly biting and teasing.. She dug her hands into his shoulders and he lifted her up so she was sitting on his lap, and sunk his hands into her ass. She leaned back, riding him, keeping a tight grip on his upper arms.

            “Holy fuck!” he yelled out, and she laughed knowing with glorious pride she made that look on his face.  She began to ride him faster and harder, feeling like she would shatter soon and she felt a shiver starting all over. “Not yet,” he whispered in a low, hoarse voice. He lifted her off of him and flipped her around. _So that’s how it’s gonna be?_ Alex shifted her hips and waited as he put his hands on either side of her hips and slowly put in just the tip. She squirmed, waiting to be filled. She heard a suddenly-familiar Sam laugh as he gave her ass a hard smack, making her cry out.

            “Impatient, are we?” he chuckled, teasing her. and she was impatient, her whole body throbbing to finish. He ran one long hand along her back and the other gripped her hip tightly as he began to repeatedly drive into her with a faster and faster rhythm. From that angle he was riding her g-spot relentlessly and she couldn’t hold back any longer. She shattered around him in wave after wave of shocks. He moved so both hands were holding her hips and if he hadn’t been holding her she surely would have collapsed. He suddenly cried out behind her and went still himself. They both stayed still for a moment before he pulled out of her gingerly and helped her to lie back down on the bed. She felt completely loose from head to toe and kept her eyes shut, just reveling in the feeling. She could feel Sam breathing heavily next to her, catching his breath.

            They both lay still next to each other for a long time. Alex eventually made her wobbly way to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower, which felt amazing. When she came back out, wrapped in a towel, Sam was in a pair of boxers, sitting in front of his lap top at a tiny desk. There were two drinks sitting on the desk that Sam must have poured, and Alex reached over to grab one, leaning up against the desk next to Sam. He pulled his eyes away from the computer and looked up at her slowly. A smile broke across his face.

            “What are you researching?” Alex asked to break the awkward tension.

            “Oh, just looking into that vamp’s nest before I head over tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I know where they are holed up.” He took the other glass and took a sip as well, wincing at the burn of the whiskey.

            “That was amazing, by the way. I had no idea you could move like that, and don’t get me started on your breasts!” Sam wiggled an eyebrow at her and she let out a laugh feeling some of the tension drain from her.

            “Well I didn’t expect any of that either, believe me.” She shook her head, finishing off the last of her drink. That last drink had gone straight to her head. “That was a one-time deal though Sam, okay?”

            “Yeah, okay, whatever you want,” he just shrugged a shoulder. She was a little surprised at how little he seemed to care, but she shouldn’t be surprised by anything he did these days. She really felt like she shouldn’t be ignoring this gut instinct telling her something bigger was wrong with Sam. She just didn’t want to believe that the man sitting next to her was anything but the goofy, intelligent, stubborn man she had known since she was a kid.

            “Alright, well, I am exhausted so I am sleeping here for the night and I’ll go check out that nest with you tomorrow, okay?” Sam just looked at her and nodded, and she slunk back to the bed, the alcohol hitting her hard now. As she lay down, she looked at her phone to see another text message.

Dean: Hey, I’m sorry if I haven’t been around, just don’t do anything stupid alright, the world needs Lexi Singer in it ok?

            She fought back the strong urge to cry, and choked it back before composing a response to him.

Alex: Thanks, too late, but thanks anyway.

With that, she shut off her phone and passed out into a restless sleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Alex ran from her shame like it was a hellhound on her back. She threw herself into hunting and more specifically, tracking down Crowley. She spent the next few months tracking down any and all crossroads demons. Crowley still owned her dad’s soul and while he had ten years to figure it out, seeing one family member killed by hellhounds was more than enough for a lifetime. Unfortunately, after the first few she caught and interrogated, they were wise to her tactics, and stopped showing up when summoned. In a world full of demons, she couldn’t find a single one in three months. She was sitting at a diner, debating on whether to head north to potential Wendigo killings or east to what looked like some vengeful witch work when her phone buzzed.

Dad: Need you back at home base, Sam told Dean

            This stopped Alex in her tracks immediately, and she hesitated, feeling a huge drop in the pit of her stomach. _Dean is gonna be so pissed_ , she thought to herself, and hurt. The thought of confronting Dean after keeping such a big secret from him for almost a year was terrifying.

            “More coffee, Miss?” came the voice of the tired looking waitress at the counter.

            “Yes, to go please?” Alex grabbed her laptop, stuffed it in her bag and tried to mentally prepare herself for seeing the Winchesters again. Luckily, she was only two hours from Sioux Falls and her father’s salvage yard. She fidgeted in her car, messing with the radio stations and trying to distract herself. Suddenly, “Yellow Submarine” came on the radio and Alex was immediately brought back to the book fort incident of 1990.

            John and Bobby had gone off on a hunt together, a rare thing, leaving Dean in charge of watching Sam and Alex. Dean, being the 11 year old mother hen he was, took it even more seriously since he had two of them to look after. The boys were genuinely excited just to be in a house with real food in it. Alex had suggested that they build a fort in the living room and Dean had nixed the idea, saying they shouldn’t mess with Bobby’s books. However, she couldn’t get the idea out of her head and neither could Sam.

            Sam and Alex snuck downstairs in the middle of the night and went to work on their elaborate fort. They stacked books and grabbed old sheets and pulled out a broom to hold up the middle. Once done with that, they lined the floor with all the old pillows they could find and sat by flashlight, reading comics and playing “Yellow Submarine” on their cassette player. They woke up to the sound of bellowing, making Sam and Alex leap up in their fort and come scurrying out. John and Bobby were standing in front of them hands on their hips, staring down at them.

            “Alexandra Claire! What have you done!” Bobby’s voice was frustrated and disappointed. Alex felt immediate shame, knowing she wasn’t allowed to touch her Dad’s books. It was the number one Singer House rule. If Alex was ashamed then Sam looked terrified and she glanced over to see Dean come into the room, rubbing his eyes in surprise at the state of the living room.

            “We came back to get the book on Banshees, which we can’t find now cause you couldn’t follow one simple rule, Sam!” John’s face was red and he reached down, yanking Sam to his feet and giving him a good shake. “These books are not toys! They are part of how we survive.”

            “Easy, John. They’re just kids. We can find the book.” Bobby was already done being angry, but John was just getting wound up.

            “Don’t start with me, Bobby. They should know better!” Suddenly, a smaller voice chimed in and they all turned to Dean.

            “It’s not their fault, I made the fort for them. I thought it would keep them busy so I could finish my book. I’m sorry, Sir.” Dean cast his eyes down to the floor and John turned looking at Dean.

            “Sam, get in the car,” John said in an absolutely terrifying voice, letting Sam go while not taking his eyes from Dean. “Dean outside … Now!” John barked. Dean moved Sam out the door and despite Bobby’s arguments that the boys should stay, John was adamant that he would finish the hunt himself and the boys were going with him.  Alex cried for hours after they left until she had cried herself to sleep and Bobby had carried her to bed. She couldn’t listen to that song without remembering that day and how cowardly she had felt for letting Dean take the blame.

            She made good time heading back to the house, and when she pulled in she could see Baby parked in front. It gave her heart a jolt of joy and a little pang of fear. She took a deep breath and told herself that it was just a Winchester. If she could face the damn devil, she could handle this. Alex stepped into the house and breathed in the familiar smell of old books, whiskey and car oil.  Her dad was standing in the kitchen, settling his old cap on his head and rubbing at his eyes.

            “Don’t you ever sleep, old man?” Alex teased and Bobby turned, his face breaking into a smile.

            “I’ll sleep when the phones stop ringing,” Bobby replied, pulling her into a bear hug. “Hey there, Al. Damn, it’s good to see you.”

She kissed his gruff cheek and set her bag down.

            “Hey, Lex,” Sam called from the living room, book in hand and a soft smile on his face.

            “Hey, Sam,” she smiled back at him and he opened his arms for a hug. She hesitated just a second before going over and wrapping her arms around him. He smelled good, like fresh, clean linens. He scuffed the top of her head a little and she laughed, pulling away and giving his arm a little punch. Then, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind Sam. Sam stepped aside and there stood an obviously grouchy and pouting Dean Winchester, his bright green eyes glowing and his body radiating energy and tension.

            Alex wasn’t sure when she had known that she loved Dean. It felt like she had always known, but there must have been a moment. When she was young, she wrote it off as a schoolgirl crush, since he was the cool, handsome, older guy. It was so much more than that though. Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him - it was visceral reaction. She hated it. Why couldn’t she look at Dean the way she looked at Sam, as a brother? Things would be so much simpler.

Looking up at the hurt on Dean’s face in that moment, she had to fight back the urge to run and comfort him.

            “Hi, Dean,” she settled for instead.

            “Did you know?” He lowered his face and raised his eyebrows, cocking his head just a little, daring her to lie. Those green eyes looking up through his lashes bore right into her.

            “Yes. I knew.” There was no getting around it and lying at this point was useless. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back in utter frustration.

            “How could you not tell me Sam was back? You, Lexi, of all people! I would have thought you would understand.” This took her back a step. What made her so special?

            “I’m sorry, Dean. Sam and Dad didn’t want to tell you, and you just seemed so happy.” It sounded so incredibly lame once she said it out loud.

            “Happy! You think I was happy? MY BROTHER WAS DEAD!” He was shouting now and he ran his hands through his hair, looking anywhere but at her.

            “Take it easy, Dean. It wasn’t her decision, it was mine,” Sam said in a cool, level voice.

            “Don’t even get me started on that, Sammy,” Dean took a deep steadying breath.

            “I should have told you, Dean. I wanted to, and I am sorry I didn’t, alright?” No lie there, she had wanted to tell him for the past year. He turned and made eye contact with her and the betrayal in his eyes hurt more than anything she could have imagined.

            “This is great, just great.” Dean shook his head and Alex lowered her eyes to the floor, wishing she could be anywhere else.

To make the moment a million times worse, Lisa came in from the back room.

            “Ben wanted to know if he could read the comics he found upstairs.” Lisa was frustratingly beautiful. Alex had never met her in person but she had heard enough about her. “Is this Lexi?” Lisa asked with a smile, stepping forward. “It’s so good to finally meet you. Dean goes on and on about his little sister.” Alex cringed at the word sister.

            “It’s Alex. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” She’d be damned if she let Lisa call her Lexi, only Dean got away with that. Not even Sam would dare. “The comics are mine.It's fine if he wants to read them.” Alex hadn’t really taken great care of her comics anyway so the kid couldn’t do much harm to them. She knew she should have used a more friendly tone with Lisa, but she just didn’t have it in her.

            “Thanks Alex, I’ll let him know.” Lisa gave her a smile and then planted a kiss on Dean’s cheek before heading back upstairs. So apparently Lisa and Ben were staying, which must mean she didn’t have a bed.

            “Would it kill you to be nice to her?” Dean glared at Alex. He shook his head. “I don’t have time for this right now. Come on, Sam, let’s go.” Dean made a move to leave.

            “Where are you going? Why are Lisa and Ben here?” Alex couldn’t help but ask.

            “It’s a long as story, but we have a Djinn problem to deal with,” Dean groaned.

            “Do you want me to ride along?” Alex wasn’t sure what she wanted his answer to be.

            “We got it covered. Later… _Alex_.” That stabbed her straight in the gut and he knew it. Dean marched past her, and Sam gave her a sympathetic smile.

            “We’ll call you. We got this,” Sam said, grabbing his stuff and heading out.

            “Be careful, ya idjits!” Bobby called after them. “Al, honey, you alright?”

            “I’m fine, Dad,” she answered once she got her voice back. Her phone buzzed and she saw a text from her friend Milton, another hunter.

Milton: got a line on a demon for you in Wichita, call me for the details.

            That was exactly what she needed - a hunt. She needed to slice and dice and let off some steam right that minute. “Dad, I got a line on that demon. I’m gonna head to Wichita. You got things covered here?” While she missed her dad, she was desperate to get out of there.

            “Sure you don’t wanna stay for dinner at least? I have chili in the fridge.”

            “No, I wanna get ahead on this.”

            “Al, it’s not your fault, he will get over it.” Bobby gave her that sympathetic look and she knew if she didn’t leave, she would lose it.

            “Love you, old man. I’ll call you if I catch the bitch.” She gave him a hug and took off out the door, snatching up her bag.

            She reached Wichita at around three in the morning and decided to park the car off to the side of the road to catch a few hours in the back seat of her Firebird. Thankfully, it wasn’t too cold, but she still bundled up with a blanket she kept in the back.

She only managed a few hours before she was up and heading in to scope out the building Milton had texted her about. Something most people never realised is how boring hunting can be 90% of the time. She sat for hours, waiting for the demon to show herself. Stuck alone with her thoughts was not a good place to be. She kept replaying the scene with Dean over and over in her head. _Fuck him, it wasn’t her call to lie to him,_ and she was trying to do the selfless thing and let him go.

            She caught sight of the demon by the afternoon and within two hours, she had her trussed up in the trunk of her car. She smiled, feeling overwhelmed with pride. She knew the devil's trap on the tarp would work. She still had a devil’s trap on the trunk of the car just to be safe. Her phone buzzed and she glanced down to see Dean calling. She hesitated, thinking maybe she should let it go to voicemail.

            “Hey,” she answered.

            “Hey, Lexi.” Dean sounded tired on the other end. “Look, I’m sorry I went off on you like that. It’s been a really long, long 24 hours.”

            “I get it Dean, it's okay. You get the Djinn?” The demon began to bang around the trunk and she banged the top of the trunk hollering back at it, “Shut your trap, bitch, or you get the holy water!”

            “Sounds like you have your hands full. We got the Djinn situation taken care of.”

            “Good. You taking Ben and Lisa home?” she tried hard to sound understanding.

            “Yeah, I think so, for now. Lexi, did you spend a lot of time with Sam? You know, since he’s been back?” Alex knew that voice. It was the same voice he used when Sam was on the demon blood. Dean was worried about his baby brother, probably rightly so.

            “Only saw him a few times. He was hunting with the Campbells a lot and... we didn’t exactly get along.” She hoped he didn’t take offense to that.

            “Ha! Yeah they’re asshats if you ask me. Look, does Sam seem… different to you?”

            “Something's a little off, yeah, but I can’t figure what it is. The cage probably just did something to him,” she sighed, wishing she had a better answer.

            “Yeah you’re probably right… So are we ok, Lexi?” That voice made her melt a little. It was the same voice he used whenever he was apologizing that made it impossible to be mad.

            “Always, but, Dean?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Don’t call me Alex again, okay?”

With that, Dean gave a chuckle. “Alright, I promise. Only Alexandra from now on.”

            “Oh, god! Then you’ll sound like Cas!” She laughed a little and so did Dean. It was so good to hear his laugh.

            “Say, have you heard from Cas at all? Sam said he hasn’t answered his calls at all.” Alex hesitated with whether or not to keep her promise to Cas.

            “I haven’t heard from him. Off fighting Raphael I think.” Alex was a smooth liar when she needed to be and Dean seemed to buy that response.

            “Alright, well, take care of yourself, Lexi.”

            “You too, Dean,” and they both hung up.

            She felt heavier and lighter all at the same time for having replaced one lie with another. She was slightly more at peace with lying for Cas, however. Considering all he had done for her and why he needed her to keep quiet, it didn’t seem like such a big deal. She got in her car, heading back to her dad's, demon in tow.   _You owe me Cas,_ Alex thought to herself. Suddenly there was a fluttering sound and thump in the seat next to her. Alex gave a little jump and cursed under her breath.

            “God dammit, Cas!”

            “Hello, Alexandra.” Cas sat in the seat next to her, staring out the window.

            “You know, you could pick up a phone, Cas,” Alex scolded.

            “I couldn’t risk being overheard.” His gravelly voice sounded tired. Did angels ever get tired?

            “You okay, Cas? How’s the fight going?” She glanced at her angel, sitting there in his trench coat, eyes still fixed out the window.

            “I’m fine, Alexandra, but the war is not going well. Did you talk to Dean?”

            “You sound like a Winchester. Fine, my ass.”

Cas scowled at her more in confusion then anger.

“Yes I did talk to Dean and he knows about Sam.”

            “You didn’t tell him then, that I knew he was coming back?” Cas asked, looking over at her now.

            “No, I told you I wouldn’t, but it seems stupid, Cas,” she rolled her eyes at him.

            “If they know I knew about Sam, they will want answers that I don’t have.”

            “Cas, I hate to break this to you but they will still want answers from you, whether you have them or not.” She looked over at him and softened a little. Without Cas, her whole family would likely be dead by now. “I can help, ya know. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

He gave a long sigh and Alex reached over, grabbing a hold of his hand.

            “Thank you, Alexandra, but there is nothing you can do, unfortunately. Not for now. I may need to call on you soon, though.” Cas was still holding her hand, seeming not to have noticed. He looked down and saw they were holding hands. “Is this contact for your comfort or my own?” He gave her a perplexed look.

            “Both, Cas,” she shook her head and gave a soft laugh. “I’m just a phone call away, okay?” She really hoped he would ask for her help if he needed it. He was family and shouldn’t have to face a fight this big alone. There was a whoosh and suddenly Cas was gone again. _He needs to work on his goodbyes._

            Once she got the demon home and tied up in her dad’s basement, she sat by the window and settled in with a warmed-up bowl of chili. Bobby had done right by Alex, the best he possibly could. Whenever she fought with her dad, she had to remind herself that at least he wasn’t John Winchester. Sure, Bobby was a single dad and a hunter, just like John, but they were very different men. She thought back to the huge fight they had when she told Bobby she wanted to hunt full time and had no interest in college. Actually, it was about the same time that Sam was fighting with John about going to Stanford. She would always be thankful that while Bobby had trained her to defend herself and, eventually, how to hunt, he never stopped just being her dad.  

            “This is good chili, Dad. Did you use that chipotle chili powder I got you?”

            “Yeah, has a good kick to it.” Bobby was at his desk pouring over a book per usual. She could see the tension in his shoulders.

            “I’m sorry, Dad.” Bobby looked up from his book, confused. Alex continued, “I know you wanted Dean to be free from all this.” She was pretty sure that’s why he was upset.

            “I never wanted any of this - not for Sam, not for Dean, and certainly not for you, Al,” Bobby sighed, closing his book and going to grab another one.

            “Dad, I’m happy with the life I have chosen, and I picked it for myself. I knew what I was getting into.” She set her chili down and Bobby just tilted his head down to his book. “Sam and Dean - John threw them into this life when they were kids, but they aren’t kids anymore. They have to make their own choices on how they want to live their lives - that’s not on you.”

            “That don’t mean that I have to like the stupid-ass decisions you guys make.” Bobby’s jaw tightened and he still didn’t look up her.

            “I know dad. Believe me, I know.” Alex curled her legs up and pulled a blanket over herself, settling in for a quick nap. As she drifted off, she thought she heard Bobby’s voice again but couldn’t tell if it was him or a dream.

            “I’d sell my soul again if I thought it would get you to stop hunting.” With that, she was finally overcome and fell asleep, a weight still hanging on her chest.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex woke with a start to the sound of muffled screaming. She rubbed at her eyes and realized it must be her dad interrogating the demon in the basement. She couldn’t help but laugh and the thought of it made her feel better. She moved to grab some coffee and picked up a book on Judeo-Christian history, flipping to the angel section she was reading last time she was home. Alex and her dad had battled about her going to college, and it had ended in compromise. Alex had gotten a degree partially online and partially at a university in Oregon,althoughshe continued to hunt while finishing her degree, double majoring in Folklore/Mythology and Anthropology. If Alex was honest, it was a cakewalk. She had read most of the books from class for one hunt or another during her high school years, although because of the past few years with the Winchesters, she was beginning to wish she had taken Religious Studies.

            “Hey, Al, the coffee still hot?” Bobby asked, coming up the stairs.

            “Sure thing, Dad, in the pot. How’s the questioning going?” She took a sip of her coffee and turned to a page on demons.

            “Well, I got her name out of her, real name that is. Julie Nevins. Now, if I can find her bones, we will be getting somewhere.” Bobby slumped in his chair with a cup of coffee and right as he leaned back, the phone rang.  “Balls!” he cursed, setting his coffee down and going to get the phone.

            Alex reached for her computer and started searching for a Julie Nevins who had passed away. There were more results than she wished there were, but she was able to narrow it down by searching for unusual deaths, looking for anything that screamed “crossroads deal”. Bobby’s phone rang off the hook for another hour or so, but Alex still managed to track down 34 potential graves to check.

            “God dammit, Rufus! Go get your own Shinto blade!” Bobby yelled, hanging up the phone, and Alex laughed a little.

            “You two bicker like an old married couple. Come over here and look at what I found,” Alex called, showing Bobby all the names she had come up with.

            “Well I better work on narrowing that down. Print the list and I will figure it out,” Bobby sighed, tossing out his now cold coffee.

            “Sure thing, and I’ll put on a fresh pot.” She kissed his cheek and went to the kitchen, as Bobby went down to work on the demon.

Bobby had developed a theory that demons were really just twisted powerful ghosts, so he figured you could kill one the same way you kill a ghost, by salting and burning the bones. Turns out, it was really a pain in the ass to catch a demon and then figure out who the hell they were when they were human. Alex and Bobby worked together around the clock for the next two weeks and they narrowed the search down to two potential bodies.

            “Dad, I think two is good enough. Let’s just grab and burn both sets of bones?” Alex was exhausted and worried.

            “No. I don’t want to go digging up some innocent person,” Bobby replied, flipping through a newspaper.

            “That’s stupid, Dad. We burn the wrong body all the time. It comes with the job. If they are in heaven, they won’t care, and if they’re a ghost or the demon, then I call that a win.” Alex thought she’d made a pretty damn good point, but Bobby just grumbled, ignoring her. She was at her wit’s end when her phone rang and she looked down to see Dean calling.

            “Hey, Dean, what’s up?”

            “Hey, Lexi, what’s not up? I mean seriously, it’s like I can’t cut a break right now.”

Alex couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little, Dean loved to pout. “Anything I can help you with?” she raised an eyebrow, even though he couldn’t see it.

            “One word. Shifter baby.”

            “That’s two words,” Alex chuckled.

            “Alright, smart ass. But seriously, we just had to deal with a shifter baby.” Dean sounded more than a little proud.

            “So if you have it dealt with, why are you calling me?” Not that she wasn’t happy to hear from Dean, she pretty much always was, but she was focused on finding the demon’s bones and running on minimal sleep.

            “You know,I don’t think you're appreciating the _gravity_ of a shifter baby,” he grumbled, “but I actually need your help on another case, if you’re interested. There have been some suspicious deaths in Easter, PA. Sam called me and he is already there. I was thinking I could swing by Bobby’s and pick you up, like old times?”

            Alex had to think on that. “Hold on, Dean.” She covered the receiver with her hand, and called out, “Dad, do you think you can do without me for a week or so?” Bobby barely looked up from his book and just gave her a wave of the hand. “Alright, I’ll come. When will you be here?”

Just then, Alex looked up to hear the front door open and Dean was swaggering in.

            “Alright, chop, chop! Let’s do this! Hey, Bobby,” Dean smiled at them and Alex rolled her eyes.

            “I might not have said yes, you know. I have other shit to do.” She grouchily grabbed her duffle bag from the floor and tossed in a few books. Luckily, it was already packed for going on a hunt.

            “I knew you’d come - well, I hoped. If you said no over the phone, you wouldn’t say no to my beautiful face.” He wagged his eyebrows at her and she laughed, despite herself.

            “Would you two idjits get out of here? I have work to do.” At that, the phone rang and Bobby jumped up to grab it. Alex planted a kiss on his cheek and he waved her off as she followed Dean out to the car.

            Dean had obviously still been taking excellent care of Baby and she had just recently been washed. She tossed her duffle in the back, along with her favorite machete, while he griped about all the books she brought taking up too much room. It was an age-old complaint of Dean’s, especially whenever she had been on the road with both Winchesters and space was tight. She always argued that she needed the books, since you couldn’t find the information they held on the internet. Dean usually retorted that they could figure it out on their own and Alex countered that maybe if they brought more books, they wouldn’t have to call Bobby so much. That usually shut Dean up quick.

            She felt a little strange sitting shotgun, in the seat normally occupied by Sam. She had always ridden in the back of the Impala when on a hunt with the boys. Honestly, she liked sitting in the back since it was pretty spacious and she could stretch out if she needed to. Baby roared to life and Dean winked, turning up the stereo playing “Highway to Hell.” Alex chimed in and the two of them were singing off-key as they headed down the road, though Alex could actually sing pretty on_key if she choose to. Alex hadn’t listened to classic rock in months, normally sticking to more indie rock when she was alone.

            “So what kinda case are we heading into?” Alex asked once they hit the highway.

            “Two dead cops. One turned into a literal puddle of blood and the other was covered in boils. Ick,” Dean shook in disgust.

            “Why did you want me to come along?” She wasn’t sure why she asked, it just came out.

            “Why wouldn’t I?” Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. She looked over at him and took in the tension in his face.

            “Well, I mean this is probably just a regular witch case. I am assuming you could handle that with Sam, you don’t need me.” Alex was thinking Dean would want some one-on-one time with his brother.

            “I thought it’d be fun. We haven’t hunted together in what, a year?” Dean paused a second, then continued, “I missed you, Lexi. Come on, I’ve hardly seen you, and you don’t return my calls. I figured if I said I was on a hunt though, you’d come,” he smiled at her. She thought about that. She had avoided Dean the past year. It was just too hard to watch him in his apple-pie life. He did repeatedly invite her over for a drink or dinner, but she had always come up with an excuse not be able to make  it.

            “You know me, only come running for the blood and the gore,” she sighed. It was a little too true sometimes.

            “So, how you been?” Dean lowered the volume on the radio a bit.

            “Fine. Same old, same old.” Alex was hoping Dean would drop it and he seemed to. “How are Lisa and Ben?” Alex asked. _Why the hell did I ask that?_

            “They’re good,” he smiled, but it was a little strained.

            “They’re okay with you hunting, then?” She didn’t have to ask why he was hunting, the answer was simple: Sam was back.

            “Yeah, she’s cool with it. I still don’t know if it’s a very good idea though.”

            Alex wasn’t touching that with a ten-foot pole. “So witches, huh? I mean it could be a cursed object too, I guess but, something about those deaths just screams some weird witchy shit,” Alex smiled.

Dean seemed to lighten a little. They chatted about the case for a few miles, steering clear of any difficult topics. She recapped Dean on some of her more memorable hunts in the past year.

            They drove all day, for close to 15 hours. Dean even let Alex get behind the wheel for a bit, which was an incredibly rare treat. Dean was starting to drift off, but there was no motel in sight, so they pulled over to the side of the road into a small opening. Alex took the back seat and Dean took the front. Settling in for a few short hours of sleep, Alex sighed, feeling really and truly content for maybe the first time in over a year.

            “Thanks for coming with me, Lexi. I know you're busy, I just really appreciate the backup.” Dean struggled with showing many emotions, but being thankful wasn’t one of them.

            “No problem. You know I’m always here if you need me,” she yawned. “But I get to gank the witch this time, deal?”

            “Fine, deal,” Dean chuckled and they both settled in, falling fast asleep.

 

            Alex woke up first, sometime around five am, so she got up, brushing her teeth with a bottle of water. She threw on her navy suit, figuring they would be heading to the police station once they got to town. She was standing in the cold air, buttoning up her blouse, when she glanced up and caught Dean’s green eyes on her. She dropped her eyes and froze, then quickly finished with her buttons. When she looked up again, he was standing awkwardly at the back of the car, head ducked into the trunk. _Was he watching me?_ She wasn’t sure if she was annoyed, or pleased.

            “Morning!” she called, sweeping on her jacket and coming over to the trunk.

            “Hey there, you,” Dean said, giving her arm an awkward little punch. Alex raised an eyebrow at him and he seemed to struggle for words. He was so damn cute when he was tongue-tied.

            “You should suit up so we can head right to the station. I’m gonna call Sam and see when he plans to get there.” Alex gave him a smile, retreating to the car looking for her phone. Dean changed by the trunk and Alex kept her eyes down to avoid catching a glimpse of anything. She called Sam and he said he would meet them there around noon. She was fairly certain she heard a woman’s voice in the background. Apparently, coming back from Hell had kicked Sam’s libido into overdrive.

            Dean hopped in and they hit the road for the last few hours to Pennsylvania. Sam met up with them and the two brothers went back and forth about Sam’s new car versus the Impala. She knew which side she was on, and didn’t bother interjecting her two cents. Finally they went inside and got the run-down from the officer there on the two recent deaths. Alex had trouble focusing on the case, longing for a hot shower at whatever motel they would end up staying at. They all decided to interview another officer at his home and Dean ushered Alex into the car, almost peeling out in front of Sam.

            “We in some kind of hurry?” Alex asked as Dean spun around down a side road.

            “Huh?” he said, eyes focused on the road. Alex chuckled, he was totally racing Sam to the house, and she doubted if Sam knew he was in a race.

            “Run! Forest! Run!” Alex laughed, and Dean ignored her, hitting the gas. Dean pulled out into another road, cutting Sam off and pulling up to the house first. His face beamed with pure joy as he sauntered out of the car. Alex struggled to keep from laughing out loud.

            “Were you racing me back there?” Sam asked, with a grin.

            “No, I was smoking you,” Dean smiled, walking up to the house. Sam and Alex shared an eye-roll . Her phone rang and she waved the boys on ahead without her, grabbing the call.

            “Hello?” She wasn’t sure of the number but that wasn’t so unusual for Alex to not know a number.

            “Hey, beautiful. Long time no call.”

            Alex rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. “Aidan Scott. I thought I told you to lose my number?”

            “I did, but you know, I just managed to find it again.” Aidan was a hunter that Alex had met during her college years. They had dated for a while and hunted together, but it was just too volatile a relationship and they had gone their separate ways.

            “Well, what can I do for you?” She knew there had to be something he needed.

            “Can’t a guy just call to hear your melodic voice?”

            “Get to the point, Don Juan, I’m working a case.”

            “I’ve got a case too. People with their eyes burnt out of their heads - never seen anything like it. I don’t think it’s a demon. Maybe witchcraft, but I can’t find any hex bags.”

            Alex knew exactly what that was. “Aidan, you’ve got an angel problem on your hands. Now listen to me and get the hell out of town, okay? I’m gonna text you a sigil. If you paint it on the wall in human blood and hit it with your hand, it banishes any angel in the room, but it won’t kill them, so just get out of there.” Alex wanted to make it very clear he was not up for this fight.

            “Since when are angels the bad guys? And if this is an angel and they are killing people in Kansas City, I can’t just leave town!”

            Alex was afraid he’d say that. “Have you been living under a rock? Or do you only hunt things with fangs? I won’t say it again - get your stupid ass out of town now.” She put as much force and authority to the words as she could.

            “Hey, princess, I think I can handle myself.”

            “Then why the hell did you call me!” Alex was seeing red now, but she heard Dean calling for her from inside the house. “Look, do whatever the hell you want. Go ahead, get your eyes burned out, you arrogant prick.”

            “Know it all….” Alex clicked the phone off on him mid-sentence, fuming.She marched into the house and turned a corner to see the officer with his head on the table and locusts crawling out of his skull.

            “Don’t see that every day,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

            “Ya think?” Dean said, shaking his head.

Sam took a locust for evidence and they all headed back to the hotel. . Dean insisted on carrying Alex’s duffle for her and grunted the whole way up the stairs, mumbling about books under his breath.

            “I can carry my own bag, you know.”

            “I’ve got it,” Dean grumbled, shifting the bag on his shoulder. Granted, he’d made the offer before they got a room on the 4th floor and before they knew the elevator was out. Alex was thankful.

They set down their things and Alex dug out her copy of the Old Testament.

            “We have blood, boils, and locusts hitting, all the big biblical plagues,” Alex said flipping through her notes. Sam pulled out his laptop and did a little research of his own.

            “So get this - we’re talking Ten-Commandments_style death right? But it’s really localized. I mean, just one person killed for each plague. I also looked up that Christopher Birch.” Alex and Dean leaned over Sam’s shoulder, reading up on the death of Chris Birch. After much debate, they decided to attempt calling Cas. Sam argued that he had prayed to Cas for a year and the son of bitch hadn’t answered his calls. Alex felt a little guilty that she had spoken with Cas since then. A few times, actually.

            Dean began praying, “Come on, Cas, don’t be a dick. We got ourselves a plague-like situation down here, do you copy?” The angel didn’t appear.

            “Like I said, son of a bitch doesn’t answer,” Sam shook his head and a whoosh came behind him. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” Sam asked, exasperated, looking at Dean and Alex.

            There stood Castiel, trench coat and all. “Hello,” Castiel said in his deep, strong voice.

An argument ensued about Cas’ lack of response to Sam’s calls. _Wow there are way to_ o _many grouchy men in this room._ “Dean and I do share a more profound bound,” Cas said with a shrug and Sam threw his arms in the air.

            “Okay, can we move on now and talk about the case?” Alex said, looking around at the three of them. Cas told them that it was likely part of a weapon of heaven, in this case the Staff of Moses. Alex figured that made sense. Cas told them about the civil war in Heaven, something Alex was well aware was going on.

            Alex checked her phone and saw a text from Aidan saying 911. She spoke up, “Alright, look, why don’t you three go visit Birch and I will stay here? I have to take care of something.”

In the blink of an eye, Cas, Sam, and Dean disappeared with a whoosh. Alex picked up the phone and dialed Aidan.

            “Hello, Alexandra,” a light female voice answered. Alex went out into the hall looking for better reception.

            “Who is this?” A small twinge of panic started.

            “My name is Juliet. I have been looking for you, Alexandra. You are a hard person to find. Your friend here was not forthcoming with your location, unfortunately.” The voice was cool and it sent a chill down Alex’s spine.

            “Let him go.” Alex used her strongest, most authoritative tone. She was sure it had to be an angel. . Maybe someone on Raphael’s side. Of course Aiden hadn’t left town, that moron.

            “Too late my dear. He should have been more polite. We are coming for you, Alexandra, and I look forward to being the one that finds you.” The line went dead on the other end and Alex stood stunned in the hallway. Why on earth where the angels targeting her? It made no sense at all. She wasn’t even involved, despite offering to help Cas, and he hadn’t accepted. There were raised voices in the room and Alex figured the guys were back. Suddenly there was a loud crash and Alex dashed back into the room.

            Sam and Dean were standing at a broken window, peering down. Alex ran over and peered between them to see Cas and another angel lying on top of Sam’s car, which was totally smashed. The other presumed angel disappeared and Cas popped back into the room.

            “What the hell?” Alex exclaimed.

            “You mean what the heaven,” Dean said, proud of himself.  “Who was that, Cas?”

            “One of Raphael’s men. We have to go now to Balthazar’s if we are going to find the weapons of heaven.” Cas looked a little weary, but not nearly as bad as someone who just fell from a four story building. Alex needed to talk to Cas about what had happened on the phone but there was no time. They snatched the angel blades and holy oil and Cas took them to where this Balthazar was staying. Dean had clutched onto Alex’s shoulder and she figured he didn’t like flying by angel any more than flying in a plane. _One angel problem at a time,_ Alex told herself, trying to stuff down her fear and remorse for Aidan. Her boys needed her focus now.


	4. Chapter 4

“I expected more Dr. No and less Liberace,” Dean said when they were standing at Balthazar’s extravagant house. Sam and Dean went in to lay a trap while Alex stayed to cover Cas as they crept into the house.

            She gripped her angel blade and whispered to Cas, “Hey, Cas, do you know an angel named Juliet?”

            This stopped Cas dead in his tracks and Alex bumped into him. “Where did you hear that name?” he hissed at her.

            “You know, you’re a lot scarier these days, Cas. A hunter I know called me. There were deaths that looked like angel killings. I told him to get out but he didn’t listen. Fucking hunters. When I called him, this Juliet picked up, and she said she had been looking for me. What the hell, Cas? Are angels looking for me?” Alex darted a look around the dark hallway.

            “We will talk after this, Alexandra. There is more you should know, but now is not the time.” Cas continued to move forward into the next room and he waved a hand telling her to hang back. She could hear Cas talking to someone, but not what they were saying over the music.

Suddenly, there was loud crashing sound and Cas and Raphael came falling through the door. Alex jumped out of the way just in time. Raphael tossed Cas down the stairs and turned to Alex. Raphael threw her hard up against the wall with a sneer.

            “I’ll be back for you, Alexandra.” Alex would have come up with a good comeback, if she could get any air in her lungs. Once she recovered, she came down the stairs just in time to see a strange and handsome man standing over Cas, seemingly blasting Raphael away.

            “Don’t say I never did anything for you, Cassie,” the handsome man remarked.

Sam and Dean came out from behind the staircase and tossing down their lighter, caught the man in a trap. _This must be Balthazar_ , Alex realized. After some negotiating, Balthazar promised to return the boy’s soul. _What boy’s soul?_ Alex really needed a recap. Balthazar turned to Alex for a moment and gave her a smile. “Look what you’ve been hiding, Cassie. I knew you had pet Winchesters but you kept this cute little vessel a secret didn’t you,” Balthazar gave her a little wink as Cas broke the trap and he disappeared.

            “What the hell?!” Sam, Dean and Alex all yelled in unison at Cas. Without a word, he brought them back to the hotel room, leaving them swaying on their feet.

            “Cas, may I have a word with you?” Alex said in a cool level voice, pointing to the hall. He looked exasperated but followed her. Dean attempted to follow but she held up a don’t-you-dare finger and he stayed back grouchily.

“Alright, Pinocchio, your nose is about a foot long. Fess up.”

            “I don’t know who Pinocchio is and my nose is of an average length,” Cas looked perplexed.

            “No more lies! Why is an angel killing people while apparently looking for me? And what the hell was your friend Balthazar saying back there about me being a vessel?” Alex had a little inkling about the vessel part.

            When she first met Castiel, he had come to her as a voice shortly after Lilith’s hellhounds had ripped Dean to shreds.  She had been utterly and completely shattered. The only thing keeping her going then was trying to find Sam, who had run off. Castiel had come to her and said if she let him in they could go to hell together and rescue Dean from the pit. Cas said he needed a vessel to do it. At that point she would have done just about anything to get Dean back and happily said yes.

            Together Alex and Cas, along with his Garrison, had battled their way through Hell and Cas had pulled Dean to safety. Alex didn’t remember much from then, being a vessel, especially battling through Hell. It had taken its toll and Cas had left her unconscious in a hospital for two weeks. It had been Cas who had gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition, as he liked to say, but he couldn’t have done it with her, or so she told herself. He had kept his promise to her, to leave her body once they had Dean back and, while she felt bad for Jimmy Novak, she was happy to have her body back to herself.

            “Alexandra, there was a reason I asked you to be my vessel before. You are designed to be a vessel. You are actually designed to be a vessel for a very specific and powerful angel,” he let that sink in a second and seemed to hesitate before going on. “You are the vessel for Eve.”

Alex just stared up at Cas, dumbfounded. Obviously that was supposed to shock her, but she had no idea who this Eve was.

            “Uh, by Eve, you mean...?”

            “Eve, as in Adam and Eve. The story goes that God loved her so much that when her life on Earth ended, he turned her into an Angel in heaven. Some in Heaven say her powers rival that of the archangels.” Just then Dean popped his head out into the hall.

            “You two done having your little pow wow, or what?” He hated being left out and Alex and Cas simultaneously rolled their eyes at him.

            “Two more minutes, Dean, please.”

Dean disappeared again, grumbling.

            “So, where has Eve been this whole time? While the title fight was going down?”

            “Eve loved both Michael and Lucifer, though some say she had an especially soft spot for Lucifer.”

            This made Alex chuckle. “Well she did bite the apple right?”

Cas gave her a look that shut her up.

            “Eve loves humanity more than anything else, even above the angels. She left Heaven many years ago. Some said she was grieving the loss of Lucifer to the cage. Some even said she went to be with God, but it was just a rumor,” Cas sighed, rubbing his forehead.

            “So why does this matter to me? Especially now?” Alex was feeling more and more uneasy.

            “Because Eve is back, and everyone is waiting to see if she will pick a side. If Raphael thinks she will pick his side, he would want to get you for her to use and if not, he will want to kill you. So, she cannot use you in the fight. See the dilemma here? I have been trying to keep you hidden away from this, Alexandra.” Cas looked awkwardly at her and suddenly pulled her into a hug. It was strange at first. Cas wasn’t good at physical displays of affection but she patted his back all the same.

            “Thanks, Cas, but next time, best way to keep me safe is to tell me these things so I can be prepared. Alright, I think Dean is probably about to burst. It’ll be okay.” She wasn’t sure if she was reassuring Cas or herself. With that, Cas disappeared with a whoosh and taking a breath, Alex went back into the room.

            “Are you alright?” Dean asked, looking worried and when she looked down at her hands, they were shaking. W _hen did that happen?_ Dean was over to her in a few strides and held her in his arms tightly, resting his chin on her head. She took a few long ragged breaths and composed herself. She reluctantly pushed away from Dean, not wanting to let herself fall apart completely.

            “Let’s get the hell out of here, okay? Dean, could you drop me at the bus station?” She needed to go to Kansas City and see for herself what had gone down there, even if it was just to bury a friend.

Dean argued with her about leaving the whole way to the bus station, both of them telling Sam to shut up every time he tried to jump in. As she went to get on the bus, Sam gave her a hug and a squeeze on the shoulder before getting back in the car. Dean pulled her aside and looked straight into her face with those startling eyes of his.

            “Are you sure you have to go?” He seemed more pleading then demanding now.

            “Yes. I really need to go check on my friend and you have to go home to your … Lisa and Ben.” She got stuck on the word family.

            “It’s just… I mean, Cas tortured a kid back there, Lexi, and Sam just sat by and watched like it was no big deal.” This brought Alex up short, that didn’t sound like Sam at all. “I feel like you’re the only one acting normal right now, like you’re the only one I can trust.” She could tell that it took a lot for Dean to confess that and for the first time she hesitated, considering staying.  

            “It’s Sam, I mean he’s your brother. If you can’t trust him, who can you trust? Look, just give him some time. Maybe you guys just need to adjust to each other again. Watch him and talk to him, okay? If you’re still worried, I’m just a phone call away, alright?” Maybe she was lying to herself and Dean, something was really wrong with Sam. She just couldn’t admit that out loud, not about her sweet Sam.

Dean sighed, resigned to his fate. He stiffened his face a bit.

            “Alright, Lexi. You travel safe, okay? Call me if you need anything,” he said, pulling her into a big hug. She let herself enjoy the moment, maybe more than she should.

            “You too. It’s gonna be okay, Dean.” On impulse, she went up on her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He froze a moment and their eyes caught, but just like that the moment was over. Dean headed back to Baby and Alex climbed up into the bus, waving goodbye to the boys from her window.

            Her time in Kansas City was thankfully brief. She hotwired a car and drove all around town to the likely motels that Aidan would stay at. She saw his black Bronco parked at the Muddy Water Motel.  When she asked what room he was in, they said he had paid a week in advance and wasn’t due to check out till tomorrow. There was a “do not disturb” sign on his door but it wasn’t locked. There he was, sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall. The smell hit her first and she lost her lunch in the bathroom.

            After she had composed herself she wrapped Aidan in the shower curtain and waited for dark to take him out for a hunter’s burial. She took his Bronco, knowing he didn’t have anyone who would want it. She drove way out into the swamp lands and spent the next few hours piling wood to burn the body. She didn’t cry, which she didn’t feel was fair - everyone should have someone to cry over their grave. She just couldn’t do it. She was too mad to cry even angry tears. In that moment she missed Dean desperately. She closed her eyes and longed to feel his strong comforting arms. No matter how many monsters were around she never felt safer than when she was with Dean. There was a whooshing sound and the landing of feet behind her. She whirled pulling out her angel blade and took a slash at the air.

            “Whoa there, sweetheart! Careful where you point that thing.” It was Balthazar, and she didn’t lower her blade but pointed it at his chest.

            “How did you find me?” This alarmed her a great deal since only Sam and Dean knew she was coming to Kansas City.

            “Look love, mind dropping the deadly weapon down an inch or two? Cassie tracked you and he’s the one that asked me to come see you.” Balthazar crossed his arms in a completely relaxed and maybe annoyed sort of way.

            “My angel warding works on Castiel too. I repeat, how did you find me?” She touched the blade to his chest. She wasn’t falling for this - not for a second.

            “He slipped a tracking device into your coat pocket. I tracked the modern way with my phone, blue eyes.” He held up his phone to reveal a map with a blinking blue dot on it.

With one hand still on the blade, Alex fished through her coat pocket and pulled out a small tracking device. She smashed it in her hand, furious, though more at herself then Cas.

            “That feathery bastard!” she cursed. “Alright, so why are you here?” She kept the blade in her hand but lowered it to her side for now.

            “I’m just here to pass along a message, like I’m damn Hermes or something. He said to leave now, that Raphael’s sentries will be back and to get in the car and start driving immediately. Got that?” he gave her a snide little smile.

            “Why didn’t he come tell me this himself? And since when are you his errand boy?” She was not in the mood for this. She wanted to be left in peace to mourn her… whatever Aidan was to her.

            “Cassie and I go way back. Now, I have better things to do then sit around here like bait. Listen to me or don’t. It’s not my problem anymore.” And with a whoosh, he was gone from sight.

It was close to two am and she was exhausted, having planned to nap in the Bronco before heading out. She sighed. Even if he wasn’t sent by Cas, she was better off getting out of there ASAP anyway. She switched plates on the Bronco to be safe and hit the road, grabbing a massive coffee from a 24-hour diner on the way.

She stumbled into her dad’s house eight hours later to be greeted by holy water in the  face.

            “What the hell, dad? Every time? REALLY?” She wiped her face dry. “Can’t you just give me a sip of the whiskey instead?” she grumbled, dropping her bag and literally stumbling into the kitchen. She had been up for well over 24 hours and was completely fried.

            “Sorry Al, you know the rules. Next time I will give you the flask instead. Say, you look like something the hellhound dragged in.” He looked concerned.

            “That’s so not funny dad.” She dragged herself toward the couch and collapsed onto it.

            “Yeah, suppose not. Where you been?” Bobby followed her to the couch, and she tried to answer but nothing came out. As soon as she put her head down she was fast asleep.

            When she woke a few hours later it was dark out and the house was still. She had a blanket over her and she stretched a bit, thinking she should sleep more. _Nah, not  gonna happen_. She paced the living room till she saw a light on outside and went to see what Bobby was up to. He had a lantern light hung from the hood of her car and was leaning over with a wrench trying to pull her battery out.

            “Easy with my girl, pops,” she smiled, coming over to sit on the picnic table by the car. It was cold out and she pulled her blanket around herself.

            “I kept her running for your mom, I can keep her running for you. Plus Al, you should check your tire pressure more often, you were pretty low on the right front. Had a slow leak,” Bobby stood up, wiping the grease from his hands on an old rag. He grabbed a new-looking battery off the table and started wrestling it into place.

            “Mom loved this car, huh?” Alex had asked this question a hundred times but she loved the story.

            “Oh yeah, she saw her on the lot and had to have her, she said it would match her blue eyes and boy, did it. So I worked double shifts, ‘round the clock for two months to buy this beauty. The look on her face when I handed her the keys was worth every minute of overtime.” He smiled to himself as he hooked up the battery. “Then I got down on one knee and said, ‘Karen, I’ll ride shotgun with you anywhere. Marry me?’ and I’ll be damned if she didn’t say yes.”

Alex smiled, thinking of the picture of her mom and dad standing in front of the car, her head resting on his shoulder, one hand wrapped around his chest and under his vest. The picture was pinned to the visor in her car.

            “She was beautiful,” Alex mused, thinking about the picture. She had never known her mom but she dreamed about her just from the pictures and her dad’s stories.

            “Just like you Al. Thank heavens you got your good looks from your ma.” Bobby closed the hood and stood back, admiring his work. She looked at her tired dad and suddenly had the urge to do something special for him.

            “Come on Dad, let’s go inside. I am going to bake you a pecan pie,” she smiled brightly, jumping down from the table.

Alex had taught herself how to bake out of sheer determination as a child. Bobby had no clue but her mom had been a big baker and tons of recipes. There was a lot of trial and error growing up but Alex was almost as determined to be a good pie baker as she was to be a good hunter. She knew part of her motivation was to feel some connection to the mom she never knew. There was also a small part of her that loved seeing the smile on Dean’s face when he sat down to a warm pie fresh out of the oven.

            It took her an hour or two to make the pie from scratch. Luckily, she had some leftover dough in the freezer which saved time. When she was done, the whole house smelled like pie and she was getting tired again. She thought back to Dean’s thirteenth birthday. She had been practicing making pecan pie for three weeks, making one pie a day. Bobby had told her he wasn’t gonna keep buying groceries for pie so she used her own money to get the ingredients. She was ecstatic to hear that Dean and Sam were on the way and Dean would be there for his birthday. She baked the pie and just pulled it out of the oven when she heard the crunch of tires.

            John hadn’t even come in, he had just dropped them off outside honking the horn. When Dean walked in Alex grabbed the pie and held it out to him yelling “Happy Birthday Dean!” and the whole pie slipped out of her hands, onto the floor with a crash. Ten year old Alex had burst into tears, and Dean had rushed over, giving her a big hug and telling her it was okay - they could make another one and it had smelled really good.

            Once she had calmed down, Dean sat in the kitchen, keeping her company  while she baked another pie. She refused to let him help since it was his birthday, and gingerly set the pie down in front of him an hour later with a big scoop of ice cream on top.

The look on Dean’s face when he ate the slice of pie was worth every minute of effort. “Thanks Lexi, this is the best birthday pie ever!” he had beamed up at her and she had blushed a bright red. Dean asked for a pie every year for his birthday, and Alex usually found a way to get one to him come hell or high water.

Alex and Bobby both polished off two slices before going back to bed and falling fast asleep.

            Alex fell into one of her regular dreams. She was standing in the kitchen watching her mom bake a pie. She wasn’t surprised she was having this dream, after talking to her dad and then baking all night. Eric Clapton’s _Wonderful Tonight_ was playing and he mom was swaying and humming along.

            “I’m glad you’re here Alex, I thought you would never go to bed,” her mother said in a soft, sweet voice.

            “What do you mean?” Alex felt confused, heading over to stand next to her mom.

            “This is the only way I can talk to you. My true form would be far less pleasant to your human eyes.”

Alex watched what she thought was her mother, very carefully taking a step back.

            “Who are you?” Alex was wondering if she could wake herself up from a dream.

            “Who do you think I am?” the woman who looked like her mother asked.

            “Eve?” Alex ventured.

            “Yes. So in a way, I am your mother. I thought it would be best for us to talk in this more comforting form.” She smiled and continued kneading the dough.

            “I gotta say... this is just kinda creepy.” Alex shifted a little further away but Eve made no move to follow her.

            “I’ve come to you this way your whole life Alex. We’ve been baking pies in your dreams for years, sweet, brave girl.” Eve sighed, pushing the dough down into the pie pan. Alex froze where she stood. It couldn’t be true - this dick angel was just messing with her.

            “Liar. You have been missing for a… for a… really long time.” Alex fumbled for words.

            “I was gone from heaven, but I was never gone from you. I have been watching over you since the day you were born. You are one of my favorites, so you can think of me as a guardian angel if that helps you.”

            “I already got one thanks. His name is Castiel. Now would you mind getting out of my head?” Alex was trying so hard to remain calm and keep a level head.

            “Yes, he cares for you a great deal, my little brother. He is great peril these days,” Eve said, her forehead creasing. “I am afraid if I do not intervene more of my angel brethren will die, along with my human children on earth.” She stopped working on the pie and turned to face Alex.

            “Just tell me what you want already.” Alex was felt frozen to the floor beneath her feet now and was beginning to panic.

            “I am just here to tell you that if you have need of me, if your family is in danger, all you have to do is pray to me and I will come to you. Say yes, and I will fight to protect Castiel and his cause. What do you call it? Ah yes, team free will.”

            “I think I’m all set, thanks,” Alex said, leaning back.

            Eve came closer. “I swear to you, Alexandra, I will not keep your vessel. I will only borrow it until there is no more need of me and then I will return you to your previous state, safe and sound. The decision is yours and yours alone. Sleep well, sweet child. There is so much work yet for you to do.” Eve leaned over and planted a kiss on her cheek, and suddenly Alex sat up gasping for breath and shaking all over. She was exhausted and terrified, and had tears streaming down her face. On impulse, she snatched up her cell and hit the number for Dean.


	5. Chapter 5

“‘Ello?” a groggy Dean answered, and Alex almost immediately regretted her rash decision to call. There was a voice in the background, asking who was calling so late, and Alex looked to see that it was almost four AM.

            “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t know how late it was. Go back to sleep.”

            “Hey now. Wait a minute, give me two seconds. And if you hang up on me, I will just call you back till you answer,” Dean made some shuffling sounds and Alex bowed her head taking deep breaths. She went outside hoping the cool air would help calm her. “Alright what’s up, Lexi?”

            “I … I just … I dunno,” she had no idea where to begin.

            “Just tell me what it is. Can’t be anything I haven’t heard before,” Dean sounded a little less groggy now. She swore it was the tone he used when listening to Sam. Why couldn’t she express herself like Sam could? Alex took a deep breath and began talking, she told Dean everything. She managed not to cry, as shaky as she felt, and she was thankful for that. She told him about what Cas had said, about being a vessel for Eve and then about Eve coming to her in her dreams maybe for her whole life. That is if an angel can be believed. Dean was quiet as he listened to all of this. She thought it was easier to tell him not seeing his face.

            “Why can’t shit ever just be simple,” Alex said, sighing and sitting on the hood of her car. She watched the dim light of morning start to make its way into the night air.

            “Nothing is ever simple, Lexi, not for us. That’s some fucked up shit. Coming from someone who's been desired as an angel condom, it’s a bitch,” This made Alex chuckle and she felt the tightness in her chest loosen.

            “Yeah, it sucks balls. I hate her for getting in my head like that. I’m sorry for unloading on you, especially so late or I guess, so early,” Alex hated to feel like a burden, it was her job to help her family, not add to their stress.

            “Lexi, don’t ever apologize for that. When I said you can call me, I meant it. Look we will handle this like we’ve handled everything else that this world has thrown at us, ok? We’re in this together and I’m not gonna let these asshat angels get their hands on you. Do you hear me?” Dean sounded confident and fierce and, it was exactly what she needed to hear. She knew that when push came to shove this was gonna be her fight, and her decision, but it was nice in this moment to not feel alone.

            “Get back to sleep, Dean. Thanks for talking to me, I will figure this out,” Lexi smiled, feeling slightly less on edge.

            “Sure thing. And, Lexi?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Don’t you dare say yes, or you’ll have me to answer to,” Dean delivered this without an ounce of humor. He meant it with every fiber of his being. “Promise me now, Lexi?”

            “I promise, Dean.”

            “Good. Get some rest, alright.”

            “Bye, Dean … thanks,” She hung up her phone, knowing she wouldn’t be getting any rest anytime soon.

            She went inside to pack a bag. She decided the only thing that would help now was to feel useful. She left a note for her dad and jumped in the Firebird heading for Colorado. It was about a four day round trip and it gave her the time she needed to clear her head. When she came back to her dad’s, she had a special set of bones in tow.

            “I got her! At least, I hope it’s her, fingers crossed right?” she tossed the bag of bones at her dad who caught them with a big smile on his bearded face.

            “Alright then, I’m gonna have to test this theory out. Thanks, Al,” he took the bones and headed for the basement. Bobby’s phone rang then and she grabbed it for him.

            “Singer hunter hotline,” Alex answered, grabbing an apple from the table.

            “Hey, Lex! Say Dean and I are heading to a case in Kenosha, Wisconsin. You wanna join?” Sam asked and Alex could hear the wind from the car in the background. She did think a good hunt might help clear her head.

            “What are you hunting?”

            “Dunno yet, some people killed with their chests ripped open,” Alex could then hear Dean and Sam go back and forth, even with a hand over the receiver, “They also had their hearts eaten, Dean thought you should know,” Alex could see the eye roll Sam was giving Dean.

            “You had me at ‘chests ripped open.’ Just text me the address and I’ll meet you guys there.” She hadn’t even unpacked the Firebird. “Hey, Dad! I’m heading on a hunt with the guys. Let me know if you need anything alright?” she yelled down the basement stairs.

            “Bye, Al!” Bobby yelled back and as she headed out the door, she could hear two of her dad’s phones start ringing and his pounding footsteps, cursing as he went to answer them. She shook her head, she’d come close to ripping them off the wall herself through the years. It was an eight hour drive but she turned it into seven, getting to the Big Cheese Motel just around dinner time. When she knocked on the door, Sam answered taking her bag for her.

            “Hey, Lex! Glad you came, this thing is really chowing down on people here,” Sam handed her a long sharp object. “Claw of some kind. We found it in the body earlier.”

            “Well, this does not look like a werewolf. Something about it is familiar though.” She turned it over in her hands a few times.

            “I sent a pic to Bobby and he’s looking into it for us,” Dean came out of the bathroom and gave Alex a quick hug.

            “You couldn’t find anything on it yourselves?” Alex sighed knowing how busy her dad was right now.

            “Nope, so who wants a burger? It’s on me, or should I say it’s on Matthew Anderson,” Dean whipped out a credit card and wiggled his eyebrows smiling at them. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and Alex was pretty hungry, so they headed to the bar across the street.

            Dean ordered the biggest burger on the menu, Sam and Alex both went with the only green thing on the menu: a Cesar salad. Alex however snuck a few fries from Dean when she thought he wasn’t looking. He eventually caught her at it though.

            “Hey! I saw that, get your own, fry thief!” Dean indignantly shifted his plate to the side and Sam grabbed a fry as well from the unsuspecting Dean. Alex nearly choked on her beer laughing, as Dean held his silverware up like a weapon. “You two ordered your damn rabbit food so stay away from my golden fried goodness!” He shook the silver at them and they both held their hands in the air leaning back, innocent as can be. Alex eyed the fries longingly and Dean threw his hands in the air, pushing the plate over to her. She happily ate a few more fries while Dean went to get another beer.

            “Sticking with beer tonight?” Sam asked leaning over to her. She felt a hand on her knee and looked up at Sam, eyes searching for some sign that the guy she knew was still in there.

            “Yes, I think beer is fine for tonight.” She removed his hand from her knee. Sleeping with Sam, as fucking amazing as that was, had been a huge mistake. One she wasn’t going to repeat.

            “I’d order us some rum and coke, if you want?” He was so damn persistent and she needed to be really clear this time.

            “Sam Winchester, you listen to me cause I am only going to say this once I am not going to sleep with you again. Not tonight, not ever. Do you hear me?” She hissed at him and he shrugged a shoulder of agreement. He turned his head to check out the ass of the waitress walking by. Alex couldn’t help but smack him, hard on the shoulder.                

            “Ow! What the hell, Lex,” Sam rubbed his shoulder as Dean sat back down with the beers. Sam shook his head and got up, heading after the leggy waitress with the v-neck shirt.

            “Horn dog these days, geez!” Dean said and Alex raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”

            “Cause you never hit on women in bars?” the irony was a bit too much.

            “Well, not recently no, but I get your point,” Dean sighed looking over at Sam who was giving the waitress his best big doe eyes. “You had any more dreams?” Dean asked in what he must have thought was a casual voice.

            “No, but I haven’t really slept much lately. All quiet on the angel front, for now,” Alex didn’t want Dean worrying. He really could get like a mother hen sometimes. They finished another few beers and Sam was nowhere in sight. They headed back to the motel, Dean and Sam’s room was while Alex had grabbed a room a few doors down. She got to her room and stripped down to her underwear and a tank top, she was pulling down the blanket when there was a knock at the door. She grabbed her gun and opened the door with the chain up, since there was no peep hole.

            “Dean, what are you doing here?” she instinctively opened the door for him and then realized how little clothing she was wearing. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by Dean, who’s jaw nearly hit the floor as he walked in. _Well too late to be modest now._ “Up here, sparky,” she waved in front of his eyes and pointed at her face.

            “Sorry, I should let you sleep,” Dean said awkwardly, backing toward the door. Goddamn if he wasn’t blushing, actually blushing.

            “What’s going on, Dean,” she crossed her arms and he seemed tongue tied for a moment.

            “Sam is a … little preoccupied in our room, entertaining a certain waitress,” Alex shook her head unsurprised. “The office is closed and I was just wondering if I could crash on your couch?” Dean looked around the small room to see that there was no couch only one queen sized bed.

            “Come on, you can stay here but, if you start snoring I am kicking you out,” Alex knew it was way too cold for him to sleep in the Impala, she turned to see Dean hesitating. It wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed. In fact, while traveling on the road, she crashed in bed with both Sam and Dean through the years. Normally, she would get her own room like she did this time but, if rooms were on short supply or they didn’t have enough cash, she just bunked down with them. “Come on. I am exhausted. Just get in the damn bed,” Dean scowled at her a moment before kicking off his boots and taking off his Carhartt.

            She flicked off the light and climbed into bed. Dean was down to his boxers and a tee shirt when he got in next to her. She had a sinking feeling she wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.

Between trying to avoid any angel dreams and trying not to think about the extremely hot, half naked man next to her she was doomed. She shut her eyes and listened to the sound of his steady breathing as it got slower and deeper with him drifting off to sleep. Shockingly, she fell into sleep herself.

            She was standing in a field, no a cemetery. She knew this cemetery but she couldn’t pinpoint the name. She felt something funny on her hands and looked down to see them covered in blood.  Her eyes then traveled to the ground and she let out an inaudible shriek. Sam, Bobby, Cas, and Dean were all lying at her feet, covered in blood. They all looked like hell hounds had torn them to shreds. She gasped for breath, _It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream_ , she chanted to herself over and over again but the tears filled her eyes. A woman appeared in front of her in a grey slacked suit with shiny white smile plastered on her face.

            “Hello Alexandra. Raphael wants you to know what will happen if you say yes, he sends his regards,” the woman grinned and whistled. Alex heard them right before they dug their claws into her, knocking her down, and tearing at her flesh from all sides. Alex woke in bed panting and shaking. Dean pulled her into his arms and she gripped his tee shirt in her hands, burying her face in his chest.

            “Easy, Lexi. It’s alright, it was just a dream. I’m here, it's ok,” he stroked her hair and hushed her as she struggled to catch her breath. She swore she could still feel the claws ripping at her skin. After a minute, her heart slowed and she listened to the even steady thumping in Dean’s chest. He was still holding her tight, his long arms wrapped around her. Dean didn’t say a word and he didn’t ask her what the dream had been about. He didn’t have too. Alex was exhausted, Dean laid her back down on the pillow next to him, brushing the hair off her face. “Sleep, Lexi, I’m here,” his deep comforting voice soothed her, and she fell back into a much more peaceful sleep.

            She woke a few hours later, lying on her back feeling unusually hot. She looked over to see Dean had an arm wrapped around her waist and one leg crossed over her hips. His face was nuzzled by her shoulder and his breath tickled her bare skin. She wondered how long he had been like that. In all the nights they had shared a bed through the years, they had never so much as brushed hands together, completely platonic.  This was incredibly intimate.

            She reluctantly slid out from underneath him, managing not to wake him. It was still dark out. She threw on her running shorts and a bra and sat down in the bathroom tub with her laptop, not wanting to wake Dean. She figured she could do some research, then go for a run once the sun came up. She spent two hours on the computer and finally found what looked like a lead. She texted her dad to check the Greek lore book under the cherry cabinet because she was sure this was a Mediterranean monster. In a few minutes he thanked her and said he’d call when he found a match.

            When she got back in the room, Dean was still out cold so she slipped on her running shoes and took one last glance at his peaceful sleeping face before slipping out side. Stretching, she looked up to see Sam waving at her, his running clothes on as well.

            “Wanna go for a run?” Sam asked, smiling at her.

            “Last night’s athletics weren’t enough for you?” Alex rolled her eyes.

            “Nope, not nearly as exhausting as some people,” he winked at her and started jogging across the parking lot and she jogged to catch up. Running with Sam wasn’t as hard as you would think. Despite his freakishly long legs, he always slowed his gait down to match hers perfectly without her having to ask. They were perfectly in tune, feet pounding the pavement and Alex felt the steady rhythm comforting. They did a short 5 mile loop before getting back to the motel. Sam nodded at her, breathless. Alex snuck back into her room to find Dean sitting up on the edge of the bed, cell phone pressed to his ear.

            “Yeah, we are just gonna finish up this hunt in Wisconsin and I’ll be back in time for Ben’s game Sunday. Yeah I know it’s the finals,” Dean rubbed at his eyes a bit and waved a hand at Alex. She went to take a shower leaving Dean to finish his conversation in private. She felt a twinge of guilt about Lisa, not that they had done anything wrong per say but, she still felt bad. She would just push the night into the back of her mind and try not to think about it.

The shower felt great and when she came back out Dean was gone, likely back to his own room to change.

            They met by the Impala an hour later and headed to a diner to grab breakfast. Alex wasn’t very hungry so she just got a coffee and nursed it, tuning out Dean and Sam’s discussion of the case. Dean shot a few concerned glances at her but didn’t press her. Bobby had called Dean that morning to say the monster was a Lamia, normally only found in Greece. They needed a silver blade blessed by a priest to kill it.

            “You know, there’s a Greek Orthodox Church right down the block. Why don’t we head over there to get the knife blessed? I mean, I know Dad didn’t say it had to be a Greek priest but, it can’t hurt seeing as that’s where this thing is coming from,” Alex interrupted the boys who were debating on the Methodist or Catholic church in town.

            “She speaks!” Dean said putting his fork down on his empty plate. “You know, you’re not just a pretty face,” he smiled at her and she rolled her eyes. She knew Dean was trying to lighten her mood and she appreciated it. They paid the check and made their way over to the church a few blocks down. Dean went to park the car with Sam and Alex went on ahead. She was greeted by an ominous, metallic smell. She pulled out her M1911 pistol, and slid in the magazine with silver bullets, scanning the empty room. She crept down the aisles of pews, working her way to the front. She had a feeling she should wait for backup but, she also knew someone might need her help. By the smell alone, she could tell there was a lot of blood.

            She found the woman by the front, with her chest ripped open and heart missing. The blood was still very fresh and Alex realized a connection she hadn’t seen before, all the victims had Greek names. She felt stupid now, of course the Greek monster would target these parishioners. She had done a good job of tracking down where the Lamia would strike but, a terrible job of finding a place to get a blade blessed. Just then, Dean and Sam came in the front door and Alex turned to look up. A clawed beast in humanoid form leapt out at Sam, grabbing him and tossing him down the aisle. Dean and Alex simultaneously aimed and unloaded their clips into the monster. The monster shook but, the bullets didn’t faze it.

            “Son of a bitch!” Alex and Dean said in unison and Sam started to stand up, shaking off the hit.

            “Uh, Dean, why don’t you give Dad a call,” she pulled out a silver knife from her belt and braced herself. “Hey Malaka! Wanna give me a try!” she yelled to the Lamia and it fixed its eyes on her, letting out a terrible high pitched shriek.  Suddenly, it was barreling down the aisle at her, past Sam, and she braced for it. She ducked to the side as it swung at her and she leapt up on its back, wrapping her right arm around its neck. She sunk her knife into its side and it let out another terrible shriek, swinging its claws arounds. She noticed it was wearing a priest’s outfit and suddenly she realized, there was no hope of getting the blade blessed in time.

            “Yeah, Bobby, you got anything else?” She could hear Dean on the phone as Sam came up and tried to punch the Lamia in the face. It spun around with Alex still clinging on and fell backwards, crushing her against the wall. She hit her head pretty hard and slumped off its back. The Lamia charged at Sam and slammed him against a pillar. Dean had disappeared into a side kitchen off the main room. Alex shook herself and saw Dean mixing something then pulling the oven off the wall. Dean nodded at her and she charged the Lamia, hitting it with her shoulder and shoving it toward Dean.

            “Sammy! Lexi! Get back!” Dean shouted. As he tossed the spices at the Lamia, it gave out another ear piercing cry. With the flick of his Bic, he pointed the gas line at the monster and torched it. Alex and Sam dove out of the way just in time, managing not to get singed. Catching their breath, they all sat down on one of the pews in momentary silence.

            “So Malaka, huh? What the hell does that mean?” Dean asked, looking over at Alex.

            “It’s Greek, I learned it from this kid in my anthropology class. Basically it just means motherfucker. Figured an insult in its own language would get its attention better,” she sighed holding her throbbing, and definitely dislocated, shoulder. “Anyone feel like popping this back in for me?” Dean stood up and examined the shoulder, nodding his head.

            “Alright, I got this,” he held her wrist with one hand and the other gripped her upper arm, lifting it part way up. This wasn’t the first time she had dislocated that shoulder and it hurt like a son of bitch to put back in. “Ok, on the count of three … one,” he shoved her arm up and there was an audible popping sound of the joint slipping back in. Alex spit out a plethora of curse words, tears welling in her eyes. Dean handed her a flask and she took a long draw of whiskey, wincing.

            “Thanks,” she replied handing back the flask, “Let’s get out of here.” She gingerly got in the back seat of Baby and checked her phone to see a text from Rufus.

Rufus: Bobby needs you back at home base kid, we got a good lead on Crowley’s son.

She sighed, dreading the long drive back with her hurt shoulder. They got back to the motel and she argued with Dean about driving back on her own.

            “You're hurt, you should rest. We aren’t leaving till tomorrow morning anyway. Stay another night,” Dean sounded frustrated with her, but her mind was made up.

            “I’ve gotta go home, I’ll see you soon alright?” She gave him a smile and slid behind the wheel of her car. Why did he have to look like a kid who just lost his puppy?

            “Take care of yourself, Lexi,” he said crossing his arms.

            “Will do, mom,” she retorted, “same to you,” and with that she headed back to Sioux Falls. It was a long miserable drive and she was dying to put some ice on her shoulder. When she got in the house, Bobby was on the phone and boy did he look pissed.

            “Sam, Dean I love you like my own, but sometimes…sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed, sons of bitches I ever met. I’m selfish? Me? I do everything for you, everything! You need some lore scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to, about each other, you call me and I come through every damn time. What do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat! Do I sound like I’m done?” Alex hid in the hallway, listening to her dad, who was just getting amped up. “Now look, I know you got issues. God knows I know, but I’ve got a newsflash for ya. You ain’t the center of the universe! Now it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul, and the meter is running! And I will be damned if I am gonna sit around and, and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once!”

            Alex stood off to the side a moment until Bobby eventually hung up with the boys. She slowly crept into the room, hoping that the same lecture wasn’t headed her way. He turned and looked at her with a small smile.

            “Hey there, Al. Boy, is it good to see you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Bobby and Alex sat up into the wee hours of the morning, drinking whiskey and talking together. Alex let Bobby vent away all his frustrations. She was thinking he should do that more often. He was such a pillar of strength, never wavering and never backing down. Bobby Singer always came through, not just for Alex but for everyone. She didn’t know what she would do without him at home. She was glad for the rare opportunity to offer her dad some camaraderie and comfort, since it was usually the other way around. Growing up with Bobby for a dad hadn’t always been perfect or easy but she always had a home and always knew she was loved, and what more did she need?

            “You should get some sleep, Al. You want any more ice for that shoulder?” Bobby asked, standing up and stretching.

            “No, I am all set. It is what it is. The whiskey helped.” Alex took the now warm bag of frozen peas off her shoulder and gave her arm a small, painful wiggle. Bobby got up to leave when Alex stopped him, “Say dad, where did that cobbler come from in the fridge?”

            Bobby blushed a little, something she had never seen her father do. “Oh that’s from Marcie, the new neighbor down the street. She stopped by to say hello. Well, night Al.” Bobby quickly headed upstairs, with Alex grinning to herself.

After her mom passed away, Bobby had never dated anyone else, not really. Alex hadn’t really noticed when she was younger but the older she got the more concerned she was about her dad being alone for so long. She never really desired a mother, she had all she needed from her dad and there was always Jody. Sheriff Jody Mills was eight years older than her, and used to watch her when she was really young. Bobby tried not to travel to hunts too far away, especially when she was little, but it did happen, and if John didn’t bring the boys by, Jody would stay with her.

            Alex wasn’t sure what she would have done without Jody. The first time she got her period Jody took her to the convenience store to buy pads and chocolate, and she taught her how to do her makeup and style her hair, though she usually kept it in a perpetual pony tail. Jody wasn’t an over the top girly girl but she knew the basics, and shared her wisdom with Alex. Living in the land of manly men twenty-four seven, it was nice to have one girl to talk to, growing up.

Alex put the peas away and smiled at the uneaten cobbler in the fridge. She was too tired to even climb the stairs, and maybe a little too drunk, so she slept on the couch. She set an alarm to go off every two hours to help her avoid any unwanted dreams.

           

Bobby was just getting back to the house when Alex finally woke up in the morning. He looked grouchy as all hell too, and Alex guessed that Jody hadn’t been able to help get Rufus. Alex wracked her brain on what to do. Popping a few Advil and putting some coffee in a travel mug, she drove over to the station to see Jody.

            “Hey Jodes, you got a minute?” she asked, and Jody waved her into the office, shutting the door.

            “Hey Alex. Bet I can guess why you’re here,” Jody smiled at her. “Well, you’ll be happy to know I can get Rufus extradited here but I can’t go get him, and I can’t exactly send any old officer to get him either.” Jody furrowed her brow, wracking her brain for an answer.

            “I’ll go get him,” Alex replied brightly.

            “And how will you do that?” Jody raised an eyebrow at her.

            “Well, give me a uniform and that old cruiser from out back and I will go bring his sorry ass back here… temporarily, anyway.” Alex saw the unamused look on Jody’s face. “Oh come on, no one there will know I’m not a cop.It won’t be the first time I impersonated a police officer.”

            “I really didn’t need to hear that,” Jody shook her head. “I could lose my job for this, you know,” she huffed.

            “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, and this is life or death, okay?” Alex knew Jody would say yes if she just waited her out.

Jody sighed. Standing up, she dug out a pair of keys from her desk, then pulled a uniform from her closet. She rolled them all up in bag, handing it to Alex.

            “If anyone asks, I will tell them you took the cruiser to have your dad work on it.”

            “Thanks Jody, you’re the best!” Alex tucked the bag under her arm and gave Jody a hug with her free arm.

            “Just don’t get caught, okay kid?”

Alex rolled her eyes and made her way to the cruiser.

            It was an incredibly long drive and she only made two stops to nap in the car for a few hours. When Bobby texted, she told him she was on a hunt and kept it vague. If it didn’t work she didn’t want him disappointed. Finally, she managed to get Rufus released to her, after much pleading, arguing, and eventually flirting with the officer at the Andover PD. She was exhausted and irritable by the time they hit the road for Sioux Falls.

            “You can let me drive, you know?” Rufus grumbled from the back seat.

            “I don’t think so. We don’t have a uniform for you. Just lay back and relax. We’ll be there in no time,” Alex sighed. She got a kick out of watching Rufus and Bobby bicker. She had a soft spot for the mean old bastard, seeing as he had saved their lives all those years ago.

            “Now you listen to me, young lady. It will go a lot faster if you let me behind the wheel!” He was such a stubborn old man.

            “Rufus, shut your damn trap already. I am driving the whole freaking way home whether you like it or not! Now if you don’t want me to put the cuffs back on I’d shut the hell up, got me?”

Rufus didn’t answer, just grumbled under his breath.

It was an equally long journey home. Alex had to inform Rufus, several times, that in the words of Dean, ‘Driver picks the music, and shotgun shuts his cake hole,’ something Rufus was not happy to hear.

When they rolled into the salvage yard Jody was there to meet them, and it was well worth the look on her dad’s face to have made the extra effort.

            Alex was feeling really good until she got into the house. The past week caught up with her fast, and she must have fallen asleep with her head on the kitchen table because next thing she knew, she was waking up on the couch in the living room and it was dark out.

            “Al, you gotta wake up. We got company coming.” Bobby was shaking her awake and she scrunched her eyes shut, not wanting to wake up. “AL!” Bobby yelled, and she thought it might not have been the first time he did that. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and stumbled over to her dad’s desk. He had everything he needed to summon Crowley.

She gave a huge yawn. “So what are we doing?” She was still pretty exhausted and struggled to keep her eyes open.

            “Just bear with me, okay Al? I am calling Crowley and he is going to give me my soul back if everything goes to plan, so just sit there and don’t say anything.” Bobby seemed nervous so she brushed off his attitude and took his chair. She had a feeling she should know what the plan was, discuss it with her dad first, but he was already saying the spell. What the hell - she would play moral support. She did, however, reach over to her bag and pull out her angel blade, setting it on her lap under the desk.

            Crowley showed up, cocky and smug as ever. Alex glanced at her dad to see an equally smug and confident expression. _This will be fun,_ Alex mused. She leaned back in her chair and gave Crowley a little wink and felt pretty good at his unsettled look. It didn’t take long for Crowley to back down, with the threat of his bones being torched by green-eyed Winchesters. Alex was a little miffed that she missed their trip to Ireland. Picking up Rufus was definitely the short end of the stick. Though she imagined Dean on a ten-hour transatlantic flight and thought better of it. Once Crowley was gone Alex felt the immediate weight lifted off her chest, Bobby was free. Bobby picked her up and swung her around like she was a little girl again giggling. She lay back down on the couch smiling.

            “I’m so glad I don’t have to go back to hell to get your soul, too,” she smiled contentedly and then realized she had put her foot in her mouth.

            “What do you mean, back to hell?” Bobby asked with a far more serious tone. _Shit!_

            “Nothing Dad, I’m just glad you got your soul back. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep.” She lay down and closed her eyes and luckily Bobby didn’t pry any further.

            A week or so went by, fairly uneventfully, and Alex was getting restless. She had decided to take the down time to work on the Firebird, putting in a new transmission and a fresh set of tires. She didn’t love working on just any car, but she loved working on _her_ car. When Bobby wasn’t hovering over her shoulder, that is. Having smaller hands was actually helpful at times when working on a car. She smoothed out the scratch on the back fender left by a werewolf and stitched a hole in the upholstery from a stray knife. Her car had taken a few knocks but not nearly as many as Dean’s Baby. It’s a good thing Dean was so good at body work.

She was sitting on the hood in a pair of shorts and tank top, willing it to be warm enough for her clothing choice, when her phone buzzed.

            “Hi Dean, how’s it going?” she asked, stretching and jumping off her car.

            “Uh, not so good, Lexi. There’s something really wrong with Sam and I mean it this time.” He was whispering, so she figured Sam might be nearby.

            “What happened?”

            “He let me get turned into a vampire,” Dean said, slowly and clearly so as not to be misunderstood.

            “What the Fuck, Dean?! You’re a vampire?!” Alex’s heart began to race with panic and Bobby came over to her, seeing the look on her face.

            “No, no, no not anymore, but I was for a little while. It’s complicated... but you’re missing the point. The issue is Sam.”

            “Sorry, but ‘I’m a vampire’ seems slightly more alarming than ‘my brother has issues’.” She sighed. “How are you okay? If you really got turned, there’s no cure for that!”

            “Samuel had a cure for it. I’m fine…”

            “Samuel was there too? Papa Campbell?” Alex interrupted.

            “Are you going to listen to me or not?” Dean sounded pissed now. Bobby was standing by her shoulder listening in.

            “Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry, lips zipped, alright.”

Dean proceeded to tell Alex all about his hunt for the vampire nest and the search for the alpha vampire.

            “He watched, Lexi. He just stood there and watched as a vamp bled into my mouth and… did… nothing!” Dean sounded completely strung out, “Whoever that is, is not my brother!”

            Alex shook her head. “Dean, we tested him every way we could. Silver, holy water, angel blade, salt, you name it we did it! Are you sure you saw what you saw?”

This answer provoked a less than gentlemanly response from Dean.

“Alright, alright, calm down! Now look, Dad will hit the books and see what he can find. In the meantime, just work your case with him ‘til we figure this out.”

            “I don’t even wanna be in the same room with him, much less work a case with the guy.” Bobby grabbed the phone from Alex.

            “He’s your damn case, Dean,” Bobby grunted and Alex stole the phone back.

            “Hey, where are you guys now?” Alex asked, running through in her mind what she needed to pack.

            “Calumet City, Illinois. There’s been a strange rash of suicides.”

            “Alright. You’re about a day’s drive, but I can come out if you need me?” Alex already had every intention of driving there, regardless of his answer.

            “Really Lexi? I mean that would be great.” The sound of relief in Dean’s voice sealed it for her.

            “Alright, I will get on the road in an hour or so. Keep me posted on the case okay? … and on Sam, I guess.” She looked at her Dad who was rolling his eyes.

            “Thanks Lexi, I owe you one. Thank Bobby for me too, okay?”

Dean hung up and Bobby just gave her a look.

            “You know you would do him a lot more good staying here and helping me hit the books then running off to coddle him.” Bobby crossed his arms.

            “By the sounds of it, Sam nearly tried to kill Dean, or did you miss that part? I should go and make sure they don’t end up actually killing each other.” If not Alex, who would?

            “Wouldn’t be the first damn time,” Bobby muttered. “Okay, just watch yourself, those boys can’t so much as breathe without stepping in trouble.” Bobby seemed more resigned and Alex was on the road within the hour.

            Her car drove like a dream and she was making good time to Illinois. Halfway there she got a strange text from her dad.

Dad: If dean calls, don’t pick up!

_Cryptic much?_ Alex thought grumpily and was about to call him when her phone rang and it was Dean. She didn’t hesitate picking up.

            “Hey Dean, I’m only a few hours out, what’s up?”

            “Dude, I think you need to get Bobby a gift certificate to his favorite nail salon. Way more info then I needed to know,” Dean chuckled. “We think it might be Gabriel’s Horn of Truth. Do you have that book on mythical objects with you?”

A strange feeling had come over Alex while Dean was talking.

            “I slept with Sam!” she blurted out.

            “Whoa! What the hell, Lexi?”

            “I slept with Sam and it was amazing. Like really fucking hot amazing, but I wish I didn’t because I don’t love him I love…” She clapped a hand over her mouth and nearly veered off the road throwing the phone onto the seat next to her. She could vaguely hear Dean’s voice coming from the phone as she pulled over, before she crashed. Delicately, she picked up the phone like it was a bomb, holding it far from her. “Text me the address, okay?!” she yelled at the phone and hung up, hoping he had heard. _What the fuck?! Holy shit balls!_

            It took Alex nearly twenty minutes to compose herself. She had nearly told Dean she loved him, and she had told him that she slept with Sam. She was seriously considering turning around and going straight home to hide under her bed, or maybe driving off a cliff. If there was something going on that made people tell the truth, how on earth was she supposed to be around Dean? She told herself that she needed to put her big girl pants on and face it, because Dean still needed her. _What was he saying about getting her dad a pedicure?_

            Dean had texted her an address a few hours later and she drove up to a big, fancy house, parking next to the Impala on the street. She texted Dean again to see if he was still there, and a few moments later, she looked up and saw Dean waving her in from the front door before he disappeared inside. She grabbed her pistol and made her way to the house, not sure what she was facing. Dean hadn’t texted her any details. She crept inside the impressive entryway, but Dean was nowhere in sight.

            “God damn it Dean, where are you?” she hissed.

            “Don’t worry, it’s dead. Come help me with Sam,” Dean called from inside the house. She followed to where his voice was and found some kind of strange kill room with dissected bodies strewn about. Dean was kneeling down next to a bloody and motionless Sam. Alex stored the gun and rushed over to them, also kneeling down by Sam’s head.

            “What happened? Is he ok?” She frantically checked him, but it looked like he had just taken a few really good blows to the face and was out cold.

            “Help me get him to the car.” Dean’s face was tight and his jaw was clenched.

            “Who did this to him? Was it a monster? I thought it was a horn or something?” She linked her arms under Sam’s and Dean grabbed his knees as they lifted. She glanced and saw the state of Dean's knuckles.

            “I did it,” Dean said in a low voice, and Alex narrowed her eyes at him, stopping in her tracks. “Come on. This son of bitch is heavy.” She bit her tongue and helped carry Sam out to the Impala. Dean went to get in the front seat but Alex grabbed his arm to stop him.

            “Would you like to tell me why you beat the shit out of your brother? I’d like to know what I’m being an accomplice too.” he gripped the sleeve of his jacket so he couldn’t escape.

            “Can we not do this right now? Please? Just follow me back to the hotel and get him in the room and I will tell you everything, okay?” Dean looked tired and hurt, so Alex let his sleeve go and went to her car to follow him.

            It was an effort getting the still unconscious Sam up to their hotel room. Dean insisted on tying him to a chair and waiting for Cas before he answered any questions. There was fear hidden in his face that left a rock in her gut. Something had really spooked him.

Cas showed up, and Dean proceeded to tell them all about the events of the last few days. He told them about the vamp attack, about Sam’s strange behavior lately, about the monster saying Sam wasn’t human, and finally about Sam admitting that it was true he was empty of all emotion.

            Cas and Alex both listened to Dean’s story in silence. Sam only stirred a little this whole time and Alex wiped his face with a warm wash cloth, looking at the bruises purpling on his face and the very broken nose. Finally Sam came to, looking around in confusion. Alex had a hard time making eye contact with him. Her Sam had to still be in there. He gave them big doe eyes and she was sure it broke her as much as Dean.

Cas rolled his sleeves up, saying he was going to try and diagnose Sam. Sam got a terrified look on his face as Cas stood over him.

            “If you have a happy place, I suggest you go there.” And with that, Cas drove his hand into Sam’s chest, while Sam bit down hard on a leather belt. He was in obvious pain, and Alex couldn’t help but wrap her arms around Dean, half-burying her face in his chest. Dean gripped her shoulder back, hard, turning his head away, unable to look either.

When Cas was done he stood back from a gasping Sam. The look on his face did not bode well. Cas explained that he didn’t find anything, which at first sounded good.

            “It’s his soul. it’s gone,” Cas said.

Dean scoffed. “Um … I’m s… I’m sorry. One more time, like I’m five? What do you mean, he’s got no...” Dean began to say “soul” but Cas interrupted him.

            “Somehow, when Sam was resurrected, it was without his soul” Cas gave them a forlorn look and Alex felt like she had been punched in the gut.

            “So where is it?” Dean threw his hands out in frustration.

            “My guess?” Cas looked into Dean’s face now, “Still in the cage with Michael and Lucifer.”

Dean took that in a moment and asked what Alex was she was thinking.

            “So, is he even still Sam?”

            “You pose an interesting philosophical question”

Alex and Dean simultaneously rolled their eyes and in unison, replied, “Then get it back!” They turned to glance at each other, then back to Cas.

            “Dean… Alex,” Cas said, exasperated.

            “Well, you pulled me out,” Dean retorted and Alex and Cas shared a quick glance before she looked down at her shoes. Cas explained that it took several angels to get Dean out of hell and he wasn’t nearly as guarded as Sam’s soul was, making it impossible.

            “So are you gonna untie me?” Sam asked, still sitting tied to the chair.

Dean, and Alex replied a firm “NO!” in unison, crossing their arms, and Sam gave a long sigh, standing and shaking off the ropes that he managed to slip who knows when. “I didn’t want it to come to this. You’re not gonna hold me Dean… not here, not in the panic room, not anywhere. You’re stuck with the soulless guy, so you might as well work with me,” Sam put his hands on his hips and gave them a blank expression. For the first time that night Alex felt as empty and blank as Sam looked.

            Alex reached her hand over and gave Dean’s a little squeeze. He looked down at her and she gave him a reassuring nod. _You're not alone_ , she thought, and by the look in his eyes he understood. He gave her hand a little squeeze back before letting it go.

            “Well if I’m stuck with the soulless guy, I’m gonna need a drink,” Dean proclaimed, pulling out his flask.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex pulled Cas aside while Dean and Sam listed out potential people who could have pulled Sam from the cage. Alex pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose to try and stop the impending headache heading her way. Cas looked at her and placed two fingers on her forehead and a tiny warmth spread through her, headache completely gone.

            “Thanks Cas,” she smiled at him. “Look, you swear you didn’t pull Sam from the cage? I mean if you did and it didn’t go right it’s not your fault, you tried. Just tell me, tell Dean the truth?” Alex felt bad for suggesting Cas was lying.

            “For the last time, Alexandra, I heard that someone might get Sam out but I didn’t know who, and it wasn’t me.” Cas seemed downright angry now. She wasn’t a huge fan of this grouchy Cas.

            “Alright Cas, I believe you, okay?” And she did believe him. It was Cas, after all. How many times had he saved their lives? He brought her back from the dead twice at least. “Look, I have to talk to you about something.” Alex began to tell Cas about her dreams, first the one with Eve and then the one with Juliet.

            “I was dead in your dream?” Cas asked and Alex scrunched her eyebrows at him.

            “Uh yeah Cas, it was my whole family dead… that means you too,” she wasn’t so sure why he was surprised and he was silent a moment. “Not really the most pressing part here though Cas. What do I do?”

            “Eve is unpredictable at best, but I believe she has made it clear to Raphael that she does not support his plan to restart the apocalypse. I don’t believe Raphael can find you, Alex, but this does put you in more danger. If you see even a hint of him, call me immediately,” Cas said forcefully, staring at her with those crystal blue eyes of his.

            “What if I said yes?” Alex couldn’t believe she was entertaining the idea but she had to at least consider it.

            “Yes to Eve? Why would you do that?” Cas seemed genuinely perplexed.

            “To help you, stupid!” Alex said this a little too loud and Dean and Sam looked up at them. Alex smiled at them and lowered her voice. “If I say yes, will Eve help you win the battle for heaven?”

            “I don’t know. she might sway the battle in our favor it’s true, but no, Alexandra, you should not say yes. Eve is unpredictable - even if she helped us win the battle, there is no telling what she will do after. No, it is best to keep Eve out of the equation.” Cas seemed firm on this and she nodded in agreement, though a nagging part of her kept thinking about it. “There is something you can do for me, though. I need a human to retrieve a weapon that Balthazar hid. Once I have a better lead on its location, would you be able to get it for me?”

            “Of course Cas, whatever you need, just let me know. You want a drink? I know I could use one.” Alex smiled at him to lighten the mood.

            “No, I am fine, thank you. The amount of alcohol I would need to consume to feel its effects is more than you currently have.”

Alex shook her head and went to have a few drinks with Dean. She passed out on the couch and woke sometime later to the sounds of Dean and Sam talking.

            “There’s gonna need to be some ground rules, Sammy,” Dean was saying, taking a swig of his whiskey. “Rule number one… You don’t sleep with Lexi. I mean, not ever. Do you understand me?”

Alex felt a blush creep up her cheeks, and she buried her face in the couch, keeping her eyes shut.

            “Why?” Sam asked with genuine confusion.

            “Why? Why? Cause its Lexi, that’s why!” Dean sounded frustrated and a bit uncomfortable.

            “So? I mean she’s an adult, I’m an adult. I don’t see the problem. Not that I have any plans to do it again, though that one time was pretty great. I just don’t understand why I shouldn’t?”

            “Please jus… just stop there, I don’t need to hear about it. You just can’t, okay? Lexi is off limits, end of story.”

            “Is it because you want to sleep with her? If you do that’s fine with me. I mean you’re done with Lisa, right?”

Alex froze at this. _Done with Lisa?_

            “What? No! Why would you say that? I mean … no, just no okay? No one is sleeping with Lexi,” Dean said, flustered.

            “Alright,fine by me. I don’t think she wants to sleep with me again anyway.” Sam’s voice was calm and even.

            “Why, did she turn you down? Never mind, I don’t wanna know, just don’t bring it up ever again okay? Topic closed.” Dean stood up, by the sound of the chair scratching across the floor. He moved over to the armchair across from the couch and seemed to settle in to sleep.

Alex watched him through her lashes, pretending to be asleep.

Dean stared at her for a moment with a strange look on his face, his green eyes going up and down her body. He eventually shifted uncomfortably in his chair before falling asleep.

Alex had no idea what to make of Dean’s little lecture to Sam, but apparently no one was sleeping with her.

 

            After much debate in the morning, they decided it was best to seek out Samuel and confirm if he was also soulless. Alex dreaded going to see the Campbells, but she could suck it up for Sam. The more she thought about it the more she missed Sam, the real Sam, her best friend. She missed having someone to talk to, that she could tell anything to. She was also kicking herself for not realizing it sooner, that something bigger was wrong with him. Dean had seen what she didn’t want to. She couldn’t change the past now. All she could do was to do everything in her power to get Sam’s soul back.

            Cas rode with her over to the Campbells’ main base and they drove in a welcome silence. Something she liked about Cas was his ability to sit in comfortable silence. Her leg jiggled nervously and she wasn’t sure why she was dreading going there so much. They hadn’t done anything bad to her, they were just arrogant and condescending. Alex trusted her gut and her gut said there was some shady shit going on. Not for nothing, but Dean felt the same way.

            “I see you brought along princess here. You know, Sam, we kinda like to keep our operation within the family.” Samuel gave her a bit of a glare as they entered the base.

            “She is family,” Dean replied before Sam could. “Now we’ve got some questions for you.”

Alex was beet-red and took all her energy not to clock Samuel one, especially when he gave her that gum under his shoe look.

Samuel claimed ignorance again as to who raised him from the dead, and Cas checked but found that he did in fact have a soul. Alex scoffed when Cas said that and they all turned to her.

            “You sound surprised, princess,” Samuel snarked.

            “The name is Alex, and you're damn right I’m surprised.” She had a whole host of things to say to him but Dean put a warning hand on her shoulder.

            “I have to go now,” Cas interrupted. “Alexandra would you accompany me?” Cas turned to her raising an eyebrow. That caught her and Dean off-guard.

            “Now?” she asked Cas, seeing Dean puff out his shoulders.

            “We kinda need her here, Cas,” Dean said, sounding downright pouty.

            “Sorry Dean, I forgot your wants and needs come before all of heaven’s, but I have need of her too.” Cas glared back at Dean.

            “Alright you two. Cas, I will go with you. Dean, I will be back as soon as I can, alright?” She knew Dean wasn’t in immediate danger, and Cas wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.

            “You're gonna pick this feathery bastard over people you call family?” Samuel quipped, and Alex lost it. She cocked her fist back and nailed Samuel across the cheek as hard as she could. She pulled her arm back for another swing but someone was lifting her up and off of him. She kicked her legs out cursing, “You son of a bitch! Put me down!” It was Dean who had a hold of her.

            “Easy Lexi, chill,” Dean said which was the last thing that would make her calm down. He set her down when he figured she wasn’t likely to lunge at him, and Samuel sat up, rubbing his face.

            “That feathery bastard is more family than you’ll ever be,” Alex spat at him. She had no idea where all this anger was coming from but it was absolutely overwhelming.

            “I take it back. Cas take her out of here, just bring her back in one piece, okay?” Dean had a hand on her shoulder, still not trusting her not to hit Samuel again, but he had a little smile of pride on his face.  

Cas put a hand on her shoulder, and in the blink of an eye they were standing on a busy street corner with taxis rushing by. Alex had to grasp his arm to steady herself.

            “Follow me,” Cas barked as he headed off through the crowd at a brisk walk. Alex had to jog to keep up, following the billowing trench coat through the hordes of people. They walked a few blocks and the crowd thinned the farther they went. Finally Alex reached out and grabbed a firm handful of Cas’ coat, pulling him to a stop.

            “I am not a dog on a leash. Would you please tell me where the hell we are going, and what the hell we are doing?”  Alex said, exasperated and trying to catch her breath.

            “I told you before, I need you to retrieve a weapon for me. I know the building it is kept in but it’s warded against angels so I cannot get in.” Cas pulled his coat from her hand and continued onward. Finally they reached an abandoned apartment building that looked a few stories high.

            “So where is this thing, and how do you know it’s in there?” Alex looked up at the tall, unassuming building.

            “Balthazar put it there. I’m not entirely sure where, and he accidentally over did the warding so neither of us can get to it. Only a righteous empty vessel of the Lord can enter.” He raised an eyebrow at her and she raised one right back.

            “Seriously?” Alex put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. “Morons, for a bunch of angels, you guys can really be stupid. So what does it look like?”

            “It’s a small metal box with Enochian scripture on the outside. Whatever you do, don’t open the box.” Cas stared her down gravely.

            “What’s in the box?!” Alex did her best Brad Pitt impression, and Cas just gave her a blank stare. “Dean would have laughed. Alright, I’ll be back.” She pulled out her knife and crept into the building.

            She carefully made her way through the floors. The elevator was out of service and she hated having to walk all those stairs. She was quickly frustrated by her vague instructions, certain that this would take hours. The building seemed to be abandoned and all the rooms were dirty and empty. As she crept through the first two floors with no signs of a silver box, she spun her knife around with her left hand absentmindedly, wondering how things were going with Sam and Dean.

            A few hours later, she was about to give up when she came to a room on the south side of the building. There, in the middle of the room, was an old wooden table with tiny silver box sitting on top. Something set her hair on end as she slowly crept into the room. She could almost feel the magic hanging in the air. As she reached for the box she felt like Indiana Jones, glancing around, waiting for the boulder to come out and crush her. _Don’t be such a baby_ , she scolded herself and grabbed the box off the table. Nothing happened, at first. Then there was a slow rumble and she bolted for the hallway. Suddenly the entire building had burst into flames around her.

            “Fucking booby-trapped? Really?!” she yelled, stuffing the box into her pocket and shielding her eyes from the flames. She thought she was on the sixth floor and there were flames coming up the stairwell. Options were limited and she looked at the window at the end of the hallway. She bolted toward it only to find it was locked and she couldn’t pry it open. The smoke was getting worse so she backed up a few feet and gave up a little prayer to Castiel. _Please catch me, Castiel._ She ran at the window full-tilt, turning to hit it with the full force of her shoulder. She smashed through the glass, and closed her eyes tight as she started to fall.

            A loud whooshing sound hit her ears, and something hard slammed into her. For a minute, eyes still shut, she was certain that she was dead. Slowly peeling her eyes open, she stared up at Castiel’s face looking down at her. He had caught her, Superman-style, and she let out the breath she had been holding.

            “We have to go now,” Castiel grunted, setting her down on the sidewalk. Suddenly three people surrounded them, dropping down their angel blades as they stalked toward Cas and Alex. _Fuck._ Alex pushed her back up against Cas and she felt him slip a cool metal handle into her hand. She sure as hell hoped it was an angel blade because she didn’t have time to look before the man standing in front of her lunged.

            Spinning, she caught his wrist, flipped around and plunged the blade into his chest. As bright light shot from his eyes and mouth, the man collapsed with a thunderous clap. She whirled to see Cas battling the other two angels. He drove his blade into the smaller man but the woman with fiery red hair was charging Cas from behind, the building still burning in the background.

            Alex hurled herself at the woman, unable to get the blade into her but knocking both of them to the ground. She felt a sickening snap as she hit the ground and cried out a short gasping shriek. The woman flipped on top of her and lifted her blade high, but Alex was faster, sinking the blade straight up under the woman’s ribs. More flashes of light from the dying angel as Cas pulled the woman off of her. Alex groaned and pulled up her jeans on her left leg to look at the damage, which was a mistake. It was broken, very broken, bleeding broken. In fact, she was quite certain she could see bone. She lay her head back and Cas scooped her up, whooshing them off till they were standing in a dark clearing next to the Impala. Suddenly, Dean’s worried face was hovering over her as Castiel set her down in the grass, collapsing next to her.

            “What the hell Cas? I said in one piece!” Dean’s eyes went wide, taking in her leg.

Alex didn’t say a word because if she opened her mouth she would scream. Though she didn’t think that would be a problem for long because she was pretty close to passing out.

“Fix her now!” Dean barked, and grabbed a hold of her hand. “It’s okay Lexi, Cas will fix it, alright?” he said, unable to keep the anxiety from his voice.

            “I’m okay, Dean,” she said in a very small voice, immediately gritting her teeth. Cas sat up and as she glanced at him, she realized he was covered in cuts and looked fairly exhausted. She wasn’t so sure he was up for healing her. Cas stood on shaky feet and called out for Balthazar. Suddenly the handsome, sassy blonde angel appeared next to Cas.

            “Hey Cassie. You manage to get my little toy, did you?” Balthazar took in Cas and then looked down at Alex. “You broke your pet, didn’t you Cassie. Need an assist, I see.” Balthazar kneeled down next to her and gave her a big sideways smile.

            “You hurt her and I will gut you,” Dean growled at Balthazar who took no notice of the threat.

            “Alright lovely, here we go.” With a quick wave of his hand, there was a little pop and suddenly her leg was good as new. “There we are, your perfect little vessel should be just fine now.” He gave her a little wink.

            “Please stop calling me that,” Alex replied as Dean helped her to her feet, still a little shaky from the blood loss.

            “What, ‘lovely’? But you are so lovely, dear.” Balthazar gave her a wiggle of the eyebrows and Dean went to take a swing at him but Alex grabbed his arm.

            “No, ‘vessel’. I’m not just some meat suit, and thank you for healing me.” She managed the ‘thank you’ in her most sincere voice.

            “Balthazar, we should go,” Cas replied in his gravelly voice. “Alexandra, the box?” He held out a hand to her, and she fished out the box from her pocket, handing it to Cas.

            “You could have told me about the fire you kn….” And with a rush of wings,  both angels disappeared from sight.

Sam came over and gave Alex a strange pat on the shoulder.

            “So we ready to go?” Sam asked looking at her and Dean.

            “Give her a second, okay Sam?” Dean shook his head. “You sure you’re okay, Lexi? You can hang back in the car and rest if you want.”

            “What are you two planning on doing? Where are we, for that matter?” she looked around the woods but couldn’t orient herself.

            “We are breaking into the Campbell’s hideout. They have been kidnapping and interrogating monsters and we need to figure out why. Samuel is hiding something big” Dean’s voice was hard now.

            “No, I’m in. I’ll follow your lead.” She really did need a nap, it had been an exhausting day but as they say, no rest for the wicked.

            “Great. Well we need to figure out where they are keeping the Alpha vamp.  I think I should go in and see if I can get it out of him. Probably best on my own,” Sam suggested and Dean rolled his eyes. Sam went in while Dean and Alex waited in the car.

            “What the hell happened with you and Cas today?” Dean asked while checking the rounds on his gun.

            “I spent hours searching an abandoned building for this weapon, or something hidden there, and then when I found it the damn thing was booby-trapped. No fucking joke, it was like Raiders. So the building caught fire, and I jumped out a sixth story window. Cas caught me so I was, ya know, not dead. Then we got attacked by angels, I killed two and broke my leg. How was your day?” She smiled brightly at Dean who gave her a momentary blank stare and burst out laughing.

            “And I thought I had an interesting day,” he said, shaking his head.

            “How are you dealing with the whole soulless brother thing? Was Samuel any help at all?”

            “No, so far he’s pretty damn useless. I dunno Lexi… I just …. I don’t know,” Dean sighed, looking wearier than ever.

Sam showed up right before Lexi had a chance to reply. Sam explained that Samuel was less than trusting, but that he had  planted a tracking device on him.  

They followed Samuel to an abandoned warehouse. Alex, Dean and Sam geared up with pistols, machetes, and dead man’s blood for good measure. They crept through the building, Dean in the lead and Sam covering their rear.

            They found Samuel torturing what they assumed was the Alpha vampire. They waited till the coast was clear for some interrogating of their own. Alex hung back at first, keeping an eye on the door while Sam and Dean pushed the vamp for information.

            “When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark! Now you think you can hurt me? I have all night, boys. Anyway, I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know,” the Alpha replied in his silky voice. He explained that they were getting ready for war. “Now, when we ‘freaks’ die, where do we go? Not heaven, not hell. So?”

            “Legoland?” Dean snarked and Alex chuckled despite herself,coming closer to the cage the vamp was in.

            “Purgatory?” Sam asked, and the vamp smiled a wide toothy grin. The vamp explained that Samuel was trying to find Purgatory but that someone was pulling his strings.

            “Well, if the old man's Kermit... whose hand's up his ass?”

As Dean asked this, there was the sound of a shotgun cocking behind them. They turned to find Samuel had a gun on them. Alex suddenly wished she had hit the old man just a little harder.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex couldn’t get to her gun fast enough.

Samuel marched the three of them out into the hall where that punk, Christian, was waiting, gun at the ready. Alex felt a nervous twitch when Samuel pointed his gun at Dean’s chest. However unlikely it was that he would shoot, it set her nerves on end and she resisted the urge to step in front of Dean. Samuel signaled for them to drop their machetes and Alex glanced at Dean, waiting for his nod to drop the weapon.

            “Wow. You know, I have seen some stupid in my time, but you take the crown. Putting Jaws in a fishbowl? How do you think that's gonna end?” Dean growled at him.

            “What, do you think I'm doing this for kicks?” Samuel retorted.

            “Cut the crap, Samuel,” Alex said, gritting her teeth.

Gwen then showed up, cocking her own shotgun. Alex was really beginning to not like the odds stacked against them, though she’d faced worse, and she considered how close she needed to get to Christian to grab his gun.

            “I think you've got the rest of these feebs convinced that you're John Wayne. So whatever you're doing, whatever you're hiding... it's gonna put you, and everyone around you, in the ground.” Dean raised a challenging glare at his grandfather.

Suddenly, there was shrieking and banging from the room where the Alpha vampire was being held. Samuel told all of them to grab their weapons and Alex immediately relaxed with her blade back in hand, as they rushed to investigate.

The Alpha vamp was missing and the cage empty.

            The vamp was still dosed with dead man’s blood but, being the Alpha, he was likely still difficult to kill. Alex was beginning to think they would be lucky to make it out of there alive.

Samuel suggested taking down the Alpha vamp and caging him while Dean made it perfectly clear that the only option was to kill the damn thing.

            “You get a shot, you take it. It's not gonna kill him, but dude will move a lot slower without any kneecaps. And if we make it through this, you, me, and Sam are having one hell of a family meeting.” Dean was in his element, in the hunt.

Samuel reluctantly agreed. They split up, Alex going with Dean and Gwen, while Sam went with Samuel and Christian.

            After a few moments of searching there were loud bangs from a few feet away and Dean sprinted toward the commotion, Gwen and Alex hot on his heels. The Alpha vamp had Sam in his clutches before a black-eyed Christian hit him with dead man’s blood. In a flash too quick for Alex to process, a swarm of Demon landed on the Alpha vamp and disappeared with him, popping out of sight. She slid to a halt by Dean’s shoulder, panting.

            At the sound of a slow cap, they all looked up a set of rickety stairs.

            “Well, that was dramatic,” Crowley proclaimed, staring down at their dumbfounded faces. Of all the people she had expected to see, Crowley had not been one of them. Crowley smiled at Samuel and it became all too clear who was pulling Samuel’s strings. The question was, why?

            “Since when do you give a crap about vampires?” Dean scoffed.

            “Since, uh... What's today - Friday? Since, let's see... Mind your business.” Crowley gave Dean that cocky, confident look and flashed a wink at Alex.

            “You may as well share with the class, Crowley. We know you're looking for Purgatory,” Sam glared at him.

Crowley, in his usual sleazy manner, danced about his real motivations for finding Purgatory. When Crowley referred to them as employees, Dean looked like he was about to lose his shit. Crowley then said the one thing that would stop Dean in his tracks.

            “Not if you want to see Sam's soul ever again.” And there, he had them.

Samuel admitted that it had been Crowley who had pulled him down from Heaven and Sam up from Hell in order to do his bidding. He made it clear that the only way they would get Sam’s soul was if they played ball.

Alex rocked on the balls of her feet, feeling as stuck and useless as she had when Crowley had owned her dad’s soul. She was really tired of this dick having them over a barrel, time and time again.

“So, we clear? Me, Charlie... you, angels,” Crowley quipped. Crowley wanted the boys to hunt him down monsters, to find Alphas all in the search for purgatory.

            Dean looked absolutely sick to his stomach, like he was being forced to take a dose of some pretty bitter medicine. Alex glanced at Sam a moment, at his blank void face, and she knew there was nothing they could do. She could never risk his soul, could never risk a chance to get that back. Crowley might be bluffing, but this was Sam they were talking about. With his normal flair, Crowley was gone as fast he had appeared.

            The silence between the two Winchesters and Samuel was palpable. Gwen retreated to the van at Samuel’s orders and a part of Alex wanted to retreat to the Impala, but she stayed, nonetheless.

Samuel refused to tell them why he was working for Crowley. Sam held his gun on his grandfather and Samuel tried to call his bluff. It was Dean, however, who had Sam stand down. Alex gave Samuel one hard look in the eye as he stalked off, averting his eyes from her glare.

            “Lexi,” Dean called, a hand over his eyes now, her name sounded almost like a plea. She moved closer to him. “We can’t work for him.” Dean said it half as a statement and half as a question.

            “Are you sure about that?” Sam asked and they both turned to look at him.

            “Demons bone you every time!” Dean sounded incredibly frustrated, and Alex lay a calming hand on his arm.

            “Do we really have another choice?” Sam asked again still with his cool level voice. He was right - there was no other choice. Until they knew if he could get Sam’s soul, that was the only card they had to play. Dean gripped his blade and marched off for the car, with Sam and Alex trailing behind.

            The weight of the day hit her as she slid into her car and followed the Impala’s tail lights down the darkened street. Her lids felt heavy and her head bobbed a few times trying to stay awake. When she nearly drove off the road the second time, she finally found a good spot and pulled over. She was too tired to text the boys and too tired to even think. She crawled over into the back seat and propped up her head on what she thought was one of Sam’s coats he left in there. As she was drifting off there was a knock on her window and she glared up at Dean peering in. She grouchily waved him off, shutting her eyes, but he banged again, on the roof of the car this time.       

            “Open the damn car, Lexi,” Dean grunted at her and she leaned over and hit the unlock button. Dean slid into the front driver’s seat, shutting the door.

            “Go away, Winchester. I can’t drive anymore, I am done, I need sleep.” She scrunched her eyes up, burying her face in the coat.

            “Keys,” was all Dean said. When she ignored him, he asked more firmly, “Keys, now!”

She opened one eye to see Dean’s hand extended to her. Fishing in her pocket, she unceremoniously dropped the keys in his hands.

            “Just go on without me, I just need…to sleep,” she yawned, feeling the weight of her eyelids again.

            “Then sleep. I got this,” Dean said, starting up the car.

She felt him pulling out and down the road, but she was far too tired to protest and drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up she was in a warm bed. She vaguely remembered Dean carrying her into the motel room, but not much past that.

            She stretched and her hand hit a piece of paper on the bed. Sitting up, she saw a folded piece of newspaper about the size of her palm sitting by her pillow. She began unfolding it and heard a small jingle. Something small and silver slipped out into her hand. It was a long silver chain and the bottom of it was a silver Celtic knot in a shape like an arrow head with a blue gem in the middle.

Just then, there was a knock and Dean came striding in.

            “Oh good, you’re up.” He gave her a strangely sheepish grin.

            “Is this from you?” Alex asked, holding out the necklace. Dean nervously rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his eyes.

            “Yeah, well, I found it in Ireland when we went to get Crowley’s bones. It’s a Celtic protection symbol. Might be good against demons, but I don’t really know. Anyway, happy birthday Lexi.”

Dean smiled at her and she took a moment to do the math. Holy hell, it was her birthday. She admired the necklace. Dean had never gotten her anything on her birthday before.

            “It’s beautiful, with the blue gem in the middle,” she smiled at him and he visibly relaxed.

            “Yeah, uh… it matches your eyes, right? I mean, being blue and all… So, breakfast?” he said, clapping his hands together, changing the subject at the speed of light. “There’s a diner across the street. Just meet us there.”

Dean swept out the door before she could say two words. She felt dumbfounded, and looked down again at the charm. It was made with real sterling silver, and she wondered if the gem was a real sapphire. Not a big one, but nonetheless, it was beautiful. She felt a flush come up her cheeks as she slipped it on.

After a quick shower, she headed to find the boys at the diner. She found them at a booth with coffees in hand and Sam’s laptop was out on the table. She slid into the seat next to Sam.

            “Morning, birthday girl,” Sam gave her a smile. “How’s it feel?”

            “How’s what feel?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

            “Being thirty! You're officially old as dirt like Dean, now,” Sam chuckled to himself and yelped a little as Dean kicked him under the table.

_Fuck_ , she thought, _when did that sneak up on me?_ , But Sam was right. She was a year older than Sam, so she had finally hit thirty.

            “Didn’t think I’d make it this far,” she replied in an impulsive moment of honesty.

            “Waffles.” Dean filled the awkward silence, and Sam and Alex gave him a queer look. “It’s your birthday and I say that calls for waffles.” Dean flagged down the waitress and ordered a big stack of waffles for himself and Alex, with strawberries and whipped cream.  Sam was sticking to coffee and a scone.

            “Waffles are basically dessert for breakfast,” Alex grinned at Dean taking a sip of the glorious hot coffee.

            “Precisely! Nobody doesn’t like waffles. Correction, no one with a soul doesn’t like waffles,” he glared at Sam a moment who completely ignored him, engrossed in his laptop.

The waffles came, and they were as glorious as Dean had promised. All in all, it was turning into one of her better birthdays. Bobby called and wished her a happy birthday like he always did, and then she received a text from an old friend she hadn’t thought of in ages.

Mark: Happy Birthday Alex, I hope you are staying safe and having a bonnie day

Alex: Thank you Mark, actually I was wondering if you still had that old Tibetan text, the one on souls

            She had met Mark while studying in Chicago. He was from London and was finishing his PhD in history. A tall, handsome, black-haired Brit, she had quite the crush on him, but was still entangled with Aidan at the time. Poor Mark had fallen into the middle of a ghost hunt and nearly gotten run through by one vengeful librarian. Alex had managed to find and burn the woman’s item in time and was completely impressed at how the Brit handled the whole thing.

Mark: I do, you can borrow it if you like, are you in Illinois love?

Alex: Yes actually, wanna meet at Grangers pub?

Mark: see you at 7

            This was amazing luck since she knew he had been in Scotland for a few years now, working in Edinburgh. That book was a rare text from his family’s collection, and it could hold something to help them retrieve Sam’s soul.

            “Who was that?” Dean asked when he caught her  smiling at her phone.

            “I got a lead on a book. I am going to Chicago tonight to meet up with an old friend. I don’t know if it will have anything in there but I know it had a section on spells, and the human soul, so it’s worth a shot.” She grinned, eating the last bite of her waffles.

            “Only you, Lexi, would smile like that about some stuffy old book,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “So when should we leave?”

            “We?” she asked.

            “Yeah we, as in you, me, Sam.” He pointed to them all, individually.

            “You want to come? I mean, it’s a drive from here and I am just getting a book. Don’t you need to start hunting some monsters for you know who?” She avoided bringing up Crowley by name.

            “Screw him. And there aren’t any leads right now anyway, so we're coming.” Dean could be so bossy, but Alex didn’t feel like arguing. They eventually hit the road and Sam opted to ride with Alex instead of Dean, much to her surprise. It was a strangely peaceful ride with Sam not feeling the need to fill the silence. She put on some quiet indie rock station and made her way toward the windy city.

She thought about when they were kids, Sam and her, when they used to sit in the old cars on the lot pretending to drive off to some hunt like their dads. Sam never liked that game very much and usually opted to sit and read a book while she fake-swerved around the yard, attacking werewolves.

            They made good time and found a safe place to park the cars. She changed at the motel into her favorite little black dress, throwing on a pair of heels, letting her hair down, and putting on some makeup. Taking a look in the mirror, she was pretty damn hot if she did say so herself. She never got to put on a dress unless she was in disguise, but today was her birthday and there were no monsters so she was putting on her heels and going out. The dress was pretty low cut and the necklace Dean gave her pointed down like a perfect arrow to her cleavage. She shrugged. _What the hell, only live once. Well sorta._

When she stepped out to meet the guys, both Sam’s and Dean’s jaws nearly hit the floor in the most satisfying way. Sam looked like he was about to tear off her dress and shove her back in the room. Dean however wore a different look she couldn’t place - maybe it was awe.

            She wasn’t sure why she felt a bit nervous going to see Mark, though it could be the two Winchesters following her into the bar like bodyguards.

She spotted Mark across the room. His face stretched into the same charming smile she remembered. He came over to her in a few strides and lifted her off the ground into a big hug.

            “Darling, you look lovelier than I remembered, if that’s at all possible,” he set her down and beamed at her.

A slight flush crept up her cheeks. “Stop that. You’re looking well yourself!” And he certainly was looking good. His jet black hair had a streak of grey through it now but it only made him more attractive. “Still like to row?”

            “Oh yes, I get out on the river whenever I can,” he smiled at her, placing a hand on her hip. There was loud cough from behind them and Mark looked up over her shoulder.

            “Dean Winchester. This is Sam.” Dean sounded curt and gruff and kept his hands in his pockets.

            “These are my friends. Guys, this is Mark Edwards.” She stepped aside to introduce them.

            “The Winchesters. I’ve heard so much about you. Pleasure,” Mark said, sticking out a hand, which Dean coolly ignored. Thank heaven, Sam reached over and shook Mark’s hand.

“Come on then, let’s grab a booth shall we?”

            “Oh yes we shall,” Dean said in a semi-mocking tone and Alex elbowed him hard in the ribs.

            “Be nice,” she whispered at him through gritted teeth, “or you can leave.”

            They sat down at an empty booth, Alex sitting next to Mark, who put a bit of a possessive arm up along the back of the seat. Mark ordered a Black and Blue for Alex and himself  - their old drink of choice back in the day. Dean and Sam ordered Del Sols.

            “So how have you been, Mark? Did you ever publish your book?” She closed her eyes, savoring the smooth taste of the beer.

            “Yes, actually, we just got a release date for the States. It’s already selling well in England and France so far,” Mark said, smiling down at her. His eyes were such a clear blue, almost white, in contrast to her brighter sapphire blue.

            “Fascinating stuff. So did you get this book or what?” Dean grunted and Alex glared at him a moment, but Mark was unfazed.

            “Why yes, here you go, love. Is this for a case you’re working?”

            “It’s for me,” Sam replied, and Mark pulled the book out of his bag and handed it over to Alex. She examined the worn leather binding, and couldn’t help but take a breath in of its glorious old-book smell. Sam asked to see it and she handed it over. Mark and her chatted amicably for about the length of three beers and a shot of whiskey. Bonnie Raitt’s _Something to Talk About_ came on and Alex smiled.

            “Come on, dance with me for old times?”

Mark grinned at her and brushed the back of his fingers along her bare arm giving her goosebumps. One night after late studying, she had brought the Brit to a country bar to enlighten him on American culture. They had shared a dance to that very song. She nodded, taking his hand, and he lead her toward a small dance floor. Mark smelled like some fancy cologne and his strong hand wrapped around the small of her back, pressing her hips into him. She stole a glance to the booth and saw the most terrifying glare on Dean’s face as he tossed back another shot.


	9. Chapter 9

“So Alexandra, is there a man in your life, other than the two brutes over there?” Mark asked, pressing his mouth by her ear so she could hear him over the music. She hesitated a moment. The honest answer was no, but that felt somehow like a half-truth. Dean may not want to be with her but he was still the only one she thought about.

            “No, the Winchesters are friends, that’s all.” She hated calling them friends since they felt more like family, but Mark wouldn’t understand.

            “Good to know,” he said in her ear again, then spun her out away from him and back into his arms. She giggled as the skirt of her dress twirled around her. Mark was charming and easy to be around. She had always felt attracted to him but now something had changed in him. There was something darker to Mark that set off a little warning signal in her brain. She couldn’t tell what it was - nothing he said had been anything but polite and pleasant.

They danced a few more songs before he was flagged down by a rowdy table of friends and excused himself to go “make the rounds,” as he said.

            Alex looked over to her boys, Sam nursing his beer engrossed in the book, and Dean with a very sour look on his face sitting in front of a few empty shot glasses. She immediately felt a bit guilty for abandoning her friends, so she grabbed three whiskey shots from the bar and brought them over to the boys.

            “Come on, bottoms up,” she said, tossing back her shot. Dean and Sam did the same. She looked at Dean, and she would wonder for years to come whether it was his intense green-eyed stare or the whiskey, because what she did next surprised herself as much as Dean.

            “Come with me.” She reached down and grabbed Dean’s hand, dragging him up and over to the dance floor. She placed her hand in his and guided the other around her waist. He wore a terrified Bambi look on his face that made her chuckle to herself. The man could face down a room full of demons without flinching, but ask him to dance and he trembled in terror.

            “I can’t dance, Lexi,” he said, swallowing hard and giving her that “aww shucks” shoulder-shrug he did when he was nervous.

            “I don’t care, it’s my birthday. At least try for me?” She began to sway in his arms and he slowly began to follow her. Neil Young’s song _Harvest Moon_ came on, and she gently rocked her hips to the slow easy beat.

**_Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say…._ **

Dean slowly relaxed and was actually pretty graceful, bow legs and all. He pulled her in closer until she rested her head on his chest.

**_Cause I’m still in love with you … on this harvest moon…._ **

She felt his strong shoulder under one of her hands, and he had laced their fingers together on the other. She breathed in his familiar smell and, without meaning to, found herself pressed flush up against him.

**_I want to celebrate, seeing shining in your eyes…._ **

“Next thing you know, you’ll get me up singing karaoke,” Dean said in a bit of hoarse voice, giving a nervous chuckle.

            “There is no Karaoke tonight, and I think you better leave the singing to me,” she replied with a small laugh herself at the thought. Alex actually did sing on occasion with a few groups she knew, to make money on the road.

The song ended and Alex leaned back to look up at Dean. They stared at each other for a moment, and the whole bar just seemed to disappear around them. She couldn’t tell what the look in his eyes was, but it seemed like he was struggling to make a decision. His lips parted slightly as if to say something, but nothing came out.

            “May I cut in?” Mark was standing next to them with an eyebrow raised. _Say no,_ she thought instantly, looking back at Dean, but keeping her lips sealed.

            “Uh, yeah, sure.” Dean dropped her hand and shuffled back a few steps, hesitating. “Thanks for the dance, Lexi.” He did an incredibly awkward bow and moved back through the crowd, joining Sam at the booth.

Mark cleared his throat and extended a hand. She was frozen a moment, feeling an incredibly cold wave wash over her.

            “I need some air, actually. Excuse me.” She bolted in the opposite direction, making for the exit. She didn’t look back and stepped on a few toes before she made it into the cool, windy Chicago air.  

She stood out in the parking lot and closed her eyes taking in slow deep breaths. _Get a grip, Singer_! She scolded herself, shaking her hands out by her side. She was a fool, a damn fool, to think for even a second that he was interested in her. To think that he could feel that way about her from one dance. Not love her like a sister, but love her. _I’m a masochist. Maybe that’s why I’m a hunter, too_ , she thought, making herself laugh for a moment. She leaned up against the building’s brick wall with a sigh.

            “Darling, are you alright? It’s freezing out here.” Mark came over to her with a sympathetic pout to his lips. He took off his leather coat and wrapped it around her arms. He stared down at her with a hungry look, and  suddenly his mouth was on hers. She had drank a considerable amount and her head was swimming, but his lips were so soft she couldn’t help but kiss back. He pressed his weight into her and deepened the kiss. He gently held her hands in each of his. Suddenly, there was a sharp prick against her tongue and a jolt of fear ran through her.

            She pulled back but the building was behind her and there was nowhere to go. She looked up at him as his grip tightened on her wrists and he gave her a horrifying, toothy grin, his fangs dropping down. _Fucking vampire,_ was all she could think. She had a knife in a holster on her thigh but it was gonna be tricky getting to it.

            “Mark, don’t. The real you must be in there somewhere,” she pleaded, but she could tell by the look in his eye that pleading was useless.

            “It’s nothing personal, Alexandra. My father will want to see you, that’s all. I don’t think he will mind if I have a little taste first, though.”

She rose a knee up between them and pushed with all her might but he was too big and she couldn’t move him. He bent down and sunk his teeth into her shoulder. She held back a scream, fearing for the poor innocent person who would get killed trying to help her. The pain was excruciating but she managed to wiggle her hand down and grab hold of her blade.

            She thrust the knife hard into his throat and he threw his head back in a snarl of pain. She took her moment and ducked out from under his grasp, running for the alley leading behind the club, blood streaming down the front of her dress. She wanted to lead him away from any possible bar patrons. There was a dumpster and a few scattered building supplies, and she ran for them, hoping for something that could cut through a neck. Her knife wasn’t going to be big enough. _Where’s a machete when you need it?_ she growled to herself.

            Something grabbed her from behind and she fell forward on the pavement. Mark had hold of her right leg and he sunk his teeth into her calf. Now she was downright pissed, and lifting her left leg slammed her four inch heel straight into his forehead. He cried out again, letting her go and grabbed at the shoe now wedged in his head. Alex laughed out loud at the comical sight before scrambling for the hand held circular saw, resting on a workbench by the dumpster. In a stroke of luck the damn thing was still plugged into a long extension cord. Mark flew at her, but  she was ready. Thrusting the saw up, she jumped on him and with a huge spray of blood, removed his head from his body with minimal effort.

            Catching her breath, she dropped the saw with a clatter, then looked down to see that she was now drenched in her own and Mark’s blood. She was actually starting to feel a little light-headed, but managed to stand. Just then Dean and Sam came running around the back of the building, guns drawn. She had wondered how long it would take them to notice she was gone. They took in the sight of her, eyes wide. She reached down, putting one foot on the now severed head and yanked out her heel, carefully placing it back on her foot.

            “If you didn’t want to dance with him you could have just said no.” Dean gave a little shrug and head tilt, looking at the mess of Mark’s body. Despite how wobbly she felt from the mix of alcohol, blood loss, and bruises, she managed to stand up straight and stare him dead in the eye.

            “Fuck you Dean Winchester. Fuck you!” She began to march past them, refusing to show any kind of limp from the burning in her leg.

            “Wait, Lexi! Let’s get you cleaned up, you’re hurt! Let me look at you.” Dean’s voice had flipped to genuine concern. Not looking at Dean, she turned to Sam instead.

            “Sam, can you dispose of that body? I am going back to the motel.” She turned to Dean now. “I can take care of my own damn self. Follow me upon pain of death, Winchester.”

She shouldered past the stunned-looking boys, hoping she could make it to the motel before passing out. She pulled Mark’s coat tight around her to hide all the blood from any potential passers-by. She knew she was storming off like a child, but god damn it she just didn’t care. She couldn’t stand to be next to Dean a minute longer.

            She made it by some miracle of will power, and locked her door behind her. She went straight for the shower, throwing her dress in the trash. She sat down under the warm water, unable to stay standing. The water ran red for a long time and she realized she was still actively bleeding from her bite marks. She turned off the water with her foot and pulled a towel over herself, pressing it into her shoulder wound. Her eyes closed and she wasn’t sure how long she had been out when there was the noise of a door opening. Her heart skipped a beat, but looking up she saw Dean standing in the bathroom door. He crouched down next to her and gently pulled back the towel to look at her shoulder.

            “You sure know how to have a birthday. Come on, let’s get you out of there.” He bent down and scoped her up in his arms, despite her weak protests. Dean made sure the towel was covering her, but she could feel the heat of his skin on her bare back and legs.

            “I told you to fuck off, Winchester,” she said as he set her down on the bed and she gave a little wobble.

            “Yeah well, I’m the bossy one, remember? And I don’t listen well.” He reached into her bag and, pulling out some cotton pads and tape, he patched up the shoulder wound and her leg, using whiskey as an antiseptic since that’s all they had. She was too numb to even wince at the pain. Kneeling down in front of her, Dean ran his hands up her leg slowly, starting at her ankle, looking for any more injuries. “You skinned your knees pretty good,” he said, running a thumb over her knee cap, and she shivered in a completely different way.

            “Where’s Sam?” she asked to distract herself.

            “Burning the body outside of town, as requested,” Dean replied, moving to her other leg and doing the same methodical procedure. She put a hand on his shoulder for balance. His calloused hands on her smooth skin sent a tingling sensation straight through her.

“Maybe I should call Cas,” Dean said, furrowing his brow.

            “No, I’m fine, it’s just a scratch,” she assured him.

            “You’re white as a ghost, and gimme that.” He pulled the whiskey bottle from her lips before she was able to take a swig. “I think you’ve had enough. Now let me see your hands.” Alex was confused, but stuck her arms out anyway. The towel nearly slipped and Dean caught it, tucking it back around her before she fully flashed him. Dean’s body was increasingly tense now as he took her hands and turned them over to inspect the palms. There was gravel dug into them which she hadn’t even noticed. He carefully pulled out the bits of gravel and wiped them clean with a small towel. He turned his face and looked up her with his eyes sparkling in the dim light of the room.

            This was the Dean she loved - the protector, the caretaker. It was a side of him few people but she and Sam ever got to see. Despite all the pain she was in, she could hardly feel a thing, looking into that face. She reached out and put her hands on either side of his cheeks, feeling the scruff of his five o’clock shadow growing in. She could feel herself losing the battle to stay conscious.

            Suddenly, Dean’s face was right in front of hers, his hips pressed into the edge of the bed between her legs. She dropped her hands to his shoulders and he looked softly at her for a moment. He placed his hands on either side of her face now, and leaning in, he gently pressed his perfect lips onto hers. He was soft and gentle, but there was also an urgency to the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and the kiss deepened, him leaning into her. He wrapped one arm behind her back and his other hand behind her head, laced into her damp hair. She had no idea how long it lasted but when he finally pulled away she gave the slightest inaudible whimper.

            “I’m sorry Lexi… I shouldn’t, uh… Get some sleep, alright? You uh… had a long day.” He moved around her, pulling the covers down, then  slowly laying her back on the pillow and bringing the covers up over her. She reached out a hand to him and he took it, but words failed her as she finally succumbed to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex stood in the salvage yard, sun beating down on her head. She was washing her car while the stereo was blasting the Rolling Stones, and she swayed back and forth, running the soapy water over her Firebird. She was wearing a cotton sundress over a bikini, enjoying the rare heat. Something in the back of her mind told her it was fall and shouldn’t be this hot. She was certainly dreaming, but she just didn’t care.

              “Lexi?” Dean’s voice came from behind her and she turned to smile at him. He was holding the hose, standing in a pair of jeans and a tight tee shirt. “Need a hand?” he asked with a soft sideways smile.

              “Sure,” she replied, and he began hosing down the car for her while she finished washing the back. The blue of the paint job glistened in the sun. Suddenly a quick burst of cold water hit her, and she turned to see a devilish grin on Dean’s face. He looked at her with a childlike glee.

              “Deeean,” she said in a warning tone, but he blasted her with the hose and she shrieked, running to the other side of the car and holding up her arms. Dean was laughing, so she reached down, grabbed the soap bucket and tossed the water at Dean, drenching him.

              “Oh, you’re gonna get it now,” Dean growled and chased after her, grabbing her around the waist and tickling her sides. She was laughing so hard she could hardly get her protests out.

              “Dean, stop! Alright, uncle!” she gasped, laughing. He lifted her off the ground and swung her around, back toward the trunk of the car. Her back was pressed up to the car and they were inches from each other, panting. Suddenly, he lifted her up again so that she was sitting on the trunk, and he pressed into her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

              “Lexi,” he said her name in a soft whisper. He pushed her damp hair out of her face, running his hand down her cheek, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip. She shivered all over despite the heat. He kissed her then, slow and soft, moving his arms around her. He moved to kiss her neck under her ear and she sighed into him. He then gently bit her earlobe and she moaned out just one word, “Dean.”

              She was desperate for more, leaning against him and shivering at the feel of his stubble on her neck, on fire all over. She rocked her hips into him, clawing at his back to pull him closer. There were no words - this was ecstasy, being in his arms.

               Suddenly the sound of a car horn and the slam of a door startled her awake, and she sat up in bed.

              Her head was spinning, so she eased herself back down. She let her mind settle a moment, trying to remember the events of the previous night. She groaned as they all came flooding back to her and she reached for her now throbbing bite marks. She still felt incredibly hot and had sweat on her brow. Slowly this time, she sat up and realized she had nothing but a towel wrapped around her. Then she remembered the kiss - the real kiss. _Had that really happened?_ she wondered, or was it just part of her fever dream? A fever she certainly did have.

              She went to the shower and ran cold water over the back of her neck for a few minutes till she stopped feeling like she was on hot coals. She brushed out her hair leaving it down instead of in a braid. Her jeans and shirt hurt against her bruises and bite marks. It wasn’t the worst she had felt, but she popped a few antibiotics from her bag along with some aspirin, hoping to bring down the fever. She couldn’t help but limp a bit on her leg that Mark chomped on. _Did Dean really kiss me?_ She couldn’t believe it, but she was almost certain he had, and it had been amazing.

            There was a knock at her door and she hobbled over to answer. Both Sam and Dean stood in the doorway.

              “Morning fellas,” she said, opening the door for them.

              “Morning Lex. So, I read that book from your vamp friend,” Sam said, walking into the room, book in hand. Dean trailed behind, eyes awkwardly shifting around the room.

              “He wasn’t my vamp friend. Friends don’t bite friends,“ she said gingerly, fingering the bite on her leg as she sat down on the bed. “How did you read that whole book so fast?” She knew the book was a decent length.

              “I don’t sleep, remember? I got through it pretty fast,” Sam replied.

              “You okay?” Dean asked Alex, standing by the window and looking at her from the corner of his eye.

              “Yeah I’m still a little sore but I’m okay.” That wasn't quite true, and she hoped he couldn’t tell how feverish she felt.

              “So get this - they have a soul summoning spell in here, but we’d need some pretty rare ingredients. Look at this,” Sam said, handing her the book.

              She read through the list of ingredients. “I can get these. Gonna take a bit of driving, but I can get them. No guarantee it will work though, Sam.” She didn’t want them getting their hopes up.

              “I know, but it seems worth a shot,” Sam said, sounding optimistic. Dean just stared out the window. Sam went on, “We have a case to work, for Crowley. Do you think you can get these things while we work the case?”

     Alex glanced up at Dean who was motionless and stiff. “Sure, Sam, I can head out to Louisiana today. There’s a witch, Celeste, that can get me most of this.” She closed the book and stood up with a tiny wince at the pain.

              “You should rest, Lexi. You look like hell,” Dean said, turning from the window and looking at her with a pained expression.

              “I’ll be fine Dean, I promise.” She looked at him but he still shuffled his feet and avoided her eyes. He regretted it, he regretted the kiss, and that hurt more than any physical pain she felt in that moment.

            She took a deep breath, pushed down all the pain, and moved in front of him till he looked her straight in the eye. “It’s okay, Dean. We’re okay.” He finally kept her eye contact and searched her face a moment. It was a look so different from the one he had in the dream. The anxiety was radiating off of Dean and all she wanted was to quiet his worried mind.

         “Yeah I know, Lexi,” he said finally, holding her gaze. There was more he wanted to say but in typical Dean fashion, he held it in.

              “Oooookay well, ready to hit the road?” Sam said, raising his eyebrow at them both.

              “Yeah, let’s do this. Call if you need anything, Lexi, and rest, okay?” Dean gave her a stern look. She smiled at him, making sure to stand tall even on her sore leg. Sam patted her on the shoulder and headed for the door. Dean hesitated before pulling her into a hug and she sighed into him for just a moment. Planting a kiss on the top of her head, he let her go and turned to follow Sam out.

              They weren’t gonna talk about it, and by the look on Dean’s face, it wouldn’t happen again. She knew they had both had a long night, and a lot to drink, plus the adrenaline from the fight, but she couldn’t have imagined that spark, that intensity. It couldn’t have only been her who felt that between them. There had been a time Alex didn’t think Dean was capable of opening up to a woman, one woman, and being in any kind of real relationship. But he had gone off with Lisa for a whole year. Part of her thought that maybe there was hope - hope that he knew he deserved someone, and hope that it could be her.

              She sighed as she heard the Impala drive off, up the road. Those thoughts wouldn’t do her any good, not now.

         Alex changed her dressings before she left, since she had bled through the one from the night before. She was glad the fever seemed to have lessened, as she grabbed her things and hobbled out to her car. She called her dad to give him the lowdown on the spell and the ingredients she needed, figuring he could get a few of them up by him as well.

              While she tracked down the ingredients, either Dean or Sam called her every few days with updates. Things were really going screwy, it seemed, based on the cases they were working. Family dogs gone bad, and fairy abductions, to name a few. It was all Alex could do not to crack up laughing when Dean told her about his battle with the fairies. She had seen some crazy shit, but she was almost certain someone had slipped Dean some acid for that story.

         Dean’s anxiety over Sam grew with every phone call. “I’m not even sure he wants his soul back,” Dean exclaimed in frustration one night on the phone.

              “Well, can you blame him, Dean?” Alex was exhausted, and she winced as she shifted the ice on her still-swollen leg, wishing it would hurry up and heal.

              “Yes, I can blame him! Why wouldn’t he want his soul back?” She could just see Dean pacing the parking lot of whatever motel he was at.

              “Dean, with no soul he has no pain, no regret, no guilt. There’s something to be said for a little numbness, don’t you think?” she winced again, lifting up the ice pack to look at her calf and putting it back down. “We need to get his soul back and we will find a way, I know we will. You'll just have to wait it out, and cut him a little slack. We’re lucky he hasn’t gone all Dexter on us. Just please, don’t push him too hard?” She could hear him sigh on the other end of the line and she waited.

              “Yeah, you're right, Lexi. It just blows right now. I mean, getting his soul back is the right thing, right?” Dean voice was slowing now and there was less edge to it.

              “Of course it is, no doubt in my mind.”

            “You sound awfully sure,” Dean scoffed.

         “Because I am sure. If Sam were standing here with us now, the real complete Sam, and he was watching this soulless version of himself, I don’t have a doubt in my mind he would tell us to get his soul back. He would want the good with the bad, Dean. He was anything but a coward and he would do the right thing. So if for no other reason than it’s what the real Sam would want, we are getting his soul back.” Alex stood and hopped over to the small desk, pouring a shot of whiskey.

              “Thanks Lexi. If it weren’t for you and Bobby I don’t know what I’d do.”

              “Yeah, well, who else is gonna put up with your whiny ass?” she teased.

              “You love my whiny ass,” Dean chuckled and then there was an awkward silence. “Your leg doing okay?” Dean asked, changing tone quickly.

              “Oh yeah, good as new,” she lied through her teeth. “I'd better get some sleep. Night Dean.”

              “Night.”

       Alex hung up and popped a few aspirin with her whiskey, still fighting off a low grade fever.

       She woke early the next morning before the sun even came up, heading for Sioux Falls as fast as she could. She was a day’s drive from home at this point and really looking forward to seeing her dad. More than once during those two weeks she had wished the damn vamp had bit her on her left leg, as her calf muscle screamed at her with every push of the pedal.

        Pulling into the salvage yard, she felt a rush of relief as she saw the Impala parked out front. She left most of her bags in the car, only bringing in the smaller bag with the ingredients she had collected.

          “Dad! You home?” she called, limping into the house.

              “Leg is good as new huh?” Dean scolded, coming around the corner.

          “Almost,” she conceded and shrugged her shoulder. Bobby and Sam were in the kitchen sitting at the table. Bobby jumped up, coming over to her and placing the back of his hand against her forehead.

              “You're burning up Al! Are you sick?” Bobby sounded worried now.

                “I think it’s just my leg. I’m fine.”

              “Sit your butt down right now!” Bobby wasn’t asking twice.

        She sat and Bobby bent down, pulling her pant leg up and undoing her bandage. “It’s infected, Al, and I bet you have blood poisoning at this point, you idjit!” Bobby growled pulling her pant leg back down.

              “I’ve been busy! I’m sure it’s not that bad, and I have been taking amoxicillin,” she whined in a voice only a daughter uses with her dad.

              “You’re going to the hospital and I don’t wanna hear another word about it.”

             Before Alex could reply, Dean pipped in.“I’ll take her. Come on, Lexi.“

          Dean helped her stand and despite her protests, she found herself in the Impala and driving to the hospital. Dean was quiet, and she rested her hot forehead against the cool glass of the window.

            She refused Dean’s help once they got to the hospital, but he waited patiently with her in the waiting room. Two hours later, the doctor sent her home with a different antibiotic, pain killers, and having drained her leg wound, which was a fairly unpleasant experience. It had been more infected than she realized.

              Dean’s face was hard as a rock by the time they were driving home. “Do you know how stupid you’ve been? ” Dean finally said, out of nowhere.

              “What?” Alex said, picking her head up to look at him.

              “Of all the dumbass things, Lexi, you decide it’s a bright idea to walk around on an infected leg for two weeks?” He was mad and almost yelling. “You could have lost your leg. You could have died!”

              “Wouldn’t be the first time,” Alex snorted and crossed her arms. The pain meds were starting to make her feel loopy. It was the wrong thing to say, because Dean’s eyes were on fire now.

              “No, but it could be the last! You really wanna do that to Bobby, to Sam? Just get yourself killed?” He was gripping the steering wheel tightly now and he honked his horn at some guy pulling out in front of him. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled at the other driver.

              “No, I wouldn’t want to do that Dad or to Sam. It’s just a bum leg, Dean! You're overreacting,” she spat back. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you left your name off the list of people who would miss me if I died,” she grunted in a low voice. She put her head against the window again and closed her eyes. There was silence for a minute in the car.

              “You think I wouldn’t care if you died?” Dean replied in a careful voice now. She looked at the worried expression on his face.

              “You did fine for a whole year without me, Dean. You’d live.” He had proved that much to her.

        Dean was quiet again. She could practically see the gears turning in his mind, looking for the words he wanted.

              “You’re wrong,” he finally said. “I would not be fine.”

        “Yeah,” she replied with a bit of skepticism in her voice.

              “I would not be okay if you died, Lexi - not by a long shot. You got me?” He glared over at her and she could tell that he meant it.

              “Alright, I’m not going anywhere any time soon, promise.” She gave him a small smile now, and he relaxed a fraction of an inch. “Are you done lecturing me now?”

              “Maybe,” Dean gave a short laugh.

       When they got back to the house, Alex gratefully accepted Dean’s help into the house, more because her happy pills had kicked in than from her leg hurting.

              “Hey pops!” she called, one arm around Dean’s shoulder, his left arm supporting most of her weight.

              “Al? You okay, kid?” Bobby asked as Dean set her down by the window. She leaned up against the bookshelf, smiling to herself.

              “She’s okay. They gave her some damn good pain meds and stronger antibiotics. How’s the spell coming?” Dean said, moving over to the desk with Sam and Bobby to discuss the wording of the spell.

            Alex couldn’t stay focused on them. She kept staring at Dean’s butt. It did look amazing in those jeans.

         “Are you humming?” Alex looked up to see Dean giving her a confused look. Actually, all three of them were looking at her.

           “So what if I am?” She hadn’t realized she was humming, but continued to do so because she felt like it, closing her eyes.

              “Is that the Beatles?” Sam asked in an amused voice and she nodded.

              “ _Hold me tight, tell me I’m the only one and then I might, never be the lonely one,”_ Alex sang, playing with her knife, flipping it open and closed to the beat of the song. She loved the click-click sound it made.

              “Gimme that,” Dean said, snatching the blade from her hand.

              “Hey, that’s mine! You got your own!” She scowled at him, but couldn’t maintain it and broke out laughing.

              “She’s high as a god damn kite,” Bobby sighed. Alex continued to hum the song and tap her knees to the beat.

         Bobby said a few words, mixing something in a metal bowl. With a flourish, he yelled the last word and tossed the contents of the bowl into the fire, and it burst into blue flames. Alex clapped at the pretty bright lights. There was a loud rumbling that seemed to swell to a crescendo, with a clap of thunder. Then all at once it was silent and still in the dimly lit room.

              Alex looked around at them. “Well that was anticlimactic,” she commented.

          “Sam? Do you feel anything, boy?” Bobby asked Sam watching his face.

       Sam patted at his chest and looked up at them. “No. I don’t feel anything,” he said, expressionlessly.

      Bobby slumped into his chair and Dean turned away from them, resting one hand on the door frame. She watched his still shoulders with fascination, feeling like there was something she should do, but she didn’t know what.

              “Damn!” Dean yelled, slamming the frame with his hand and making Alex jump. Sam and Bobby were silent a moment.

          After a minute or so, Sam and Bobby went down to the basement to look at the ingredients again and make sure they hadn’t messed up the spell. Dean still had his back to Alex and she watched him as he hung his head, rubbing at his face with his free hand. Alex stood on wobbly feet and tiptoed over to him. She slipped in front of him, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head on his chest. He hesitated, then put his arms around her and rested his cheek on her head.

              “ _What it means to hold you tight,”_ she sang lightly, humming the next few bars, “ _So hold me tight… tonight... tooonight,”_ she sighed lightly and stopped singing, thinking how good he smelled. Her arms loosened and she leaned into him, feeling very heavy.

              “Come on, you should lie down. Remind me to steal some of those pills.” Dean helped her upstairs and into her bed, pulling the covers over her. She nestled into the pillow and felt a soft flutter of lips on top of her head as she fell asleep.

              When she woke the next morning, she felt incredibly groggy but her leg was feeling much better and her fever was all but gone. After a quick shower, she came down the stairs to find all of them sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, looking fairly hungover. She didn’t remember much from the night before other than the spell not working, so she guessed they had tied one on.

              “Morning,” she said and was greeted with chorus of halfhearted waves and grunts. She had really hoped that spell was going to do the trick, especially considering all the time and effort it took to obtain it and the ingredients.

              “We got a job… the king sent us an address,” Dean grumbled.

              “Wanna come with, Lex? It’s a shifter I think,” Sam asked, getting up for more coffee.

              Alex stretched and poured herself a cup as well. “Sure, why not. I’m in,” she replied and Dean grunted unintelligibly. She knew he hated doing runs for Crowley, and if the spell had worked last night he wouldn’t have to now.

              “You better head out now - it’s a long drive,” Bobby said, getting up to answer one of the phones.

       They were piled into the Impala and heading down the road in no time. Alex read through the old Tibetan text for most of the ride and Dean must have had one hell of hangover because he didn’t turn on any music.

              The case was fairly cut and dry - much easier than the last shifter they faced. Between the three of them, they got the thing trussed up and in the trunk in no time.  In her head, she knew that the shifter was a killer, and a monster, but turning it over to Crowley didn’t sit right with her.

       Both Dean and Alex were vibrating with anxiety at the drop off. Sam however was as cool as ever.

              “Are we ever gonna see Crowley again or is he just gonna keep sending his demon extras to pick up his dirty laundry?” Dean asked the cocky demon, after they'd handed over the unfortunate shifter.

              “I see your lips moving, but I don’t know what you’re saying, cause I don’t speak little bitch,” the demon sneered at Dean, who was completely lost for a comeback. Alex wanted to rip the smug demon's face off and would have lunged at him if Sam hadn’t put a hand on her shoulder.

      The demons drove off and the three grumpy hunters got back in the car. With no motels open, Alex did a quick search and they found an abandoned house they could sneak into for the night.

              Dean and Sam went into the living room, Dean continuing to bitch about working for Crowley. Alex moved to the back of the house to make sure it was clear. She could feel something wasn't right - the hair was raised on the back of her neck. Suddenly, there was a loud cracking sound and sharp pain to the back of her head before it all went black.

         When she came to, her head was throbbing. She tried to blink the blurriness out her eyes, and when she went to move, she realized she was tied to a chair. She looked around and then up into the eyes of a familiar and unwelcome face.

              “Hello there princess. Rise and shine,” came the silky voice of the demon, Meg.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex felt the rage swelling in her gut, rising up her throat, nearly choking her. She drew in a long, deep breath to steady herself.

Just the sight of Meg made Alex see red. The demon had also tied Dean to a chair and was straddling him, holding a knife to his throat. Meg made a kissy face at Alex and it took every ounce of control not to try and lunge at her.  

Meg turned back to Dean. “Okay, officially over the foreplay. Satisfy me, or I please myself!” She pressed the knife closer to Dean’s throat.

Sam gave a laugh, making all heads turn to him. Alex noticed that Meg hadn’t come alone, spotting her two henchmen behind Sam.  

              “Something funny, Sam?” Dean said in what was almost a cool voice, if it didn’t crack at the end.

              “Yeah, Meg,” Sam smiled at the demon.

              “What the hell, Sam?” Alex said in a low growl.

              “Really? ’Cause where I’m sitting…” Dean shifted uncomfortably under Meg, and Alex, again, felt ready to tear her to pieces with her teeth.

              “Don’t worry. She can’t do jack squat. She’s totally screwed.” Sam was cool and calm as Alex watched his face.

              “Sam, not helping!” Dean grumbled at him. Alex was equally concerned that Sam was going to push Meg too far and she had only just started cutting through her ropes.

              “Look at her, Dean. She’s furious. If she could kill you, she’d’ve done it by now. She’s running,” Sam raised an eyebrow at her, and Meg showed just the slightest flinch of fear. “Judging by the level of flop sweat on all of you, you’re running from Crowley. Which makes sense. Crowley would want to hunt down all the Lucifer loyalists now that he’s the big man on campus.”

Alex’s shoulders relaxed at Sam’s words a fraction, and she was halfway through the rope now, though what she would do when she broke out, she wasn’t sure yet.

              Sam and Meg went back and forth for a moment about Crowley while Alex focused on cutting herself loose. The ropes were tight and she kept cutting herself, trying to get under the bindings. Finally, as she came to the final string, Sam cut a deal to go after Crowley with Meg, in exchange for her skills in torturing Crowley to get Sam’s soul back.

              “It’s a deal then. Hugs and puppies all around!” Meg said smiling her sociopathic smile.

              “You gonna untie us?” Dean asked as Meg went to leave.

              “Please. Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy it.” Meg winked at him and called the demons after her. One of the demons eyed Dean with one hell of a glare.

              “You gonna kiss me?” Dean asked, raising a brow at the demon who eventually followed Meg out of the house. Once the door shut, Alex broke through the last bit of rope and it fell to the floor. Looking over, Sam stood up, shaking off his ropes as well.

“Well, don’t just stand there,” Dean grumbled and Sam went over to cut him loose.

              Alex ran to the front of the house, knife out and did a quick pass, locking the doors. She pulled out a marker and put a devil’s trap on the ceiling above the door for good measure. She could hear Sam and Dean’s voices arguing in the other room. She was too furious to talk yet and wanted to calm down before joining in the discussion.

The boys came out right as Alex finished the last part of the trap and jumped down off the chair.

              “Smart,” Sam said, looking at the trap.

              “So, what did you two decide back in your little pow-wow?” Alex was proud she kept her voice level. Her anger wasn’t at the Winchesters.

              “We are going after Crowley,” Sam answered.

              “With her?” Alex bit the inside of her cheek to keep calm. No one answered her but eventually Dean nodded. “Alright then, I’m out,” Alex snatched her bag off the ground and marched for the door.

              “Lexi, don’t be pissed,” Dean was coming after her but, she was already in the yard breathing in the cool air. “LEXI!” Dean caught up, grabbing her arm.

              “I will do a lot for you guys but I will not team up with her!” Alex knew she was boiling over, but it was impossible to stop now.

              “Come on, this isn’t about Meg. This is about Crowley and getting Sam’s soul back,” Dean countered, not letting her arm go.

              “She killed Father Jim,” Alex said in a low, dangerous voice, “She possessed Sam and made him kill another hunter. She made my dad stab himself in the gut to save your life. She murdered Jo. She kill…She killed Ellen.” Tears were welling in her eyes now and she fought them back. “That bitch killed me! So, look me in the eye, Dean, and tell me why I should play nice with her now?” She was vibrating with emotion and Dean wore a hard look on his face. He looked her square in the eye a moment.

              “To get Sam’s soul back, that’s why. If you can’t handle that, if you can’t get on board with the plan, then fine, I get it. Believe me, I get it. So go.” Dean dropped her arm. “You think I like working with that she-bitch? It makes my skin crawl, but I am gonna suck it up, cause she can help us take down Crowley. Are you with us, Lexi? Cause you gotta decide now. In or out?” Dean threw down the ultimatum and kept his authoritative face on.

Alex groundher teeth together. Instead of answering she shouldered past Dean, back into the house.

              Sam was inside digging through his bag, pulling out his laptop. Dean followed in behind her looking as tired and frustrated as she felt. There was a twinge of guilt for giving Dean such a hard time, and she resolved to keep herself in check more. She could still feel the knife pierce her back when Meg had run her through, the sharp pain and then the room fading out to black. If it hadn’t been for Castiel, she wouldn’t still be walking around.

              They all agreed that it was a good idea to call Cas in on this one, if they were really gonna face off with Crowley. Sam went outside claiming he could get Cas to come but Alex doubted it. Much to her surprise, Sam came back five minutes later, with Castiel trailing behind.

              “You actually showed. Wow, Sam, I owe you a chicken dinner. What happened?” Dean asked, grinning at Cas, who did not return the smile.

              “No big. This is what friends do for each other,” Sam said, giving Castiel a strange, sarcastic look. Castiel tried to work a spell to locate Crowley, but said it didn’t work, that Crowley was hidden from him.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look.

              “Ready to go?” Sam asked.

              “Huh?” Alex looked at Dean a moment.

              “We are going to talk to Samuel and see if he can tell us Crowley’s location. I figured you’d prefer to stay here?”  Dean smiled a little, maybe remembering when Alex had clocked Samuel.

              “I think that’s for the best, seeing as I’m not family. He won’t wanna talk with me around.” Alex rolled her eyes and grabbed her laptop out of her bag to set up in the kitchen.

Castiel and the boys were gone only a few hours, coming back without any success at getting a location from Samuel. Dean and Sam set up at the kitchen table, with Alex searching for any way to locate Crowley. Castiel sat on the couch, flicking on the old television, which surprisingly worked.

              “It’s very complex,” Cas commented from the couch.

              “Mm-hmm,” Dean replied still looking over Alex’s shoulder at the laptop.

              “If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she’s done something wrong,” Castiel said this deadpan, with a slight tilt to the head in his charmingly naive way. Alex’s jaw dropped open a moment and she bit back a smile.

              “You’re watching porn? Why?” Dean was turning slightly red.

              “It was there,” Cas answered matter-of-factly.

              “You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes,” Dean scolded and Alex cleared her throat raising an eyebrow at Dean. “Or girls, well some girls, I mean… whatever!  And you certainly don’t talk about it. Just turn it off,” Dean was beat red and Sam had a smile on his face.  

Cas looked down at his lap a moment.

“Well, now he’s got a boner,” Dean threw his arms in the air, just as there was a knock at the door. Alex burst out giggling and Dean scowled at her while Cas continued to watch the screen intently. Dean got up to get the door and it was Samuel, of all people, and Alex’s giggle died in her throat.

              “This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?” Samuel snarked. “Oh sorry and with a lady present, if you can call her that.”

Alex was standing and about to move but Dean had already thrown Samuel up against the wall.

              “You watch yourself. I am not above letting her knock your lights out again. Why are you here, Samuel?” Dean growled at him, lessening his grip on the old hunter.

              “It’s what Mary would want,” Samuel replied and went over to the map on the kitchen table and showed them where Crowley was torturing and storing the alphas. Samuel refused to help them more than that and made a swift exit.

Alex flipped off the TV to try and get Castiel to focus.

              “There are perks to being a human, Castiel,” Alex smiled at the angel who nodded, deep in thought. She wondered if Castiel had ever had sex before. Was that something Angels did while in human vessels? She didn’t have long to think on it, since Meg and her henchmen showed up.

              “Let’s roll,” Dean called and they headed outside where Meg and her henchmen were waiting.

              “Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence,” Meg eyed Castiel and winked at him.

              “Why are we working with these abominations?” Cas asked.

              “My thoughts exactly,” Alex added.

              “Keep talking dirty. Makes my meatsuit all dewy,” Meg purred at Castiel.

              “Alright, simmer down. We know where Crowley is.” Dean held up a hand to gesture at Alex to stand down. She wasn’t sure when her knife had ended up her hand. She flipped it back, but she wasn’t putting it away.

Sam and Meg went back and forth on the plan until they decided to head over to the location together. Alex followed the guys back into the house to get ready.

              Alex got packed next to Dean. She had one knife in her coat pocket and another in her boot. She double checked her pistol and made sure to load it with silver bullets, not sure what they would encounter. She also checked her holy water flask. She was all out of goofer dust, which made her uneasy, considering who they were dealing with tonight. She should have restocked when she was with Celeste in Louisiana. She wasn’t sure where Sam had gone and Castiel stood by idly near the door.

              “You know, Cas, you could help,” Dean grumbled.

              “I’m ambivalent about what we’re attempting,” Cas replied coolly.

              “Well, breaking into monster Gitmo isn’t exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room,” Dean chuckled then looking at Alex, quickly put on a straight face.

              “I’m not sure retrieving Sam’s soul is wise,” Castiel now showed just the slightest touch of emotion on his face. It’s never good when the Angel looks worried.

              “Why would you say that?” Alex turned to Cas now too.

              “I want him to survive,” Cas replied.

              “What are you talking about?” Dean looked nervous now.

              “Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year. And they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. You understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic,” Alex felt like time stood still for a moment while she considered Cas’s words.

              “You mean he dies,” Dean barely got the words out.

              “I mean, he doesn’t. Paralysis. Insanity. Psychic pain so profound that he’s locked inside himself for the rest of his life.”

Alex put a hand over her mouth and tried to wipe the image created by those words from her mind.

              “But you’re saying you don’t know anything for sure. I mean, he could be fine?” Dean sounded desperately hopeful.

              “He could be, yes,” Cas answered, creating a small moment of hope.

              “Okay, then,” Dean nodded resolutely.

              “But I sincerely doubt it,” Cas made it clear that the chances of getting Sam back, the real Sam, whole and healthy, were slim to none. Before they headed out, Alex pulled Dean aside.

              “Are we still… doing this?” she had to know if what Castiel said had swayed Dean from their course.

              “Hell yes, we are,” Dean answered sounding like he was convincing himself more than her.

              “Alright, I’m with you, Dean.”

He gave a visible sigh of relief at her words. What else could they do, anyway? They had to try. He planted a kiss on her head and a quick squeeze to her shoulder.

When they reached the warehouse, Castiel scoped the place out first. Cas let them in a back door and Alex hung back in the group to keep an eye on the demons. It all seemed just a little too easy.

              They passed cells with begging, pleading monsters Crowley had tortured. The place was dank and the lights flickered so much, she was just waiting to see a ghost show up. Suddenly, they all froze at a low growling sound coming down the hall behind them. It slowly rose into a terrifying hungry snarl, and Alex froze, knowing she was closest to them. She could see the clouds of dust from their invisible paws.

              “Damn it, here come the guards,” Meg quipped.

              “Hellhounds! Go!” Dean yelled and they all bolted down the hallway.

Alex had a moment’s thought where she thought that was it, she wasn’t gonna make it. She was going to get shredded just like Jo and Dean. In a split-second move, Alex tripped the two henchmen demons next to her, leaping over them and making it through the doors just in time, as the hellhounds made a meal of the two demons.

Alex pelted into Castiel, who caught her in a flurry of trench coat. She panted for breath in his arms a moment, looking down at her partially torn coat. Cas held her out in front of him a moment, and examined her for injuries, then gave Dean a nod over her shoulder, that all was well. The door was barely holding, and the salt line wasn’t enough to keep them off forever.

              “I knew this was a trap,” Dean growled.

              “What do you want, a cupcake?” Meg sneered and Alex shifted in front of Dean, staring the demon down and making Meg chuckle. Meg threw her head back and tried to jump from her body but with no success.

              “A spell, I think, from Crowley. Within these walls, you’re locked inside your body,” at Cas’s words Dean and Alex both smiled. _Take that bitch!_ Alex thought to herself.

              “Karma’s a bitch, bitch,” Dean grinned. Sam offered Meg the demon blade to fight off the hellhounds, thinking she could hold them off long enough for them to get to Crowley. Meg refused, wanting them to keep it for Crowley instead. Suddenly Meg grabbed Castiel, pulling him into a kiss, which was shocking enough, but then Cas threw her against the wall, kissing her back, with equal intensity. Alex saw red. How dare that bitch touch her angel? Sam and Dean wore shocked smiles, but an aggravated Alex pulled at Cas’ trench coat till he came up for air and staggered back a bit from the she-bitch.

              “What the hell, Cas? You're gonna get demon pox or something from that skank! I’ll need to get you a herpexia prescription.” Alex pulled Cas another foot away from Meg.

              “What was that?” Meg asked, looking thoroughly pleased, panting wantonly against the wall.

              “I learned that from the pizza man,” Cas replied smoothly.

              “Jesus, no more porn for you,” Alex chided and Meg swung up Cas’s angel blade in her hand.

With that, they left her alone in the hall to fend off the hounds who were just about to burst through the doors. Alex had never been so happy to leave someone behind before.

The four of them entered a dark hallway and the hairs raised up on the back of Alex’s neck. There was a bright flashing light and suddenly Cas, who was right in front of Alex, disappeared.

              “Cas!” Alex yelled out, and Sam tugged at both Dean and Alex’s coat sleeves. They looked up to see Samuel standing in the hall, with a hand pressed to the angel banishing sigil.

              “You sold us out?!” Dean said in a low, dangerous voice, inching in front of Sam and Alex just a hair.

Suddenly, there were firm hands on her arms. The demons had come out of nowhere, holding all three of them now. Crowley slowly walked into view behind Samuel.

              “Fuck you, Samuel,” Alex spit at him.

              “Yes. And I have to say, best purchase I made since Dick Cheney,” Crowley flashed them a satisfied grin.

              “Hiya, Crowley, how’s tricks?” Dean said in his confident, mocking tone.

              “Above your pay grade. Been working, big things, alas you’ll be too dead to participate,” Crowley sighed.

              “You don’t say,” Dean struggled a bit against the demon's grasp. Alex could see the wheels turning in his mind for a way out.

              “Shame I have to do away with you all… rather enjoyed your indentured servitude,” With a snap of Crowley’s fingers the three of them were tossed into three separate cells. The room’s walls were solid concrete and Alex did a cursory screen of the room for any way out.

              “Sam!” Dean yelled from the cell next to her, and she faintly heard Sam reply with a yeah. “I’m standing in pee!” Dean grumbled.

              “Consider yourself lucky!” Sam yells back and Alex cringed, inspecting the floor and then immediately looking away.

              “Lexi, you ok?” Dean called again.

              “Oh yeah, peachy keen,” Alex yelled back as she spotted something. There was an air vent in the ceiling, but it was much too high - even Sam would need to get on his tiptoes to reach it. The room was completely barren but she still had the knife from her boot. She began chipping at a hole in the wall. Luckily, the concrete was old and she crumbled off a big chunk. She wedged in the toe of her boot and wished she did more yoga. One good bounce and she sprung herself up, grabbing the vent lid which proceeded to pop off and she landed as softly as she could on her feet. She shook off the ache in her sore leg and put her foot one more time in the hole in the wall. The second time was harder and it took her three tries to grab a hold of the vent’s edge and pull herself in.

              Alex was not a claustrophobic person by any means but the vent was pitch black and it pressed in on her from all sides. She began a slow army crawl in the direction of Dean’s cell. She could hear Samuel talking to Dean, but she couldn’t make out what they are saying. It took another few minutes but she eventually reached the vent above Dean’s cell, and peered down to see him pacing the room.  The rest of the vent in front of her was collapsed and blocked.

              “Pssst,” she tried to stay quiet and Dean glanced up, first looking afraid, but then a proud smile broke across his face.

              “Took you long enough,” he smirked, jumping and pulling the vent lid off. Dean held out his arms to catch her.

              “So help me, Dean, if you drop me in pee, I will skin you alive,” she warned and Dean just rolled his eyes. She reached out and Dean pulled her out of the vent and into his arms. He held her a minute, their faces inches away. What she would pay for the ability to read his mind. Almost reluctantly, he set her down on a dry spot.

              “Next time you ask me to watch Prison Break, I’m in,” Dean smiled at her.

              “Yeah, well, we aren’t out yet.”

At that, they heard footsteps approaching and before Alex could hide, four demons flooded through the door. They dragged Dean and Alex out of the cell and down the corridor. She struggled at first and then decided to reserve her energy. The demons opened a door, shoving both of them into some kind of torture room. There was blood and chunks of flesh all over the floor. Dean and Alex turned to see the demons pushing two hungry looking ghouls into the room. In unison, Dean and Alex took a step back.

              “Alright, alright. Shawshank’s a great flick, but let’s skip the shower scene, huh?” Dean shrugged a shoulder, backing away.

              “Look, breakfast,” said one of the grey-faced ghouls to the other. Alex and Dean shared a quick glance before bracing for the fight.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex hadn’t actually fought a ghoul before. They usually ate dead people, so she didn’t have the need to hunt them, though considering this particular monster had eaten a Winchester, she didn’t take them lightly.

              The ghouls lunged at Dean and Alex, and she threw herself backwards, searching for a weapon. She landed a hard kick to the ghoul’s chest but it barely budged. She tossed a loose brick at its head but it just grazed of. The ghoul looked at her, then pounced, throwing her to the floor with a clatter. She desperately tried to keep the snapping teeth away from her.

              “Frickin’ hate ghouls!” Dean yells struggling next to her with his own ghoul and apparently losing the fight.

              Alex scrambled to get out from underneath the oppressive weight, gagging at the vile smell of its breath.

              Sam burst in the door as Dean cursed away at his ghoul. Sam picked up a metal rod and ran it through the ghoul's chest, and it promptly toppled off Dean.

              “A little help over here?! ” Alex called as the ghoul was about to chomp down on her just-healed shoulder.

              Sam lifted the ghoul off her and Dean smashed its head in with a brick.

              Alex lay panting on the floor a moment. Sam reached out a hand and lifted her to her feet. He brushed off the dust from Alex’s clothes, running his hand over her chest for a moment and giving her a small smile.

              “She’s clean, let’s go!” Dean grumbles and they sweep out the door after him.

              They crept down the hall towards the sounds of someone screaming. As they got closer, Alex realized it was Meg, and a tiny dark part of her thought, _Serves her right_.

              Dean crept into the room first, and after a few seconds they heard someone cry out. Sam and Alex followed him in.

              Dean was standing next to a torture table with the bloody demon's blade in his hand, a dead Christian at his feet, and a naked Meg bleeding and strapped to a table. It was one hell of a sight.

              “Don’t just stand there! Either untie the bitch or stab her, but we gotta move,” Alex grumbled and Dean narrowed his eyes at her before untying Meg. Alex tossed the clothes she found on the floor at Meg and she caught them with a little wink.

              Alex stepped a little closer to Meg and said in a low voice, “When this is all over, next time we meet, I’m gonna kill you. ” Alex stepped back a moment and Meg gives her a strange look of understanding.

              The four of them hurried to set a trap for Crowley, putting a devil's trap on the ceiling. Dean made a loud noise to try and draw Crowley in. Meg and Dean stood on one side of the door while Sam and Alex waited on the other.

              Crowley sauntered in and spotted Dean. “You should be ghoul scat by now. ”

              Crowley turned, and Sam knocked him to the floor. “Really necessary? I just had this dry cleaned.” He looked up and spotted the devil's trap. Standing up, he asked, “So, to what do I owe the reach-around?” Crowley smiled at them, lacing his fingers together.

              Meg clenches her hand making Crowley spit up blood.

              _Freaking Vader bitch,_ Alex thought.

              “The best torturers never get their hands dirty. Sam wants a word with you,” Meg said, giving a wicked smile.

              “What can I do for you, Sam?” Crowley spat out a mouthful of blood.

              “You know damn well. I want my soul back,” Sam had a dangerous, cold look on his face that made Alex uncomfortable.

              “I can’t,” Crowley replied.

              “Can’t or won’t?” Sam asked again, face going even colder.

              “I said can’t, I meant can’t, you mop-headed lumberjack. I was lucky to get this much of you out. Going back in there for the sloppy bits? No way. I’m good, but those two in there? Forget it.” Crowley looked strangely sincere, but nothing he said could really be trusted.

              “How do we know you’re not lying?” Alex asked.

              “You don’t. But it doesn’t change anything, I’m telling you. Sam, why do you want the thing back? Satan’s got one juicy source of entertainment in there. I’d swallow a rag off a bathhouse floor before I took that soul. Unless you want to be a drooling mess?” Crowley looked with curiosity at Sam.

              “Sam, I hate to say it, but he’s right,” Meg chimed in.

              “Shut it, bitch. No one asked you,” Alex growled at her.

              “Yeah, right. I get it. Thanks. He’s all yours,” Sam nods at Meg.

              “Whoa, what are you, crazy? He’s our only hope,” Dean held up a hand in front of Meg.

              “Dean, you heard him. He can’t get it. He’s useless,” Sam glared at Dean now.

              Dean stood silently for a moment, then handed Meg the demon blade. Meg ran at Crowley and Alex took a small step back as the two scuffled a moment. Crowley bested her, getting a hold of the demon blade and breaking the devils trap.

              Alex barely got a chance to register what had just happened before Crowley threw all three of them flat against the wall with a flick of his hand.

              “That’s better. You don’t know torture, you little insect,” Crowley growls at Meg.

              There was a familiar fluttering sound and Castiel appeared before them, a brown cloth bag in hand.

              “Leave them alone,” Cas said, keeping his eyes on Crowley’s.

              “Castiel, haven’t seen you all season. You the cavalry now?”

              “Put the knife down,” Cas commanded.

              “You that bossy in Heaven? Hear you’re losing out to Raphael. The whole affair makes Vietnam look like a roller derby. Hey, what’s in the gift bag?” Crowley’s words got only the slightest rise from Castiel’s face before it returned to its calm confidence. Cas, with a smile, reached into his bag and pulled out a human skull.

              “You are,” he replied with a smile.

              Crowley’s smile dropped. “Not possible,” he said, looking worried.

              “You didn’t hide your bones as well as you should have. Now, can you restore Sam’s soul or not?” Castiel puffed out his shoulders.

              “I… can’t,” Crowley replied, holding up his hands a moment.

              Castiel lit the bag of bones on fire, dropping them to the ground.

              Crowley cried out as he burst into flames, his whole body turning to ash in a matter of seconds.

              Meg darted a nervous glance around and disappeared from sight.

              Alex snatched up the demon blade from the ground and tucked it into her belt. She sighed, wishing she had been a minute faster to sink the blade into Meg.

              Alex followed the Winchesters and Cas out to the car, as Cas explained how badly things are going for him in Heaven. Alex looked at Cas and pulled him aside from the boys.

              “Cas, are you sure you don’t need me?” she asked, searching his face. There was something he was holding back.

              “Thank you Alexandra, but a human wouldn’t stand a chance in this battle, not even a seasoned hunter like yourself,” Cas said, giving her a weak smile.

              “First of all, bull shit. We took down the damn devil and his brother! Second, I wasn’t offering to help as a human… I was offering as… as a vessel,” she said in a low voice so Dean couldn't overhear.

              Castiel eyed her for a moment. “You would really do that for me?”

              “I told you I would, if you thought Eve could help. I would do it for you, if you asked. ” Alex meant it. She had been thinking about it a lot, and if push came to shove, it was a sacrifice she would make to protect her favorite blue eyed family member.

              “I better go take care of Crowley’s mess,” Cas said, disappearing in a flurry, and Alex turned to hear Dean yelling after Sam who was marching off down the road.

              “What happened?” Alex asked, jogging up behind Dean.

              “He doesn’t want it,” Dean replied, exasperated.

              “His soul?”

              “Yeah. His soul. He doesn’t want it back. ” Dean’s eyes were glossy in the street light.

              Alex reached over and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her cheek against his back. He placed a hand over hers on his chest and breathed deeply a moment.

              “Come on, let’s go get the moose. We'll figure it out. ” She let him go and he turned to her.

              “Lexi, I think… I think I need your help with something. It’s a Hail Mary, but I think we are at that point.” Dean looked at the ground, avoiding her eyes. “I’m going to ask Death… to get Sam’s soul back.”

              Alex was quiet a moment. She couldn’t say that the thought hadn’t occurred to her as well, but she had brushed it off as insanity.

              “And how do you propose asking one of the oldest, most powerful beings we have ever met to do you a favor?” Alex raised an eyebrow at him.

              Dean dug in his pocket and pulled out a large square ring with a white stone in the middle.

              “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them,” Alex quoted taking the ring in her hand a moment, and giving it back to Dean. “You know you don’t put that shit on, or you’ll have the eye of Sauron on your ass.”

              Dean rolled his eyes at her, putting it back in his pocket.

              “I’ll help, but for the record I think it’s a terrible idea,” she said, climbing into the back of the Impala.

              They eventually caught up with Sam who reluctantly went with them, headed for Bobby’s. It was a long drive back home but Sam did most of the driving through the night, while Dean and Alex nodded off.

              Alex got out of the car, stretching, and saw Bobby walking over, wiping his hands on a rag. She was so tired and worried that she couldn’t help herself, and she dropped her bag and ran into her dad’s arms. She hugged him tight and pressed her face to his canvas vest.

              “What’s this for Al? Everything okay?” Bobby sounded concerned, patting her back.

              “Nothing, just glad to see you is all.” She let him go and smiled at him.

              Unfortunately, they weren’t staying long. It took her and Dean some time to track down Dr. Robert in his dad’s journal. It took even longer to come up with a good reason for leaving, but by lunchtime Alex and Dean were back on the road heading for Sioux City, a short hour or so ride from Bobby’s. It was a small town, and they grabbed a room at the Lazy J Motel, waiting for a call back from Dr. Roberts.

              “You sure he can bring you back?” Alex asked for the tenth time that day.

              “Yeah, I think so. Would you stop asking me that?” Dean grumbled as his phone beeped. “It’s a text. Said to meet him 230 Keefer Street tomorrow at two. Well, guess we're staying the night,” Dean sighed.   

              “Alright. I’m hungry. Wanna go find the local watering hole? I just need to shower first.” Alex stood, stretching.

              She hopped in the shower, rinsing off all the sweat and the grime from the night before. She took longer than she meant to, but the water felt so good on her aching muscles. She got out of the shower and had a moment where she wished she had brought her clothes into the bathroom with her. She wrapped her towel tightly around her and tiptoed out.

              Dean was lying on the bed, flicking through channels on the TV. He glanced up at her, his eyes frozen on her bare legs for a moment before he caught himself.

              “Nothin' on,” he said, putting down the remote control. “Think I’ll just hop in the shower myself. ” He gave her an awkward smile and shuffled past her into the bathroom, taking his bag with him.

              When did things get so awkward with Dean? This was exactly why she never tried to kiss him before - she was afraid of this tension. She hoped time would fix things between them again, even if all they would ever be was friends. That would be enough for Alex.

              She dried her hair and put on some light make up, then threw on her favorite jeans, a blue tank top and a plaid flannel. She adjusted the necklace Dean had given her, and looked again at the bright blue stone, smiling to herself.

              When Dean came out, he was freshly shaven with jeans and black tee shirt.

              “Ready? I could use a drink,” she said, smiling at him.

              “I could use more than one,” he said, also smiling as he followed her out.

              Luckily, there was an Irish pub across the street so they didn’t even have to drive. Alex and Dean were both famished, and got two gigantic shepherd’s pies, washing it down with a Guinness each.

              “Look, its amateur night. This should be entertaining,” Dean grinned, pointing at a small stage with a stool and empty microphone.

              “Ha! That should be fun. ” She had moved on to whiskey, and they moved over to two stools at the bar.

              “Why don’t you go up? You know I never get to hear you sing.” Dean gave her a curious grin and she flushed a bit.

              She wasn’t surprised he didn’t remember. It had been so long ago, maybe when she was ten or so. She was sitting at her dad’s old stand up piano, singing 'Hey Jude'. Dean had come in and given her the funniest look, and she stopped singing once she saw him. He then asked her if she would never sing that song again. When she asked why, he simply asked that she not sing it again and bolted out of the room. She didn’t know if it was her singing, or the song but she tried never to sing in front of Dean again. He hadn’t been mean about it, if anything he had sounded sad, but it stuck with her. The few times she had sung around him usually involved copious amounts of alcohol or pain pills.

              “That would take a lot more alcohol then I plan to drink tonight, Dean,” she said, swirling her almost-empty glass.

              “Hey, Steve! Two more over here and make ’em a double,” Dean called to the bartender.

              “It’s not gonna work,” she said, raising an accusatory brow at him.

              “We’ll see,” he chuckled. “Don’t I deserve to get what I want? It could be my last day on earth for all we know.”

              “It sure as hell better not be or we aren’t going tomorrow. ” She gave him a severe look as she tossed back her drink.

              They drank and laughed about old cases through the night, watching a string of people come and go from the stage. The time flew as they talked about their first solo hunts, and their favorite Sam stories. Alex began to feel the alcohol and she had lost track of how many whiskeys it had been. Dean came back from the bathroom with a satisfied grin on his face.

              “Alright, yuuur up!” he wiggled his eye brows. She was confused at first then turned to see a man waving at her from the stage.

              “Oh hell no,” she protested.

              “Come on please, for me? Sing anything, anything but Swift,” he made a mock-disgusted face.

              “You love Tay Tay and you know it,” she laughed. The booze had worked its dark magic though and the stage was calling to her. A little voice in her head said she was too drunk and Dean was not drunk enough for her to do this. Somehow she felt her feet walking to the stage, and she was happy to see she was sober enough to handle a straight line.

              She stood there a moment, waiting for the girl before her to finish singing and felt like she had a rock in her throat. Alex did not get stage fright - she sang at bars all the time. This wasn’t about the crowd, it was about one specific face in the crowd, and she felt her face go all red. She tried desperately to think of what she could sing, and all she kept thinking of were love ballads. _Bad idea, not a love song, anything but that._ She glanced up at Dean and was surprised to see Castiel standing next to him.

              Dean waved at her and nudged Cas with his elbow who eventually waved as well. She giggled a minute, looking at the sweet, tired face of her friend, his blue eyes somehow sunken in. She could only imagine how difficult his battle in heaven was. After centuries of being a soldier she wondered if her friend would ever find peace.

              “You’re up,” the guy standing next to her said, and she moved toward the mic. There was an acoustic guitar and she picked it up, tossing the strap over her head like an old friend. She checked that it was tuned for a moment and then looked out to the crowd. Her eyes met with Castiel and she suddenly knew exactly what to sing.

              “This one goes out to someone who has been a guardian angel for me and my family. I hope to return the favor one day.” With that she began strumming the first few chords.

_‘Blackbird singing in the dead of night…_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly…_

_All your life…_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise…_

 

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night…_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see…_

_All your life…_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free…’_

 

              She sang out the song, avoiding Dean’s eyes, instead keeping her gaze locked on Castiel. He wore his usual confused expression, but it slowly turned into something else that she couldn’t quite identify. She didn’t know why, maybe the emotion of the song or the stress of the past few days, but she could feel her eyes getting glossy.

_‘Blackbird fly…_

_Blackbird fly…_

_Into the light of the dark black night…’_

              When she finished, the bar was unusually quiet and still. She had a moment of fear that maybe she had been terrible, and considering how drunk she was she may have been. Suddenly the bar was full of applause and she looked up to see Dean standing and clapping, a slightly shocked look on his face, next to Castiel. She nodded at the crowd and headed back toward the bar, the flush leaving her cheeks. Dean looked at her and stared into her eyes a moment. So many unspoken words hung there, and he seemed to struggle to pick even one of them.

              “That was... I mean ya know… really good Lexi,” he finally managed to get out.

              “That was lovely Alexandra,” Castiel said quietly in her ear. She looked up at his blue eyes, and he obviously felt uncomfortable. She planted a kiss on his cheek.

              “What brings you here?” she asked, grabbing her drink back from Dean.

              “One of Raphael’s angels was after you. I don’t know how he got the lead, but I took care of him.” Castiel gave her a firm nod.  

              Dean nearly spit out his drink. “They are gunning for her? Since when?” Dean did not sound happy.

              “They want to destroy Eve’s vessel, so yes for a few weeks now they have been trying to find her,” Cas replied coolly.

              “Thanks Cas, I appreciate it,” she smiled at him.

              “I have to go. If you need me, just call.” Castiel turned and sifted away through the crowd. She turned back to Dean, who looked fairly grouchy now.

              “Ready to go back?” she asked with a hopeful tone.

              “Yeah let’s go.” Dean tossed back the rest of his drink and they headed out of the bar. It was a cool night but the wind felt good against her face. They walked in silence back to the motel and Dean gave his baby a pat on the hood as they headed into the room. She wobbled a little, taking off her shoes and without a second thought stripped down to her tank top and underwear. She glanced over at Dean who had stripped down to nothing but his boxers.

              She couldn’t help but stare a moment at the curves of his body. The roll of his shoulder muscles, the soft skin on his stomach, and the pitch of the line on his hip bones. There were surprisingly few scars considering all he had been through. She figured that had a lot to do with Castiel's healing.

              She ran her tongue over her top lip and let out a tiny sigh. As her eyes ran up his neck and square jaw she met his face. He was staring too, his eyes traveling up her legs and over her breasts, finally meeting her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and they were silent a moment.

              “We can’t, Lexi,” he breathed.

              “I know.”

              “It’s a bad idea.”

              “I know.”

              “I’m not… we just can’t.”

              “I know.”

              “Would you say something other than I know?” He looked at her eyes, pleading.

              She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Good night, Dean.” She turned, and crawled into bed turning on her side away from Dean.

              A second later, she heard the creak of springs as Dean got into his own bed too. As Alex drifted off, she dreaded the coming morning, knowing she would have to watch Dean die… again.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex woke in the morning and stretched, glancing over at the other bed. Dean was still asleep, a worried line across his forehead.

              She stole quietly out of bed and decided to go for a run, since she was feeling a bit queasy from last night’s whiskey. She sweated out the alcohol, running a quick loop around the block.

              When she got back, Dean was still passed out, and she managed to shower and change all without waking him. She walked over to the bed, crouching down next to his face. She placed a hand on his cheek, and he let out a soft sigh.

              She stroked his hair, speaking softly to him.

              “Rise and shine, sleepy head.” She couldn’t help but smile as he groaned, stretching and wincing at the sunlight.

              “I will rise, but I refuse to shine,” Dean grumbled, sitting up.

              “Well if you hurry up, we can grab some breakfast at that diner down the street. I’ll even get you pancakes to soak up some of that alcohol.” She patted his shoulder and went to start packing while Dean got ready.

              The diner was quiet when they got there and they grabbed a booth round back.

              “Coffee… Must have coffee,” Dean muttered, rubbing at his face.

              Alex signaled the waitress and ordered them both some pancakes and coffee with a side of bacon, since she felt especially famished.

              “Now this is a last meal,” Dean said with a grin, digging into his pancakes as soon as they hit the table.

              “Would you stop with that?” Alex growled at him. “This is not funny. I’ve already had to watch you die more than once.” She crossed her arms, grouchily.

              “Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll stop, promise,” he said through a mouth full of food.

              Alex shook her head. She was nuts for going along with this.

              “Why don’t I do it?” Alex suddenly offered.

              “Yeah, ‘cause that’s gonna happen,” Dean said through another mouthful of pancakes.

              “Why the hell not? You think I wouldn’t take the risk for Sam? I have risked a lot more for a lot less,” she snapped, snatching up the last piece of bacon.

              “First of all, no. Second of all, I have met death before and have the best chance of talking to him, and third of all… There is no third of all - just no.” Dean gave her a raised eyebrow. He could be so incredibly stubborn.

              She finished her coffee and got up to pay the bill.

              As they drove to meet Dr. Robert, Alex became more and more fidgety.

              “I hate this,” she grumbled.

              “Well I don’t think it’s a walk in the park either,” Dean said, rolling his eyes at her.

              “There it is. You sure this is right?” Alex checked the address again. It looked like a Chinese market with Peking ducks hanging in the window and fresh produce out front.

              They walked in and Dean approached the man behind the counter who was chopping up what looked like pork chops.

              “Hi. I’m uh, looking for… ” Dean began to ask but the man interrupted him.

              “Follow back, follow all the way back,” he said, gesturing with his butcher knife toward the back of the store.

At the back, they were buzzed into a dingy stairway. A man in a dirty white lab coat met them at the top of the stairs and Alex began regretting this decision even more.

              “Dean Winchester?” the man asked.

              “You must be Dr. Robert?” Dean asked, approaching the older man with caution. The doctor pulled him into an awkward hug, patting him on the shoulder and smiling at him.

              “Son, I stitched up your daddy more times than I can count, let me tell you. Oh, it's good to see you. 'Course, that was ages ago, back when, uh, I still had my medical license. Who is this lovely lady?” Dr. Robert smiled now at Alex.

              “Alex Singer,” she said, reaching out a hand in introduction, feeling she should drag Dean out of there kicking and screaming if need be.

              “You don’t say! I knew your father Bobby as well, borrowed a book or two from me in the day. Let’s get this started, shall we? Right this way.”

              He showed them into a small upstairs apartment. It was not the sort of place you hoped to find a medical professional.

              “Well, you know, I'm, uh, I'm no germ freak, but...” Dean said with a nervous laugh.

              “Rent’s cheap,” Dr. Robert replied. The room had a few scattered medical supplies, IV bags, a beat-up old medical table, and medicines of many varieties. Standing with a syringe and bottle at the ready was a tall skinny brunette with enough piercings to set off a metal detector a block away. “Eva, my assistant,” Dr. Robert said, smiling at them again.

              “Hi,” Dean and Alex said in unison but the woman just gave them an annoyed look and went back to grabbing her tools.

              “Hop right up,” Dr. Robert said patting the medical table.

              “N-now, you… you have, uh, done this a lot?” Dean asked warily.

              “Oh, many, many times,” he replied.

              “And your… success rate?” Alex chimed in.

              “Oh, excellent, almost 75%. So, should we get the, uh, preliminaries out of the way?” Dr. Robert eyed Dean’s pockets.

              “Uh, yeah, right.” Dean took out an envelope with cash and handed it to the man. Dean then turned to Alex for a moment and pulled out a second envelope. It was addressed to Ben.

              “Uh… so… Listen, if, uh something…”

              “Goes wrong?” the doctor interjected and Dean shot him an annoyed glare for a split second.

              “Yeah. Uh… would you mail this for me?” he handed the letter her and she slowly took it from him and tucked it into her coat pocket.

              “Nothing for Sam? Or me?” she said, trying to smile.

              “If I don’t make it back, nothing I say is gonna mean a damn thing to him,” Dean said in a hard voice. He then put a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye.

              “And, uh, you and me… well, uh, I think you know how I feel about you, Lexi.” He gave her a small smile.

              Dean could not have been more wrong. She didn’t have the slightest clue what Dean felt about her - that was sort of their problem. She patted him on the shoulder.

              “You won’t need letters anyway ‘cause your coming back,” she said with determination as he climbed up on the table. Eva stabbed Dean with an IV, making him jump, and Alex moved to grab Dean’s hand, glaring at the woman.

              “Don’t be a baby,” the woman scowled.

              “You know, a little bedside manner would be nice,” Dean grumbled at her, looking more nervous by the second.

              “Have I mentioned that I hate this idea?” Alex whispered to him.

              “Just, uh, make sure I come back, okay?” Dean said in a nervous whisper.

              “I’m right here. I got you, Dean,” she said as reassuringly as she could.

              “Are we ready? Hmm?” Dr. Robert asked and they both nodded. “You’ve got three minutes.” With that, he pushed some clear liquid into the IV. Dean’s head lolled back and tipped to the side. Eva had a hand on his wrist checking his pulse and suddenly started up a loud old-school stopwatch.

              “Well?” Alex asked, looking at Dr. Robert.

              “Oh, he’s dead. We give him the three minutes, then we wake him up.” He said this so casually and nonchalantly.

              _Sure, no big deal, Dean’s dead, it must be Tuesday,_ Alex scoffed to herself. She kept a hand on his still shoulder, waiting, listening to that god-awful stopwatch ticking away. Her nerves were more frayed by the second. She tried to think of anything to distract herself but she just kept staring at his face and wanting to shake him awake.

              “Is it time yet?” Alex knew her voice was cracking but just didn’t care.

              “No, another minute dear,” the creepy doctor replied and she shifted uneasily on her feet, back and forth. Eva rolled her eyes at her and Alex thought she might claw the woman’s eyes out if she didn’t need her to bring Dean back. This had to be the longest three minutes in history. Why the hell did she agree to this? His slack face and still chest were enough to make her scream. She felt panic start to flutter in her chest.

              “Alright! That’s long enough. Wake him up.” Alex gave the doctor the most terrifying glare she could muster.

              “Okay. Eva, get me the adrenaline.” The doctor pushed another needle into the IV, then pulled open Dean’s shirt, placing paddle pads on his chest.

              “Stand back,” Eva barked at Alex and she reluctantly took her hand from Dean’s shoulder as the doctor shocked him. Alex flinched at the first surge of electricity that went through Dean’s body, jolting him on the table.

              “Again!” he yelled, shocking Dean for a second time. Still no pulse. Alex could feel her own pulse rising into her throat with every passing second. The doctor grabbed another syringe and stood back, watching Dean.

              “Well don’t just stand there, wake him up!” Alex all but screamed at them.

              “That’s what we are trying to do,” Dr. Roberts said in a grumpier tone.

              This was a horrible mistake. Alex was panicking now.

              “Dean, wake up! Dean, you son of a bitch, wake up!” Alex yelled in Dean’s ear now, shaking his shoulder.

              “It’s been six minutes,” Eva said in an uninterested tone.

Dr. Robert hit Dean with one more round of adrenaline.

              Alex could feel tears starting to prick at her eyes. She couldn’t do this again, not again, anything but this.

              “Wake up! Dean! Please wake up!” She banged her fists on his chest as hard as she could.

              Suddenly, Dean bolted upright, gasping for breath then rested his head back down, panting heavily.

              “Dean!” Alex cried out and threw her head on his chest, listening to his glorious heartbeat.

              Dean patted the top of her head. “You couldn’t give me five more seconds?” he grumbled, hoarsely.

              “Son, you were dead for seven minutes. I thought for sure death had you by the twins,” Dr. Robert replied.

              Alex stood while Dean sat up, shaking his head a bit. Suddenly, Alex felt suffocated by the small room, and she turned, bolting out and flying down the stairs. She kept running until she was outside, on the street. She put her hands on her knees and drew in a few long deep breaths, wondering when she had started shaking. She quickly bolted for the alley and lost her lunch. Coming back out, she began walking down the street, thinking moving would make her feel better. She didn’t know how long it had been before her phone was buzzing. It was Dean.

              “Hey,” Alex answered, looking around and realizing she wasn’t sure where she was.

              “Where are you? Why’d you take off?” Dean sounded pissed.

              “Uh…” She peered around and suddenly saw their motel across the way. “I’m at the motel, I’ll meet you at the room.” She hung up before he could reply.

She crossed the street and dug through her pocket, happy to find a key. As she got into the room and flicked on the light she could hear the roar of Baby’s engine as Dean pulled up. Despite herself, the sound of the car brought her an immediate sense of relief. Dean.

              “Hey, you alright?” Dean asked, coming into the room.

              “Do I look alright? It better have been worth it.” She crossed her arms and glared at him. Just having him near her and breathing relieved some of the tension in her shoulders.

              “Yeah, Death is gonna pony up Sam’s soul,” Dean replied, approaching her with caution.

              “Seriously?”

              “Yeah.”

              “For what?” She knew there was gonna be a price. There was always a price.

              “I just have to wear his ring for a day. That’s it - piece of cake.” Dean went and sat down on his bed, running his hands through his hair.

              “So, you have to be Death for a day? That seems… like a trap. There must be more than that,” she said, sitting down on the other bed, opposite him.

              “Being Death not enough for you?” Dean gave her a scathing look.

              “Well we’ve had worse offers,” she sighed, staring at her feet.

              “No shit,” he said, kicking off his boots as she did the same.

              “I’m sorry I invited you along. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.” Dean sounded uncomfortable.

              “No, someone had to be there to pull your ass out of the fire. I just overreacted, that’s all. No more dying on me though, okay?” She meant to say that with a laugh and little humor, but she just didn’t have it in her.

              “Okay Lexi, I promise,” he said, sweeping his eyes over her face.

They decided to stay the night and drive back home in the morning. Staying in and ordering a pizza, Dean flipped channels while Alex settled down with a book, reading up on New England folklore.

Before they decided to turn in for the night, Alex found the letter to Ben in her coat pocket.

              “Here, you didn’t need this,” she said, handing it back to Dean.

He took it awkwardly. “Well uh… yeah I uh, suppose not,” he said, stuffing it into his bag.

              “What happened with you and Lisa?” Alex wasn’t sure why she was asking, especially now of all times, and Dean froze for a moment, running his hands nervously over his knees like he always did.

              “It just didn’t work out,” he said, vaguely.

              “Didn’t work out?” She waited patiently. Dean would talk if given the time to gather his thoughts.

              “It was never gonna work, alright? I should have known that from the beginning.” There was a slight slump to his shoulders now. She still waited for him to go on. “You can’t live the life we live, and expect to go have some normal life on the side. It’s just not on the cards for someone like me, and I think she figured that out too.”

              “Was it Lisa who… you know?” Alex danced away from the word dumped.

              “No, well, no not really. It doesn’t matter. Staying away from them is the best way to keep them safe,” Dean frowned, pulling a beer from the cooler and popping the cap with his ring.

              “So, it wasn’t that you weren’t happy with them? You’re just staying away to protect them?” Alex felt like she had a rock stuck in her throat.

              “Honestly?” Dean took a swig of his beer and handed her one as well.

              “Yeah, honestly,” she said, taking the beer from him.

              “It never felt… right… ya know? I never really felt like I belonged there. Don’t get me wrong, Lisa and Ben are great, but it just felt like I was pretending to be something I’m not. Once it was over it hurt, but I also just felt… relieved.” Dean took another long swig of beer.

Alex watched his face. “I think when you’re with the right person you’ll know, ‘cause you won’t have to pretend. For what it’s worth though… I’m sorry, Dean.” She absentmindedly played with the label on her beer, catching a glance at his face up through her lashes.

              “I don’t think I’m cut out for anyone. If there’s one thing I figured out in all of this, it’s that.” He finished off the last sip of his beer. “I’m turnin’ in,” he said, standing. He turned off the light and moved to get in bed.

Alex finished off the last of her beer, then slipped under her covers. Lying awake and thinking over Dean’s words, she could almost believe he was right. She could see how being a hunter and living the way they did - it didn’t make them the kind of people that could just fall in love. Maybe no hunter really found that. Part of her would never believe, though, that Dean Winchester didn’t deserve it - that he didn’t deserve to have someone love him.

 

              She wasn’t asleep for long before she woke to Dean shaking her shoulders, “Hey Lexi, wake up. You’re having a bad dream again.”

She took a few deep calming breaths. It was the same dream again and again - Juliet standing there with her evil grin, and Alex’s hands covered in blood. This time it had just been Dean dead in the grass. She was pretty sure she had been screaming out Dean’s name in her sleep.

              “I’m okay. Sorry I woke you.” She flexed all her muscles to keep from shaking. “Just hand me my phone, okay?”

Dean did as she asked but he remained sitting on her bed. “Why your phone?” Dean asked, confused.

              “I forgot to set the alarm, that’s all.” She hoped he would drop it, but when did Dean ever drop anything?

              “What alarm?”

_Nope, not dropping it._

              “If I wake up every two hours, I don’t dream. So I’ve been setting an alarm. I forgot, is all,” she said, grabbing the phone. She started to pull up the alarm app, but Dean grabbed the phone back from her and set it down on the table.

              “Move over,” he demanded. She just stared at him in shock. “I’m not asking. Move over.” Dean’s voice was deep and firm and she shifted her hips over. Dean moved the blankets and slid into bed next to her. It was dark in the room and she could just make out the shadows on his face.

              “Dean, you don’t have to. I’m fine,” she protested weakly. He slid one arm under her head and shifted his body closer to hers.

              “Just lay down and get some sleep, alright?”

              “Dean…”

              “Sleep, okay? No more dreams, just sleep.” He tipped his head back on the pillow next to her. She knew he must have been thinking of the first night she had the dream and he soothed her back to sleep. She was too tired to protest this solution and it had worked before, so she rested her head on his shoulder, putting a hand on his chest, feeling it rise and fall with each breath. She drifted back off to sleep without a single dream.

 

              Alex slept well for the rest of the night. At one point in the early morning she felt a hand against her skin, brushing the hair off her face and tucking it gently behind her ear. Her eyes fluttered a moment but she fell back asleep.

When she finally woke in the morning, Dean was already up and packing his bag. Alex quickly followed suit and they were heading back home to Bobby’s just as the sun was coming up.

              Sam didn’t take the news very well. The wall that Death offered to put up in his head was not a permanent one, so it could break at any time. Alex felt anxious at the thought that it was kind of like putting a bomb in Sam’s head and hoping for the best.

              “Great. So, playing pretty fast and loose with my life here, don't you think, Dean?” Sam and Dean were toe to toe now. Alex was leaning against the piano, watching them while Bobby sat on the couch waiting to put in his two cents.

              “I’m trying to save your life!” Dean shot back at him.

              “Exactly, Dean! It's my life! It's my life, it's my soul. And it sure as hell ain't your head that's gonna explode when this whole scheme of yours goes sideways!” Sam seemed even taller than normal, chest puffed out.

              “Just curious. I presume Death's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart. So what's your half of the deal?” Bobby asked, finally standing up.

Dean shrugged his shoulders evasively.

Bobby narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.”

              “I have to wear the ring for a day,” Dean said in a low voice.

              “Why the hell would he want you to do that?” Bobby resettled his hat on his head again.

              “Maybe he likes it and wanted to put a ring on it?” Alex said to try and lighten the mood. Dean gave a small chuckle, but Bobby and Sam were not amused.

              “Still, why though?” Bobby asked again.

              “Get his rocks off. I don't know. But I'm doing it.” Dean was firm on that.

Sam went to leave, saying he needed to clear his head, take a walk. Dean shot Alex a look and she knew Sam was going for the ring. The three of them followed him out to the salvage yard where they found Sam standing over the empty hole in the ground where the ring had been buried.

              “Looking for this?” Dean held up the ring and Sam looked at it, worried.

              “Just taking a walk,” Sam lied.

              “Sam. I'm your brother. I'm not gonna let you get hurt. I know what I'm doing here.”

              “What if you're wrong?” Sam still looked concerned.

              “I won't let it go wrong.” Dean had a way of infusing his words with such confidence that he could tell you the moon was falling but he would catch it, and you would believe him.

              “Fine,” Sam replied.

              “Fine? So you’re…”

              “So, I’m trusting you here. Barely.” Sam crossed his arms and Alex shot Bobby a look.

              “You sure?” Dean asked one last time.

              “You’re the one with the compass, right? Just don’t mess it up,” Alex knew Sam wasn’t buying it, he just didn’t have a way to stop Dean.

              “I won’t,” Dean answered. As Dean walked back past Alex and Bobby he said under his breath, “Watch him.” Dean apparently didn’t believe Sam’s sudden faith in Dean either. Dean left and Sam and Bobby headed back into the house.

              “So, is this the part where you pull a gun on me and lock me in the panic room?” Sam asked, point blank.

              “Do I have to?” Bobby shot right back.

              “No. I guess Dean's got to do what he's got to do.” Sam’s mind was obviously working hard and Alex knew he was plotting something.

              “Guess we all do, kid,” Bobby replied and Sam walked back out into the yard.

              “Are you sure about not using the panic room?” Alex asked her dad once Sam was out of earshot.

              “No, but how do you propose we get him in there?” Her dad had a point. Still, that cold look in Sam’s eyes had her worried.

              “It’s one day, right? We just have to get through one day, and we can get him back - the real Sam.” Alex tried to infuse her own voice with some of that Dean-confidence. It was gonna be a long twenty-four hours waiting for Dean.


	14. Chapter 14

              Sam disappeared for a little while and while Alex wanted to follow, she knew that he would catch her tailing him. Sam was far less trusting without his soul.

He finally came back inside, and Alex took one look at his face and knew he was cooking something up. For the first time since she had known him, he seemed genuinely intimidating. Not to say he wasn’t an intimidating guy _with_ his soul, at least to monsters or anything else that goes bump in the night. Hell, some of that just had to do with his six-foot-four frame. No, this was different, and for the first time she felt an inkling of anxiety about what he could do to her. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

              Bobby and Sam sat down to play some poker and she noticed her dad had been nursing the one beer for well over an hour. She sat at the piano and messed around the keys a bit, keeping an eye out for any warning signal from Bobby.

              “Want another one?” Bobby asked Sam, shaking an empty bottle at him.

              “Yeah, sure,” Sam said.

Alex was out of sight now, sorting through the books on the shelf. She heard the fridge door open, then a loud cracking sound. She dropped her book and ran to the kitchen to see her dad standing over Sam with a bat in his hand.

              “May have been born at night, boy, but it wasn't last night. Al, go grab that tranq out of my desk.”

Alex bolted for the living room and rifled through her dad’s desk, finding a capped syringe that she hoped was the tranquilizer.

“Not good,” she heard Bobby say. She hurried back to the kitchen to see Bobby holding rope and Sam nowhere to be seen. Bobby gave her a worried look, “Let’s not do anything hasty here, Sam?” Bobby called, signaling Alex to go out back while he hid in the closet. Alex moved to go outside, keeping an eye out for Sam in the shadows.

              Suddenly, Sam’s hand was over her mouth, pressing her up against the wall and struggling to get the syringe out of her hand. She tried to yell for her dad, but she couldn’t get any air with all his weight against her.

              “I didn’t want to do this Lex. You don’t have to get hurt,” Sam grunted. He pulled the syringe from her hand, almost breaking one of her fingers in the process. She gave a muffled yelp, then felt the tiny prick of the needle in her neck and almost immediately slumped against the wall. Sam lay her down on the floor and she blinked up at his blank face before it all went dark.

 

Alex could hear voices sometime later. She tried to get up, but found she couldn’t move her body or open her eyes.  

              “Listen to me. You don't want to do this. Sam. I've been like a father to you, boy. Somewhere inside, you've got to know that.” Bobby sounded genuinely scared, which sent a chill down Alex’s spine.

She blinked her eyes open, feeling dirt underneath her aching hand, realizing they were in the shed. She looked up to see Bobby tied to a chair, and Sam standing over him, knife in hand. Her heart began to race and her arms shook as she tried to prop herself up.

              “Sam! Don’t… please,” she begged, hoping somewhere in there, Sam would hear her and stop.

              “It’s him or me Lex. Sorry.” Sam raised the knife over Bobby, but just as he was about to stab down, Dean’s hand grabbed Sam’s wrist.

              “Hi Sammy. I’m back,” Dean grinned and with one solid hit, knocked Sam out.

Alex sighed with relief and lay back against the dirt, head swimming.

Dean untied Bobby and came over to check on Alex, while Bobby tied Sam up in his place.

              “We gotta work on your timing,” Alex says, grinning at Dean, struggling to keep her eyes open.

              “I’ll get right on that. Can you walk?” Dean asked.

Alex moved to stand, but fell right back into Dean’s arms.

“Right. Okay, you wait here. Let me get Sam in the panic room and I’ll come back, okay?”

Alex just nodded, feeling like she would be perfectly happy to stay in the shed and nap. After a minute or so she managed to sit up, but her legs were still shaky from the sedative.

Dean came back in and helped her to her feet, then, deciding it was easiest to carry her, lifted her off her feet.

              “Thanks Dean. Did you get his soul back?” she asked, trying hard to focus on his face and not on his strong arm under her butt. Dean stayed silent and Alex rested her head on his shoulder.

              He set her down on the couch in the living room and went back down to check on Bobby and Sam.

Alex felt a weird cold sensation in the room and turned to see a tall, skinny man dressed all in black standing in the kitchen. At first Alex thought she might be hallucinating from the drugs, but he was still there after she blinked a few times.

              “Hello Alexandra,” the tall, skinny man said.

              “Who are you?”

              “Interesting question, if I am a who, or a what,” the man replied with a small smile and Alex gulped, having a good idea who he was now. “You are another little cheater of the natural order aren’t you?” He eyed her, not unkindly.

              “Yeah, well, rules were made to be broken,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

              “Apparently you lot think so, but some rules are there for a reason.”

Dean came up the stairs and stopped dead in his tracks.

Death shot Alex a little wink out the corner of his eye. “Dean. Join me. Brought you one, from a little stand in Los Angeles known for their bacon dogs. Sit,” he commanded, gesturing at the kitchen table, where there was a stack of hot dogs waiting.

Dean nervously approached Death, giving Alex a little nod as he passed her. “Boy, what's with you and cheap food?” he said, looking at the stack of hot dogs.

              “I could ask you the same thing. Thought I'd have a treat before I put the ring back on. Heavier than it looks, isn't it? Sometimes, you just want the thing off. But you know that. Not hungry?” Death held up a hot dog.

              “Look... I think you know that I flunked. So there. Oh, and by the way, I, uh...I sucked at being you. Really screwed up the whole natural order thing. But I'm sure you knew about that, too.” Dean was getting annoyed.

Alex silently willed him to tone it down.

              “So, if you could go back, would you simply kill the little girl? No fuss, no stomping your feet?” Death raised an eyebrow, lowering his head at Dean.

              “Knowing what I know now, yeah,” Dean answered, and Alex wondered what on earth had happened.

              “I'm surprised to hear that. Surprised and glad.”

Death stood up, and Dean followed him.

              “Yeah, well, don't get excited. I would have saved the nurse, okay? That's it.”

              “I think it's a little more than that. Today, you got a hard look behind the curtain. Wrecking the natural orders not quite such fun when you have to mop up the mess, is it? This is hard for you, Dean. You throw away your life because you've come to assume that it'll bounce right back into your lap. But the human soul is not a rubber ball. It's vulnerable, impermanent, but stronger than you know. And more valuable than you can imagine. So... I think you've learned something today.”

Alex’s eyes went wide listening to him, thinking he hit the nail on the head with Dean.

              “I lost. Fine. But at least have the balls to admit that it was rigged from the jump,” Dean growled at him and Death fixed him with a stare that might melt him where he stood.

Alex felt a weight in the pit of her stomach.

              “Most people speak to me with more respect,” Death sneered.

              “I didn't mean...” Dean was back-pedalling now.

              “We're done here. It's been lovely. But now I'm going to go to Hell to get your brother's soul,” Death sighed and Alex all but fell off the couch.

              “Why would you do that for me?” Dean said in a low, wary voice now.

              “I wouldn't do it for you. You, her, and your brother here keep coming back. You're an affront to the balance of the universe, and you cause disruption on a global scale. But you have use. Right now, you're digging at something. The intrepid detective. I want you to keep digging, Dean. It's about the souls. You'll understand when you need to,” Death said, turning to go.

              “Wait!” Alex called. “Is this wall thing really gonna work?”

              “Call it seventy five percent.” And with that, Death vanished.

Dean got a panicked look and bolted for the basement.

Alex stood on wobbly feet and followed after him, clutching the rail on the way down the stairs. She pushed in between her dad and Dean to see Death sitting on the cot next to Sam, an old medical bag beside him.

              “Get away from me! Don't. Don't!” Sam yelled, struggling to get away.

              “Now, Sam, I'm gonna put up a barrier inside your mind,” Death said, unconcerned by Sam’s struggling.

              "No, don't touch me,” Sam said, looked terrified now.

              “It might feel a little...itchy. Do me a favor… don't scratch the wall. Trust me. You're not gonna like what happens.” Death then opened the bag and, reaching in, pulled out a blueish-white ball of light. Alex clung to Dean and Bobby, fisting their coats in her hands. Dean gripped her shoulder.

              “No, no! You don't know! You don't know what'll happen to me! Dean, please! No. No. No!”

Alex cringed back at the sound of terror in Sam’s voice and Death shoved the soul into Sam’s chest as he cried out. She blinked at a bright flash of light, then looked to see Sam unconscious on the cot. Death stood with his closed bag, gave them a little nod, then disappeared from sight.

              “Sammy?” Dean said in a low voice, moving toward Sam on the cot. “He’s breathing,” Dean said over his shoulder.

              “Nothin’ to do now, but wait,” Bobby said with an exhausted sigh.

They waited hours with no change in Sam. Bobby hung an IV bag with some fluids and once Alex was steadier, she sat at the foot of the cot, waiting. Dean couldn’t sit still, pacing in front of the door one minute and pacing upstairs the next. Alex was still, unmoving from Sam’s side. She just couldn’t bring herself to move.

              Cas showed up eventually with an annoyed, tired look. He confirmed that Sam did, in fact, have his soul back. Alex could feel the relief she saw on Dean’s face. It was quickly squashed when Cas again stated that he thought it was a terrible idea to put the soul back in. There was something defensive to his voice, but she had no idea what he had to be defensive about.

              “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn't open fire?” Dean was mad now.

              “Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright.”

Dean flinched back at his words.

              “Cas!” Alex said, half-scolding, half-pleading. With a grim look Castiel vanished from the room leaving Dean standing there stunned. “Dean, he didn’t...”

Dean ignored her and marched back up the stairs.

Alex curled up on the floor next to Sam, eventually falling asleep.

 

When she woke it was to find a pillow under her head and a blanket over her. She spun to look at Sam but he was still out cold. She would give anything in that moment just to hear Sam say something, anything. With a sigh she decided she needed to pee and get coffee before resuming her post. She placed a kiss on his forehead before going upstairs.

              She found Bobby and Dean leaning over a newspaper at the kitchen table. “What are you two looking at?” she asked, pouring a cup of coffee for herself.

              “A case, I think,” Bobby replied.

              “I think we have all the case we can handle downstairs,” she said, taking a sip of the terrible coffee and wincing. Alex moved over to stand behind Bobby, reading over his shoulder, while Dean stood in the middle of the room, rubbing his face.

              “Dean?” came a familiar, unsure voice. Alex, Bobby, and Dean all turned to look. Sam stood in the doorway, an awestruck look across his face.

              “Sam?” Dean asked in a wary tone.

Sam took three long strides, slamming into Dean and wrapping his arms around him. Alex saw the genuine look of joy and shock on Sam’s face, before his hair fell into his eyes. The brothers stood like that a moment, while Alex felt like her heart might burst from her chest.

Bobby moved around the desk slowly toward them, but Alex was frozen. Sam’s face lit up when he spotted Bobby, and he let Dean go, pulling a shocked Bobby into a bear hug.

              “Good to see you,” Bobby said, patting him on the back.

              “Wait. I saw you… I… I felt Lucifer snap your neck?” Sam said with genuine confusion. He turned then, spotting Alex frozen in her spot. Sam’s eyes turned glossy, or maybe it was her own eyes filling with tears, she wasn’t sure. “Lex!” Sam was suddenly lifting her off her feet, spinning her around in a circle. She clutched his big shoulders, letting silent tears fall into his shirt.

              “I can’t believe it. It’s really you,” she managed to get out as Sam slowly lowered her to the ground.

              “You were dead too! I saw it!” Sam said, holding her face between his massive hands.  She laughed a little as he examined her, then turned to Bobby and Dean.

              “Well, Cas kind of…” Bobby began but Sam interrupted him.

              “Cas is alive?” The surprise and joy in his voice was overwhelming.

Alex wrapped her arms around his sides and Sam locked one arm around her shoulder.

              “Yeah, Cas… Cas is fine. Sam, are you okay?” Dean asks in a cautious tone, finally finding his voice again.

              “Actually, um...I'm starving,” Sam says, smiling.

And for the first time in well over a year, everything felt absolutely as it should be. Alex jumped to making Sam a sandwich - just how he liked it with extra tomato and light on the mustard. She hurried around the kitchen, getting him a glass of water of as well. She stood behind him, her hands on his shoulders, feeling like if she let him go or out of her sight he might disappear on her.

Sam explained that the last thing he remembered was standing in Stull Cemetery and then falling in the pit.

              “That's it? You really don't remember?” Bobby asked, standing back against the counter with arms crossed. Alex glared at him a moment.

              “Let's be glad. Who wants to remember all that hell?” Dean replied, nodding his head and shooting Bobby the same warning look.

              “Well, how long was I gone?” Sam asked, looking around at all of them.

              “About a year and half,” Alex answered.

              “What? I was downstairs f— I don't remember anything. So, how'd I get back? Was it Cas?” Sam looked around at each of them again.

              “Me and Death…” Dean started before Sam interrupted.

              “Death?! The horseman?” Sam said in alarm.

              “I had leverage, it’s done. Slate’s wiped, okay?”

              “Well, isn't this just neat and clean?” Bobby grumbled.

              “Yes it is… For once it’s just done,” Alex replies, glaring again at her dad over Sam’s shoulder.

The rest of the day went by in a blur for Alex. She was filled with genuine joy for the first time in a long time.

Dean passed out on the couch early, whiskey in hand, and considering he probably hadn’t slept in days it made sense. Alex covered him with a blanket and Bobby went up to bed as well, but not without passing one last worried glance at Sam.

Sam and Alex sat at the kitchen table drinking a beer together.

              “How have you been Lex? I can’t believe how much I missed.” Sam gave her a soft, knowing smile and she put a hand over his.

              “It’s been a really long year, Sam… I missed you so much.” That was the truth - she had missed Sam even when he had been standing right in front of her.

              “Thanks for keeping Dean in one piece. I’m sure he wasn’t easy.”

Alex flushed a little. “We did the best we could. I just wish my best was better,” she sighed.

              “Don’t say that. I know you, I have no doubt you spent every minute running around taking care of everyone but yourself,” Sam said, giving her a knowing look and she shrugged. He smiled. “It still doesn’t feel real.”

              “I know, I never thought I’d I see you again.” Alex finished her beer, leaning back in her chair. “Truth?” she asked him. He hesitated only a second.

              “Always,” he smiled at her. God, how she had missed that smile.

              “I can’t do that again. I can’t lose you, either of you. I don’t think I am strong enough for that. So you promise me, promise me I won’t have to.” She stared into his soft grey-green eyes that were full of understanding.

              “That bad, huh?” He gave her hand a squeeze. “I promise Lex, I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighed in relief at his words. They both knew how hollow they were. Neither of them could tell the future. But in that moment, Alex chose to believe that sweet little lie.

They stayed up late talking, Alex telling him about her hunts, staying away from any reference to Sam walking about or the Campbells. Sam was smart, probably the smartest out of all of them, and she knew he could see gaps in her stories. Sam didn’t push her, he never did. They had the kind of friendship were a lot could go unspoken, because it didn’t need to be said aloud.

              Alex and Sam eventually curled up on the floor with a few pillows, since Alex didn’t want to make the trek to her bedroom. Right as she was closing her eyes, Sam said in a whisper, “Hey Lex, remember that fort we made when we were kids?”

She smiled, eyes closed. “‘Course I do. Your dad was so mad,” she replied with a low giggle.

              “This kinda reminds me of that,” he said with a calm, light voice.

              “Same here Sam, but let’s actually try to sleep this time,” she laughed quietly.

              “Agreed. Night Lex.”

              “Night Sam.” As she drifted, a fear for the future began to nag at her. This wasn’t going to last - somehow she knew that. There was a metaphorical bomb inside her best friend’s head, but she was gonna do everything her power to keep it from going off.


	15. Chapter 15

Alex woke up early the next morning and couldn’t help but smile at the two sleeping Winchesters. She tiptoed into the kitchen, starting coffee and mixing up some pancake batter. She also started to get the fixings for a spinach omelet for Sam. In a few minutes, she heard movement from the other room as Sam came in, yawning, and his hair all scrunched up.

            “Nice hair,” Alex chuckled, pouring the omelet into a pan and flipping the pancakes.

            “Smells good,” Sam smiled, flattening his wild hair as best he could. “Omelet? Spinach and tomato?”

            “You still like that, right?” she asked, apprehensively.

            “Yeah, I do. Thanks Lex, but you didn’t have to cook for me.”

            “Shut it, Sammy. She can cook anytime she wants to.” Dean came into the kitchen, stretching and yawning as well.

            “You two sit down, breakfast is almost ready.”

Dean tugged at Sam’s shirt to move him over to get at the coffee. They both settled in at the table with coffee, and Bobby showed up just as she put the food on the table.

“Don’t get too used to this, but I figured it was a special occasion.”

Dean’s eyes went gratifyingly large, along with Sam’s. “Come to papa!” Dean crooned, forking over a stack of pancakes onto his plate.

Alex stood, sipping her coffee. She had been snacking on the scrap, screw-up pancakes so she was already full. All three of her men were happily stuffing their faces full of breakfast. Her cheeks actually hurt from smiling.

Her phone buzzed and she looked down to see an unknown number calling. She stepped outside, shutting the door behind her as she picked up.

            “Hello?”

            “Hello Alexandra,” said the cold, familiar voice on the line. Juliet.

            “How did you get this number?” Alex growled in a low voice.

            “Let’s not waste time with semantics. I’m calling to make you an offer.”

            “Oh, is that all? The answer is no, bitch.” Alex walked farther from the house when she noticed Sam peering through the window.

            “You surrender yourself to me, we destroy your vessel, and in exchange we let your soul stay in heaven, untouched… I think that’s a pretty good deal, Ms. Singer.” Juliet’s voice was like nails on a chalk board.

            “Um, thanks, but no thanks.”

            “This is a one-time offer, Ms. Singer. If you don’t accept, then when we do find you, and believe me, we’ll find you, I will slaughter every person you love. I will do it slowly, and you will hear them beg me for death before I am through.”

Alex drew in a breath, settling herself before replying.

            “You listen me, you feathery bitch. I’m not scared of you, and I hope I get to be there when Castiel runs you through!” She hung up the phone, fuming. She marched over to the picnic table, grabbed a hammer and began to smash the phone to tiny, tiny pieces. She heard a noise and looked up to see Sam watching her.

            “What did the phone do to you?” he asked, walking over cautiously.

            “I didn’t like my service plan,” she replied, sitting on the table.

            “Gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Sam asked with a tilt of the head.

            “Have I told you how much I missed you?” she smiled at him and he smiled back. Alex told Sam about Juliet and the battle in heaven, and all about Eve. As always, Sam was a patient listener and didn’t interrupt her once. She felt a small weight lifted, telling Sam.

            “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Lex,” Sam sighed when she was done talking.

            “Yeah, I know! How dare you have gone on a hot vacation without me?” She rolled her eyes. Bobby and Dean came outside, neither of them commenting on the fragments of phone on the ground.

            “We have a case. Two cases, actually,” Bobby said, coming over.

            “There’s those missing girls in Portland I was telling Dean here about yesterday. Now there looks like some strange dry land drownings in Boise.” Bobby had a strained tone to his voice - something was definitely up.

            “Why don’t Dean and I take the case in Portland, and Lex can take the one in Boise?” Sam suggested.

            “Great idea, Sam,” Bobby smiled and Dean gave him a little glare.

            “I think you should rest a little more, Sammy. A few more days of crap cable couldn't hurt,” Dean said, looking Sam over.

            “Right. Because that's what you did when you got back from hell,” Sam rolled his eyes.

            “You sure, Sam?” Alex asked, putting a hand on his arm.

            “I got this. Getting back out there will do me good,” Sam smiled at her.

            “Alright, Bobby you coming along?” Dean asked.

            “Oh, you three go on ahead. You got this covered. I, uh, forgot I promised that idjit Rufus I'd work the phones for him, so...” Bobby put his hands in his pocket and his lips pressed together. She thought she should press him for what he was holding back, but she also knew that when he got that face, he wasn’t talking.

Alex was glad to hit the road for a case, but a little sad to be parted from Sam and Dean so soon after getting Sam back. She clung to Sam as hard as she could when she went to say good bye.

            “Uh Lex… can’t breathe,” Sam said with a hoarse laugh.

            “Sorry,” she said, letting Sam go and turning to Dean. “You watch him, okay?” she said, pointing a finger at his chest.

            “I’ve managed just fine all these years,” Dean rolled his eyes.

            “I’m standing right here,” Sam said, holding out his arms in frustration.

            “Right, so don’t let him over do it. I’ll text you guys when I get to Boise and let you know what I find.” With that, Alex climbed into the firebird and drove off.

 

            The case took Alex three long days to work. Who knew water sprites would be hiding out in Boise of all places? Killing one or two wasn’t an issue but the thousand or so hiding in the water treatment plant were another story. She was covered in tiny bruises but she managed to get every last one, after killing the queen. She now had a new appreciation for Dean’s battle with the fairies.

She got a text from Dean to say that they were on the way back and passing through Boise, so she told them the motel she was staying at and told them to meet her at the bar across the street.

            Alex was almost out of clean clothes, but she dug through her bag and pulled out a pair of tight black stretch jeans. She then found a black lace bra and sheer white see-through blouse that hung off one shoulder. It was a pretty revealing outfit all in all, but what the hell, she was in the mood to celebrate.  She put on her favorite boots, wound her hair into a messy bun, and tucked Dean’s necklace under her shirt before putting on a pair of stud earrings.

            The bar was busy when she got there, but she found the boys had saved her a bar stool. When she walked over they both did a double take, and Dean visibly dribbled his whiskey down his chin. Maybe the outfit was a bit too much, but all her other clothes were dirty.

            “You look nice,” Sam said with a laugh, kissing her cheek. All that uncomfortable sexual tension she had felt with the soulless Sam had vanished.

            “Hey boys,” she smiled at them and signaled the bartender. “Hurricane over here and make it a double!”

            “Doesn’t she look nice, Dean?” Sam asked, nodding at her.

            “She always does,” Dean grunted taking a big sip of his whiskey. Alex rolled her eyes and jumped up onto the stool.

She was three very strong drinks in and feeling amazing as she told the boys about the sprites and they told her about the dragons.

            Alex threw her head back laughing as Sam told her about the buying back their virginity and suddenly she saw a pair of blue eyes staring at her from across the room. She stood up, making sure it was really her.

Sara Lance stood across the room, her blue eyes burning. Sara was a hunter that Alex had met a few years ago - the fiercest, most terrifying, passionate person she ever dated. Her wavy blonde hair framed her freckled face and she bit her lower lip as she stared at Alex.

            “Earth to Alex! What’s up?” She could hear Dean’s voice but it seemed far away. She was frozen in place watching Sara, who was already weaving her way gracefully through the crowd. Her heartbeat sped up as Sara closed the distance between them. Then she was there, hands all over Alex, and those sweet, pouty lips were pressing into hers. She felt Sara’s hand reach around her back and slide part way into the top of her pants. Sara pulled back a moment, literally holding Alex back by her hair, panting.

            “Long time no see, beautiful.” Sara said in her raspy voice, and gave her that sweet sideways smile that Alex used to love so much.

            “Is this Sara?” came Sam’s voice behind her and she stood up tall, turning to the boys.

            “This is uh- I uh… well this is Sara,” Alex stumbled over her words. How could just the sight of this woman set all her nerves on end? Sara exuded sex appeal with every movement she made. She was the same height as Alex, and the same size - they could share clothes if they chose to. But Sara was all lean muscle, hard and powerful.

Sara slowly slid her hand out of the back of Alex’s pants and went to shake Sam’s hand.

            “Sam Winchester. Nice to finally meet you,” he said, giving her a bright smile. Sam then gave Alex a ‘nice job’ eyebrow raise and she flushed.

            Sara returned the smile. “Nice to meet you. And you must be Dean.”

Dean looked like he was sweating bullets. “The one and only,” he said nervously, shaking her hand. Sam looked at Dean with a knowing smile.

            “Sara, what brings you here?” Alex asked, finally getting a sentence put together.

            “Well, I thought there was a case here. When I pulled into the motel and saw the old bird parked there, I figured you were here for the same reason.” Sara secretly ran a hand under the curve of Alex’s butt, then brushed her fingertips over the top of her thigh. Alex took a slow, deep breath, trying to look normal.

            “All taken care of. It was sprites, if you’d believe it, monsters these days,” Alex said, avoiding looking into Sara’s eyes again. Sara was wild - feral was a better word for it - and absolutely lethal when she wanted to be. She was a “shoot first, ask questions later” kind of hunter. Alex glanced over, taking in her, dear-god oh-so-tight leather pants, short tank that showed off her toned midriff, and the same black leather jacket she always wore.

            “Well, that’s a shame. Always wanted to see one of those.” Sara leaned in close, whispering in Alex’s ear. “So, sexy, can I buy you a drink?”

Alex just nodded and Sara slid past her, leaning over the bar in between the boys to flag down the bartender. Dean scowled at Sara and moved off his stool, coming over to Alex.

            “Lexi, who is this chick, anyway?” He sounded angry.

            “A friend. An old friend - I used to hunt with her,” she said, furrowing her brow at him.

            “I don’t think–,” he began to say but Sara shouldered gracefully past him, handing her another Hurricane.

            “So Dean, did Alex here ever tell you how we met?” Sara was talking to Dean, but never took her eyes off Alex’s mouth.

            “No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

Sam had swung around on his seat to listen as well and Sara gave a shy little smile, biting her lower lip again.

            “Alex here was all trussed up, tight ropes wrapped around these pretty wrists.” Sara cuffed one of Alex’s wrists with her loose fingers, sending a shiver through her. Alex took a big sip of her drink trying not to choke on it. “Big bad vampire had you in his nest, and I looked at you there, and thought that was the most pissed off, beautiful woman I ever saw.”

            “I don’t remember this story,” Sam chimed in with genuine fascination. Dean’s arms were crossed, eyeing Sara warily. Alex couldn’t figure what had Dean so pissed all of a sudden.

            “I was able to cut her down and we took out the nest together. So graceful once she had a machete in her hands,” Sara looked at her through those dark lashes of hers.

            “It was so fucking cold too,” Alex said, shivering a little, remembering back to that night.

            “You weren’t cold for long,” Sara replied coolly, taking a sip of her own drink, “though I do believe you ended up in the ropes again,” Sara said, giving her a little wink. Alex swallowed hard, remembering that night, and the look on Sara’s face as she swung the rope back and forth, sitting on the end of the bed.

            “Yeah well, you know me.” Alex took a nervous sip of her drink and pulling her eyes away from Sara, she looked up too see Dean’s bright green eyes wide with shock. Alex tossed back the last of her drink, reaching past Sara to set the glass down on the counter.

            “Fascinating story there, uh… sorry, what was your name again?” Dean was obviously not her biggest fan. _Who the fuck asked him anyway_? Alex thought to herself.

            “Sara,” she replied, but still didn’t make eye contact with him. “You wanna see my new bike?” Sara asked Alex, batting her lashes innocently at her. Sara wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all Alex.

            “Sure. I’ll be right back, guys.”

Sara laced her right hand in Alex’s and led her through the bar, people parting to make way for her. Alex watched her wavy, golden hair sway in front of her. Alex thought that maybe it was a bad idea to follow Sara. There was a reason she wasn’t seeing her anymore, but at the moment she couldn’t remember why. The second they were outside Sara spun her around and began kissing her, hard. Alex pushed her back a moment.

            “Not right here,” she whispered, as Sara moved her lips to Alex’s neck. Sara moaned into her neck, but grabbed her hand again leading her to the back of the parking lot. They moved behind some car and Sara pushed her up against it.

Sara stood back a second, eyeing Alex’s body. “Damn Allie, you look… good enough to eat,” Sara slowly moved toward her. She knew how to drag it out, tease just enough and then pull away. Sara pressed her knee right up between Alex’s legs and the seam of the jeans pressed just the right spot. Alex let out a soft moan. Alex was immediately wet, grinding her hips against Sara’s leg. One of Sara’s delicate fingers threaded up under her shirt, playing and teasing with her nipple through her bra. The other hand pulled out Alex’s bun, letting her hair fall loose.

            Sara grabbed a fistful of Alex’s hair and pulled her head back, bending her soft lips to her neck, biting and kissing as she pressed her knee up higher against Alex. Alex’s hands gripped onto Sara’s hips, and Alex let out another wanton moan and grinded hard against Sara, riding her leg. Sara’s tongue found her ear, and Alex thought she might explode from the building pressure.

            “Come for me, baby. I’ve got you,” Sara murmured in her soft yet raspy voice. Alex could feel it coming, grinding harder against Sara’s leg. Sara then grabbed both of Alex’s wrists and pressed them hard against the side of the car. Sara was small but incredibly strong. Alex panted and rocked her hips, biting her lip. Sara gave her one quick smile, before pressing her thigh right up into her. Alex cried out loud as her body shook all over. Sara’s hand was quickly at her mouth, muffling her residual cries as Sara relentlessly pressed, and released against her. Finally Alex felt herself going limp against her, panting for breath. Sara removed her hand, planting a soft kiss on Alex’s lips. Sara then looked up over Alex’s shoulder and smiled.

            “Oh, I’m sorry, was this your car?” Sara said in a sickeningly sweet husky voice.

Alex turned her head to see the bright green eyes of Dean Winchester staring at them. She looked down, and she saw the shining hub caps, that she knew could only belong to Dean’s baby.


	16. Chapter 16

         “What the hell?!” Dean yelled. He was pissed, that much was obvious. 

Sara lowered her leg and Alex slid softly to the ground. Sara kept her hands on Alex’s hips a moment, until she steadied herself. Sara kept a comforting hand on the small of her back as Alex turned to look over the top of the car at Dean. 

Sam was walking up behind him as well. At least there weren’t any clothes that needed to be pulled back on.

“What are you doing out here, Dean? ” Alex asked, as Sara hung back behind her.

          “I came out to check on you, and I heard you scream,” Dean said, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “What the hell, Alex? On my car!”

“Your car is perfectly fine, and I didn’t notice it was your car, alright?” Alex came around the back of said car with Sara hanging back a bit.

“Oh sure, you didn’t recognize it. There are so many like it around here, it’s a damn Corolla!” Dean was shaking with rage.

“Hey, Dean, take it easy, alright man?” Sam said, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but Dean shrugged him off.

“I didn’t notice, because I was a little preoccupied. Your car is fine. What business is it of yours, anyway?” Alex was starting to get pissed. He had no right to be mad at her, she hadn’t done anything wrong.

“It’s like I don’t know you any more, screwing this chick, or whatever that was, and screwing Sam - without his soul, mind you! What are you thinking?” 

The words were like a knife in the gut. They cut through her and she could feel the wound bleeding. Alex stared into Dean's eyes for a moment. His anger was wavering.

She’d seen him far more mad than this - this didn’t even rank top ten - but he had never lashed out at her like that, not with something he knew would hurt her so much. 

“How could you?” was all she managed to get out. She felt the flush creep up her cheeks. She stole a glance at Sam, who looked a bit shocked himself. “Sam…Sam, I…” She couldn’t think of what to say. Dean had outed her in front of Sam, and there was no taking it back.

“Alex?” Sam said in his soft sympathetic tone, a flush creeping up his cheeks. That was worst of all. Suddenly, she felt incredibly small.

“The wall… it's gonna break,” Alex said in a barely-audible voice that only Dean would hear.

“He knows about the whole soulless thing. Cas spilled the beans,” Dean said at a normal pitch, shrugging and avoiding her eyes. 

“Seems to be going around,” Alex said, taking a deep breath. “Sara?” she said, turning to her like a lifeline, an escape hatch.

“Come on.” Sara grabbed firm hold of her hand, towing Alex to the far back of the parking lot to where her bike was parked. Alex leapt on the back, wrapping her arms around Sara and pressing her cheek against the back of Sara’s shoulder, so she didn’t have to look at the boys. She could faintly hear one of them calling her over the rumble of the bike's engine, but she shut her eyes as they sped off down the busy street.

She didn’t know where they were going, since they were driving away from the motel where her car was parked. She hadn’t even put her helmet on, something she had always insisted on when Sara took her out on the bike before. She just couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment. Sara drove through the streets for twenty minutes or so, taking any side street she could, and avoiding lights so they never had to stop. Alex’s grip on Sara loosened as she began to relax. 

Finally they pulled into a motel on the opposite side of town. Her legs felt wobbly when she got off but she managed not to let Sara see.

“I’ll grab a room, okay? I can take you back to your car in the morning.” Sara planted a swift kiss on her cheek and went to grab a key. 

Alex pulled her phone out of her pocket to see a missed call from Sam. She thought for a moment and realized she couldn’t put it off - she owed him an explanation.

“Hey Lex, are you ok?” Sam answered, sounding worried. Of course he would be worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed some space… Look, I uh… didn’t want you to find out like that.”

“So having Dean yell it across a parking lot wasn’t how you wanted to tell me?” he said, giving a small chuckle.

“No, not really how I planned it.” She began pacing the parking lot while Sara grabbed a few things and started taking them into a room.

“So what exactly happened? And if you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine Lex, I get it.”

“It was just one drunken night, and I swear Sam I didn’t know it wasn’t all you, I didn’t know you had lost your soul. You have to believe me if I’d known…” Her voice was beginning to crack, so she stopped.

“Lex, I know you wouldn’t, okay? I… I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he sounded apprehensive.

“No, of course not! Why would you think that?”

“Well, it isn’t sounding like I was the best guy when I didn’t have my soul.”

“Sam, I promise you, you didn’t do anything wrong. I am the one who should have known better… I'm so, so sorry.” 

What more was there to say? “Are we okay?” she asked, terrified of his answer.

“Lex, we are always okay.”

“You don’t hate me?” She felt the tears coming.

“No! Lex, you’re my best friend. It was one night. I could never hate you,” he said, with a lightness to his voice.

“You’re a good man, Sam Winchester,” she sighed, walking toward Sara’s room.

“Are you coming back here tonight?”

“No, I am gonna stay with Sara and come get the bird in the morning.”

“I get it. You know Dean didn’t mean to hurt you, right? He was just being an ass.”

“I think he knew exactly what he was doing, Sam. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Goodnight.”

“‘Night Lex.”

Alex hung up and tucked her phone in her pocket as she went into the room. Sara was stretched out on the bed - only one bed, Alex noted - flipping through TV channels.

“You talk to Sam?” Sara asked, turning off the TV. She was in just her underwear and tank top now.

“Yeah, I think we are okay. Sorry to drag you into all this.” She gave Sara an apologetic smile.

“The people we love can have a way of hurting us the most. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” Sara was always a caregiver. No matter how hard she appeared, she had a gentle side. 

Alex stripped down to her underwear as well, and snagged a tank from Sara’s bag. She hit the lights, sliding in next to Sara. They lay face to face a moment.

“I’ve missed you,” Alex said, looking over the freckles on Sara's face, barely visible in the dim light.

“I missed you too, Allie,” Sara smiled at her, looking over Alex's face as well. Sara was so incredibly beautiful, in a shocking, head-turning kind of way. The soft wave to her hair, the slant to her blue eyes. Alex ran her thumb over her full lips and cupped her face in her hand.

“I almost forgot how beautiful you are.” Alex leaned over, kissing Sara softly on those pink lips.

“You are gonna be the death of me, Alexandra Singer,” Sara smiled at her. “Come here.” Sara pulled Alex in close, weaving their legs together, and Alex rested her head on Sara’s chest. They lay wrapped around each other and Alex let the quiet settle in. Sara gently stroked her hair and Alex happily fell fast asleep in her arms.

 

Alex woke and stretched sometime later. Sara was already up and out of bed. She rubbed at her eyes to see Sara doing one armed push-ups, drenched in sweat. Alex liked to run, more to clear her head than anything else, but she didn’t really exercise outside of that. Sara, however, was a fitness addict, and she had the muscles to prove it. Alex could never keep up with that level of workout.

“It’s only seven. How early did you get up?” Alex said, yawning.

“Oh, an hour or so ago,” Sara said, trying to catch her breath as she stood up.

“Dear God, woman, do you ever stop?” Alex shook her head, laughing.

“Never,” Sara said and walked toward her with a devious grin.

“Eww, don’t you dare, you're all sweaty,” Alex chuckled as Sara leaned over her, hesitating, so that their noses almost touched.

“Well, if you’re sure,” Sara said in her low raspy voice. 

Alex leaned up to kiss her, but Sara pulled away until Alex wrapped her hands around her bra straps and pulled her down again. It was a hot, salty kiss and she felt the heat coming off of Sara.

“Allie,” Sara said in a warning tone, catching her breath. 

Alex wanted her, she wanted her badly, to forget the night before. To forget him.

“Please,” she whispered in a pleading voice. Sara was hesitating, but only for a moment before she was straddling Alex. They became a tangle of legs and hands grasping at each other, pulling and kissing. It felt desperate and all-consuming, draining her mind of all thoughts except what her body was feeling. They both found release swiftly and quietly, Alex sucking in one deep breath and letting it out slowly. Sara was propped up on her arms looking down at her, gasping for her own breath.

“Now who’s sweaty?” Sara smiled, leaning back on her knees and hopping off the bed. Alex lay flat a moment, trying to get air in her lungs. 

They both hopped in the shower, which perhaps should have been done separately since it was impossible to keep their hands off each other. This was how Alex remembered Sara - it was all burning heat all the time, and always felt like being on fire. Sara was like a drug to her and she could never get enough. 

But even Sara couldn’t completely keep the thoughts of Dean away. His words kept creeping into her mind - “It’s like I don’t even know you,” - and they hurt like a knife every time.  Alex put back on her clothes from the night before, feeling a bit like she was doing a walk of shame.

“You want breakfast before I drive you back?” Sara asked, putting on a pair of jeans and a loose knit sweater.

“No, I don’t feel very hungry. Where are you going next? Did you want to find a case together?” Alex tried to ask this casually. She didn’t want to be alone, not yet, and she couldn’t face the Winchesters.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sara said, folding some clothes into her bag.

“Why not?” Alex was baffled. They were a truly good team when they hunted together.

“Because I don’t want to be your plan B,” Sara sighed, looking up at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean. Don’t play dumb, Allie.” Sara shifted past her, going to put her bag in packs on her bike.

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Alex wasn't sure where this shift had come from.

“Nothing has changed, Allie. We aren’t together ‘cause you're still hung up on him.” Sara didn’t sound angry when she said this, just resigned.

“I am not hung up on anyone.” Even Alex could hear the words were a lie.

“I will not be runner-up to Dean Winchester. I love you Allie, you know that… but I can’t be with you. Not anymore,” Sara said, giving her a sad, pitying look.

“But I love you too, Sara.” This was not a lie - she did love Sara.

“I know you do, just not _in_ love with me, and there’s a big difference.” Sara threw one leg over the bike and held out a helmet for Alex. 

Alex hesitated. She knew Sara was right, but she really wished she wasn’t. She took the helmet and hopped on the bike.

When they reached the other motel, she felt relief to see her car there waiting for her. She got off the bike and sifted through her pocket for her keys. Looking around, she realized the Impala was gone. 

She turned back to Sara and handed her the helmet.

“You sure you have to go?” Alex asked, one last time. “We could just hunt, as friends?”

“Honey, we can’t ever just be friends. Stay safe out there, okay? Bye, Allie.” With a small wave and sad smile, Sara put the helmet on, and sped off down the road.

 

Alex spent the next few weeks on the road. Thankfully there were plenty of cases to work to keep her busy, especially with how odd the monsters were acting. She talked to Sam every day on the phone, catching up on cases. She hadn’t heard from Dean and didn’t want to. She was still furious with him.      

“How’s the head, Sam? Dad mentioned you had a spell recently?” Alex was waiting for the shoe to drop and the wall to break.

“It wasn’t that bad, really, I’m doing fine. You’re the one I’m worried about. You talk to Dean yet?”

“No, and you know I haven’t, you’re with him.” She rolled her eyes even though he couldn’t see her.

“Look, you have to talk sometime. I don’t know what changed with you two over the last year or so, but something is different. If you talk to me, maybe I can help?” Sam - always the fixer.

“There’s nothing to fix, Sam. It just is what it is. It will blow over eventually… I just needed space. Wouldn’t kill him to apologize though.”

“Ha! You two are so fucking stubborn, you know that? Stay safe, okay Lex? I’ll call you soon.”

“Night Sam.” Alex hung up and as she lay in her stiff motel bed, she decided it was time for a visit home.

 

The rain was hammering down and Alex could barely see through her windshield. It was one hell of a storm outside. When she pulled up to the house she noticed her dad’s car was gone and the Impala was parked out front. She knew she should have checked before just coming home. Still, she couldn’t avoid them forever and she really wanted a good night’s sleep.

When she went inside, she heard voices, and one of them in particular made her bolt into the living room, angel blade drawn.

“Hey there lovely, nice of you to finally join us,” Balthazar said, smiling at her. Sam and Dean turned dual confused looks to her and then back to Balthazar. He was mixing something in a bowl on her dad’s desk. “Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move.”

“What’s going on here? Where’s Cas?” she asked, keeping her blade at her side.

“Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped out our dear Cas – Including all of you. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open.” Balthazar was moving fast mixing things and digging through the desk drawers.

“And you expect us to just believe you?” Sam said, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Oh, don't. You'll go where I throw you either way. And you, lovely, you are going to stay right by my side,” Balthazar cast Alex a wink as he drew an Enochian symbol on the window.

“Over my dead body, she is,” Dean growled at him.

“That's all the time we have, ladies and gentlemen,” Balthazar opened his jacket, revealing a bloodstain on his side. “Where is it?”

“What happened there?” Alex asked, darting a glance around, moving closer to the boys.

“Oh. Garish, I know. You see, uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right,” Balthazar tossed a set of keys at Sam who caught them. “Oh here, for you.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Sam looked confused but pocketed the keys.

“Run with it,” Suddenly the angels Virgil and Juliet appeared, tossing Balthazar across the room. “I said, run!” and with a push he sent Sam and Dean flying through the window he had drawn the sigil on. 

Alex ran to the broken window, but thought she must be going crazy, because Sam and Dean had disappeared. She turned to the scuffling angels and held her blade at the ready. 

Balthazar shoved the other angels aside and ran at Alex. Her instinct was almost to stab him, but he wrapped his arms around her and in a flurry of wind, they were gone. 


	17. Chapter 17

Alex was disoriented, spinning in a swirl of wind and light. Every time it felt like her feet might hit the ground, she was whisked away again.

When she finally did hit solid ground, she hit hard right into the sand and promptly threw up.

              “Easy does it there, lovely. Sorry for the rough flight, but I had to be sure we lost them,” Balthazar said as he stood up, peering around.

Alex was on her hands and knees in the sand trying to catch her breath, the angel blade somehow still clutched in her hand.

              “Where are they?” she asked, getting to her shaky feet and looking around what appeared to be a dark, empty beach.

              “Who, love?”

              “Sam and Dean, who else?” She patted her pocket, checking for her gun and knife.

              “Let’s get a move on, darling, no time to spare.” Balthazar started strutting down the beach and Alex struggled to follow him, legs still wobbly.

              “Get your feathery ass back here and tell me where you sent them! Are they okay?”

              “Of course they are. They are far safer than you and I at the moment. Don’t put that blade away, love, you may need it.” Balthazar cast a quick glance her way before continuing down the beach.

She was practically jogging to keep up with his stride. _Cas, where are you? Please stay safe._ She didn’t know if he would hear her but it was worth a try.

Finally, they came upon a small beach house, and she reluctantly followed the strange angel inside.

              “Can you please take, like, five seconds to explain what’s going on? Where is Cas? Is he okay?” she said impatiently, peering around the dark room.

Then, with one clap of Balthazar’s hands, all the lights came on to reveal a very expensive-looking beach house.

              “Care for a drink, love? We should be safe for now. You can tuck that nasty blade away.” Balthazar walked over to a bar cart and started pouring two whiskeys.

              “Stop avoiding my questions! I mean it - tell me where he is,” Alex growled at Balthazar, holding the blade at the ready.

              “I am right here, Alexandra,” Castiel’s rough voice came from behind her and she turned to see his tired blue eyes.

Alex ran over to Cas and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into his chest.

              “I am perfectly intact, I promise you,” he reassured her, patting her on the back.

              “What’s going on, Cas? Where did you send Sam and Dean?” She let Cas go and took in his disheveled appearance.

              “They are in an alternate plane at the moment, but I assure you they should come to no harm there,” Cas said, slumping down on the closest chair.

Alex crouched down in front of him, putting a hand over his. “Talk to me, Cas,” she said, smiling at him.

He gave her a wan smile back.

Balthazar set a drink on the table by her and waltzed off to the front of the house without so much as word to either of them.

              “It’s going badly, isn’t it?”

              “Yes, Alexandra, it’s taken a very bad turn.” He put his face in his hands, looking like a broken man.

She rubbed his shoulder a moment.

              “Alright, well, tell me what’s going on and we will figure out a plan of attack, okay? I know I’m not an angel, but I am a damn good hunter and a good problem solver. Let me help you.” Alex reached over and grabbed the whiskey, taking a sip.

              “It’s not that simple. Things are more complex than you realize.”

              “Enlighten me,” she said, raising an eyebrow at him, not letting him off the hook.

              “The weapons of heaven that Balthazar had... They were safely hidden away, so well-hidden that it would even take him a good deal of time to properly locate them.” Cas looked at her and then back down at his feet. “Raphael is making a play against all those who stand with me and that included you and the Winchesters, putting a target on your backs.”

Balthazar walked back into the room, sipping on his drink and staring casually at both of them. Alex turned back to Cas, ignoring him.

              “Okay, so that’s why you sent Mary Poppins here to save us. So what about the weapons?”

              “That’s just it. That was my plan - retrieve the weapons, smite Raphael and bring the Winchesters home.” Cas looked over her shoulder at Balthazar.

              “What happened, Cassie?” Balthazar asked, slamming his glass down on the counter, showing the first real emotion Alex had ever seen in him.

              “I couldn’t get them. I wasn’t strong enough to break the spell work. I could do it, but it will take weeks we don’t have. Only an archangel could break in there, but thankfully Raphael hasn’t found out yet.”

              “Well we’re all just fucked, aren’t we then,” Balthazar finished his drink in one big gulp.

              “Okay, so we need more firepower, then. How do we get it?” Alex was trying to stay optimistic.

              “It’s hopeless, Alexandra. The best I can hope for now is to hide you and the Winchesters and hope I can run long enough so you can all be safe.”

              “Thanks for including me in the people to rescue there, Cassie,” Balthazar sneered, pouring another drink. Castiel glared at him.

              Alex ignored Balthazar and pressed on. “Don’t be such a negative Nancy, Cas. There has to be a way?”

              “I hold no electrical charge and my name is Castiel, not Nancy.” Cas looked at her, very confused.

              “I mean, don’t give up!” Alex said, exasperated, and threw her hands up. “We stopped the damn apocalypse, Cas! We did that, together, team free fucking will! Don’t give up on me now.” She glared down at him, ready to give him a swift kick in the ass if needed.

              “Your never-ending hope is one of the many things I admire about you, Alexandra. You are correct - we cannot lose hope yet. I will go and continue to try and find the weapons. I want you to stay here. This is a safe house and it’s heavily warded.” Cas got to his feet looking incredibly weary.

              “Let me come with you. I can help.”

              “Yeah, Cassie, let the lassie come,” Balthazar said with a laughing bark.

              “You will stay here, Alexandra. I cannot risk you getting into Raphael’s hands. Trust me this one time - stay here and stay safe.” Cas put a hand on her shoulder and she reluctantly nodded. “There should be adequate food, and I believe there is a DVD collection of music-inspired movies which I hear are quite popular.”

              “Just… just be careful, okay Cas?” She had a pit in her stomach, worried about letting him out the door, but she didn’t have many options.

Cas looked at her and bent down, planting a small kiss on her forehead, something he had never done before. With a flutter of wings, the angels disappeared from sight.

 

              The next few hours, along with the rest of the following day, was one of the longest waits she could remember. She had no cell service in the stupid house, and if she watched _The Sound of Music_ one more time she would end up shooting the TV. She was a ball of nerves, watching the clock tick down, waiting for some news, any news. She trusted Castiel - she _had_ to trust him. He wouldn’t put the boys in danger. And what about her dad? He must be going crazy by now.

Just when she was about to bust out of the door and consequences be damned, Balthazar showed up in the kitchen, panting and shirt torn.

              “Come with me right now!” he said urgently, clutching her wrist.

              “Wait, what’s going on?” Alex exclaimed, snatching the angel blade from the counter.

              “It’s time to save the day, sweetheart.”

And with that, she was suddenly standing, with wobbly legs, outside some motel in a parking lot. She looked around and saw Sam and Dean on the ground, with a woman in a suit standing over them.

              “You two… have the strangest luck,” the woman said, looking down at the boys.

              “Raphael? Nice meat suit. Dude looks like a lady,” Dean snarked, then threw a surprised glance over to Alex and Balthazar.

Raphael held out her hand and clenched a fist, and suddenly the boys both doubled over in pain.

              “Lay off them, Vader!” Alex yelled and Balthazar put a steadying hand on her.

Ignoring them, Raphael walked over to the boys and snatched up a key from the ground.

              “And that will open you a locker at the Albany bus station,” Balthazar said with a confident smile.

Raphael glared at the key, then back at Balthazar and with one swipe of her hand sent him flying backwards into a dumpster where he collapsed in a heap.

Raphael was between Alex and the boys. She had her angel blade out but had no idea how to get close enough.

              “Enough, Raphael! It’s me you want,” Castiel said as he appeared in front of Alex, only a few feet from Raphael.

              “You are either very brave or very foolish to have come here Castiel. Do these ignorant little monkeys mean so much to you?” Raphael gave a tilt of the head in genuine concern.

              “I am prepared to die if it comes to that,” Castiel replied coolly. Sam and Dean were both still clutching at their sides in pain. Raphael flew at Cas and with one swipe of a blade, cut him across the chest, blinding light shooting out of him.

Alex cried out and flew at Raphael but felt herself flung backwards. She hit the pavement hard, but looked up to see Raphael hunched over Castiel, who was struggling to push her off.

              “I could smite you right here and now, but I want to hear you scream first, Castiel,” Raphael growled, carving the angel blade across his skin. Cas let out an ear-piercing cry that cut straight through Alex. She felt a pang of panic. She looked over to Dean who was struggling to stand. Sam, too, was on his hands and knees, shaking with the effort. They were going to die, all of them, in this dark, dirty parking lot.

              “You’ll nev-never win… Raphael…others…others will keep fighting,” Castiel gasped out. His trench coat was soaked in blood. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as Raphael raised the angel blade above Castiel.  Alex wondered for a moment if it was true what they said in the movies, about time standing still.

              “I can help you, Alexandra,” a soft voice rang in her ear. Alex turned her head but saw no one. “Let me save your friends.” She recognized the voice, then.

              “Eve, is that you? Can you stop this?” Alex looked around to see everyone was frozen. Was she powerful enough for that?

              “I can try, but not without a vessel.” Eve’s voice rattled in Alex’s head and she needed more time, more time to think this through.

              “How are you doing that?” she asked, stalling.

              “I can only hold time for a little while - long enough for you to say yes if that is what you want. I do not wish to see you suffer so.” Eve sounded completely ambivalent as to what she decided to do.

Alex looked over to see Balthazar was still out cold, and then glanced to the boys. Frozen looks of pain on their faces. As soon as Raphael killed Cas he would certainly make a move to smite the boys and her next, just out of spite. She racked her brain for another option - any other option than this. Maybe charging Raphael or throwing the angel blade and hoping it would hit him. But every idea seemed just as useless as the last. There was no other choice left to her - she was out of options.

              “Will you promise... promise to give me my body back? Promise to save them?” Alex had to hear her say it.

              “Of course I will. I will return your vessel to you completely intact, so long as we survive this battle, mind you.”

Suddenly she looked around, and time seemed to be moving again. Raphael sliced one more cut across Castiel’s chest, looking on with a look of terrifying glee.

Alex looked over at the boys, catching Dean’s eyes a moment. She read the panic there.

              “It’s gonna be alright, Dean,” she said in a low voice, taking in those now glossy green eyes. She didn’t know if she would ever see them again and she just wanted one moment to remember everything about them.

              “Lexi?” Dean said with a confused look, still doubled over in pain. Suddenly realization dawned across his face. “No, Lexi, NO!”

At Dean’s cry, Raphael turned his head.

Alex rose to her feet, keeping her eyes on Dean.

              “I’m sorry,” was all she could think to say. She turned to Raphael and grimly uttered just one word… “Yes.”


	18. Chapter 18

            Dean gritted his teeth, but even pushing against the pavement, he still failed to stand. The pain in his gut was all too reminiscent of that temporary bout of stomach cancer Zachariah had given him. What was it with angels and stomachs?

Dean racked his brain for something he could do to help. Looking up, he saw Raphael crouched over Cas, dragging his blade across his friend’s chest. Dean wanted to tear the guy’s - no, the woman’s - throat out.

They were really and truly fucked, this time. He looked over at Lexi. She had a strange look in her eye like she was looking past all of them and seeing something else.

           She looked over at him and their eyes met for a moment. Those piercing blue eyes bored right through him, and they looked scared. He wanted to tell her it would be okay, he would figure something out like he always did, but the words wouldn’t come. Her face changed suddenly and a soft apologetic smile appeared on her lips. God - those lips.

           “It’s gonna be alright, Dean,” she said, just loud enough for him to hear her. He was confused. Did she have a plan? He tried to figure out what she was planning and suddenly, it occurred to him, she was thinking of Eve.

           “No, Lexi, NO!” Dean cried out. She had promised him - she said she wouldn’t do it. He knew that look, though. He had worn that look himself many times, right before he was about to do something incredibly stupid. His stupid fucking body wouldn’t let him move but he had to get to her to stop her.

Raphael had looked up when Dean yelled, and he had a sudden sinking terror that Raphael would kill Lexi before she even got the chance to kill herself.

           “I’m sorry,” Lexi said quietly, looking one last time at Dean before turning to Raphael. Then she said it, so quietly that Dean wasn’t sure he even heard it - she said yes.

Absolute terror shot through Dean as bright, blinding light came out of Alex’s eyes and mouth, her head tipped back. The glass on all the surrounding windows shattered.  They all had to shield their eyes. Dean heard Sam yell out Lexi’s name, but it was too late. And just like that, the parking lot was dark again.

           “Hello Raphael. I would appreciate it if you put Castiel down now,” Lexi... No, not Lexi. _Eve_ slowly walked toward the two angels. Raphael seemed frozen in terror.

 _Who is this chick?_ Dean wondered.

“I won’t ask twice,” Eve said in a cool, authoritative tone.

Raphael was gone in the blink of an eye and Cas lay slumped, panting, on the ground. Dean felt the pain suddenly drain from his body, and Sam grabbed hold of him and pulled him to his feet.

           “Lex?” Sam asked, bewildered. Dean watched as Eve crouched down next to Castiel, cupping his face in her hand.

           “Sweet, brave brother, I do not know why you didn’t have Alexandra call on me sooner.” In another flash, Castiel was completely restored, not a speck of blood to be seen.

           “Eve, let her go,” Castiel said as they both rose to their feet.

           “Thanks, uh – Eve is it? But if you could vacate my friend now,” Dean said, walking over to them slowly. He felt like Eve was a bomb that might go off if he moved too quickly, but he felt slightly more confident with Sam there, covering his back.

           “O ye of little faith,” Eve sighed, looking at Sam and then Dean.

Dean saw Cas put up a warning hand and Dean stopped in his tracks.

           “We really appreciate you saving us just now. Really, we do,” Sam said sincerely. “We are just hoping to get Alex back.”

Eve turned to Sam.

           “Sam, it’s so good to see you back together. I hope the wall is staying up nice and strong. Alexandra was so worried about you.” Eve spoke in a mother’s loving tone, and Dean immediately distrusted her.

           “Thanks. All good on the wall front,” Sam smiled at her. Probably best that Sammy did the talking, ‘cause Dean was about to tackle the bitch if she didn’t get the hell out of Lexi.

           “Castiel, thank you for watching after my girl, though you could have kept a closer eye on her. You will find the weapons of heaven ready for you to take, and I suggest you don’t waste time retrieving them.” Eve smiled at all three of them in turn, and as she glanced over Dean’s shoulder, Dean turned to see Balthazar getting to his feet. With a wink, he disappeared, likely going for the weapons.

“I will return Alex to you, just as I promised.”

Dean let out a breath of relief at these words.

“You will just have to be a little patient. I have business to attend too first,” Eve added, and before Dean could so much as protest she was gone.

           “EVE!!” Dean yelled into the night air, but the night was silent and Lexi was gone. He felt his heartbeat speed up and a lump form in his throat.

           “Someone want to explain to me what’s going on? Who was that?”  Sam asked, approaching Cas. Dean was numb with shock.

           “We have to leave here, now.” Cas put a hand on each of their shoulders and suddenly they were standing in Bobby’s living room.

Bobby startled up from his desk, aiming a shotgun at them.

           “You idjits scared me half to death! Where the hell have you been?” Bobby growled, lowering the gun.

           “Why don’t you ask Cas here?” Dean glared at Cas. God-damn angels.

           “We were fighting Raphael,” Cas said with an exasperated sigh.

           “Oh, that’s what you’re calling it? ‘Cause it looked like you getting your ass handed to you.” Dean wasn’t sure why he was so mad at Cas.

           “Take it easy, Dean,” Sam said, going to put a hand on his shoulder, then thinking better of it.

           “Where’s Al? Her car is out front but she isn’t here, and she’s not answering her phone. I figured she was with you knuckle-heads?” Bobby looked between all three of them. There was a moment of uneasy silence.

           “Alexandra... is alive, we are just unaware of her current location,” Castiel replied evasively.

This was gonna fall on Dean to tell Bobby - the only person who would be more pissed off about it then he was.

           “She said yes to an angel called Eve, to save us from Raphael,” Dean spat it out, since there was no use in waiting.

           “I’m sorry, my ears must not be working. She did what?” Bobby asked in a low growl.

Dean took a step back.

           “We’ll get her back, Bobby, I promise.” Dean put his hands up to stop Bobby, and Sam gave him a worried glance.

           “Who the hell is Eve?!” Bobby exclaimed.

Dean sighed. He should have known that Lexi wouldn’t tell him. Had she even told Sam?

           “I second that - who the hell is Eve?” Sam asked, looking from Cas to Dean.

Dean told them everything he knew, from Lexi’s dreams and the nightmares all the way to the events of that night. He left out the part about Eve showing up as Lexi’s mom - somehow that seemed too personal for him to divulge.

Bobby was silent, letting Dean get all the way through the story. Cas offered no help.

           “Bobby, we will get her back. I mean it,” Dean said, sincerely. He was getting her back and then he was gonna kick her ass for a pulling a stunt like that.

Bobby was silent - eerily silent. He just walked back behind his desk, sat down, and poured himself a tall glass of whiskey.

           “I have to go. If I stand any hope of tracking Eve down I need to start right away,” Castiel said, glancing at Bobby. With a grim nod, Castiel disappeared.

Sam and Dean shared a glance with each other and then looked back to Bobby.

           “So where should we start?” Sam ventured, and Bobby shot back his glass and poured another.

           “Start? We start by going back in time, and not letting my baby girl become a hunter, that’s how we start,” Bobby grumbled. Dean watched him warily and Sam was speechless as well.

           “Well, my DeLorean is in the shop, so why don’t we start with some kind of tracking spell?” Dean ventured, to lighten the mood.

Bobby shot him a glare, and stood up, saying, “Sam, put on some coffee, it’s gonna be a long night.”

Sam immediately went to the kitchen.

“Dean… Don’t you ever keep something like this from me again, you hear me?” Bobby jabbed a finger at Dean’s chest.

           “Yeah, Bobby, I hear ya. What should I do?” Dean just needed a job to do, anything to keep his worried mind busy. Lexi would be fine, they would find that bitch Eve and Lexi would be fine.

They settled in for the night with Dean’s favorite task - research. His eyes were red and blurry by the time the sun started to come up. They had found nothing so far. Each of them took turns taking small naps through the next day, but by dinner time the stress was starting to get to all of them.

           Dean looked at the dark circles under Sammy’s eyes and started to worry about the wall again. Being exhausted and sleep deprived wouldn’t help his mental stability. Dean went to the kitchen and found a few gross protein bars and a Gatorade. While he was at it he grabbed some for Bobby too, although Bobby was currently asleep on his desk.

Dean handed the bars and drink to Sam, looking over his shoulder at the old text he was reading.

           “Is that even English?” Dean asked.

           “Thas wud dis fur,” Sam said through a mouth full of protein bar.

           “It’s called chewing, Sam,” Dean scolded.

           “Sorry. That’s what this book is for, translation. Nothing useful in here yet though.”

Dean sighed and decided to go outside for some air. It was just starting to get dark out and Dean walked over to Lexi’s Firebird. It wasn’t Baby, but it was a damn fine car. He popped the hood on it and decided to check the oil. He smiled, remembering the first time he worked on Lexi’s car.

           It was the summer of ‘99 maybe, Dean wasn’t sure. Lexi was seventeen, maybe eighteen. Sam was enrolled at a high school and staying with Father Jim, and his dad had dumped him at Bobby’s while he worked a hunt he didn’t think Dean could handle.

Dean had been in a foul mood. He hadn’t seen Lexi in over a year, though he heard her voice on the phone with Sam often enough. Still, Dean wasn’t prepared for what he saw when he turned around from the engine of the Firebird to see Lexi standing there, hands on her hips. Lexi had grown up.

           “Hey! Did I tell you that you were allowed to look under my hood?” Lexi asked in her familiar, teasing voice. She had turned from a wiry girl into a woman in what seemed like overnight. She had a curve to her hips and a movement to her body that stopped Dean cold in his tracks. He was pretty sure his eyebrows hit his hairline and still hoped to this day that his mouth hadn’t actually hung open.

She had brushed her sandy-brown hair over her shoulder and given him a queer look. He had known she had blue eyes, but since when were they that blue?

           Dean had been momentarily speechless, staring at her. He had forced his eyes back to the car. The funny thing is he couldn’t for the life of him even remember what she was wearing that day, and yet he’d never forgotten how she looked. There had been a glow about her.

           “Well, I figured I’d take a look while your dad’s out picking up parts,” Dean had finally managed to answer. Lexi had walked right up behind him and leaned over the engine placing a hand on his shoulder for balance. Dean had gone rigid at her touch. He had no idea what was wrong with him all of sudden. It was just Lexi.

           “I just did a once over on it. It should be good, Dean.” She gave a worried glance at the car. The way Lexi said his name sent a shiver through him. He stole a sideways glance at her and to make it even worse, she was biting her lower lip with an adorable look of concentration.

           “Yeah, uh... no, uh, it looks good except for the uh... fan belt, see here? It needs a little grease and it should be good to last you for a long while.” That had been a lie, the belt looked fine, but he wanted an excuse to stay there talking to her.

           “Hmm... if you say so. Why are you here, anyway? Is Sam here too?”

Of course she would ask for Sam. He remembered feeling a tiny pinch of jealousy that she asked about his brother.

           “Dad is working a hunt, and Sam is in school, so I offered to help Bobby out around here.” He was a grown ass man of twenty at that point - he couldn’t bear to admit his dad had dropped him off like a damn child.

Lexi had just smiled at him and grabbed the oil can. “Well it’s just you and me then - Dad called and he has to go a few towns over for some specialty parts. I think he has a lady friend over there if you ask me, not that he’d ever admit it,” Lexi smiled at Dean and sat on the picnic table, legs swinging.

“Nice,” Dean had replied, laughing with her, unsure of what to say. Dean was charming if he did say so himself, and not too bad too look at either. Girls had flocked to him in every high school he attended. Dean never got too attached to any of them, because what was the point? He was usually only in town a few weeks, and then he was off again.

He suddenly wanted to flirt with her, lay on the charm thick, and bat his green eyes at her. But this wasn’t any girl, this was Lexi - his Lexi. The whole thing unnerved him.

           Lexi pushed at him with her foot and smiled and he immediately relaxed. He soon realized how stupid it was to be nervous at all around her. She chatted with him about hunting and his dad, and he asked her about the same. They had ended up ordering pizza and stayed up most of that night talking about movies and music while sitting out on the picnic table. She never asked him the wrong questions. She never asked about his mom, or about the yellow-eyed demon, though sometimes he wished she had. It wasn’t anything special that night, but it stuck so clearly in Dean’s mind. That was the first time he knew he had feelings for Lexi.

           He smiled a moment at the memory and replaced the dipstick, going around to slide into the driver’s seat. He nearly banged his knees on the steering wheel, he forgot how much shorter she was then him. He looked in the back and saw the floor lined with books and a blanket folded up on the tiny back seat. He wondered how many nights she had slept in the car while on a hunt. It wasn’t nearly as big a back seat as Baby had.

           The car still smelled of her. He lay his head back a moment and tried to rack his brain for some way to see her, when suddenly it came to him. _Eve, if you can hear me, bring her back, you feathery bitch_. There was a flash of movement and the car shook gently for a moment. Dean looked over to see Lexi sitting next to him. Only it wasn’t Lexi at all.

           “Hello, Dean,” Eve said with a strange cool smile that was completely foreign to him.

           “Uh, hi Eve.” He mentally kicked himself. Why did he do this without setting a trap? He didn’t have the holy oil or anything.

Her hair was down with a slight wave to it, and she was wearing a thin, white cotton dress with bare feet.

           “I’m glad you called me, Dean. How are you?” Eve asked, looking him over.

           “How am I? Really, lady?” He glared at her. She had to be kidding.

           “Yes, really Dean,” Eve said, without any anger or frustration. The angel was unflappable.

           “Well, there’s an angel wearing my friend like a suit, so I’ve been better.” Dean knew he should bite his tongue, hold back. It’s what Sam would do, but Dean didn’t think he had that kind of restraint in him.

           “I know you are worried, Dean. I know all of Alexandra’s thoughts and emotions. She knows you very well. Like she knows that you get a little crinkle between your eyes when you’re distressed about something.”

Eve examined his face as he desperately tried to flatten out his brow.

           “Fascinating stuff. Now get the hell out of her.” Dean tried to add as much authority to his voice as he could.

           “I plan to, but… there is something I need to do first. Something that I still need a vessel for. So as long as we make it back, I will return her to you.”

           Dean saw red. “You listen to me. Maybe you haven’t been tuned into what’s been happening the past few years, but we are the Winchesters, and we have survived, and beaten the two most badass archangels heaven had to offer. So believe me, if you do not return Lexi to me alive and intact, so help me I will come for you and I will make the pit look like a goddamn merry-go-round ride.”

Eve was silent a moment, staring at him, and while he had an oh-shit-I-am-about-to-get-smited twinge, he tried hard not to show it on his face.

           “I see now why she loves you, Dean. Such a brave protector you are.”

Eve got out of the car, and Dean scrambled to get out on his side, not losing her from his sight.

“I came here tonight, mostly out of curiosity. To meet the man Lexi feels such strong emotions for. You are a unique individual, Dean. You have a beautiful soul, like Alexandra here. I only hope that all goes well and you can be reunited. I hope you believe me when I say that?” Eve gave him a soft smile that unnerved him.

           “Lexi, if you’re in there and you can hear me, throw the bitch out!” It was a desperate try, but hey, Sammy had done it with the damn devil himself. Dean could tell she was about to go and he couldn’t lose her - this could be his only chance. “Lexi, you can do this!” he yelled now, with true desperation in his voice.

           “I’m sorry Dean, she cannot hear you. I have left her in a happy memory. She is not aware of what is going on around her now. I do not underestimate her, as you often do.”

           “Don’t go! Give her back or I’ll – ” Dean was coming around the car now but Eve held up a hand, freezing Dean where he stood.

           “No more empty threats, Dean. If I do manage to bring her back to you, however, you would do well to take better care of her, going forward,” Eve said, with a chastising look.

           “Believe me, I won’t let any angel touch her body again,” Dean growled.

           “Again, you and the point just missed each other. You should take better care of her soul.”

With that, she was gone, and Dean watched as a soft wind blew dust up in swirls from where she had been standing. He had lost her. He had lost her again.  


	19. Chapter 19

              Dean collapsed onto his knees in the yard, his head slowly falling into his hands. He had fucked up, and it could have cost him everything. Why had he done that? Why hadn’t he waited, set a trap? He could have caught her.

              He stayed very still in the cool night air for a few moments, vibrating with anxiety. He felt the tension building like he was being strung up and stretched to breaking. Dean leapt up, grabbing a tire iron, and swung with every ounce of energy radiating out his arms. There was a huge, satisfying crash as the windshield of the Firebird shattered under the blow. Still vibrating, he pulled back the iron and swung at the car one more time to another, less satisfying crash.

              “Dean?” came the concerned and cautious voice of Sam, behind him.  Dean kept his back to Sam. He was on the verge of losing it, but he knew if he just took a few deep breaths he could reign it all back in. One, two, three, Dean counted in his head and let out the breath he had been holding.

              “Hey Sammy. Find anything?” Dean asked, swinging the iron toward the ground and turning to look at Sam.

              “No, nothing, so uh–   you wanna tell me why you’re bashing in her car?” Sam stole a glance down at the broken glass everywhere.

              “Do I look like I wanna talk about it?” Dean snapped. He knew he should tell Sam and Bobby what happened, but what would it change? Nothing Eve had told him would help bring Lexi back.  He’d only tell them if he had to.

              “You need help?” Sam asked, walking around Dean and examining the car.

              “Nah, I can take care of it,” Dean sighed, rubbing his face, eyes starting to burn with the effort to stay open. He turned to see Sam leaning into the car and sweeping up the glass from the seats. Dean was too tired to argue with him so he went to the opposite side and began cleaning out the car as well. They did what they could before quitting and heading into the house to catch a few hours of sleep.

 

              The next few days went by in a blur for Dean. He spent every free minute he wasn’t searching for Lexi, repairing her car. Getting and installing the new windshield took time, since he had to fix the frame he bent. Bobby hadn’t even yelled at him over it, which somehow made him feel even worse about it. Sam seemed to be doing okay, which was a small saving grace. He hadn’t had any more spells at least. Bobby had become more and more ornery with each passing day and Dean had begun avoiding him when at all possible.

Dean was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of lukewarm coffee, when a wind blew all the papers off the table, making him jump and spill his coffee.

              “Hello Dean,” Castiel’s weary voice came behind him.

              “What the hell, Cas?” Dean yelled, jumping up and waiting for his heart to slow.

              “I would apologize for startling you but I don’t have time,” Cas grumbled looking around, as Bobby and Sam came up from the basement.

              “Well?” Bobby asked, putting his hands on his hips and eyeing Cas.

              “The good news is that I know where Eve is. The bad news is... I know where Eve is.” Cas had a slump to his shoulders and looked, for lack of a better word, exhausted.

Dean felt a small pang at the sight of him and nearly offered him a seat.

              “Spit it out Cas,” Sam said, crossing his arms.

              “She’s in hell,” Cas said, and a silence hung in the air a moment.

              “Excuse me, I must not be hearing you. I thought I heard you say she was in hell?” Dean could feel the anxiety rising again.

              “My sources tell me that she has gone to hell - well, more accurately, to the cage. Lucifer’s cage. To my knowledge, she has not entered the cage, which is good at least.” Cas ran a hand through his hair.

              “What the hell is she doing there?” Sam asked with a shaky look on his face at the mention of the cage.

Cas darted a nervous eye around the room.

              “Well, Eve has a… known attachment to Lucifer. She left heaven when he fell, some say from a broken heart because of his betrayal of humanity. It’s all speculation at this point and no demon or angel dares go near the cage, so there’s no way to tell.”

              “So… you’re telling me that this Eve... has Al down in hell?” Bobby seemed to be struggling to stay calm.

              “It’s not the first time for Alexandra. I am only hoping that her vessel fares better this time than it did the last.” These words made all three of the hunters’ heads turn. Cas looked up and seemed to realize he had said something they hadn’t heard before. “I uh-“

              “When was she in hell before?” Dean pointed a threatening finger at Castiel’s chest. The angel was momentarily silent. “You tell me right now you son of bitch, or so help me I will gut you. Were you–”

“Alexandra agreed to be my vessel,” Castiel interrupted, “to rescue you from hell, Dean. I couldn’t get you free without a vessel and I didn’t have time to convince Jimmy Novak to say yes. All I had to tell Alexandra was that I needed her help to save you and she was more than willing to say yes. I promised to return her body to her and sought out Jimmy once you were raised from hell. It did take its toll on her, however, which is why she spent a month in the hospital following the battle, recuperating. A human body is damaged from simply being in hell and the longer it’s there, the worse the damage.”

Castiel’s words seemed to float around Dean - he was having a hard time making sense of them.

              “Son of a bitch!” Bobby yelled, lunging at Cas like he was gonna clock him one. Sam caught him and held him back. Dean glanced up at Bobby and it was silent a moment, Sam letting Bobby go when he appeared to calm down.

Cas was not shocked by the outburst. He just seemed dejected.

“That explains why she didn’t answer her phone when Dean showed back up. That idjit said yes twice,” Bobby grumbled, shaking his head. “I’m gonna wring her neck when she gets back.”

              “I am sorry I don’t have better news. I have stationed an angel by hell’s gate to alert me as soon as Eve makes her way out, which I am hoping will be shortly.”

              “Thanks, Cas. Let us know as soon as you hear anything,” Sam sighed as he clapped Cas on the back.

Dean had his arms crossed tight across his chest, unable to form words. Cas caught Dean’s eyes and gave him a pitying look.

              “Alexandra is strong, incredibly strong. I believe she will make it through this.” Cas nodded at them all, and with a flurry of wind, disappeared.

              Dean collapsed back into the kitchen chair and buried his face in his hands a moment. Why, why did it always have to be his fault? She’d gone to hell because of him. He felt nauseous at the thought of it. He felt like he was somehow toxic, that for all his efforts, everyone around him still seemed to get hurt.

              “Hey! Stop it, Dean. This isn’t your fault, and neither was her first trip to hell.” Sam’s strong voice made him look up. Sam was standing firm and his gaze felt like it drove right through him. Was he that much of an open book?

              “He’s right, Dean. Al is a grown-ass woman, a stupid grown-ass woman who made her own stupid-ass decisions. This doesn’t fall on you. You hear me, boy?” Bobby said, coming over to him.

He must look terrible if they both looked so concerned. Dean couldn’t afford to lose it - he had to get out, away from their stares. He stood up and marched past them without a word, not trusting himself to talk.

He got in his car and sped off down the road, driving in a big loop for a few hours, clearing his head. Sam didn’t call and he was glad for the time alone. He put on one of his favorite Clapton tapes and let the songs sooth him.

When he got back it was dark and Sam was passed out on the couch with a book on his chest.

              Dean went over to him, put the book away and pulled a blanket up over Sam, hoping he had eaten something before falling asleep. He went to the kitchen, his own stomach growling, and found a leftover piece of pecan pie in the freezer. Lexi must have made it a little while back. Dean heated it up in the microwave and sat down, savoring the sweet, nutty taste. Not as good as fresh out of the oven but still it was just what he needed.

He remembered the first pie Lexi had ever made him on his birthday. It had been a thing of beauty, that is, until it hit the floor. When those big blue eyes began to fill with tears it just about killed him. He was ready to eat the pie off the floor if she would have stopped crying, but she set to making a new one and he had kept her company while she did it. Sammy always struggled to get him something for his birthday even if all he could find was soda from the vending machine. His dad had always brought something small to him at some point when he returned from a hunt too, but it seemed a bit like an afterthought.

Lexi though - she had planned, she had worked hard, slaving for hours to make something she thought he would really enjoy. That birthday stuck out to Dean, because of Lexi’s pie, and because of what his dad had said. When his dad had picked him up from that hunt, him and Lexi had walked outside laughing and reading a comic together. Dad had signaled for him to come over and Lexi had gone back inside. He had put a strong hand on his shoulder which always meant he was gonna tell Dean something important that he wouldn’t like.

              “Dean, I see you like Alex there a lot, don’t you?”

              “Yes sir,” Dean had answered cautiously.

              “That’s all well and good, she’s a friend, but that’s all she can ever be, do you hear me? If I catch you kissing that girl, or thinking about kissing that girl, you’ll be in a heap of trouble.” John’s voice had been firm and absolute. At the time, Dean was just a kid, the thought had never crossed his mind, so he had quickly nodded in agreement. The words though, the words stuck with him later. When he had started to think about kissing Lexi, he could hear his dad in his head telling him she was off-limits. Why though, he wasn’t sure. Maybe his dad thought he would be a bad influence on her, or get her hurt? He wasn’t sure, and he never had the balls to ask.

He finished, and felt a pang of guilt about eating the last slice of pie. What if Bobby had wanted it? What if it was the last slice she would make?

               No, he couldn’t afford to think like that and they had faced far worse odds. He needed to toughen the hell up and get his head in the game. Dean was gonna get some sleep and then tackle things fresh in the morning. As he lay on the floor, head propped up on one of Lexi’s coats, all balled up, he closed his eyes and thought of her. He heard her laugh, and remembered the touch of her smooth skin, her hands running through his hair. He would find her, and she would be okay, because anything else just wasn’t acceptable.

 

              “Hey, you okay?” Sam was shaking his shoulder and Dean scrunched his eyes shut, not ready to be blinded by morning light. He swatted in the general direction of Sam, only finding air. “I got coffee, you grump,” Sam scoffed and he heard heavy footsteps heading for the kitchen.

              Dean stretched and rubbed at his eyes, getting up off the floor. His whole body ached. He felt like he was in his sixties, not thirties. He followed Sam into the kitchen and slumped at the table. Sam set a coffee down in front of him and for the first time that morning he noticed that Sam looked… happy.

              “What has you so cheery this morning?” Dean grumbled, drinking his coffee, burning his mouth a bit.

              “So get this, I think I found a tracking spell, in this old grimoire from a witch Bobby killed a few years back.” Sam smiled at him eagerly, pushing an old dusty book toward him. Dean blinked and tried to read it for a few seconds before realizing it wasn’t in English.

               “How am I supposed to read that?” Dean pushed it back to Sam who scowled at him.

               “It’s in a mix of Latin and Creole. Seems like the spell itself is in Latin but the rest of how to do the spell is in Creole so it took me a while to decipher it. Thing is, the spell is kinda dangerous, and it’s… well it’s… demon magic.” Sam hesitated on these last words and Dean eyed him over the top of his coffee.

               “Not to rain on your parade here, Sammy, but A, we shouldn’t fuck around with demon magic, and B, we know where Lexi is, we just don’t know how to get to her. Big difference. So unless you got a summoning spell in there, simply finding her won’t help.” Dean hated to dash his hopes like that but he was just being realistic.

               Sam swung the book around and started flipping through it furiously. Sam’s intellect never ceased to impress Dean. He felt like he should praise him for it more often but he wouldn’t want him to get a bigger head than he already had.

               Sam eventually slammed the book shut and leaned back running both hands through his hair.

              “Well fuck, Dean, I am just about out of ideas here.”

               Dean could see the stress in his eyes.

               “Easy, brother. Alright? We’ll figure it out, or maybe we will just get lucky and Eve will bring her back like she said she would. I mean, angels are dicks so I am not banking on that, but it’s possible.” He didn’t really think it was that likely, but if it comforted Sam...

              “You don’t think she’ll do that for one second. I dunno, I just hate feeling useless.”

               “You and me both,” Dean replied, finishing his coffee. Dean got up and looked in the fridge to see it was completely empty. He checked and cabinets were bare too. Bobby had been running himself ragged trying to find Lexi, least he could do was restock for him. “Think I am gonna make a grocery run, there’s nothing here but two stale beers.”

               “Want me to come with?” Sam offered.

               “Nah I got this, you stay and see if Bobby needs any help.” Dean grabbed his coat and headed out the door, happy to see Baby in the yard. He made a point not to look at the Firebird, even though he had fully fixed her up so that Lexi wouldn’t notice a thing out of place. There was a loud crack, and a sharp pain to the back of his head, and suddenly everything went dark.

 

              When Dean next regained some consciousness, he could feel himself being jostled, definitely in a moving car. He peeked one eye open, staying still. He was in the back seat of Baby, arms tied tight behind his back. He quietly pulled at his restraints but whoever had tied him up had done a damn good job. His head throbbed as he glanced up to try and see who was driving the car. A woman turned her head around to glance at him. He knew the face from somewhere.

              “Hello Dean. Not time to wake up yet, little monkey.” The woman touched a finger to his forehead and like that, he was out cold.

 

              The next time he came to, he was on a cold metal chair, hands and feet tied. He groggily picked his head up and looked around what appeared to be a back room in a warehouse. The chair was bolted to the cement and again the restraints were tight. _Fuck_ , Dean thought to himself, trying to wrack his brain for a way to undo the ropes.

              “I wasn’t taking any chances, Winchester. Not even you can get out of that one,” the high pitched sing song voice came behind him. He heard the click of heels as the woman walked around in front of him. She was wearing a navy pencil-skirt suit with her hair tied back in a severe looking bun.

              “Sweetheart, if you wanted to mess with rope play you should have just asked,” Dean said, flexing his hands open and closed.

              “Feisty little monkey aren’t you?” The woman cocked an eyebrow at him.

              Dean then remembered seeing her in Bobby’s house, right before Balthazar had pushed him through the window.

              “So Juliet, right?” Dean figured if he could keep her talking it would buy him thinking time, though if she wanted him dead she could have done it already.

              “Yes. Good monkey.” She spun around, heading for a table at the far end of the room. Dean tried to get a glimpse of what was on the table but couldn’t quite see.

              “You know I am gonna kill you right? That’s a promise, bitch, and I don’t break my promises,” Dean kept his voice level and matter of fact. The woman spun around, holding his favorite pocket knife in her hand.

              “You can save the empty threats. You are nothing more than bait to me. And to think you could have been the ultimate vessel to Michael himself. What a waste.” She strode toward him, knife in hand.

              “Yeah, well, not everyone can get inside this pretty package.” Dean gave an uncomfortable laugh as the angel leaned over him. She held the blade just under his nose, dragging the edge down his throat and, clutching his tee shirt, cut it right down the middle. “Hey, aren’t you gonna at least buy me dinner first?” his voice caught in his throat as she smiled at him.

              “Such delicate creatures you humans are. So soft,” she said, dragging the blade down his chest. A stream of cold blood ran down his stomach. He managed to bite his cheek and not yell out. He turned and spit in the bitch’s face and she back-handed him across the face. She hit harder than he could have imagined and he was pretty sure she knocked a molar loose.

              “Pray, Dean Winchester. Pray to your little winged traitor, Castiel. Or better yet, pray to Eve and have your little girlfriend save you.” She grinned at him and he suddenly understood why she had taken him.

               “Fuck you, bitch,” he spat at her. He considered it, though. Castiel could probably take this bitch, especially with the weapons of heaven. But this Juliet knew that, so why take the risk at all unless she had something else up her sleeve?

Juliet drove the blade into his upper arm and he grunted with pain as she twisted the knife, grinding against bone. Tears welled in his eyes and he gasped for breath.

               “You’ll pray for help eventually, Winchester,” Juliet purred as she pulled the blade out and spun it around in her hand.

               The bitch worked him over for nearly an hour, though it felt much, much longer. He hadn’t been able to keep quiet the whole time. He kept his mind clear from Castiel or Eve, not wanting to play into this bitch’s plans. Every time he was sure the bitch was gonna kill him she would heal him and start carving all over again. Dean had been through hell, but this pain, this was different.

               She finally stopped, putting the blade back down on the table and eyeing him. He closed his eyes and thought of Lexi, sitting in the front seat of the Impala, window down with the breeze tossing her hair around. He smiled at the thought.

              “Eve, I’ve got your girls favorite little dancing monkey! Come and get me!” Juliet yelled to the air, looking around. There was nothing but silence.

               Dean wondered for a second what Bobby and Sam must be thinking. He had been gone for hours by now, judging by the darkening sky he could see out the small window. His body shook and he felt faint from the blood loss. He struggled to stay conscious as Juliet kept yelling, snarling at the ceiling.

               “Plan not really working out for ya there, is it princess?” Dean managed a weak, cocky smile.

               Suddenly, there was a vibration coming up from the floor. Dean could feel it in his feet and through the chair. Juliet stood back from Dean a moment, smiling. Dean glanced around as, with a huge crack like thunder, Eve appeared, standing in front of Dean and blocking Juliet.

               She turned to look at Dean, with those same blue eyes as Lexi’s, and gave him the smallest conspiratorial wink.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

            “I wasn’t sure if you would come. I thought you would pick your man over hers any day,” Juliet crooned, sliding an angel blade from her sleeve.

             “You don’t know the first thing about me,” Eve said, spinning her own angel blade in her hand.

Juliet tossed a lighter toward Eve’s feet and before they could blink, a ring of fire encircled Eve and Dean.

             “Got you now, traitor,” Juliet spat with a downright evil-villain grin that was almost comical.

             “You have been plaguing my girl’s dreams, haven’t you? And now you have forced my hand and cut short my time. You have crossed the wrong angel - or should I say, woman, Juliet,” Eve’s voice took on a new authoritative tone he hadn’t heard before and Dean saw Juliet waver for a moment. “You see, I am no ordinary angel, I am not even an ordinary archangel. I was human, I possess a human soul, and I am what you call unique.”

              Juliet suddenly tore open her shirt to reveal a bloody sigil carved into her stomach. Juliet looked like she was about to hit the sigil with her hand when suddenly Eve pulled up her arms and threw them down again. A great gust of wind blew through the whole room. It would have knocked Dean over if the chair hadn’t been bolted down. Juliet was knocked off her feet and the holy fire was gone. Eve clapped her hands together and brushed the dirt off her dress.

“I tried to tell you, Juliet, I am no angel.” Eve threw her angel blade. It landed square in Juliet’s chest, and a bright light filled the room.

Dean shut his eyes.

              “It’s alright, Dean, you can open your eyes now.” Eve’s voice came from right in front of him and he slowly opened his eyes. Dean looked past her at the angel, sprawled out with black wing marks scorched across the floor beneath her.

              “Uh… thanks?” was all Dean could think to say.

Eve touched her fingers lightly to the ropes and they fell away from him. He was too weak to stand, but when Eve placed just her pointer finger on his chest, he was filled with an energizing warm sensation. Looking down, he saw he was completely healed and even his clothes were put back together. He looked back up at Eve and noticed she looked more worn then last time he saw her. Her hair was a mess, dress torn, and she looked like she was covered in ash.

             “Dean, are you feeling well now?”

He nodded at her, standing.

             “I am going to leave Alexandra’s vessel now. Are you prepared to care for her? I am afraid the battle was more draining to us both then I had anticipated. I only hope I do not break my promise to return her body whole to her.” Dean felt a pang of rage at that but held his tongue since he was in no place to piss her off. “A parting word of advice… stop being so afraid of what you’re going to lose, that you never actually let yourself have it.”   

             Dean shielded his eyes from a sudden white light and when he looked again there was Lexi lying on the cement floor. Dean dove down on his knees next to her, lifting up her head. He felt for a pulse and checked to be sure she was breathing. Definitely alive, though her pulse was weak. He looked around and went over to the dead angel, digging through her pockets to find his keys. He scooped Lexi up off the floor and carried her outside, where the Impala was waiting for them.

             “Hey, Baby. Boy, am I glad to see you,” he crooned at the car, carefully laying Lexi down in the back seat. He grabbed a blanket and tucked it in around her. He cupped her face in his hand a moment, letting out a sigh of relief. He had her back.

              He hit the road quickly and soon realized that he was only a few hours drive from Bobby’s. He dug through the glove box and found one burner phone that still had battery and called Bobby.

              “Dean, is that you? Where have you been?”

              “I’ve got her, Bobby. I have Alex. I’m three hours out, I’ll tell you everything when we get there.” He was glad to be able to say “we”.

              “Is she alright?” Of course he would ask that.

             “She will be. She’s not awake yet.” The silence on the line was deafening for a moment.

             “Get your asses back here ASAP, ya hear?”

             “Yeah, Bobby, fast as I can. See you soon.” Dean hung up and began the long drive through the night. He kept checking the rearview but Lexi was so still. He even pulled over a few times just to make sure she was still breathing. But just having her there in the car, he already felt a weight lifted off his chest. He knew she would wake up - she was tough as nails. She just needed time.

             “You know, Lexi, this may be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. I mean not as dumb as selling your soul, or drinking demon blood, but it’s pretty damn high on the list of stupid ideas.” He checked the rearview but she still didn’t stir, he was just talking to himself. “But don’t you worry, Lexi, we are gonna get you all healed up and back on your feet in no time,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.

             He began to wish Sam was there to help fill the silence. He didn’t play any music because while he wanted her to wake up, part of him felt that she needed rest.

             At least she looked like she was in a peaceful sleep, which was something, right? He had seen her in a not so peaceful sleep too often the past few months. Waking up from a nightmare and screaming his name, sounding terrified like something had happened to him. He was pretty sure she didn’t know she did that, but she called out to him in her sleep a lot. He never heard her do that before these past few months though. Every time he heard his name on her lips like that he wanted to rush to her, tell her it was okay and he was there. But was he being there really doing her any good? Dean pulled up to the salvage yard and Bobby and Sam were both hustling out to meet him before he even put the car in park.

             “Al? Hey honey,” Bobby crooned, opening the back door. “Dean, she looks like hell,” Bobby grumbled.

             Sam moved around to the other side as Dean got out. “I got her,” Sam said, and pulled Lexi into his arms, limp as a rag doll.

             “You wanna start explainin’, boy?” Bobby eyed Dean as Sam carried Lexi into the house. Dean sighed and told him everything that happened from Juliet knocking him out to Eve leaving Lexi’s body. Sam carried Lexi to the panic room, since they all agreed it was the safest place for her to recover. Bobby looked at Lexi and then up Dean. When Bobby moved towards him Dean flinched a minute, thinking he might hit him, but Bobby pulled him into a big bear hug.

            “Thanks, boy,” Bobby grunted, letting Dean go.

            “I didn’t do anything. I’m just glad she’s back.” Dean shrugged his shoulders.

            “We should call Cas, let him know,” Sam said, sitting at the foot of the cot.

             In an instant, Cas appeared on the opposite side of the cot, staring down at Lexi.

            “Cas!” Dean exclaimed, “a little warning, we’ve talked about this,” Dean shook his head, heart racing.

             Cas ignored him, kneeling by the cot and placing his hand on Lexi’s forehead. Dean crossed his arms nervously, biting at his nails.

             “She’s alive,” Cas said, finally.

             “No shit, Sherlock,” Bobby replied, exasperated.

             “She will take a while to fully recover but I believe given time, she will.” Cas stood up with a grim expression.

             “What is it?” Dean asked, seeing Cas was holding back.

             “I don’t know how to describe it so that you will understand.” Cas looked down at Lexi and back up at them. “She is in there, but she is stuck in the subconscious. Eve must have put her there either to shield her or to silence her from taking back control. Either way, Alexandra will have to fight her way back to consciousness.”

             “Well, do some of your woo-woo crap and fix her,” Bobby growled.

             “I can’t go poking around in her brain, I could do more harm than good. The best thing for her now is for you to sit and wait. Talk to her, if you want. That may help bring her around. I’m sorry I could not be of more help.” Cas frowned and disappeared abruptly.

             “Go upstairs and get some sleep, both of ya. I’ll stay up with her.” Bobby wasn’t asking, and Dean was exhausted. He and Sam trudged upstairs and promptly passed out. Dean woke in the early morning and, grabbing coffee, headed down to check on Lexi. Sam was sitting in a chair by the bed, drinking coffee himself and reading a book. Dean realized it was still dark out.

           “Why are you up? You must be exhausted,” Sam said, looking up at Dean.

           “I’m good, I got a good four. How is she?” Dean looked down at Lexi and frowned. She looked completely unchanged.

           “Same,” Sam sighed. “Told Bobby to get some shut-eye and that I would sit with her.”

Dean pulled up a chair on the opposite side and settled in. “Think she’ll wake up soon?” Dean asked, watching her chest rise and fall slowly with each breath.

           “Yeah, she will. Like Cas said, she just needs time.” Sam closed his book and rested it on the foot of the bed.

           “What you reading?”

           “It’s nothing.”

           “What is it?” Dean squinted at him.

           “It’s the Hobbit, okay? We used to read it as kids. I thought if I read it aloud to her, it might help her wake up.” Sam shrugged with a sheepish look on his face.

           “Good idea, Sammy, have at it,” Dean nodded at the book drinking his coffee.

           “You don’t seriously mean that?” Sam raised a brow at him.

           “Course I do, if it helps Lexi wake up I am all for it,” Dean propped up a foot and closed his eyes as Sam began reading. He lost track of the story, nearly falling asleep in his chair. He woke to quiet as Sam was sitting still, watching her. “Did she move?” Dean asked, hopefully.

           “No she didn’t, I just got to the song part and she always did that so I took a break.” Sam looked tired too with circles under his eyes.

           “How’s the old noggin doing?” Dean asked, as casually as possible.

           “I’m good, Dean. You don’t have to worry about me,” Sam sighed.

Dean just scoffed at that. He reached down and pushed the hair out of Lexi’s eyes a moment, cupping her face in his hand.

           “Did Dad ever tell you not to date Lexi?” Dean asked, not looking up at Sam. He wasn’t sure where that question had come from.

           “No, he never said anything to me about Alex. Why, did he tell you that?”

Dean was still watching her face, so still, wishing she would wake up and he could see her blue eyes. “Yeah, he told me he would kick my butt if he caught me kissing her,” Dean started to chuckle, but it died in his throat.

          “That’s kinda messed up,” Sam in typical fashion, scowled.

          “He was probably just looking out for her, is all,” Dean tried to defend him.

          “From what? From you? She doesn’t need protection from you, Dean. She never has,” Sam said, shaking his head.

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. “Why haven’t you ever asked her out?” Dean said, looking up at Sam now. He had wondered that for ages.

          “I dunno. I never wanted too,” Sam replied, completely unfazed by the question.

          “I don’t get it. You both hunt, you both read nerdy books, I mean she is way hotter then you, but come on. You think you could do better than Lexi?” the thought made no sense to Dean.

          “Dean, I don’t feel that way about her. She’s my best friend and like a sister, I’d do anything for her. But I am not attracted to her, and never have been. I'm not the one she wants, either,” Sam said, setting down his coffee. “So what’s your hold up?”

          “I dunno, just drop it… sorry I brought it up,” he was back pedaling fast now, away from this conversation.

          “No, you asked and I answered. Now it’s your turn - are you attracted to her?” Sam looked at him, and Dean swore he could read his damn mind.

          “I mean, so what if I was?” He almost smacked himself on the head for that lame reply.

          “I’d say do something about it already.”

          “And what am I supposed to do, huh? I can’t be with her!” Was Sam crazy, thinking he could actually be with Lexi?

          “Why the hell not? You like her, Dean, I know you do. I’ve been watching you guys the past few weeks and something has changed between you two.”

          Dean hated himself for feeling a flicker of hope at Sam’s words. “I dunno Sam. It's Lexi. I mean, it’s her!” Dean gestured both hands toward the slumbering hunter. “Don’t you want better for her, better than me? If there’s one thing this past year has shown me it’s that this life, my life does not work with relationships.”

          “Look I don’t know what went down with you and Lisa, but what I do know is, Alex is not Lisa.”

          “You’re the one that told me to go with Lisa in the first place!” Dean was mad now and mad felt pretty damn good at the moment. “If you thought I was so perfect for Alex why did you push me at Lisa?”

          “I shouldn’t have done that, Dean. I just wanted a normal life for you, and I didn’t think you’d ever let yourself feel that way for Alex. I thought you might have stood a chance of it with Lisa. Don’t let what happened with Lisa stop you from being with Alex.” Sam stared him down and it felt like being pinned to his chair.

          “You keep saying all this, but you're forgetting one key point - Lexi doesn’t even like me that way.” Dean thought that would put an end to this ridiculous conversation, until Sam burst out laughing at him. “Shut it, Sammy! I mean it.”

          “I’m sorry, Dean, but are you blind? No, like really, were you struck dumb or something when I was gone?” Sam smiled, shaking his head, and Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Man, she has been in love with you since you were kids and if you can’t see that, you really are that thick.”

          Dean looked at Lexi. Could that really be true? He’d caught her staring at him, with a different kind of look then he had seen before. That kiss, that one kiss had been so different. He’d never felt anything like that - it was like fire ran right through him. She had kissed him back, he knew she had. He kept having the same dream, too, being in the bar holding her in his arms, her bright smile looking up at him, dancing to that damn song he couldn’t remember the words to. He’d even caught himself humming the damn melody without noticing what he was doing.

          When he’d seen her with that shithead Matt, and then again with that chick Sara, He’d literally seen red. Never had he felt so jealous in all his life. But both times she had looked at him, really looked at him and he swore she was saying, _it should be you_. But she didn’t say it, and she had danced with them and kissed them and it was enough to drive him crazy.

          “That doesn’t change anything, Sammy, even if I want her and she wants me. We won’t be good for each other. It will just, just blow up in our faces, and then what, huh? I’ll lose her, that’s what. I wouldn’t take the chance, not with her.” Dean felt the weight on his chest, that ever present ton crushing him. He’d gotten used to the weight, learned to keep moving despite it, or because of it, but it was always there. He’d do what was right, no matter what the cost. And being with Lexi - that would hurt her, so he’d never do it.

          “You’re more of a fool then I thought you were. Whatever, man,” Sam sighed and crossed his arms, but seemed like he was dropping it, finally. Dean’s shoulders relaxed a bit and they both sat in silence, watching her.

          Nothing changed for days, Lexi just lay there unmoving, like she was in a deep sleep. The three of them took turns keeping an eye on her and Dean was getting restless. A few times she had whimpered in some kind of pain or mumbled, but she never woke up.

          Late one night, Dean was sitting on the floor next to the cot. He was holding Lexi’s hand, which he had taken to doing. He felt his eyes getting heavy and he rested his head against his arm for just a moment, closing his eyes. When he closed his eyes, he saw Lexi smiling at him, sitting on the trunk of the Impala. He went to her and put his hands on her hips. He swore he could feel her put her hand on his cheek and she was saying his name, _Dean, Dean wake up_. Which was strange since he was standing right there in front of her.

          “Dean, are you awake?” Lexi’s voice reached his ears and he lifted his head, blinking a few times to focus. Lexi was awake and smiling at him, a hand cupping his face.

          Dean sat bolt upright.

         “You're awake! Lexi, you're awake!” Dean felt his heart pounding in his chest. Lexi just nodded, giving him a weak smile. She was sitting up in the cot now.

         “I’m back,” she said quietly, smile fading now off her face. Dean couldn’t help himself but he pulled her into his arms and gave her a crushing hug. “Easy Dean, its okay, I’m okay,” she soothed him patting his back. Was he crying? Oh fuck it, he didn’t care anymore, she was back. They stayed that way a moment, holding each other.

         “You’re really back,” he croaked out.

         “And in need of a shower, I think,” Lexi pulled back from him and they both smiled. Dean let himself have this moment, no matter how short it may be, for in this instant he was truly happy


	21. Chapter 21

Alex had been fighting for what seemed like a very long time. She had been in a front row seat from the second she let Eve in. Eve didn’t shove her down, at first, but let her stay in the passenger seat watching things unfold. It had felt like it had with Castiel.

She had taken one hell of a risk, but it had paid off, hadn’t it? Eve had saved them - all three of them. She remembered the flood of relief when the power surged through her and Castiel was restored. When Sam and Dean rose from their knees apparently uninjured. The relief was short lived.

            “I am sorry, Alexandra, but I need you just a little bit longer,” Eve had told her. She remembered trying to fight her or at least wanting to, but Eve pushed her off a mental cliff, forcing her to dive into the murky depths of her subconscious.

The next few weeks were a muddle of memories. Every so often Alex would fight her way up to consciousness and catch a glimpse, before Eve threw her back down. The few times she did get to see what was going on, she couldn’t make sense of it - Dean sitting in the front seat of her car, flashing to a battle with a pack of demons, and then… then she was in Hell.

            Time is a funny thing - it works differently in your mind. She waded through her memories, fighting for control. Some were very bad, her worst memories and worst nightmares. She watched Dean get torn to shreds by hellhounds more times then she could count, while in others, she could have stayed forever, parked in the sun on a warm summer’s day with a cold beer in her hand and a Winchester on either side. The only thing that drove her forward was the thought of seeing her boys again and how pissed they would be if she never came back.

            Sometimes the abuse her body was taking would pull her out of these dreams. She didn’t think Eve meant for her to, but she felt the abuse her body was taking in Hell. She felt the fire and burning, the stabs of pain from the onslaught of demons. She cried out to Eve, begged for an answer, begged for a reason, what were they there for? She got her answer, however it wasn’t a what, it was who. Lucifer, she wanted to talk to Lucifer.

            Alex was plunged deep into her own mind one last time, and everything became very fuzzy. She remembered Eve’s voice, saying something to Dean, something about leaving her body. Alex wanted to scream out to Dean, that she was there, she was still there, but she couldn’t. And just like that, after all that time, Eve burned her way through her, and was gone.

Alex couldn’t tell how long she struggled to come back up. She flickered in and out, hearing Dean’s voice, then eventually her dad’s and Sam’s. Every time she pushed her way closer to consciousness she was met with a wave of pain.  She would fall away from the pain back in on herself.

            Finally, Alex pushed herself to wake up, she had to wake up. She felt something warm on her cold hand. She blinked her eyes against the sting from the light. She twisted her aching neck and peered down to see the slumbering head of Dean resting by her hip. Her whole body was stiff and moving even just her hand was an incredible effort. She wondered if she was really awake or if she was still stuck in a dream. It was so hard to tell. She raised her hand and cupped his face, and the stubble on his cheek felt real.

            “Dean? Dean, wake up,” she said in a low hoarse voice. Her hand was shaking a bit and Dean flinched, eyes fluttering. “Dean, are you awake?” Dean’s head rose off the bed and he blinked at her. She couldn’t help but smile at him. Dean made eye contact with her and his eyes went wide as he bolted upright. Alex gingerly sat up in the bed and noticed she was in the panic room.

            “You’re awake! Lexi, you’re awake!” Dean exclaimed and she just nodded at him.

            “I’m back,” she said and the weight of that hit her like a ton of bricks, the smile falling off her face. Dean lunged forward and pulled her into a hug, holding her so tight it almost hurt. “Easy Dean, it’s okay, I’m okay,” she reassured him, patting his back.

            “You’re really back,” he said with utter relief.

            “And in need of a shower, I think.” She pulled back, looking at him. There were tears in his eyes and that alarmed her, but he was smiling. She reached up and wiped them from his face.

            “We can make that happen,” he said, standing up. “Sammy! Bobby!” Dean yelled out and Alex cringed at the loud noise. Her head was pounding, and she still felt disoriented and very weak. She heard pounding footsteps and turned to see Sam and Bobby in the doorway, shocked expressions on their faces.

            “Hey guys! What’s happening?” She struggled, but managed to smile at them both. Bobby rushed over and pulled her into a hug.

            “Al, honey, you’re okay!”

She breathed in his familiar smell of old spice and whiskey, and felt the tickle of his beard on her cheek and sighed.

He grasped her shoulders and pulling her back, glared at her, “You Idjit! Of all the stupid-ass, hair-brained things. You are in so much trouble!”

Alex’s eyes went wide and she let out a breath. “Dad, I’m pretty tired. Can you yell at me later?” She gave him a half smile, and then looked up at Sam.

            “Hey there, Sam,” she said, giving him a small smile.

            “Knew you’d come round,” Sam smiled right back.

Alex felt a wave of dizziness hit and tried to blink it away. “Mind helping me upstairs?”

Sam came over and she slung one arm around his shoulder as he hoisted her off the cot, and they made their way upstairs. He ended up carrying most her weight, since her muscles just weren’t up for it. After some protest, she convinced Sam she was okay to shower on her own, and realistically none of them could help anyway. It took her a very long time to shower and an even longer one to get dressed.

            She decided to get dressed and ready for action, hoping it would help her be steadier on her feet. She put on her favorite worn jeans, flannel shirt, and beat up old cowboy boots on and carefully made her way back downstairs. Her legs were shaking visibly by the time she reached the bottom of the stairs.

Dean spotted her first and rushed over to her. “How you holding up?” Dean whispered to her, helping her toward the couch.

            “Peachy keen, Dean,” she chuckled a little to lighten the mood, and Dean just rolled his eyes at her. She settled into the couch and sighed, closing her eyes, feeling utterly exhausted.

            “Boys, can you give us a minute?” Bobby said.

Alex looked up at his suddenly stone cold face. _Shit!_  Alex had thought she had more time before she got a lecture. Dean and Sam gave her pitying looks and headed out the door. She kept her chin up as she faced her dad.

            “Alright Dad, let me have it,” she sighed, rubbing her face.

            “Al, that had to be one of the dumbest, most reckless things you’ve ever done.”

            “Dad I –”

            “I’m just getting started. You said yes to an angel! You could have been gone forever, Al! You could have died, or worse!”

            “I know but –”

            “And worst of all, worst of all, Al, you didn’t tell me. You didn’t tell me anything about this angel. Not about her coming to you in your dreams, or that she was trying to get you to say yes for months.” Bobby had been pacing in front of her but he stopped and looked at her now. “You lied to me, Al.” There was hurt there in his eyes, and the fact knew she had put it there caused a deep ache in her chest.

            “Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was just trying not to hurt you.”

            “Hurt me? Why would that hurt me? And that is not something you should be worrying about. I am the father - I worry about _you_ getting hurt, not the other way around,” Bobby grumbled, slamming his fist on his desk.

            “Because there was always something more important going on - you needed to get your soul back from Crowley and then Sam needed his soul back from the pit. I mean, there were more pressing issues than a few bad dreams!” Alex felt a throb to her head and gripped the couch to keep from swaying.

            “That’s no excuse. You talk to me, Al, you tell me when an angel is coming to you in your sleep so we can handle it together. Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

            “Because it was mom, okay?!” she clapped a hand over her mouth. She never wanted to tell him that.

            “What?”

            “Eve, she… she came to me as mom, looking like her. I think all my dreams of mom may have just been Eve, getting into my mind. I didn’t want to tell you, but I should have. I’m sorry.” She looked up him and he was staring at his feet. “Dad?”

            “Don’t scare me like that again, okay? It’s hard enough worrying about you three all the time without you all trying to sacrifice your damn selves every five seconds.” Bobby walked over to her and planted a kiss on top of her head. “And from now on, Al, you talk to me, okay? We don’t keep secrets in the Singer household, right?”

            “Right,” she smiled at him.

            “Alright, you need to eat.” Bobby went to the kitchen and brought back two PB&J sandwiches. Alex devoured them as Sam and Dean came back in and began hunching over maps with Bobby. Alex still felt terrible, and it took a lot of effort to try and follow what the guys were talking about.

            “Monster march?” she asked, finally looking up in confusion.

            “Yeah, there are monster killings all along the highway here,” Bobby answered her and pointed at the map, holding it up for her.

            “Sounds like you guys better go check it out. I can man the phones,” Alex said, nodding at them.

            “Al, honey, that ain’t such a good idea. I’ll stay with you. The boys can handle it.”

            “Yeah, Lexi, we got this,” Dean smiled reassuringly.

            “No, you need all hands on deck if it’s a damn monster parade cross country. Dad, you’re going. I’ll be fine here, I don’t need babysitting.” At first she was about to stand, then, realizing that wouldn’t help her case, she stayed put on the couch. All three of them eyed her skeptically, and she rolled her eyes. “GO already! Look, if I need help I’ll call Jody, okay?”

            “Alright, if you’re sure, Al. Let’s head out in fifteen,” Bobby said, folding up the map and heading to the basement to grab supplies.

Sam and Dean came over to Alex.

            “Do you need anything before we go?” Sam asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

            “No, I’ll be fine. I just gotta rest,” she smiled at him as best she could.

As they went to go, Dean turned to look at her. He took two long strides across the room and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

            “Take care of yourself, Lexi,” Dean whispered and turned to head out the door.

She stared after him, a bit miffed. Their fight seemed like it happened ages ago now and she could hardly remember why she was mad at him. The house seemed eerily quiet with them gone. She took a nap on the couch, but as tired as she was found it hard to sleep. She then tried to get up for food and quickly found her legs to be semi-useless. Cursing her own weakness, she grabbed her phone.

            “Hello.”

            “Hi Jody! Say, are you free to come over by any chance?” Alex asked, sitting on the floor of the house, back up against the wall.

            “Sure thing. Your dad just called actually, to ask me to check on you. I will be there in ten.”

            “Thanks.” Alex hung up and leaned her head against the wall, taking slow, deep breaths.

A few minutes later, Jody let herself in, arms full of groceries.

            “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Alex smiled at her.

            “And you look like hell,” Jody said, setting down the groceries. She came over to help Alex back up onto the couch. “What happened to you?”

            “Slight angel possession. I’ll be alright, I just need some time,” she sighed, hoping that was true. Jody gave her a funny look, and Alex remembered that Jody hadn’t seen much of the supernatural world yet.

            “Well, let’s get some real food in you, see if that helps. You look twenty pounds lighter than last time I saw you.” Jody went back into the kitchen and brought over some soup for Alex. It tasted amazing.

“So, feel like a chick flick? I got _PS I Love You_ and _Shakespeare in Love_ ,” Jody said, holding up two DVDs.

            “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Alex said, smiling at her.

            “Many times.”

            “Well I do. Whichever one you want is fine by me.”

Jody put on the one with Hillary Swank and they curled up under a blanket on the couch and ate ice cream. Alex kept the phone nearby in case they got any calls. The only call she got, however, was from Garth, asking what to use on a wraith.

At some point Alex fell asleep, and she woke to see Jody cleaning the kitchen. She managed to stand this time, and went over to see what she was doing.

            “I’ve gotta head to work soon, but do you want me to come back over after my shift?” Jody asked, wiping down the counters.

            “You’re sweet, Jodes, but I’m fine. I will just take it easy the next few days ‘til I feel better.” Alex plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table.

            “How are things with you and the Winchesters?” Jody asked, not so subtly.

            “I’ve been kinda MIA the past few weeks, so not much to tell.”

            “Uh huh?”

            “Really. I mean Dean and I were kinda in a fight but I think the whole angel thing just shelved it,” she said. She rested her head on her hand and picked at some chips on the table.

            “What you two fight about?” That was a loaded question.

            “Well I met up with an old ex of mine and we were kinda making out in the parking lot, and Dean found us, and he got pissed cause we were up against his car. He was a real asshole about it,” Alex said, looking down at the table. “He said things he had no right to say.”

            “Well, that makes sense.”

            “Makes sense?”

            “Yeah, sounds like he was jealous of this ex and lashed out,” Jody raised her eyebrows at Alex, who furrowed hers right back.

            “Don’t be stupid, Jody, he’s not jealous. He was pissed about his precious car,” Alex scoffed.

            “Yeah, it was the car,” Jody said, rolling her eyes. “All I gotta say is that you’ve loved that boy a long time. Maybe you should just tell him already, see where the chips fall.” Jody grabbed up her bag and pulled on her coat.

            “I’m not telling anyone anything, Jody. It won’t make a difference.” Alex knew that there was nothing she could say that would make Dean look at her the way she wanted.

            “You’re as stubborn as your old man, you know that? Call me if you need me, okay?” Jody came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then headed out.

            Alex kept tabs on the phones over the next few days and gradually was able to get around better. She worked out on a punching bag down stairs a few times, but she tended to get dizzy and needed to stop. Bobby checked in to let her know they were okay. She was glad she didn’t go on the hunt, since she was still struggling just to walk and she fell three times when she tried to go for a run. She came back in with skinned knees to the phone ringing.

            “Singer hunter hotline,” she answered, wincing at the pain.

            “Hey there, Allie girl, Bobby didn’t say you were back,” Rufus answered on the line.

            “Yeah, I’m back. What can I do for ya?”

            “Well, I am working this case out on I-80, where the monsters have gone nuts lately. I was checking in to see if you’re dad had any news on it,” Rufus grunted.

            “Dad and the Winchesters headed out that way, actually, to look into that trucker that killed his wife.”

            “Hmm, already here working it? I’m sure I’ll run into them then, and they can give me the skinny.”

            “Look, be careful, old man. These monsters are really not following the rule book, okay? Just watch yourself,” Alex warned.

            “I can take care of myself, young lady. You just watch after you, and call if you hear anything.”

            “Will do, good luck.” She hung up the phone and had an uneasy feeling. She cleaned up around the house best she could and repacked her car for when she was ready to hunt again. The windshield looked like it had been replaced and she wondered what had happened to her car while she’d been with Eve.

            Alex was not psychic, not in the least, but she did have what you'd call an intuition when something was wrong. That wrong feeling kept nagging in the back of her mind all day. Finally she tried calling her dad, but got no answer. She tried both Sam and Dean with the same result. She even tried Rufus and couldn't get through. Officially concerned, she went to her computer and was able to track Sam's phone to a big warehouse only a few hours away.

It was getting dark out, but she figured if she drove fast she could get there in two hours. She tried their phones a few times on the drive but no one picked up. It seemed like such a long drive, but she finally pulled up to the warehouse to find Dean's Impala and Rufus's jeep out front.

            She went and checked her weapons, not sure what she would need. She grabbed her pistol with silver bullets, knowing silver hurt a majority of monsters. Then she grabbed her favorite machete and a sawed off shotgun with some rock salt rounds. It might have been over-kill but she was still feeling weak and could barely walk, much less run, so she figured there was no overdoing it on weaponry.

She tried the warehouse doors, but they had been locked from the inside which was even more ominous. She walked around the building until she found an open window and managed to crawl inside. She heard voices down a long hall. As she got closer, she realized it was Sam and Dean. Still she moved slowly and kept her back to the wall. There was a light on in a smaller room and she peered around the corner to see Sam and Dean crouched over what looked like Bobby sitting in a chair.

            "Hey boys, no one wants to pick up a phone?" Alex said, coming into the room. Dean and Sam drew on her at first and once they realized who she was, they still kept the guns on her. She was incredibly perplexed but held her weapons up all the same. Part of her suddenly seriously hoped these weren't shifters.

            "Lexi, what are you doing here?" Dean semi-growled at her.

            "Making sure you idjits were alive, that's what," she scowled and put her machete and shotgun down on a table, knowing she still had her pistol in back of her jeans. She saw Bobby's head was hanging to the side and he wasn't just sitting in the chair, but tied.

Dean saw her eyes on Bobby. "He's okay. We've been dealing with this brain worm thing. It got in his head but we got it out, and he's gonna be fine," Dean said, firmly.

            "Then would you like to explain why you still have your guns on me?" Alex asked, still uneasy. The boys shared a look.

            "Come here, we gotta just test you. We think there was only one worm but in case there was another, better to be safe," Sam said, gesturing to her to come closer and she did so slowly.

             "This is gonna hurt like a bitch, okay?" Dean said holding up what looked like a live electrical wire.

            "Have you lost your goddamn mind?" she said, eyeing the line.

            "Just trust me, okay Lexi? We wanna make sure that isn't inside you," Dean pointed to a smashed worm-like creature on the ground. She sighed and held out her arm and when Dean hesitated with a funny look, Sam snatched the wire from him and laid it on her arm. Holy fuck, did it hurt, and she practically bit right through her cheek. She gasped for a breath when he took it off. She felt a little wobbly and Sam grabbed hold of her shoulder to steady her.

            "We good now?" she said with a glare, then went to see her dad. Bobby looked terrible, with black goop all over his face and burn marks on his neck. She undid the tape and started looking him over. "What the hell did you do to him, and where is Rufus?" Dean and Sam looked at each other and began gesturing back and forth neither one wanting to answer. She looked around the room and saw a familiar pair of boots on the floor.

            She didn't even remember moving but suddenly she was next to Rufus, cradling his head in her lap. "Rufus? Hey, I'm here," she whispered to him. She felt for a pulse but she already knew from all the blood that he was gone. Everything became blurry and she was fighting a losing battle against tears. She had just talked to him a few hours ago. She was a hunter - she knew about loss. Losing Ellen and Jo had been especially bad, and she had thought it might get easier, but the pain felt just as bad.

She didn't know how long she had been there with him when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

            "I'm sorry, Lexi," said Dean's voice beside her. She slowly got to her feet under her own power.

            "Let’s get them home," she said and moved to go check on Bobby. Sam and Dean carried Bobby and put him in the back seat of Alex's car. She felt numb and couldn’t look as the boys carried out Rufus. She was about ready to make the drive back when she saw the boys go back in and come out with the bodies of Samuel and Gwen. Her jaw hung open a minute. She couldn't bring herself to mourn the loss of Samuel and she hadn't known Gwen at all.

Dean came over to her as she leaned against her car. "You okay?"

            "One worm did all of this? I mean really one monster took down three out of six hunters? What the hell?" Her eyes searched Dean's face but he looked utterly exhausted and at a loss for words. "You can tell me later. Let’s just get home, okay?"

Dean gave her a quick silent hug and they headed out for home.

 

           The next day they gave Samuel and Gwen a hunter’s funeral, but Bobby insisted that they bury Rufus in a plot at his family’s Jewish cemetery. Bobby had recovered the night before after getting some sleep. The boys had told her all about how everything went down. They told her about how the mother of all monsters had broken out of purgatory and that her name was Eve. Alex was so not up for another Eve, really did it have to be Eve?

They stood together over Rufus's grave and poured one out for him. Alex held back her tears, determined not to make things any harder on her dad then they already were. Bobby, Sam, and Dean headed back toward the car and Alex lingered a minute.

           "What the hell, old man? You stupid, stubborn, ornery son of a bitch," she mumbled, wiping a tear from her eye. She let out a breath in a long sigh. She felt someone behind her and turned to see Dean was still there. She quickly hid her face from him.

           "Gonna miss him," Dean said as a statement, not a question.

           "He was such a jerk, ya know? But he was family. I would be dead, hell, dad would be dead ten times over if it wasn't for Rufus. I know him and dad fought like grumpy old men half the time but... he was family that's all. If you needed him, really needed him, he was always there. I just never thought anything would actually get him. He seemed..." She couldn't find the word.

           "Larger than life?" Dean supplied and she nodded. Alex felt a lump growing in her throat. Dean pulled her in and held her against his chest, running a hand over her hair. She leaned into him and closed her eyes, letting a few silent tears fall. She felt Dean rest his chin on top of her head and she let him hold her. She felt so secure in his arms, like he gave her strength.

           "I'm sorry, Lexi."

           "I know -"

           "No, you don't know," Dean interrupted, still holding her. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you, that I lost my cool in that parking lot. I didn't have any right to say those things. I was drunk and mad and I'm sorry."

Lexi blinked a moment, trying to process.

           "Thanks. It’s all water under the bridge now, okay?"

           "We ... good?" he asked apprehensively.

           "Yeah, we’re good," she replied and he gave her a tighter squeeze, drawing in a long breath. She could swear he was smelling her hair.

           "Ready?" he asked, letting her go a little. She nodded and he slung an arm around her shoulder, and she put hers around his waist as they walked back to the cars.

Once Bobby and Sam came into view, Dean quickly dropped his arm, throwing his hands in his pockets. Alex stole a sideways glance, running her hands through her hair, but didn't say anything.

Alex went to give her dad a hug, then turned to look at the boys.

           "So, we got another Eve on our hands, huh? Sounds like fun."


	22. Chapter 22

Alex woke in the morning with a mild ache behind her eyes. She remembered the headache thing from when she was Castiel’s vessel, and she hoped that it would wear off soon. She scrunched her eyes shut, not wanting to open them and admit that she was, in fact, awake. She felt a shifting of weight behind her on the bed, and an arm slung around her and pulled her in a little. She sighed at the warmth and felt a breath brush her ear.

            “You up?” Sam groaned in a low voice.

            “No, definitely not,” she replied, snuggling back against him, smiling.

            “Alright by me,” he replied and brushed the hair off her face. Sam leaned over her and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

            “I should get up though, see how dad is doing.” Alex blinked her eyes open.

Sam groaned in protest, holding her even tighter. “It’s too early, just another minute?” Sam brushed her hair off her neck and planted a line of kisses up her neck, toward her ear.

            “Don’t start that now or I will never get out of bed,” Alex giggled a bit and sat up despite his protests. As she stood up and turned to look at Sam lounged back in her bed, she got a funny twinge in the back of her mind. Something that felt akin to deja vu, a little tingle that told her something was wrong.

            “Are you okay?” Sam asked, looking at her.

            “I think so. I dunno, I just got a funny feeling, like something is wrong,” she said, furrowing her brow.

            “Well that makes sense.”

            “It does?”

            “Yeah. I mean, you just lost Rufus, something is wrong,” Sam replied and she shook her head in acknowledgment. It wasn’t that though - something else was wrong.

            “I’m gonna head downstairs. You get some more rest.” Alex bent over and planted a kiss on Sam’s lips before pulling on a pair of jeans and padding down the stairs. She found her dad fast asleep on a pile of papers. She grabbed the empty whiskey bottle from the desk and sighed. He had been taking Rufus’s death hard. Ellen was in the kitchen writing on a notepad and gave her a little smile when she came in. Alex gave her a big hug and Ellen patted her back.

            “Hey sweetheart. How’d ya sleep?” Ellen said, just above a whisper.

            “Better than dad it seems. He still looking for this new monster, Eve?” Alex asked, pouring a cup of coffee.

            “Yeah, he was up most of the night,” Ellen sighed.

            “What ya got there?” Alex nodded at the note pad.

            “Just makin’ a grocery list. Need anything?”

            “Nah, I’m all set, thanks Ellen. Say, have you talked to Jo today?” Alex wasn’t sure what made her think of Jo.

            “Talked to her last night. She should be finishing that hunt in Sacramento soon.” Ellen looked at Alex a minute. “You feeling alright, hun?”

            “No. I dunno, something is off.” Alex just felt it in her core - something wasn’t right. “I’m just gonna give her a call.” Alex stepped outside and called Jo’s cell.

            “Ello!” Jo answered.

            “Hey Jo, its Alex.”

            “Oh hey Alex, I didn’t recognize this number. What’s up? How’s Bobby?”

            “Hanging in there. Say, I know this sounds strange, but is everything okay? On the hunt, I mean?” Alex wasn’t sure what she thought was wrong. But she had a feeling something terrible had happened to someone.

            “I’m good. We took out the werewolf last night. Why? You know I’m just as capable a hunter as you are, Alex,” Jo scolded.

            “I know, it’s not like that. I just... You know what? Never mind, I’m sorry to bug ya. Just stay safe, okay?”

            “You're acting weird. I’ll be fine, I promise! I swear, you're worse than mom sometimes. I’ll talk to you later,” Jo replied, and Alex could envision the eye roll.

            “Bye, Jo,” Alex said and hung up, going back inside.

            “Everything okay?” Ellen asked, looking concerned.

            “Yeah, she’s fine.” Alex just didn’t know what to make of it. Her intuition rarely felt this strong, but everyone she cared about was okay as far as she knew.

            “Maybe you just had a bad dream, hun.” Ellen planted a kiss on her cheek. “I’m gonna head out, okay? You watch your old man for me, alright?”

            “Will do,” she replied and smiled at Ellen as she headed out.

Alex spent the next few hours outside, working on her car. She did an oil change and checked the tire pressures. She was in pretty good shape, all in all. She went back inside to find Sam and Dean leaning in the doorway to the living room, watching her dad. She came up behind them and they both turned to look at her. She looked up at Dean and her heart raced a minute and she felt her stomach drop. She shook off the feeling and walked over to them. The three of them stood eyeing Bobby who was currently taking another shot of whiskey, and peering through books.

            “Say something,” Sam whispered.

            “No. You,” Dean growled back.

            “No. You,” Sam shooted back. The two eyed each other and then Alex. She held her hands up - she had been barking up that tree for days. Sam and Dean turned to each other and played rock paper scissors. Dean threw scissors like he always did but Sam threw paper. She crinkled her brow and felt like that didn’t add up. Sam scowled, but walked over toward Bobby.

            “Uh..” Sam started but Bobby interrupted him.

            “You two just gonna stand there like the ugly girl at the prom, or you gonna pitch in? This so-called Eve, mother of whatever, ain't gonna gank herself. What's wrong with you two?” Bobby glanced up at them, noticing Alex. “Oh hey, Al honey.”

            Dean stepped forward too, saying, “Bobby, you haven’t slept in days.”

            “I sleep. What are you, my wife now?” Bobby scolded, shuffling papers.

            “I'm just saying that, you know, taking five might be a good thing,” Dean replied cautiously.

            “Yeah dad, and maybe in a bed, not on a desk,” Alex added in.

            “Good for whom?” Bobby said, eyeing them all.

            “Look, Bobby, it was – it was tough for all of us, seeing Rufus go like that.”

            “You think this—? This ain't about Rufus.” Bobby was staring Sam down now and Alex knew he had said the wrong thing.

            “Bobby, he wasn't just a poker buddy,” Dean added in.

            “You know when I knew Rufus was done for? The day I met him. The only question was, who first – him or me? Now, you want to stand there and therapise, or you want to get me some coffee?” Bobby looked between the boys, avoiding Alex’s eyes, “And make it Irish.”

            The boys and Alex went outside and debated what to do about Bobby, but couldn’t come to a consensus. Sam, however, had found a case. Alex really wanted a chance to stretch her legs - she felt rusty after the whole Eve thing, and after losing Rufus.

            “Look. Chester, Pennsylvania. Three people got kicked off in the last week, all freaky. Last guy got karate-chopped by his garage door. And these are all blood relatives.” Sam handed the paper to Alex, and Dean leaned over her shoulder to read it. She couldn’t help but feel mildly uncomfortable, but she hadn’t been attracted to Dean in ages - why was he making her feel this way?

Bobby came out of the house a moment, and Dean held up the paper.

            “Hey Grumpy! You uh –“

            “I don't want to do crap. Leave me alone. Just, get out of my house, all of you. You're driving me nuts.”

His words stung. Alex felt her face fall a little, and she tried to remind herself he was just grieving. Sam put a hand on her shoulder.

They stopped debating and got into Dean’s Mustang, heading out on the case. The drive was long and Alex slept in the cramped back seat most of the way. When they got there, they inspected the garage site and came across some golden thread, but otherwise it just looked like an accident.

            “There is definitely a skeleton in this family's closet. I mean, accidents don't just happen accidentally,” Dean said, scratching his head. Sam and Alex gave Dean a look, and he replied, “You know what I mean.”

            “All right. How about I'll go check family records, you two go with the next of kin?” Sam suggested. They dropped Sam off to check the records, and headed over to Russo’s office. Alex shot a couple of quick glances at Dean. She knew she shouldn’t - she was with Sam, why was she still looking at Dean? Things had been fine with Sam. They got along great, never fought. It was easy with him. Sure, it wasn’t exactly passionate, but maybe that heat, that chemistry, wasn’t something everyone got in life. She loved Sam and knew he loved her - that was enough. Either way, she could never have Dean. Even though he had broken up with Jo, he had made his choice years ago.

            “You okay?” Dean asked. He must have noticed her far-off look.

            “Yeah, I’m okay, just been feeling off.”

            “If you need more time after Eve that’s fine, Lexi. We can handle this, you know,” Dean said, looking over at her.

            “I’m perfectly fine. It’s not the first – I made it through, I’m ready or I wouldn’t be out here,” she said decisively.

            “You were gonna say it’s not the first time.” Dean kept his eyes on the road now.

            “What?” she said with a nervous laugh.

            “Cas spilled the beans, you know, when you were AWOL. He told me what you did,” Dean’s jaw was noticeably tighter.

            “You mean about – “

            “Yeah, about you being his vessel to get me out of hell. That little thing.”

            “You weren’t supposed to know about that,” she replied stiffly. She was gonna have a word with Cas next time she saw him.

            “I uh- I can’t believe you really did that,” Dean said awkwardly.

            “Yeah well, it all worked out,” Alex said, hoping he would change the subject.

            “Why? I mean, why would you do that?”

            Alex was at a loss for words for a minute, “I would have done anything, Dean, to get you back. I thought you knew that?” It seemed so simple.

            “But why me, though, huh? What makes me so special that you were willing to go to hell, become possessed by a damn angel, which you didn’t even know existed at the time, all to get me back?”

Alex looked at Dean a minute. “You were worth it, Dean. You will always be worth it to me.” That’s all there was to it. If anyone deserved to be saved, it was the person who was always saving everybody else.

            “For the record, that was stupid, and you should never, I mean ever, do something like that again.” Dean shifted in his seat. “But uh... what I’m trying to say… well, thank you. I uh - owe you.”

Alex looked over at Dean and he had gone very still, his eyes on the road.

            “Dean, you don’t have to say that, and you don’t owe me a thing. Not ever.” She wanted to make that abundantly clear.

Dean just shook his head and scoffed. “We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one,” Dean replied, pulling into the office parking lot. “Ready to go?” Dean asked her. She looked at him a bit miffed, but followed him in to talk to the potential vic.

The man was rude and really getting on her last nerve. Luckily, Dean was on point with a few one-liners that made it incredibly hard for Alex to concentrate on the questions without laughing. They got nowhere with the guy, and when they talked to Sam, he said he also had nothing on the family that would indicate a curse or anything like it.

            They headed to a local motel. There was only one room left, but Alex hoped they wouldn’t be there for long. Alex went into the bathroom to rinse her face off while Dean checked in with Ellen.

Sam must have shown up while Alex was in the bathroom. He was standing next to Dean, who was just hanging up the phone with Ellen. Alex walked over to Sam, who smiled at her and pulled her into a soft, gentle kiss. It felt safe and warm, but unsatisfying. Sam let her go and looked at her a second. She gazed back, wondering if he felt it too, that something was missing. She wanted to talk to him about it, to ask him if he had felt off as well, but she couldn’t, not with Dean standing right there.

            “Does the name Titanic ring a bell?” Dean asked them both and Alex did feel a twinge, like it was familiar to her, though she couldn’t say why.

            “Titanic? No,” Sam replied, opening up his laptop and starting to search. Alex leaned over his shoulder, deciding to massage his neck with her thumbs while he clicked away. While pulling up info on the ship they found an old picture showing the first mate who saved the ship from sinking. The name was “I.P. Freely”. They all looked at each other, and when Sam zoomed in on the picture, it revealed Balthazar staring back up at them.

            “I’ll get the summoning supplies,” Alex muttered and began digging through her bag to see what herbs she had brought with her. It didn’t take that long to summon the angel and soon Balthazar was standing in the middle of their motel room.

            “Boys, boys, boys. Whatever can I do for you?” Balthazar replied in his usual cocky tone, then, spotting Alex, added, “Oh look at you, lovely. Glad to see you back in your old skin again.” He shot her a wink and she rolled her eyes.

Dean asked him about the boat and, in true Balthazar fashion, he was evasive at best.

            “The hell with the boat, Balthazar?” Dean growled.

            “What boat?”

            “The Titanic,” Alex said, throwing her hands on her hips.

            “Oh. Yeah. The Titanic. Yes, well, uh, it was meant to sink, and I saved it,” he said, completely matter of factly.

            “Why?” Sam asked.

            “Why what?”

            “Why did you un-sink the ship?” Dean stepped a bit closer and Alex could tell his patience with the angel was wearing thin.

            “Oh, because I hated the movie,” Balthazar cringed in disgust.

            “What movie?” Alex asked.

            “Exactly, my dear girl,” he chuckled to himself.

            “Wait, so you saved a cruise liner because—“

            “Because that God-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself,” Balthazar rolled his eyes.

            “Okay, I didn't think that was possible. I thought you couldn't change history?” Sam asked, and Alex was thinking the same thing.

            “Oh, haven't you noticed? There's no more rules, boys.”

            Sam scoffed at that, “Wow. The nerve on you. So you just, what, un-sunk a giant boat?”

            “Oh come on. I saved people. I thought you loved that kind of thing?” He looked between the three unamused hunters.

            “Yeah, but now those people and their kids and their kids' kids, they must have interacted with – with so many other people, changed so much crap. You totally Butterfly-Effected history!” Sam threw his hands up in frustration.

            Dean held a hand up to Sam, “Dude. Dude. Rule one, no Kutcher references.”

            “Ah, yes. Unfortunately, there's still an Ashton Kutcher. And you still averted the Apocalypse, and there are still Archangels. It's just the small details that are different, like you don't drive an Impala,” Dean and Sam looked at each other, miffed. “Yes, yes. ‘What's an Impala?’ Trust me, it's not important. And you, lovely girl, and Sam here are together as it were. And, of course, Ellen and Jo are alive.”

Those last two lines stopped Alex in her tracks. “Ellen and Jo? What?” Alex asked, feeling a weight drop in her gut.

            “Yes, they're supposed to be dead. You see, I save a boat, one thing leads to another, which leads to another thousand things, and yada, yada, yada. To cut a long story short, they don't die in a massive explosion.” Balthazar took a swig from a glass of whiskey he had picked up from the desk. “Mmm, Anyway, let's agree I did a good thing. One less Billy Zane movie, you two lovebirds are shacking up, and I saved two of your closest friends.” Balthazar made a cheers motion towards them. Alex was miffed and missed the next few words between Balthazar and the boys.

            “Oh, uh, sorry, uh. You have me confused with the other angel – you know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. I... don't care,” He finished the final sip of his drink, “Goodbye.” And like that, he disappeared with Dean cursing after him. Alex flopped on the end of the bed. She had known something was wrong, she could feel it. Sam and Dean were discussing what to do next and decided they needed to call Bobby. Alex was stuck in her own thoughts.

            They put Bobby on speaker phone and relayed everything to him that Balthazar had said about un-sinking the ship. Bobby told them he thought it was the three sisters of fate from Greek mythology and Alex nodded, thinking that sounded as plausible as anything else. Bobby suggested getting Balthazar to set things straight and sink the boat. Dean looked over at Alex and they shared a look, knowing what sinking the boat meant.

            “No. No way. Forget it,” Dean answered.

            “Big difference between dying awful and never being born, Dean.”

            “We are not sinking the boat, Bobby. Okay? Don't even think about it,” Dean grumbled.

            “Well, okay. What's got your panties in a clench?” Bobby could always tell when something was up, and Alex shrugged a shoulder at the boys. Bobby needed to know about Ellen. Dean told Bobby that if they sank the ship, Ellen and Jo would be dead.

Alex thought about all the good Ellen had done for her dad, how she finally felt like he might have found his own piece of happiness. Bobby was quiet for a minute, and then growled his consent about not sinking the ship. They agreed to find another way and said goodbye to Bobby.

            “Oh, he's bad enough with her. Think how he'd be if she was gone,” Dean said exactly what Alex was thinking.

Sam glanced over at Alex awkwardly. Neither of them knew what to say. Apparently, they weren’t together in the other version of events. Something in her gut told her that was how it was supposed to be, and looking at Sam now she thought he knew it, too.

Dean eyed the two of them, then backed towards the door. “I’m gonna step outside a sec… yup,that’s what I’m gonna do,” Dean said, and retreated out of the room.

            “So…” Alex said, and wasn’t sure what to say.

            “Sounds like we uh, aren’t... ya know,” Sam said, equally awkward, and they both sat on the bed next to each other.

            “Putting all that aside, have you been… happy with me?”

            “Well, yeah, I mean, you’re great, Lex,” he smiles down at her.

            “No, I mean... Damn it, I can’t find the words... There’s no spark, ya know?”

            “I know. I mean, I thought maybe there would be, if we just gave it time,” Sam looked at her now with an apologetic, but relieved look.

            “I hoped so too, but I don’t think you and me are meant to be together, and I think this just proves it,” Alex replied, feeling a weight lifted off her shoulders.

            “I don’t get it. I mean, you're beautiful, funny, and you understand the life. I trust you with anything, Lex. We are completely compatible,” Sam sighed in frustration.

            “Being in love is not the same as being compatible. I love you, Sam, but I am not _in_ love with you. And I don’t think you're in love with me either.”

            “You're right, but what do we do now?”

            “I dunno, move forward? Go get your brother who has his ear pressed up against the door, listening in?” Alex smiled and heard a shuffle against the door as Dean came in, trying to look innocent.

            “I’m going to sleep,” Alex stated. She took off her jeans and climbed into one of the beds. Sam and Dean were staring at her for a moment. “Oh for heaven’s sake, Sam, you can still share the bed. Come on, I am exhausted.” Alex was gonna lighten the damn mood if it killed her.

Sam shrugged and crawled into bed, and Dean switched off the light, climbing into his own. Most of Alex just felt relief that she had set things straight with Sam, but a tiny part of her longed to held by him again. She knew she couldn’t have her cake and eat it too, so she pulled the blankets in tight around her and tried to drift off to sleep.

 

            Alex and the boys woke up early and though they didn’t really have a plan, they headed to town. They were hoping to find the man, Russo, and see if they could figure out how to save him. Russo was not up for talking, however, despite their efforts. As they chased after Russo down the sidewalk, the man stepped out into the street and Alex gasped, grabbing Dean's arm, as a giant bus flattened the man with a giant whack.

            They had failed, and even though Alex had not cared for the man, she still felt the pang of failure. She had no idea how they were gonna save all these people. Sam mentioned having seen someone he thought could have been one of the fates over by an abandoned restaurant. They headed across the street and sneaked into the building. It was dark inside, and Alex had to tiptoe over broken debris and furniture. Dean’s flashlight died, and Alex grumbled as she tripped over a table, stubbing her toe.

            “Son of a bitch,” she growled.

            “Got a lighter?” Sam asked.

Dean pulled out a lighter and the damn thing clicked a few times with no fire. Alex had a split second where she smelled something funny, but she couldn’t pinpoint it. Before she could register the smell of gas, something hit her hard in the chest and suddenly she was standing in the middle of dark and quiet woods. Alex looked around, blinking at her surroundings, and saw the boys and Castiel standing next to her.

            “Cas!” Dean exclaimed, looking like he was trying to get his bearings.

            “Hello, Dean…Sam…Alex,” Cas nodded at each of them.

            “Hey, thanks man. Where are we?”  Sam peered around the eerily quiet forest.

            “White Russia.”

            “What?!” Alex exclaimed.

            “Are you aware of what your frat bro did?” Dean added in.

            “I'm aware. Balthazar can be impetuous.” Cas said in an annoyed tone.

            “Well, riddle me this – if fate's going after the boat people, why'd she try to waste me, Lexi, and Sam?” Dean stuck his chin out a little, like he always did when he thought he’d made an excellent point.

            “Well, I imagine she harbors a certain degree of rage toward you,” Cas said as if there was nothing alarming about that statement.

            “What did we do?” Sam furrowed his brow.

            “Nothing of import – just the tiny matter of averting the Apocalypse and rendering her obsolete. I think maybe she's a little irritated about that. And then you go and dangle yourselves in front of her...” Cas sounded downright grouchy now.

            “So we've pissed fate off personally?” Dean sounded completely shocked.

            “If I know her – and I do – she won't stop until you're dead.”

            “Awesome. So what do we do?” Dean stated the obvious.

            “Kill her.”

            “Kill fate?” Sam looked at Alex and they both agreed that sounds like madness.

            “Do you have another suggestion?” Cas barked at them, and Alex wasn’t sure where this hostility was coming from. She hadn’t even laid eyes on Cas since she had been back.

            “No, I'm – I just mean, uh...Can you even do that?” Sam replied cautiously.

            “Balthazar has a weapon that will work against her.”

            “Of course, he does. Yeah. Boy, that guy’s just got it covered, doesn't he? You need new friends, Cas,” Dean growled back, crossing his arms indignantly and with not a little jealousy leaking out with his words.

            “I'm trying to save the ones I have, Dean. We'll have to draw her out,” Cas said, standing toe to toe with Dean.

            “All right, well, uh, she's gunning for us. She's bound to surface again eventually,” Sam added, in trying to break the tension.

            “We'll make it easy for her. I think you have an expression for it. ‘Tempting fate’.” Cas replied and flew all three of them back to Chester, Pennsylvania.

Cas told them that he would be waiting and watching them for fate to appear, they just needed to draw her out for him. Alex didn’t like being bait, and especially didn’t like herself and the boys being bait. She had to assume that Cas wouldn’t ask them to do it unless he was confident they would be okay.

            “Ready?” Alex asked the boys, standing between them. Both nodded at her and they begin their mini-walk of death. Every little thing set all three of them jumping - first skateboarders flying by, a bicyclist, and a man holding back a very scary bunch of dogs. Alex had hellhound flashbacks and cringed. Nothing happened, though, and they continued walking until they came across a two people juggling knives. The jugglers then switched to hatchets.

            “Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” Dean groaned, and one by one they walked through the jugglers, unscathed. Alex let out a huge sigh of relief, but the tension was killing her. They passed a man with a nail gun and Dean practically hopped out of the way. After all that, there was still no sign of fate. Alex wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

            “Who do you gotta kill to get killed around here?” Dean grumbled.

Nearby, a man yelled, “Look out!” and the three of them looked up to see an enormous air conditioner hurtling toward their heads.

In a blink, they woke up in the Impala with a jolt, to Celine Dion singing _My Heart Will Go On_ blaring through the speakers. Alex put a hand on Dean’s shoulder in the seat in front of her to steady herself a moment. Being popped around from place to place by an angel wasn’t easy on the nerves or stomach. They all scrambled out of the Impala with that weird feeling you have when you wake up mid-dream and aren’t sure if you are really awake.

            “Dude, what time is it? I-I just had the weirdest dream,” Sam rubbed his face.

            “Twenty bucks says mine was weirder. I’m not kidding.” Dean scratched his head.

            “Mine had the actual Titanic in it.” Both boys gave her a strange look. “What? Something on my face?” Alex asked.  

            “D-did it, uh...Not sink, because Balthazar—,“ Sam began to ask and Dean chimed in.

            “—had a hate on for Billy Zane? Why are you having my dreams, dude?”

            “Wasn’t a dream,” came the steady voice of Castiel.

            “Wait, what? You're saying this actually happened? That t-the whole...Whatever – t-that was real?” Alex remembered everything, but the memories had a haze over them. Had she really been with Sam?

            “Yes,” Castiel answered, and Alex felt like he was also answering the question in her head.

            “Wait. So, what happened?” Sam asked, closing the car door and standing next to Alex.

            “Well, I insisted he go back in time and correct what he'd done.”

            “What?” Sam asked.

“Why?” added in Alex.

            “It was the only way to be sure you were safe,” Castiel’s voice softened a moment at that, and Alex looked into his eyes. There is a sadness there, and maybe a little regret, but regret for what?

            “So... So, you killed...50,000 people for us,” Sam sayed in downright awe.

            “No, I didn't. They were never born. That's far different from being killed, wouldn't you say?” Cas replied, trying to brush it off.

            “Hold on. Uh...So, if you guys went a-and changed everything back, then that whole timeline or whatever, it just got erased?” Dean chimed in.

            “Yeah more or less.”

            “Well then how come we remember it?” Dean asked what Alex was wondering.

            “Because I wanted you to remember it. I wanted you to know who Fate really is. She's cruel and capricious,” Cas sounded bitter now.

            “I'd go so far as bitch,” Dean scoffed.

            “Well, yeah. You're the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don't have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that's something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.” The look Cas gave them was almost pleading, like he was begging them to understand something.

            “So, wait. Did...Balthazar really, uh, unravel the sweater over a chick flick?” Dean asked.

            “Yes. Absolutely. That's what he did,” Alex glared at Cas a moment. Something still wasn’t sitting right. Cas was lying and she was sure of it.

            “Wow. Well, might be time to take away his cable privileges. Besides, "Titanic" didn't suck that bad,” Dean shrugged and Sam gave him a look. “Winslet’s rack,” Dean added in, like that should settle it.

            They headed back inside to find Bobby sitting at his desk with a half-finished bottle of whiskey. Alex felt tears coming at the loss of Ellen and Jo all over again. It had hurt immeasurably the first time they lost them, but this was like a cruel tease of what might have been. She wasn’t sure if she was sad for herself, or devastated for the happiness her dad wouldn’t get to have. She wished that Cas had erased it all, so she didn’t even have to suffer the happy memory.

            Sam turned and went to talk to Bobby and see what he was researching. Dean hung back in the door frame next to Alex.

            “So you and Sam?” Dean said, without looking down at her.

            “Yeah, that was a terrible idea,” she scoffed.

            “Really? I mean, I always kinda thought you two might, I dunno – You have so much in common that’s all,” Dean seemed to struggle for words.

            “I care about Sam a lot. He’s my best friend, but I don’t feel that way about him, and now having seen what it would be like… Well, I can say with full confidence, Sam and I are not meant to be.” And that was the truth of it, she thought. Dean stared at her now in confusion, so she added, “No spark, Winchester. I want to be with someone who makes my heart stop when they walk in a room. You know, butterflies.”

            “Yeah, I know what you mean,” and he flushes a shade of red a moment before nodding at her and awkwardly heading back over to Bobby. _You know, a spark, a heat, a fire, like the one you give me,_ Alex thought, watching Dean hunched over the desk with her dad. She sighed, thinking of what might have been, and maybe what still could be.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far, I have loved writing this fic, I know its a slow burn but hang in there ;) I will try to get a chapter written a week if I can, I am juggling this and another fic right now. Hope you enjoy!


	23. Chapter 23

              Their feet pounded against the pavement, and Alex could feel her lungs strain against her rib cage. The cold air hurt her lungs but felt good on her face. She was almost back to full strength again, except for the daily headaches that still plagued her. She felt Sam’s hand on her shoulder signaling her to stop, and the momentum fell out of her stride as she slowed to a walk. Sam always liked to walk the last mile back to the house when they went running.             

              “Jeez Lex, that was fast,” Sam huffed out. 

              “Yeah alm... almost back to full… strength,” she huffed out as well, gasping a bit. 

              “Shit, I hate running in the cold,” Sam clutched at his chest a minute. Alex just nodded. 

              “How’s your head doing?” 

              “You mean the whole hell wall thing?” Sam chuckles, “still up for now.” 

              “Oh good. You know those hell walls can be a real bitch.” They both chuckled at that. 

              “Glad you and Dean seem to be getting along again.” Alex stole a glance at Sam, but he just kept his eyes forward. 

              “Yeah well, can’t stay mad at a Winchester for very long.”

              “That’s good for us Winchesters, then. We have a habit of screwing up,” Sam said, smiling at her.

              “Don’t we all,” Alex sighed, putting her hands on her hips and feeling her breath slow finally. “I was thinking, maybe I should take a ride to my old college in Oregon. Nothing in my Dad’s books has anything on Eve, we need to start branching out and their library is pretty stocked.”

              “Hey!” Sam exclaims, grabbing her arm, “you know who has a great library? Samuel.”

              “Campbell?”

              “Yeah, the Campbell family library. I know he showed it to me when we were hunting together.” 

              “Sam you really shouldn’t be trying to reach for those memories, it could mess with the wall.” Alex gave him a worried scowl. 

              “I’m fine, really. I already have the memory and the wall is fine,” Sam said in his usual “don’t worry I am fine” tone, that only made her worry more. 

              “Well alright, maybe we check that out first. Let’s tell Dad about it.”

              They made it back to the house and told Bobby about the library. He agreed that it was worth a shot and if there is anything Alex and Bobby have in common, it’s an addiction to lore books. Just the mention of a library they haven’t seen, full of potential knowledge, had them both bouncing on their feet to hit the road. Dean was less enthusiastic about books, but all for finding Eve, so the boys took the Impala and Alex rode in the charger with her Dad. 

              On the ride, Alex’s mind drifted to Castiel, and she wondered how he was. She felt a small pang, a longing for her favorite angel. She hadn't done so in a while, but decided she would 'pray' to him. She waited until her dad was out of the car, gassing up and grabbing food at the gas n' sip. Closing her eyes and tipping her head forward, she focused hard on Castiel. "Cas, it's me Alex. I hope you are doing okay. I know we haven't really talked since the whole Eve, and weapons of heaven thing. I want you to know you can still call on us if you need to. I know we aren't as powerful as your angel friends, but we care and we can hold our own." She paused a moment, listening to the stillness in the car. "Anyway Cas, just wanted you to know I'm still here if you need me." Part of her hoped Cas would pop up in the car and give her an awkward, reassuring hug, but the other part of her didn't want to pull him away from what he was doing. He didn't appear, and Bobby jumped back in the driver's seat and they were off again. They finally reached the old Campbell compound and started digging around. Sam couldn't fully remember where the entrance to the library was.

              "It's here somewhere, I know it," Sam said, frustrated, looking at an old desk. "Here, help me move this?" Sam asks Alex and the two of them slide the desk back to reveal a trapdoor.

              "Bingo!" Alex says, smiling.

              "I'll be damned," Bobby says, scratching his head.

              "Been there... done that," Alex says to Bobby, and it takes him a second to register what she said and roll his eyes at her. Dean gives a good chuckle at it though. Alex was glad at least one person appreciated her sense of humor. They all headed down the ladder to find what looked like an old fifties bunker.

              "Welcome to the Campbell family library," Sam said, looking around. Alex was in utter, jaw-dropping awe. She dashed to the closest set of shelves and ran her hands along the bindings of the books. Some of the books were old, very old, and she couldn't help but lean in and smell the scent of old paper and leather covers.

              "So, Samuel collected all this stuff, huh?" Dean asks, peering around and coming up next to Alex.

              "Apparently," Sam replied, moving to the opposite side.

              "Wow, alright then. What are we looking for?"

              "Anything that will put a run in Octomom's stockings. Pick a row," Bobby gestured to the shelves.

              "Look at all these texts! I mean they even have an original copy of Hippolyta's scrolls on spell work in Greek. The only copy I know of is at the Oxford library!" She runs a hand over the very old text she pulled from the shelf.

              "Don't get too excited there, Lexi-pedia, they are just books," Dean smiled at her and she rolls her eyes at him, putting back the text and pulling out an old Grimoire from the shelf in front of her. They all begin pulling books and looking for anything on stopping monster mom. Alex found it hard to focus on the task, however, getting drawn into each new book she picked up.

              "Got it! Any of you jokers ever heard anything about a phoenix?" Bobby asked, leaning over a book at the table in the middle of the room.

              "River, Joaquin, or the giant flaming bird?" Dean asked, and Alex chuckled.

              "It says here that the ashes of a phoenix can burn the mother," Bobby read, ignoring Dean's joke.

              "The mother?" Sam furrowed his brow.

              "Great so where do we get one?" Dean asked, leaning over the table.

              "Got me, I thought it was myth," Bobby answered, and they all began searching for a phoenix. Alex called her witch friend, Celeste, to see if she might have some ashes or know something, but she said she thought they had been extinct for over a hundred years. Alex finally sat at the table next to Sam, and was starting to get sleepy working her way through an old french text, when Dean startled them all awake.

              "Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, check this out!" he exclaimed coming over to them. "March 5, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. Gun killed a Phoenix today. Left a pile of smoldering ash." Dean was grinning ear to ear like the cat that caught the canary.

              "Really? Whose gun?" Alex asked.

              "Colt’s."

              "Colt? Colt like - "

              "Like the Colt.  From..." Dean holds up an old journal tapping the leather cover with a pentagram on it. "Samuel Colt’s Journal." Alex and Sam looked at each other, and back up at the book. Dean swaggered to the table and sat down across from them.

              "What?!" Alex exclaimed.

              "That's his?" Sam pointed at the book.

              "Yeah," Dean grinned.

              "Dude, no."

              "Dude, yes."                    

              "Well, let me see it." Sam and Alex both extended arms across the table, scowling at each other.

              "Get your own," Dean held the book aloft from them and began reading, holding it close to his chest. Alex had rarely seen Dean so possessive of a book, but she couldn't fault him for it.

              "Well, what else did he say about the Phoenix? What does it look like? Has it got feathers?" Bobby tried to lean over Dean's shoulder.

              "It just says phoenix."

              "Did he say where he tracked it?" Alex asks and Dean just shakes his head.

              "All right, so I guess we got to find one of our own, whatever it is," Sam sighs wearily. Dean however gets a funny look on his face and Alex can envision a light bulb over his head turning on.

              "I know where we can find one. March 5, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. We'll Star Trek IV this bitch!" He looks around and Bobby and Sam shrug giving him a blank stare while Alex nods in agreement.

              "I only watched Deep Space Nine," Bobby replies.

              "It's like I don't even know you guys anymore. Star Trek IV Save the whales? At least Lexi knows what I am talking about," Dean shakes his head at them.

              "Time travel, He is talking about time travel," Alex says looking at her Dad and Sam.

              "We hop back in time, we join up with Samuel Colt, we hunt the Phoenix, and then we haul the ashes back home with us," he nods his head and puffs out his chest with pride, and Alex tries to hide her smile at the sight of him.

              "Time travel?" Bobby says skeptically.

              "Yeah"

              "That's a reasonable plan?"

              "We got a guy who can swing it," Dean says standing up and he puts his hands together and bows his head like a little kid at his nightly prayers. "Castiel. The, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here. Come on, Cas, "I Dream of Jeannie" your ass down here pronto. Please." Alex scowls at Dean, why does he always have to be so rude when he calls for Cas, its no wonder Cas looks annoyed when he comes so often. Suddenly a blonde woman in a suit appears and her resemblance to Juliet causes Alex to bolt out her chair almost skidding back into Sam. Sam stands grasping her shoulder and her heart slows as she realizes she doesn't know the woman. "Jeannie?"

              "Rachel. I understand you need some assistance? How can I help you?" the woman folds her hands in front her looking thoroughly unimpressed.

              "Well, uh, we kind of need to talk to the Big Kahuna," Dean says walking up to the angel.

              “I’m here on Castiel’s behalf,” she answers curtly and Alex is immediately rubbed the wrong way.

              “Busy?” Dean throws his best sassy tone at her and Alex can’t help but grin.

              “Yes.”

              “Well, we've got a line on the mother of freaking everything, so –“ Dean raises his brows at her.

              “I'm sure your issue's very important. But Castiel is currently commanding an army, so – “                    

              “Look, I don’t know who you think you are –                     

              “I’m his friend,” the angel snaps back.

              “What, you think we're not?” Alex pipes in crossing her arms.    

              “I think you call him when you need something. We're fighting a war!”                  

              “We get that,” Sam growls a bit standing up behind Alex now                      

              “Clearly you don't, or you wouldn't call him every time you stub your toe, you petty, entitled little pie—“ the tension in the room is about to break when a low deep voice cuts Rachel off.                

              “Rachel. That's enough.” Cas is standing there next to her and all eyes turn to him. Cas dismisses the annoyed looking angel who leaves in a what can only be described as a huff. Alex feels immediate relief when she is gone however and very happy to see Cas in one piece.             

              “Wow, friend of yours?” Dean rolls his eyes but seems relieved to see Cas as well.       

              “Yes. She's, uh, my lieutenant. She's...committed to the cause. Now, what do you need?” Dean goes into telling Cas what they found and his hopes for time travel assistance. Cas is reluctant but Dean is nothing if not persistent. Cas finally agrees and the boys begin to pack up some of the more essential books bringing them to the cars. It’s going to take some prep before they are ready to leave and they figure they should head back to the house. Before Cas leaves Alex manages to catch the sleeve of his coat. He turns to look down at her perplexed and possibly even uncomfortable.             

              “Cas, hey uh –“ Alex stumbles to find words now that he is right in front of her, praying suddenly seems much easier. “I just wanted to know how you are, I mean how is it going with Raphael?”

              “I am in a war Alexandra.”          

              “I know that Cas, but—well did the weapons of heaven help at all? I mean in case you forgot I haven’t been around and the boys are frustratingly clueless about what you are up against,” Alex can feel her voice rising in anxiety and takes it down a notch. “I just don’t want you to think you have to do it alone.” The look in Castiel’s eyes softens as she stares up into the deep blue of them.                  

              “Are you worried about me?” Cas asks utterly bewildered.          

              “Of course I am, you nearly got killed back in that parking lot a few weeks ago. I know this fight is dangerous but you don’t have to fight it alone,” she felt like she wasn’t getting her point across very well.

              “Alexandra, I am, very sorry for what happened with you. I appreciate all you have done, but this is my fight and I do not fight it alone.” Cas put a hand on her shoulder. “Please don’t worry about me, just take care of yourself.” There was more he wanted to say, almost a pained look behind his eyes. Something was wrong with him, something more than what he was telling them. She decided not to push him, having faith he would come to her if he really needed her.

              “Alright Cas, just take care of yourself too okay?” She gave him a hug even though he always seemed confused by them and like that he was gone. She sighed and met the boys up by the cars. Dean was practically light on his little bowed legs with delight about the case. It made her smile too see it and feel lighter on her own feet as well.                      

              The drive wasn’t long back to Bobby’s and as soon as she was in the house she bolted up the stairs for the attic. It had been ages but she finally found the old trunk tucked away. It had been her great aunt Helen’s trunk, or at least she thought so, and she didn’t know how many greats were involved. Opening the trunk she found what she was looking for, an old pair of tan pants, a cream colored blouse, a red scarf, a leather vest and an old gun holster. Helen Singer had been a frontier woman and she had the gear to go with it. Alex had played dress up with the clothes as a girl and she hoped they might fit her now.

              Low and behold they were a perfect fit though the pants were a little tight on her butt. She found a belt as well and an old worn cowboy hat. Delighted she did a spin around in front of the mirror and she could hear the boys moving around downstairs. She pulled on a pair of leather tall boots that Bobby had resoled for her. Lastly she found an old brown duster that went down to her knees and considering how cold it might be she was glad she found it. She braided her hair in a long braid down the side and had a moment where she realized how bad she needed a haircut.

              “Ready!” Alex called running down the stairs trying not to smile too hard. Bobby, Cas, and Sam all looked up at her and she greeted them with a smile and did a little twirl.

              "Hey there cowgirl," Bobby chuckled.

              "Really?" Sam rolled his eyes.

              "What? I gotta look the part right?" she was a bit let down at Sam's lack of enthusiasm and pulled at the red scarf around her neck.

              "Um, about your plan. You'll only have 24 hours," Cas says and Sam and Alex look up at him.

              "Wait, what? Why?" Sam lowers a brow at Cas.

              "Well, the answer to your question can best be expressed as a series of partial differential equations," Cas says sighing.

              "Yeah aim lower," Bobby answers pointing at Sam behind his back, and Alex stifles a grin.

              "The further back I send you, the harder it becomes to retrieve you. 24 hours is all I can risk. If I don't pull you home within that time, you'll be lost to me," Cas eyes Alex a moment before his eyes dart away. There is a shuffle of bags and Dean walks in carrying multiple brown shopping bags.

              "Well, then we better get you a watch," Dean grins widely. "Hey nice digs Lexi, you look great!" Alex blushes a little at the compliment and the sparkle in Dean's eyes.

              "What the hell's all that?" Bobby points at the shopping bags.

              "Lexi has the right idea, we are going native. Got to blend in," He hands a bag to Sam and Alex reads the name Wally's Western World on the side.

              "Uh, no, thanks. I'm fine," Sam looks at the bag like it might jump up and bite him.

              "Sam," Dean says in his best parental scolding tone.

              "Dean, I can -- I can wear this," Sam gestures at his current shirt and Carhart jacket.

              "And look like a spaceman?" Dean scowls at him.

              "Look, just because you two are obsessed with all that Wild West stuff --"

              "Am not!" Lexi and Dean exclaim at once.

              "You have a fetish... both of you," Sam says crossing his arms and Alex scowls at Sam as well now.

              "Shut up. I like old movies," Dean's head drops a little.

              "Lex, you can recite every John Wayne movie ever made. and Dean you can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line for line," Sam says looking between the two of them.

              "Even the monkey movies?" Bobby asks.

              "Yeah. Especially the monkey movies."

              "His name is Clyde. At least wear the damn shirt," Dean says shoving the bag into Sam’s arms. They both trudge upstairs to change. Sam comes down the stairs in a pair jeans, a white button up shirt and his green canvas coat, and cowboy hat. Alex sighs at his lack of authenticity but she figures he won't stand out too bad. Dean on the other hand walks in with full western regalia.

              From his cowboy hat, to his button up black shirt, stock tie, and serape he does look like he just walked out of an old western movie. Alex doesn't have the heart to tell him how inaccurate his clothing choice is for the actual wild west. The sparkle in his green eyes though makes her stomach do a small back flip and she swallows hard to steady herself. Heaven help her Dean looks over at her and winks.

              "Dean, this is stupid. I look stupid," Sam frowns pulling at his white shirt and Alex see's it has tiny flowers on it.

              "You going to a hoedown?" Bobby teases and Alex elbows him.

              "Now, is it -- is it customary to wear a blanket?" Cas says with a head tilt eyeing Dean.

              "It's a serape. And, yes. It's, uh... Never mind. Let's just go," Dean says a bit dejected and Alex rubs his arm consolingly.

              "Ignore these guys, you look great," Alex whispers up to him and is rewarded with a small smile.

              "What are these?" Sam asks point to a pile of gold watches and jewelry sitting on the edge of Bobby's desk.

              "Where you're goin', they don't take plastic," Bobby grabs the bag and hands it to Alex.

              "I'll send you back to March 4th. That should give you time to find the Colt... and this phoenix creature," Cas says and Alex pats her pockets one last time checking that she has her flask, silver knife, and revolver.

              "Alright, well, see ya at High Noon tomorrow." Dean says with a nod and reaches over holding Alex's hand in his. Cas touches a fingertip to their foreheads and suddenly all three of them are standing outside on a dirt road.

              Alex looks up and points, "Sunrise Wyoming, we made it," the soft nicker of a horse nearby confirms her statement.

              "Oh, now we're talking," Dean says rubbing his hands together then slapping Sam on the back.

              "All right. Let's go find Samuel Colt," Alex says nodding at the boys. Sam sets a timer on his watch to mark the 24 hours.

              "Hey, we should try the Saloon first, uh, see what we get from the locals," Dean suggests.

              "Ooo Yes!" Alex says enthusiastically.

              "Sure," Sam chuckles, "Whatever Sundance."

              "Think we'll have time to hit on saloon girls?" Dean whispers to Sam and Alex rolls her eyes along with Sam. Dean glances at Alex a minute, "I'm kidding. Come on."

              "Oh, damn it. Come on," Sam grunts lifting his boot to show he had stepped in fresh horse manure. Alex can't contain her giggle.

              "You know what that is?" Dean smirks.

              "Yeah its horse --"

              "Authenticity!" Dean cuts him off. Sam does a little shake of his boots and they head into the small town. Alex's eyes dart around to the store fronts and people taking it all in. They come across a hanging about to take place in the town square. They move to the back of the crowd to watch. a Judge Mortimer is hanging a man named Elias Finch. The man's last words to the judge and sheriff are that they will burn for this. There is a clunking sound as the trapdoor is released, followed by a sickening crack as the man's neck snaps. Alex can't help but flinch a little at the sound.

              "Good times. So where do we find Sammy Colt?" Dean peers around as the crowd disperses.

              "No idea. Huh." Sam points over to the judge and sheriff, "I think I know who to ask, though."

              A man passing them by eyes Dean for a moment and sneers, "Nice blanket." Dean opens his mouth to reply but quickly shuts it. obviously disappointed Dean pulls off the serape and tosses it. Alex gives him a reassuring grin and they head over to the sheriff's office.

              "Sheriff? Can we have a word?" Dean struts into the jail and Alex has to admit that he has a good bowlegged cowboy swagger. The men sitting in the chairs seem far less impressed than Alex however.

              "Depends who's askin'," the Sheriff replies.

              "Marshal Eastwood. Clint Eastwood," Dean grins a little. "This here is, uh, Walker. He's a Texas Ranger.," Dean gestures at Sam.

              "And this little lady?" the Sheriff raises a brow at Alex and she stares him down right back.

              "Joanna Wayne," Alex answers on impulse and then realizing she can't add a title they would care about just leaves it at that.

              "So, what can I do for you boys?" the sheriff asks after taking his eyes off her.

              "Uh, we're looking for a man," Sam replies politely.

              "I bet you are," the judge grunts, "Nice shirt," he nods at Dean.

              "What's wrong with my shirt?" Dean glances down the front of himself frowning.

              "You're very clean," the judge says with a bit of sneer, and Dean flushes a bit looking embarrassed.

              "It’s dirtier than it looks," Dean says under his breath.

              Alex decides to step in, "We need to find Samuel Colt. Do you know him?"

              "The gun maker?" the Sheriff asks eyeing them suspiciously.

              "Yeah. Is he in town?" Dean asks raising his chin a bit.

              "Not that I know of. Might try asking Elkins, over at the Saloon. Been here longer than God."

              Dean and Sam tip their hats to the men and the three of them head out hastily. Alex is happy to be out from under their scrutinizing eyes. She follows the boys toward the saloon across town scratching the nose of a cute little stock horse waiting out front. Alex shrugs off her coat when they enter the saloon. It's dusty inside and Alex peers around at the nearly empty establishment. There is a drunk man passed out at one table and what seems to be a prostitute or two over in the far corner by a stand-up piano.

              "This is not awesome," Dean sighs and Sam pats him on the shoulder. Sam greets the bartender and he asks them what they are having.

              "Oh, uh, okay. Great. I'll have your top-shelf whiskey," Dean gives Alex a little nod.

              "Only have the one shelf," the bartender replies with a grunt. Again dejected, Dean's head drops a little.

              "That'll do just fine, and he'll have a sarsaparilla," Dean nods to Sam.

              "Sarsaparilla for me too," Alex asks, and the bartender glares at her suspiciously but turns to pour the drinks all the same. Alex peers around the room to find a not so sober man staring at her ass. Dean's eyes follow hers to the man and back down to what the man was staring at. His eyes go satisfyingly wide for a moment before he coughs and turns back around. Alex turns back around to wait for her drink as well hiding a smug grin.

              "You Elkins?" Sam asks the bartender who confirms.

              "You know a man named Samuel Colt?" Dean jumps in.

              "He passed through here about four years ago," the man says wiping a glass with a fairly dirty rag. Alex reminds her self not to eat anything while they are here.

              "He still around?"

              "Rumor is, he's building a railroad stop 20 miles out of town, just by the Postal road. Middle of nowhere."

              "Devils gate," Sam whispers to them.

              "Location fits," Alex whispers back and they all nod in agreement.

              "Howdy, boys," a female voice calls from behind them and all three of them turn. A woman with curly blonde hair, who is just about falling out of her loosely done corset struts over too them. The woman zeros in on Dean immediately and gives him a big toothy grin. Alex cringes at the sight of cold sores and rotten teeth. Not to mention the smell coming off the woman.

              "Darla's my best girl," the bartender says wiggling his eyes at the boys. Dean leans back as the woman paws her way up the front of his shirt leering him. Dean looks like he may actually be sick.

              "Try me. You want a kiss?" Darla says in a low seductive tone that is anything but. Alex has let Dean suffer long enough she figures for his comment on saloon girls earlier. She leans into his side and wraps an arm around his waist and puts the other possessively on his chest.

              "Sorry sweetheart, he is spoken for," she politely bats her eyes at the woman who gives her a quick unimpressed once over.

              The woman shrugs and moves toward Sam while Dean leans over and whispers in her ear, "S-so much more germier than I pictured. I owe you one."

              Alex snickers a little and looks over at Sam, who seems to be needing saving shortly before a voice cuts across the room, "Darla!"

              The woman turns to see the judge standing by the stairs, "Judge. Nice to see you."

              "I thought we had a date," The older man beckons her. She gives a sigh of longing look at Sam and then Dean before sauntering off with the Judge. Dean heaves a sigh of relief.

              "Wow, that was a close one," Dean says shaking his head. Alex slowly pulls her arms off of Dean feeling reluctant to leave him herself but does so all the same.

              "I guess it's good to be judge," Sam says with a raise of his brows and Dean gives a shake of disgust. The bartender hands them their drinks.

              "Yeah," Dean says taking a sip of his whiskey and promptly spitting it back out into the glass, "Ohh. It's like gasoline," he wheezes. Alex and Sam share a small conspiratorial smile and take a sip of their own drinks. Its not great but not half bad.

              "Sarsaparilla ain't half bad," Sam voices Alex's thoughts. Alex shares some of her drink with a sad looking Dean when there is a loud shriek from upstairs. They all look at each other and bound up the stairs, Alex in the lead. They follow the screams to find Darla pressed up against the far wall and the smoldering ashes of what used to be the judge laying on the bed. Alex turns and sees an open balcony so she runs over and peers outside but there is nothing to see. Whoever killed him has escaped.

              They end up waiting around for the sheriff to come. He listens to Darla and her claims that it was Elias Finch, the previously hanged man from that morning. Dean asks if the sheriff has any ideas and the man nods decisively.

              "Course. We're gonna form a posse. Then we're gonna string Finch up right. Put a bullet in his head for good measure," The sheriff states and Alex eyes the man, he is certainly a tougher man than his compatriots seemed.

              "That actually sounds like a good plan," Alex says and he glance at her a moment. He obviously has no patience for women who speak.

              He turns addressing Dean and Sam directly, "You two should come along. Meet downstairs at dawn."

              "Yeah, we'll be there," Dean nods excitedly missing the snub to Alex completely.

              "Get yourselves some real gear first, huh? and oh," the sheriff leans in towards Dean lowering his voice, "maybe get your Woman under control as well... and in a dress," he cuffs Dean on the shoulder and turns, heading out the door, leaving Dean miffed and Alex downright outraged. Sam must have seen the fire in her eyes cause he walks over too her.

              "Easy does it Lex, it's the west you know, things are different here," Sam says trying to be consoling but she is was too grouchy now for that.

              "Well, I think we ought to pay our respects to Finch," Alex says marching out the door. She knows she shouldn't be mad, not at some Neanderthal man who has been dead for well over a hundred years but the slight still manages to sting.  It gets dark early and the sun is already setting when Alex steps outside. The boys follow her to the cemetery to find where Elias Finch should be buried. They all stand over the whole in the ground and the freshly dug earth.

              "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam says.

              "Rose from the ashes, burned up its victim? You know, maybe we're not looking for a flaming bird. Maybe the Phoenix is actually walking around in cowboy boots," Dean sighs as well glancing around.

              "That makes sense, right? Could be Finch. So, question is, how do we put this thing out?" Sam frowns at the grounds.

              "Well, we do know one thing that'll kill friggin' anything, right?" Dean grins widely now.

              "Yeah, the Colt."

              "So, you go get the gun," Dean says poking the front of Sam's chest.

              "But isn't the gun coming here? I mean, according to Samuel Colt's journal?" Alex asks the obvious question.

              "Yeah, but people here barely even know who Colt is. Maybe Sam here has to go find him and make history," Dean is still grinning ear to ear. “I'll stay here, hook up with the posse,” Dean says putting extra emphasis on the word Posse. “'Cause you know me -- I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse. Make that into a t-shirt,” Dean actually curls his lips in biting them to keep from smiling and Sam and Alex both roll their eyes on that one.

              “You done? Look, the problem is, Colt's 20 miles outside of town. How am I supposed to get there and back before noon?” Sam protests and the sound of a horse draws theirs attention.

              “Ride’ em cowboy,” Dean winks at Sam who gets a nervous look on his face.

              “Sam can’t ride a horse out all that way,” Alex argues, “Why don’t I go.”

              “Why? Can you ride?” Dean gives her a doubtful look.                  

              “As a matter of fact I can, smart ass,” She puts her hands on her hips indignantly. 

              “Well that doesn’t matter if it hasn’t escaped your notice, people aren’t in the habit of listening to women in this town, so Sam stands a better shot at talking to Colt.”

              “Why you –“ she cuts herself off but her hands ball into fists.  “Fine I’ll stay here with Roy Rogers then,” Alex sighs defeated and Dean looks relieved. “Come on, let’s get you a horse,” she gives Sam’s arm a squeeze. Luckily a nice shop owner is willing to rent out his gelding for the trip.

              “So I just – Get on?” Sam looks at the horse a little warily.           

              “Alright I’m gonna give you a crash course okay. First off this isn’t a movie, don’t yank the horses face around all dramatic just pull with light pressure in the direction you want the horse to go. Keep your heels down, you don’t want your feet getting hung up in the stirrups and it helps with balance. Now sit straight in the saddle okay, and don’t you dare run the horse into the ground, they aren’t a machine. Just trot and walk alternating till you get there okay?” She looks at Sam and his eyes are wide but he nods at her all the same. They help Sam up on the horse and he gathers up the reins looking more confident then he has a right too.

              “Alright, take it -- just take it easy,” Dean said with a concerned look on his face. They reminded Sam to make it back by 11 so they had time to get the phoenix before Cas brought them back. As Sam rode off he waved a hand in the air.

              “I’m alright,” he called to them.

              “Poor horse,” Dean said shaking his head and Alex chuckled. Dean slung an arm around her shoulder and looked down at her smiling. She leaned into him enjoying the touch.

              “Hey, you wanna go to the saloon and get a drink?”

              She turns her head up to him and there is a lightness and sparkle in them that has been sorely lacking for a long time. “Yes Siree cowboy let’s do this!” Alex points to the saloon. They made their way to the saloon and Dean let her go to grab the swinging door for her. They both went for the Sarsaparilla’s this time. Grabbing a table in the back corner they settled in and began debating their favorite western movies.   

              “Nothing is better than Eastwood in Unforgiven, like nothing is cooler than that,” Dean says taking a big sip from his drink.

              “No way True Grit all the way, Wayne in that movie is a force to be reckoned with,” Alex says leaning in across the table. They are both trying to keep their voices low but it gets more difficult with each drink. The saloon is more full then earlier in the day, but it’s still a small town. Alex has watched as the ladies of the night make their treks up and down the stairs thru the night.              

              They laugh and joke working their way thru their drinks and sneaking bites of granola bars that Alex snuck along in her coat. They have both taken off their vests and unbuttoned the top few buttons on their collars. It isn’t till Dean starts to do his impression of planet of the apes and turns around at her making a monkey face that she laughs so hard she spits out half her drink. That sends them into a fit of uncontrollable laughter gasping for breath. Alex grabs at her stomach pounding a hand on the table waving at Dean to stop, tears in her eyes.

              “Alright, uncle I can’t take any more,” She gets her breath back, “You want another?” Dean just nods still unable to talk. Alex gets up and grabs another drink. “Say bar keep, two more over here, and say do you have two rooms for the night?”

              “Sure thing miss, and I thought you and the gentlemen there were married? Won’t you be needing one room?” the bartender asks handing over a the two glasses. Suddenly she feels a hand grabbing her ass and she definitely does not know the hand.

              “She can share a room with me,” a drunk voice breaths in her ear. She doesn’t have to think about it but lifts her elbow and swings for the nose but hits nothing but air. Turning she sees that Dean has man in a choke hold gasping for breath.

              “The lady isn’t interested, now get the hell out of here while you can still walk,” Dean growls throwing the man forward toward the door. The man snarls and staggers a minute before sizing Dean up and thinking better of it. Dean watches to make sure he is completely gone before turning to Alex.  “Ass hat.”                   

              “I could have handled it you know,” Alex raises an eyebrow at him.

              “I know you can, but you didn’t have too,” Dean replies.

              “Miss I only got the one open room for rent tonight but it’s our nicest one and it should suit your needs,” the bartender tells them and Alex checks with Dean who just shrugs.

              “Alright then we’ll take it,” Alex haggles the price and they take the drinks back to the table.

              “Say Lexi, will you sing something?” Dean asks with a happily buzzed look on his face.

              “Sing something? Now? Here?” she asks surprised.

              “Yeah why not, come on, it’s weird being in a bar with no music.”

              “Well I don’t know if there are any uh – period appropriate songs to sing,” Alex racks her brain for a minute.

              “I am sure you can think of something, come on, for me?” and there it is, those green eyes, egging her on, are hard to resist.                  

              “Okay I think I got one,” She stands up and asks the bartender if he minds her using the piano and he waves at her to go ahead. She sits at the piano and it isn’t very well tuned but it will do. It takes her a second to try and remember the melody on piano only ever having played this song on guitar. But this song was meant to be accompanied by piano. Clearing her throat, she begins to sing as the words pour out of her.

 

_‘Desperado, why don't you come to your senses_

_You been out ridin' fences for so long now_

_Oh, you're a hard one_

_I know that you got your reasons_

_These things that are pleasin' you_

_Can hurt you somehow_

 

  The saloon goes quiet as Alex sings and she doesn’t rush the song but let’s each note ring out deep and true.

 

_‘Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy_

_She'll beat you if she's able_

_You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet_

_Now, it seems to me some fine things_

_Have been laid upon your table,_

_But you only want the ones that you can't get_

 

              As she sings out the next lines she looks out across the room locking eyes with Dean who seems to be hanging on every word.

 

_‘Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger_

_Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home_

_And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'_

_Your prison is walking through this world all alone’_

 

              Every time she glances up Dean’s stare is still locked on her, and she flushes a little staring down at the keys as she belts out the remainder of the song.

 

_‘Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?_

_Come down from your fences, open the gate_

_It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you_

_You better let somebody love you, let somebody love you_

_You better let somebody love you… before it's too… late’_

              As she finished the last chords there is a boisterous applause and Alex looks over at Dean thru her lashes and he is still watching her with an intensity that is setting her teeth on edge. Alex asks Dean a silent question, _another?_ And he just smiles and nods. Alex takes another quick drink and plays a few more songs, all of which she knows Dean will like. She gets butterflies every time he smiles recognizing the melody of her next song. As the saloon is nearly cleared out but for a few people she beckons Dean over to her. He sits down on the bench next to her and runs his hands over the keys. Their fingers just barely touch each other and it sends chills down her spine.

              “You wanna sing one?” she asks and he looks at the keys suspiciously.

              “Can you play Simple Man?” he asks and she quickly grins at him. Hitting the chords Dean seems a little nervous so she starts out the first few lines and Dean jumps in. Dean isn’t perfectly on key but has a lovely raspy sound to his voice. She almost loses track of her part on the piano a few times completely mesmerized by the man next to her. When he finishes Alex looks around and sees that just about everyone is gone now except for Darla and the bartender talking in the corner.

              “You have a great singing voice Dean, you and I should do karaoke sometime,” Alex smiles at him.

              “Sure thing, but only if we can do Journey.”

              Alex laughs loudly, “Whatever you want.” Dean smiles at her.

              “Alright let’s get some sleep huh?” something in Dean’s eyes when he looks at her says that he is thinking about a million things other than sleep. She bites the inside of her cheek and just nods. They gather up their few belongings and head upstairs for the room at the far back left. There they find a small but serviceable bed.

              “I forgot to get a key, I’ll be right back,” Dean closes the door behind him. Alex pauses realizing she didn’t bring a change of clothes and nothing too sleep in. She could sleep in the shirt she has on but it’s a little sweaty from the day. Even though most of her drinks have started to wear off, Alex is just tipsy enough not to care anymore and strips down out of her underwear and bra. She unbraids her hair shaking it out into a wave of curls down her back. She plans to crawl under the covers before Dean gets back when she turns to see him standing in the doorway. Her heart stops, and she knows its cliché and people say that all the time but to this day Alex would swear that it truly did skip a beat.

             

              “Lexi,” Dean breathes in barely a whisper, and there is a strained tone to his voice. His hand is gripping the doorknob like it’s a life preserver. He slowly shuts the door never taking his eyes off her. Dean’s eyes travel down her body, and it’s like she can almost feel them on her.

              “I uh – I didn’t bring a shirt to sleep in,” she manages to get out weakly. “I can just –“ she begins to say she can just get under the covers or put the shirt back on but she never gets the chance. Dean is suddenly right in front of her and running his long fingers through her hair. He bends his head down and with only a slight hesitation, presses his lips to hers, and for just that moment time slows and there isn’t another soul in the world but her and Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All! so this chapter ran away with me, it is the longest chapter I have written by far but I just knew where I wanted it to end and didn't want to settle hoping all of you wouldn't mind a few extra pages. I was so excited to write this chapter and get a lighter side to Dean. Hope you all enjoy <3


	24. Chapter 24

       Alex felt light-headed, but not from the alcohol. The heat from Dean's body was pulling her toward him like a magnet. She moved her body in closer to his and Dean's lips pressed a little harder to hers and she rose to match him. He moved his hands slowly out of her hair and ran them down her body. His fingertips just brushed over the lace of her bra, hesitating a moment before he moved his hands to the small of her back, pulling her in more. His lips were just as soft and strong as she had hoped they'd be. He tasted faintly of booze, and smelled of sweat and dirt, but in the most delightful and primal way. 

       She was kissing Dean Winchester. She, Alexandra Claire Singer, was kissing Dean. It seemed almost too good to be true, like any minute he would disappear and the Trickster would show up yelling, "Gotcha!" with a cruel wink. Not wanting to let him get away, she slid her arms up to wrap around his neck. He moaned a little into the kiss and it sent a shiver through her whole body.

       Dean pulled his lips back a moment, leaning his forehead to hers, catching his breath.

       "Is this, is uh -- is this, okay, I mean?" he began to stammer a little, but he didn’t move away from her.

       "Hell yeah it's okay," Alex smiled and kissed his upper lip ever so lightly, teasing it with her tongue. This had the desired response, as his hands tightened on her back and he drew in a breath.  

       "Lexi," he breathed and it was a question, a question she knew the answer to. It was a question she had been waiting to answer for years. She looked up into his eyes a moment, and they were clear and bright even in the darkness of the room. The adrenaline had sobered both of them up and her body was aching, screaming at her to be touched.

       "Dean," is all she managed to say before he was kissing her again. Alex moved her hands to his shirt and started fumbling with the buttons, desperate to get her hands on his skin. Understanding her intention, he made quick work of the rest of his clothes, eventually shrugging off the shirt as well.

       She pushed back from him a moment to look at him. The room was dark except for the moonlight streaming in from the windows. Dean was probably the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, the graceful curve to his body and the hard strength to his muscles. She bit down on her lower lip, dragging her eyes back up to his face. He had also taken the moment to take her in. She waited until he brought his eyes back up to hers.

       Suddenly she only saw Dean, and not his body, but the man behind his eyes. She saw the strong, loyal, compassionate man, the funny man she had come to know. She also saw the boy who never felt like he was enough, who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders until it nearly buried him, and still kept fighting. She was overwhelmed with love for him in that moment, and she saw a soft gentle smile break across his face.

       He reached out a hand to her and she took it without hesitation. Dean pulled her in towards him and in one swift motion, bent down and lifted her up off her feet. She felt his hard body press against hers. She ran her hands through his hair, breathing him in as he planted slow, soft kisses along her neck. She hadn't noticed them moving across the room until she was tipping back, laying across the bed. She had a moment to be thankful she was lying on top of a duster coat - the bed was likely less than clean.

       She pulled herself up on the bed and he followed her like a shadow. Dean was all over her, moving slowly and deliberately, as if he was trying to learn or memorize every curve to her body, every scar. He moved over her shoulder, kissing down her collarbone, kissing at a small burn mark from years past. When he got to her breasts he grinned a mischievous grin, glancing up at her as she squirmed under him, trying hard to stay still 

       Most men are overly rough with a woman's breast, kneading or sucking in an anything but an arousing fashion. Dean, however, knew what he was doing, and was so surprisingly gentle as he removed her bra and ran his rough hands over her smooth skin. Her breath hitched at the touch and she wanted him so badly it felt like she might burst, but Dean was in no rush at all. After due attention was paid, Alex took Dean’s face in her hands and pulled him up into a kiss.

       Deans long fingers ran down her stomach and slid under the front of her panties. He pulled his head back, giving a surprised little lift to his brows, having found her incredibly wet and more than ready. Heaven help her, Dean's fingers were everything she dreamed they'd be and more. How many times had she lusted after those fingers as they flipped around a knife in his hands, or ran over the steering wheel of his car, or moved so gracefully over a revolver? That hand brought her to a shattering point, and she sank her fingers into his shoulders, gasping out his name.

       "I've been wanting to do that for so long," Dean grinned at her and she let out a small laugh. She wasn't done with him though, not by a long shot, and she pulled him down to her, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing up against him. She felt him lean over the side of the bed and moving something around. She sighed with relief when he revealed a condom. That's her Dean, always prepared. He pulled back to remove her panties, then slide on the condom as she watched his every move. He hovered over her a moment, looking into her eyes again.

      "Are you ready?" he asked, and there was such love and desire in his eyes, but also a small amount of hesitation.

       She lifted her lips to his ear and with a mischievous grin of her own said, "Go ahead... make my day," in a low, seductive tone. This made Dean laugh, and the tension was gone from his face.

       She rose her body to his and they were suddenly one, moving as one. Alex had never felt so full, so safe, so incredibly blissed out in her entire life. Her body responded and moved with Dean in a perfect building rhythm. Dean cried out, her name hanging on his lips, "Lexi," and it sent her over the edge again.

       His body pressed her into the bed and she rested her chin on his shoulder. She still felt a vibration running through him as his breathing began to slow. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, enjoying the weight of his body on hers.

       They stayed still for a little while until she began to get a chill on her sweaty skin from the cool air in the room. Dean lifted out of her and turned to clean himself, while she found and pulled her panties back on. He glanced at a small trunk and pulled out a thick blanket, giving it a once over. He must have deemed it clean, because he hurried back to bed, throwing the blanket over both of them.

       They both lay on their sides, Dean propped up on one elbow, looking down at her. He ran his fingers along the edge of her face, brushing back the hair and tucking it behind her ear. Even after all that, she suddenly felt a bit insecure and she lowered her eyes, unable to stop the blush from creeping up her face.

       Dean lifted her chin with one hand, saying, "Hey beautiful, are you okay?"

       She looked up him and her temporary insecurity ebbed away when she saw the way he was looking at her.

       "Better than okay," she whispered, leaning in and planting a kiss on his lips. He pulled her into him and she rested her head on his chest, wrapping a leg around his. Pulling the blanket up to cover them, Dean let out a contented sigh. She listened to his heartbeat and closed her eyes, reveling in the nearness and warmth of him.

       "Dean?"

       "Yeah?"

        "Was that... was that okay -- for you I mean?" She felt a rumble through his chest as he laughed lightly 

       "Not even close, Lexi. That was awesome!" She could hear the smile in his voice bringing out her own smile. Feeling completely wiped, she somehow drifted off to sleep, still held safe and tight in his arms.

        When Alex woke in the morning it was almost still dark out. She stretched and blinked, looking around the room. She saw clothes strewn about the floor and and glanced over her shoulder to see a sleeping Dean with one arm slung over her. It was really a wonderful way to wake up, even if it was very early. Still, she knew the sheriff would be rounding up his posse and Dean wouldn't want to miss that.

       She slowly turned in Dean’s arms, felt the duster coat under her, and stifled a laugh. He moaned in protest a moment at being moved, scrunching his eyes shut and pulling her in closer.

       "Dean?" No answer. "Dean?" She nudged him, but still no answer. "I guess I will just get up and join the posse without you."

       "It's too early," he yawned, scooting closer to her, as if that were possible. As tempting as it was to simply stay in bed all day with the beautiful, sleepy hunter, she knew they had a case to work and a ride to catch. She cupped his face in her hand, feeling the rough stubble and rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

       "We need to get up. Sam should be back soon with the Colt," she leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, not even caring about the morning breath.

       "Screw it. Can't we just stay here?" he whined, and started kissing her. It was pretty hard, she realized, to form a coherent thought when Dean was kissing you. She could feel his morning wood against her thigh, and she began to wonder how much time they had and if Dean had brought another condom. Finally, Dean came up for air and looked at her. "Damn it!" he growled and let her go, sliding out of bed. She sat up, holding the blanket around her, watching as Dean pulled on his boxers. With a disappointed sigh of her own, she slid out of bed and began to get dressed. 

       "So uh --- should we uh -- talk?" Dean asked cautiously once they were both done dressing. Alex glanced up at him as she shook out the duster and made sure it was still wearable.

       "Normally, Dean, I'd say yes, but we are kinda on the clock today. Let just shelve the talking for another day. Sound good?" She knew they really didn't have time to discuss what happened or what it meant, they needed the ash from the phoenix and to catch their ride home. She chuckled internally at the idea of catching a ride home via a time-traveling angel.

       “Alright, whatever you say,” Dean winked at her, “I have an errand to run. Wanna meet me down stairs in an hour?”

       “Errand?”

       “Yeah I just gotta go get some things. I’ll be back before you know it.” He moved over to her and hesitated a moment before kissing her, and then, with a cocky grin, hustled out the door.

Alex got dressed and put her hair back in a braid, after untangling it. She felt light as air when she went down the stairs. She found the bartender there, seemingly napping behind the counter.

       "Good morning," she called and he bolted upright, glancing around until his eyes fell on her.

       "Why uh -- good morning there," he cleared his throat.

       "Did you see Marshal Eastwood this morning?"

       "He left a little bit ago."

       Alex decided to take a chance and eat some bread the man offered, staying away from the offered porridge or cheese.

It wasn't long before she heard the creak of the saloon door. Dean strode in wearing a whole new set of clothes. From his new hat, to his vest, duster, and boots (complete with rattling spurs) he finally looked like a genuine cowboy. Alex swallowed hard at the sight of him and bit her cheek hard to get a grip. He was a damn fine-looking cowboy.

       "New hat?" the bartender asked with a smile.

       "I look good," Dean proclaimed and the man was not wrong. "Where's the posse? I must be early."

        "Oh you're the only greenhorn dumb enough to go chasing after a ghost," the bartender replied, rolling his eyes.

       "You have me," Alex smiled brightly, standing up. Dean turned to her and smiled back, holding his arms out and she gave him a thumbs up of approval.

       "See, I have one person. Now what are you talking about? Sheriff's tough as nails. He'll be here," Dean said, completely sure of himself.

       A voice called from outside the saloon, "Oh, God! The Sheriff's dead!"

       Dean and Alex turned to each other. “Or not," they said in unison and rushed out the door to investigate. The bartender followed them and they found a pile of ash with a singed sheriff's badge sitting on top.

        "Great. Who's the Sheriff now?" Dean grumbled.

        The bartender knelt down to the ashes and plucked out the badge, spitting on it and wiping it clean. He turned to Dean, who wore a wary expression, and pinned the badge just over his heart on his vest.

       "Now...Congratulations, Sheriff," the bartender nodded and went back into his saloon, leaving a miffed Dean in his wake.

       "Alright. If you're the Sheriff, does that make me the deputy?" Alex asked with a smug grin.

       "Hardy har har," Dean mocked, "It means we need to find the deputy." Alex gave Dean a comical frown and he laughed, "Come on, Tonto." He chucked her under the chin and they both went up the stairs to find the deputy.

        "So we find this guy and use him to catch the phoenix?" Alex asked.

         "Yup."

         "And what if we find him before Sam comes with the Colt? I mean, we don't know how to fight them, except that he doesn't like iron."

         "Iron?"

        "Yeah, the iron cuffs they had on him. He couldn't break them so I assume he isn't a fan."

       Dean just nodded at her and they both stopped talking once they approached the door.

       Dean cleared his throat and knocked, saying in a high pitched voice, "Telegram for Mongo!" Alex snorted a laugh making Dean grin with pride. The swarmy little deputy opened the door, baffled. "Howdy pilgrim," Dean said with a sly grin.

       "I ain't no pilgrim," the man said in confusion and pulled his gun out.

       "Alright there, back up," Dean said and shows his badge.

       "Is that any way to, uh... greet your new boss?" Alex asked the man, pointing at the sheriff badge. The deputy slowly lowered his gun and scoffed.

       "Missed you at the posse this morning. I was a one-man wolf pack, thanks to you," Dean said and Alex elbowed him in the ribs. "Well two person wolf pack then... What's going on here?" Dean asked, pointing at the deputy's half-packed bag.

      "Going to visit my sister," the deputy replied, returning to packing his bag.

       "Well she will have to wait," Dean sighed, shaking his head. He ended up convincing the deputy to play along as bait, and they took him down to the jail, putting him in one of the iron barred cells. Alex had to admit, it was one of Dean's better ideas. The shifty deputy kept leering at Alex whenever he thought Dean wasn't looking. How was it that some men, even when faced with certain death, couldn't stop thinking with their dicks?

        "I don't like this little shit," Alex said under her breath, nodding toward the deputy. Dean glanced over at the guy.

        "Kinda of a dick, huh?"

         "Yeah he is. Say, don't you think Sam should have been here by now?"

        "I was kinda thinking that myself," Dean glanced up at the clock, concerned.

        "Why don't I go check for him?"

        "Alone with that phoenix out there?" Dean said, raising an eyebrow.

        "Look, its ten AM. We're running out of time. Plus, you're the one sitting in between the phoenix and the bait."

        "Excellent point," Dean nodded in agreement. "Okay, just hurry back, alright?"

        "Will do," Alex hesitated, then throwing caution to the wind, wrapped a hand around the back of Dean's neck and pulled him into a kiss. Shocked at first, he quickly caught on, kissing her back. Pulling away from him with some difficulty, she waved and jogged out of the room with a devilish grin.

       "Be careful!" Dean called after her.

        Alex looked around and saw a draft horse standing fully saddled by the saloon. He was a tall, broad horse and not normally one you would ride so much as use for driving. She admired his glossy black coat and large white blaze. She reached under his saddle pad and he wasn't even a bit sweaty, a good sign he hadn't been worked yet that day.  

      "Your it, Pops," Alex said, patting the horse's neck. She needed to use a barrel just to swing herself up into the saddle, and holy shit was he huge! She was more accustomed to riding the short, stocky, and agile quarter horses at Jodi's family ranch, but this big boy was twice the size of those horses. Alex added a little leg and hoped the owner wouldn't spot her. Once away from the town a bit, she kissed to him and off they went at a fairly brisk trot.

       Alex knew she was on a case, and lives were hanging in the balance, her own included... but... hot damn if she wasn't having fun. Being back in the saddle reminded her how much she missed riding, the steady rhythm of the hoof beats and rocking motion of the stride. Put the wind in her hair and duster flapping behind her and she was definitely having a good time. This was not a horse you could use to sneak up on someone - his feet shook the ground like thunder.

       A man was suddenly in her path up ahead and she reined up to a stop. She knew immediately it was Sam.

       "Hey there, cowboy!" she called. Sam glanced up as she loped down the small hill toward him. "Where’s your horse, where's Colt, and where's _the_ Colt?"

       "Horse threw me a mile or so back, Samuel Colt isn't coming, but I have the Colt," Sam said, holding up the gun. She noticed he was covered in dirt, likely from the fall, but seemed intact.

       "Well, you're lucky I brought this Goliath of a horse then. Hop on up," Alex took her left foot from the stirrup so that Sam could use it to swing up behind her.

        "Goliath?" Sam asked and he nervously wrapped his arms unnecessarily tight around her waist.

       "I don't know his actual name I stole him, but it suits him doesn't it?"

        "He's certainly giant-sized."

       She could hear the nerves in his voice and chuckled a little, trying to remember that not everyone was as comfortable in the saddle as she was.

       "Come on, Pops, let’s ride," she said, giving the horse a squeeze, and he happily picked up a trot again, heading back for town.  Sam had a death grip on her ribs and she thought he must have been pretty rattled by his fall. She wondered if she held Sara that tight when they were on the bike together. Alex reached a hand down to feel the horse's shoulder - he still wasn't sweaty. They needed to make better time. She gave the horse a good squeeze with her heels and he obligingly picked up a long-strided canter as the town slowly came back into view. She was finding it hard to breathe with Sam's death grip and she reached back a hand, patting him on the thigh. He loosened up a little. That was until they heard gun fire in the town.

        With a big kick, Alex’s horse barreled into town at full gallop, covering an amazing amount of ground. She leaned forward and Sam went back to his death grip, but she knew time was of the essence. They pulled up to a halt in the middle of town and hopped down off the horse. Alex checked her revolver and it was still loaded with silver bullets.

       “Come on,” Sam said and headed off toward the gunfire. Alex hesitated and moved around the other side of the building, gun drawn. She inched around the side of the building hoping to take the phoenix from behind. She glanced around the corner, to see the phoenix marching around the back, gun at his side. Alex took aim and fired, hitting him square in the back. It barely seemed to faze him as he turned and his glare turned into a look of confusion. She didn’t hesitate to put another bullet in his chest before running. She listened and heard his footsteps coming after her. She figured she just needed to buy the guys time to get the Colt ready. She heard the bullet before she felt anything, and she ducked behind a water trough, panting. Looking up, she saw Dean stride out into the center of town. A cold sensation ran down her lower leg and she glanced down to see blood soaking through her tan pants.

       “Get out here, Finch!” Dean yelled and the phoenix came striding out across from him.

       “So, this is how you want to die. Fine,” the Phoenix replied and they stood like old gunslingers opposite each other. Alex grabbed a stray rope left on a post next to her and tied it around her leg just under the knee. Alex heard the gunfire and twisted to see Dean grinning, as the phoenix started to burst into flame.

       “Yippee-ki-yay, mother fucker!” Dean yelled with a joyous smile stretching across his face. Alex sighed in relief, then heard the clock striking noon. She felt a jolt of fear.

       “Dean! The ashes!” Sam yelled and Alex, scrambling to her feet, saw Dean drop the Colt and run for the ashes.

       Alex felt a wobbly sensation and suddenly she was kneeling on the carpet in her dad’s house. She braced herself, putting her hands on the floor and catching her breath.

        “Son of a bitch!” Dean yelled and Alex saw the empty bottle in his hand with no ashes inside. The whole trip was a bust. _Well, not completely a bust_ , she thought.

       “You're bleeding,” Sam said, walking over to Alex who had moved to sitting on the floor. All four of them came rushing in around her to see what was wrong.

        “I’m okay, I think it just grazed me,” Alex said, holding up a hand and waving them off her. Dean all but butted Bobby out of the way and picked her up off the floor, which was totally unnecessary but not altogether unpleasant.

       “Let’s take a look,” Dean said, putting her down on the couch and rolling up her pant leg. She winced a little at the amount of blood.

       "See, just a graze.” She smiled at him and tried to ignore the burning pain. It was just a graze, she wasn’t lying.

       “Cas?” Dean said.

       “I don’t know if I have the strength to heal her,” Cas said in his gruff voice and looking up, she saw the pale tone to his own skin and haggard look on his and her dad’s face.

       “What happened to you two?” Alex asked. Bobby explained that Cas had suffered injuries fighting Rachel, and that Cas had been forced to draw power from Bobby’s soul in order to retrieve them from 1861.

       “Well muster up some more juice and get to healing,” Dean grumbled.

       “Really Dean, I’m okay, I just need a few stitches and a shot of whiskey,” she said, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

       Cas pushed Dean gently out of the way and knelt in front of her. Putting a hand over her wound, a white light showed and the cut was all but healed. Not without a scar, but it wasn't bleeding at least. Cas looked like he was going to collapse and Dean caught him, sitting him down next to Alex.

        “Thanks Cas, you didn’t have to do that.” She planted a kiss on his gruff cheek and he gave her an exhausted, grim smile. There was knock at the door and Sam went to answer it. He returned a minute later with a very old-looking box. Opening it up, he pulled out a letter, his old cell phone and a bottle of what appeared to be ashes.

       “Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamajig, and I thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt,” Sam read from the letter, while Dean examined the ashes.

       “Is that what I think it is?” Alex asked.

       “Ashes of a Phoenix. You know what this means?” Dean grinned.

       “Yeah, I didn't get a ‘soulonoscopy’ for nothing,” Bobby griped, but was smiling.

       “Yes. And... it means we take the fight to her,” Dean held the ashes up with relief.

        Cas ended up falling asleep on the couch to recuperate, which was a bit strange for a angel. The rest of them sat around the kitchen table, drinking into the wee hours of the night, regaling Bobby with their tale until it was just Dean and Alex left awake.

       “We should probably get some sleep if we are gonna take on mother of all monsters tomorrow,” Dean said, leaning back in his chair, glossy-eyed.

       “Yeah we probably should,” she replied, and there was a silence that hung in the air as she met his eyes.

       “So uh -- that thing, that uh -- happened,” Dean said, looking down now at the table.

       “Yes,” Alex replied cautiously.

        “It wasn’t a mistake right, I mean --”

       “Not at all, not unless you think it was?” Alex added hastily.

        “No, how can anything that good be a mistake right,” Dean grinned up her a little, in a shy sort of way that was incredibly endearing.

        “Dean, it was… well I don’t have words for it, but why don’t we just see where it goes, if that’s okay with you?”

        Dean looked closely at her now.

       “Yeah okay Lexi, but uh --” Dean hesitated.

       “What?”

       “Does that mean I can kiss you goodnight?” Dean gave her a sideways grin and she blushed scarlet, nodding. Not needing any further prompting, he leaned over the table and took her chin in his fingers. He planted a soft kiss on her lips, and she knew no matter how tired she was, that she wouldn’t be getting to sleep anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright readers, I finally got to "the scene" and I was so excited to write this. I plan to make this story a series with each part being a season on the show, so we are really close to the end of Part 1 in Wayward Daughter. As always thanks for reading, I love writing this fic :)


	25. Chapter 25

Alex was driving down the highway in her Firebird, window down on a warm summer night. She breathed in the fresh air and tipped her head back against the headrest. She looked over at the passenger seat to see her mom, Karen, sitting next to her with a soft smile on her face. A strange warning chill ran up her spine and she struggled to think of what she should be scared of.   
  
            "Alexandra dear, we don't have much time," her mom said in a soothing voice. Alex squinted her eyes a moment and it suddenly became clear.   
  
            "Eve," she said, realizing she must be dreaming.   
  
            "Of course it’s me," Eve said, sighing a little.  
  
            "I don't know how many times I need to say this for you to get the point, but get the hell out of my head," Alex growled at her.

            "That is what I came to say, I am leaving and I don't know if or when I will return."

            Alex glanced over at her and she seemed serious. "Well good, then. Nice to know you," Alex replied sarcastically.  
  
            "That means I won't be able to hear if you call for help. You will be on your on your own."  
  
            "I'm never on my own, I have my Dad and the Winchesters and Castiel. I am full up on help."  
  
            "Castiel is the other reason I am here," Eve seemed to hesitate a moment. "He is going down a dark and dangerous path Alexandra. He is doing the wrong things for the right reasons, but he will get you all killed."  
  
            "Cas is fighting a war! He is the only angel with a back bone and conscience I ever met, and I would be dead ten times over if it hadn't been for him," Alex spit out at her.   
  
            "I know your love for the rebel angel, I am trying to tell you that --" suddenly there was a loud thunderous crack and Eve was gone. Alex looked around the cab of the car and turned to see Castiel sitting in the back seat. She slammed on the brakes and threw the car into park.   
  
            "Hello Alexandra," Cas said coolly.  
  
            "What the hell is going on?!" Alex could help but exclaim.   
  
            "You won't have to worry about Eve any more, I have taken care of it." As relieved as she would normally be at this news the whole thing smelled rotten.   
  
            "Cas? You wanna elaborate on that a bit?"  
  
            "Balthazar was able to work a warding spell. He is quite skilled at Enochian magic. It took him time to prepare it, but I was able to keep her from entering your dreams any more. I am only sorry I couldn't use it sooner," Cas sighed and rubbed at his face. A tingling in the back of her mind was screaming at her that something was still very wrong. But this was Cas, her Cas. She knew him, she trusted him. 

"She’s gone for good then?"  
  
            "Yes, she will trouble your mind no more, so long as the wardings hold, and I believe that they will." There was a silence in the car that hung there a moment.  
  
            "Thanks Cas," she said, giving him a small grin, "Is everything okay? With you, I mean?" She knew the answer before he gave it.  
  
            "Yes, the war is tiring but I am hoping that it won’t last much longer," Cas replied.  
  
            "Do you have a plan to defeat Raphael?" she asked hopefully. A strange fleeting look passed over his face, before he smiled at her.   
  
            "Yes, I do, but please don't worry about it Alexandra. You have done more than enough for the cause." Like that Cas was gone.

            Alex shot up in bed blinking her eyes furiously at the blinding light streaming in through her window. She groaned, falling back on her pillow. She showered and got dressed, deciding to leave her hair down for the day, and put on a burgundy long-sleeve knit tee.   
  
            "Morning, Dad," Alex said, finding Bobby in the kitchen and planted a kiss on his cheek.   
  
            "Mornin Al," Bobby semi-grumbled, digging through the fridge. "There's no food in here."  
  
            "Well, you know the magic food fairies probably took the week off. Why don't I make a grocery run?"  
  
            "Someone say fairies?" Dean said, coming in the room from the basement. "Fairies are no joking matter," Dean said in a mock-serious tone.   
  
            "I'll remember that," Alex rolled her eyes.   
  
            Dean peered in the fridge over their shoulders, "No food."  
  
            "No shit, Sherlock," she laughed. "I'm gonna make a run, any requests?"   
  
            "I'll come with, see what looks good," Dean replied.  
  
            "Alright, well let’s go. I'm hungry," Alex replied and Bobby waved them out the door.   
  
            "I can drive," Dean offered.  
  
            "They let you get a license? What were they smoking at the DMV that day?" Alex chuckled and Dean narrowed his eyes at her. "Why don't I drive, for once? My old bird is dying for some fresh air." She lovingly patted the hood of her car.  
  
            "Just let me drive, alright?" Dean said, leaning over the top of Baby.   
  
            "Give me one good reason why we can't take my car?"  
  
            "Cause your back seat is too small," he said with a grin and a wink.  
  
            "Too small for what?" Alex said in a suspicious tone and light bulb went on in her head making her blush.   
  
            "Groceries of course. Why, what were you thinking?" Dean said, even more of a knowing grin on his face.  
  
            "Nothing," she said, blushing a little more now. "Fine, we can take your car," Alex shook her head and slid into the Impala. Dean hopped in next to her and the car roared to life. She felt the vibration through her whole body and it set her teeth on edge a bit. She stole a glance over at Dean who blushed a little himself before putting her in drive and heading down the road. Neither of them said anything and Dean leaned forward and pushed in a cassette tape, hitting play. The Rolling Stones song _Wild Horses_ came on and Alex smiled a little, leaning back in her seat.  
  
            "Wild, wild horses... couldn't drag me away," Alex sung under her breath as they sped down the highway. Dean thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Alex reached a tentative hand up to the back of his neck and grazed her fingers through his hair. Dean went a little stiff at first and relaxed as her fingers began to gently massage the base of his neck. He gave a small contented moan, just barely audible over the music. The song switched to _Whole Lotta Love_ by Zepplin and Alex grinned to herself. This was Dean's love song cassette. She had seen it when digging through his cassettes before and it was labelled in slanted hand writing, “For the Ladies”. She bit back a laugh and kept her eyes on the road.   
  
            They reached the grocery store and Dean parked way back in the lot even though there were hardly any cars. Alex got out and grabbed a shopping cart, waiting for Dean to come around. He looked at the cart and looked at Alex.  
  
            "Wanna go for a ride?" he asked with a smirk, grabbing the handle bars of the shopping cart and lifting an eyebrow. Alex laughed and, grabbing the front of the cart, she put her feet on the bottom bar leaning in toward Dean. Dean pushed off and holding onto the handle bar he leaped up putting his feet on the bottom bar as well. They flew through the empty parking lot, wind whipping her hair around her face. Dean actually let out a huge "Woot!" at the top of his lungs and leaped off pulling the cart to a stop right by the entrance. Alex stumbled off the cart, laughing and brushing the hair out of her face.   
  
            "Come on, you big goof," she said and they went through the double doors, getting blasted by AC. Dean pushed the cart as they began making their way around the edge of the grocery store. Alex tossed some green beans and a bag of carrots in the cart.  
  
            "Why do you have to fill the cart with rabbit food?" Dean sneered at the bag of carrots.   
  
            "You know, eating a vegetable every now and again wouldn't kill you. I could get you ranch dressing to go with the carrots if that helps?" she teased.   
  
            "Don't try and dress up your health food with ranch-flavored goodness," Dean shook a finger at her and reached over to grab a loaf of bread. Alex rolled her eyes and grabbed a bushel of bananas.   
  
            "You know that bananas come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but they only sell the ones in the grocery stores that have a certain length and shape they think is appealing to a housewife," Alex said, holding up the bananas to Dean. Dean looked at the bananas and glanced down at himself and back up blushing.   
  
            "Yeah well those are optimistic housewives then," Dean said with a laugh. Alex shrugged hiding a smile and put them in the cart.   
  
            Dean had a comment for just about everything she put in the cart from the kind of potato chips she put in, to the pasta, to the brand of hot dogs. She was beginning to realize why shopping alone was much easier.   
  
            "For the last time, Dean, no!" she said, exasperated.   
  
            "But come on, just one more?" he pleaded.   
  
            "One pie is more than enough and yet we have three in the cart! We do not need a fourth."  
  
            "Yeah, but it says right here, homemade, see and it has fruit in it, and you keep saying I should eat more fruit," Dean nodded, placing the blueberry pie in the cart.   
  
            "Damn it, Dean, I can bake you a pie if you really want one, when you want one, but if you buy four at once they will just go bad," Alex protested, seeing that she wasn't going to win this argument with logic so she tried a different tack. She walked around the cart and wrapped one hand around the small of his back and used the other to pull his head down so she could whisper in his ear. "Wouldn't you rather have my pie anyway?" she said in a low seductive tone. Dean licked his lips a moment as she let him go. He slowly reached in the cart and put back the strawberry pie he had grabbed, lowering the number to three, which was still too many, but it was a small victory.   
  
            They made it through the checkout and Dean insisted that Mr. Jonathan Keith pay for the food. Alex had the cash to pay but Dean had already swiped the card before she could protest.   
  
            "Thanks for buying the food, Johnny, but I had cash you know," she said, following him out to the car.   
  
            "How do you always seem to have cash, anyway? You got a stripping job on the side I don't know about?" He comically wiggled his eyebrows.   
  
            She barked out a laugh, "I have many skills, Dean Winchester. You only know half of them. Plus, a hunter doesn't give away all their secrets." She shrugged unloading the bags into the trunk which was a little tight with Dean's weaponry taking up half the space.   
  
            "No, really, how do you always seem to have cash?" Dean seemed a little more serious now.   
  
            "Well, I do ad-hoc translation work for a few different universities. It’s boring but it pays well, and I can do it whenever I have time. Then I sing with a few different groups whenever I am in the same city they are, and I can pull in a few grand on a weekend doing that," Alex hadn't had a gig in a while though, and now that she thought about it she should reach out to see if the Wreckers or Song Birds had any coming up.   
  
            "Hmm that all sounds like legit honest work," Dean said almost surprised, sliding into the car.   
  
            "Well it’s not all honest and you know that. You’re the one that taught me how to hustle pool, and I learned darts all on my own," she smirked at him. She had a few fake cards of her own tucked away in her wallet but she tried hard to use honestly-earned money when she could.   
  
            Dean started up the car and hit play on the cassette again. _Burning Love_ came on and Alex turned to Dean, "The king? Really?"

            Dean just looked at her and shrugged. "Don't call him the king for nothing."  
  
            As they drove, Dean’s hand crept over to rest on her knee. Alex leaned back against the seat and shifted, moving a little closer to him. Dean took the hint and his hand slowly moved up her leg, never taking his eyes off the road. Dean fingers were inches away from the promised land and Alex felt the heat rising up the back of her neck.   
  
            "We uh, never really - talked," Dean said in a low voice.   
  
            "No we didn't," Alex replied in a bit of a breathy tone.   
  
            "Did you want to?" Dean asked still keep his eyes on the road.   
  
            "Right at this moment ... no," she said, shifting her hips again. She gave him a look and he stole a glance at her. Suddenly Dean was pulling off the side of the road, and he drove till the car was nestled behind a few bushes and out of sight. Dean turned and leaned over her, kissing her and she twisted onto her back, pulling him down to her. They kissed and grabbed and pulled at each other in a fast almost frantic way. Dean had turned the car off but the cassette was still playing and _Something_ by the Beatles came on. Dean slowed and pulled up to look down at her, panting. He smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her softer and slower this time. She divested him of his shirt, throwing it in the back and he pulled off her knit tee. He began rubbing a thumb over her bra and grazed the nipple hardening under his touch. Her hips bucked up to meet his. He pressed the bulge in his jeans against her and the pressure felt amazing.  
  
            "Dean," she moaned in his ear as he ran bites and kisses down her neck. Dean leaned back on his knees and undid her jeans, shimmying them off along with her purple panties. She felt the leather seat against her bare skin and it sent a shiver through her. She leaned forward, undoing his pants and sliding them down over his perfect round ass, till they were down by his knees.   
  
            Dean was so stunningly beautiful, she couldn't take her eyes off him, especially to see him in the light that was streaming in the car window. His eyes looked so bright and excited she couldn't help but smile up at him. With the tear of a condom wrapper he was quickly filling her up. Scooping a hand under her neck he drove her into the seat of the car. He pushed hard and deep and kept his rhythm painfully achingly slow. Her hands rested on the small of his back, settled into that dip right below his ribs. She reveled in the feel of his weight against her. She looked up at him and he gave her a hungry smile before he picked up the pace. It wasn't long before she shattered around him, crying out and digging her nails into his back.   
  
            She felt the aftershocks vibrating through her as he continued his relentless drive into her. She thought he was going to drive her right through the leather of the car. There was some desperate need he was pushing to, like he was trying to bury himself in her. Much to her shock, she felt her body rising to his again and as he cried out in his own release her muscles tightened as the wave of sensation crashed over her. Her whole body was shaking with the intensity of it and she drew in a slow shaky breath, closing her eyes. Dean lay against her, his face resting on her chest. She could feel the tremors running through him as well, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight to her. Slowly he pulled out of her and got his pants pulled back up. She managed to get her own clothes back on, with a little difficulty. Dean looked at her and reached over, pulling her onto his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed him in. Dean rested his chin on top of her head.  
  
            "Lexi," Dean said, tentatively, and she gave a hmm sound in reply. "I don't want... I mean I do want - what I am trying to say is, you mean a lot to me. As great as this was, I wouldn't ever wanna risk losing you over it and -" Alex put her finger to his lip to silence him.   
  
            "Dean, I don't know what this thing is between us, I know what my feelings are for you, but we can take things slow ‘til you figure out how you feel." She felt him nod a little. "And for the record Dean, you can't lose me, not ever. I will always be here for you whether this works out or not. I'm not going anywhere."

            Dean let out a sigh and kissed the top of her head.   
  
            "We should get back before they start to worry," Dean said and Alex reluctantly pulled out of his arms.   
  
            "You’re right, and I am sure the ice cream has melted by now." She sighed thinking she should toss it before they got home so her Dad wasn't suspicious. Thinking of her Dad, "Dean, lets keep this just between us for now, at least until we figure out what this is?"   
  
            Dean turned to look at her, "Sounds like a good idea to me. Plus, I don't want Bobby taking my head off just yet."  
  
            Alex chuckled and Dean started up the car. They made it home in good time and Alex ditched the melted ice cream in a barrel outside. Bobby and Sam were hunched over the kitchen table, one reading the newspaper, the other scanning through his laptop.   
  
            "We got pie!" Dean declared holding up the grocery bag in triumph.   
  
            "Well we got murders," Bobby grumped and Alex rolled her eyes, beginning to put the groceries away. Her Dad was always more ornery when he was hungry. Bobby had been trying to track Monster Mother Eve and while there was a trail of bodies to follow, he hadn't been able to pinpoint her location yet.   
  
            Dean leaned over Bobby, inspecting the newspaper and Sam got up to see what food Alex had gotten, pulling out a few baby carrots. Sam tipped his head toward her and said in a low whisper so only she could hear, "Your shirt is on inside out," giving the tag on her shirt a little flick with his hand. Alex flushed scarlet.   
  
            "I must have been tired this morning," she said in a low voice.   
  
            "Uh huh," Sam replied a small grin creeping up his face. She scowled at him and slid off to the bathroom where she hastily fixed her shirt. When she came back into the kitchen, Dean was hunched over the laptop and Sam was standing in front of her by the door. He silently nodded for her to follow him outside and she did stealing a glance back at her dad and Dean who were absorbed in their research.   
  
            "What’s up, Sam?" she asked, once they were outside.  
  
            "What’s up with you?" he narrowed his eyes at her.   
  
            "Nothing," she shot back, a little too quickly and a little too guiltily.   
  
            "You slept with Dean, didn't you?" Alex punched Sam in the arm, harder than she meant to, and he stepped back, grabbing his arm. "You did, didn't you!" he exclaimed in a low voice, smiling now.   
  
            "Sam Winchester, now you listen to me and drop this right now," she growled at him, stabbing him in the chest with her index finger.   
  
            "Look, I won't say anything, I promise! I'm happy for you guys, really," Sam said in a sincere tone. Alex's shoulders relaxed a bit.   
  
            "It's nothing. I don't know what it is yet so don't breathe a word of it, okay?" Somehow, having Sam know was a bit of a relief.   
  
            "Took you guys long enough. I never thought he would get over his shit long enough to make a move," Sam said, smiling at her.   
  
            "Me neither," she replied with a shake of the head.   
  
            "For what it’s worth, I'm rooting for you."  
  
            "That's kinda weird you know, hoping your best friend and brother get laid," Alex said in a slight mocking tone.   
  
            "Ewww no, I just mean I want you guys to be happy, you both deserve it with all the shit we go through."  
  
            "Thanks, Sam. Fingers crossed, right?" She gave him a smile and he pulled her into a hug.   
  
            "It’ll work out, you'll see."  
  
            "How do you know?" she chuckled.   
  
            "’Cause I am Sam Fucking Winchester, I just know things." They both burst out laughing at that, and went back in the house.

            Dean spent the afternoon pressing the phoenix ash into shell casings while the rest of them researched Eve’s location. Sam and Bobby went downstairs to check on his progress with the ashes. Alex sat on the couch, it was late afternoon at this point as she pulled open her laptop to check her email. There was an email with an “important” flag on it from Sara, which was a bit strange to her since Sara rarely emailed.   
  
_Allie,  
If you are getting this email it means something has happened to me. I have my computer set to send this email if I don't change the date every week. The GPS automatically switches on my laptop so you should be       able to find me. If something was bad enough to take me down, then you please be careful.   
Yours Always,  
Sara  
_  
_PS: If whatever I am hunting finally got me, I just want you to know I am glad I knew you beautiful, I don't regret a thing <3_  
  
            Alex's heart stopped as she read the email a few times more before she really processed what it was saying. She quickly pulled up her tracking site and plugged in the ID number to her laptop. It pinged with Sara's location, Billings Montana. She leaped off the couch and snatched up her duffel bag, tossing in whatever she thought she needed. Panic was rising in her chest at the thought of Sara injured or bleeding somewhere, or worse, dead. She pounded down the basement steps to find the boys and Dean was talking with his hands on his hips.   
  
            "Why has it always got to be me that makes the call, huh? It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy," Dean grumbled and Cas suddenly appeared behind him making Dean spin around and jump. "Cas, get out of my ass!" he grumbled.  
  
            "I was never in your –" Cas said, confused, then stops when he saw the look on Dean's face. "Have you made any progress in locating the Monster Eve?"  
  
            "Well we were gonna ask you about that," Bobby replied.  
  
            "Sorry to interrupt, guys, but I have to go," Alex said, glancing at her watch and trying to do the math on how quick she could get there. They all turned their heads to her and Dean gave her a confused look. "Sara's in trouble and I have to go find her. Can you four handle this monster mess without me?" She absolutely hated the idea of leaving them on that hunt alone and the only thing that made her okay with it was knowing Cas was there.   
  
            "What happened to Sara?" Dean asked.   
  
            "I got a distress email from her. I really need to leave now if I will make it there before midnight." She glanced around at the worried faces and caught Castiel's eyes. "You'll watch after these guys for me right? Won't let this monster swallow them up?"   
  
            "I will help them, Alexandra," Cas replied and she nodded.   
  
            "I don't like you heading out against something all by yourself," Bobby grumbled.   
  
            "Dad, I go on hunts solo all the time. I will be okay."  
  
            "Are you sure one of us can't go with you?" Sam offered.  
  
            "Really I can handle this, but I need to go." She hesitated on the steps, catching Dean's eye. She desperately wanted to go to him to kiss him and have him hold her and say that it was going to be alright. She couldn't do that though, and she just looked into his eyes a moment pleading with him to understand. He nodded at her and that was all she needed. "Bye boys, stay safe!" and with that she turned to fly up the steps, and out the door into the dying evening light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All, Should be a pretty fast ride to the end of the season from here so hold on to your hats! as always thanks for reading :


	26. Chapter 26

            Alex turned on her radar detector and hit the gas on her Firebird, flying down the interstate. She checked her navigation, and at best it looked like she might get there by 2 am. The long hours alone in the car seemed to drag. Her eyelids were getting heavy and her body ached but she knew time was against her and there was no chance to stop now. She called Sara's cell phone a few times, getting voicemail each time. She kept imagining Sara's bright blue eyes and freckle-faced smile and her lovely raspy voice, and it set her nerves on edge. 

            Dean called her several times to break up the drive with updates on the hunt for Eve. Cas had located the town she was in, and they were on their way there now. Hearing his voice calmed her and she longed to have him with her. Sara was an incredible hunter, not always the strongest researcher, but she had amazing instincts and no one was stronger in hand to hand combat. Sometimes Alex had taken to calling Sara her little ninja, watching her train in martial arts. Alex had let Sara teach her a few things and she found them very helpful, but she was nowhere near as graceful as Sara.

            "Hey, Lex," Sam said with a yawn. It was nearing 1 am now.

            "Hey, Sam. Did you find anything?"

            "Nothing... like a strange amount of nothing."

            "There had to be a case in Billings if Sara was there. Knowing what she was hunting would help a lot."

            "I know, but I searched, Lex, and there have been no unusual deaths or injuries or anything in that town, not for months. I have no idea what she was doing there." 

            "Alright, well I'll just have to figure it out when I get there I guess."

            "I'm sorry Lex, I tried."

            "I know you did, it’s not your fault. Maybe she just forgot to change the email and she was always bad about charging her phone." Alex knew neither of those were very likely excuses. "Get some rest, Sam, okay? You guys have a big hunt tomorrow."

            "Look, just call the second you get there and if things don't look right you get the hell out of there, okay? Getting yourself killed won't help Sara," Sam said sternly, then there was a muffled sound on the phone and Dean came on.

            "Lexi, something about this whole Sara thing sounds off too me, there's not even a case there. Keep your eyes open okay and don't do anything stupid," Dean sounded even more worried than Sam 

            "I'll be fine. This isn't my first go round you know. I will be very careful I promise."

            "Come home in one piece or I'm gonna be pissed," Dean said in a lower urgent whisper. 

            "Goodnight, Dean, you stay safe too." Alex hung up and set the phone down, checking the GPS one more time, seeing that she wasn't far and the laptop was at the Mountain Top Motel.

            When Alex finally pulled into the motel, she immediately spotted Sara's bike in the parking lot. Alex parked at the far opposite end of the lot. She wasn't sure what she was facing so she grabbed just about everything - her pistol filled with silver bullets, lock picks, her silver knife, angel blade, and for good measure, holy water. She kept most of this tucked into her clothing, keeping her pistol drawn. She saw Sara's bike was in front of room 216 and the lights were on, but the shades were drawn shut.

            She watched the window from a distance for close to 30 minutes and there was no sign of movement but it did seem like there was a TV on. Slowly she crept up to her bike and looked it over. Nothing seemed off or out of place. She took a deep breath in of the cold night air, thinking on her next move. She wasn't dumb enough to go in the front door, so she went around the back of the building. There she was able to find the small bathroom window to the room. Sliding the window open, she listened carefully. Wheel of fortune was on, but that was all she could hear. She was able to jump up and pull herself through the window without making much noise. Her heart was thumping out of her chest as she peered into the room through the crack in the door. She knew something was wrong, all the warning bells were going off in the back of her mind, but there was no turning back now. She pushed the door open, moving into the room and turning she saw Sara bound and gagged, eyes wide, sitting on the floor 

            Alex felt a whoosh of air behind her and managed to duck just in time. She whirled her pistol around and fired into the chest of the man standing in front of her. He blinked at her, looking down at his chest and then back up at her, smiling. Alex fired two more rounds into his chest as he came at her. She barely dodged out of his way and threw a kick into his stomach. He laughed, now batting her foot away. She pulled out her knife and flew at him. Every blow she tried to deliver he shook off, smiling and laughing. She kept herself between the attacker and Sara. Nothing fazed the guy, even when she sliced through his white shirt, drawing blood. It wasn't until she pulled out the angel blade that his face went a little more serious, though he never lost his grin. Sara made a muffled sound to get her attention and Alex made the fatal mistake of looking at her. It was just a second but it was long enough for the man to get his arms around her, and holding her too his chest he said in a husky voice, "nighty night darling," and everything went black.

            Alex felt a shooting pain running from her wrists to her shoulders. She blinked her eyes open a moment, but the room she was in was very dark. She went to move her arms and looked up to see they were tightly tied to two rings in the cement wall above her head. Her tiptoes could barely touch the ground, putting most of her weight on the ropes, which explained the pain. She blinked again, looking around the room. Tbere were very high ceilings and cement walls all around. She noticed red Enochian sigils painted on all the walls. She didn't recognize half of them. The room was bare except for a wooden table. Sitting on top of it was her coat along with her angel blade, knife, gun, and all her other weaponry lined up nice and neat. 

            "Alright, well this is a fine mess," she muttered to herself. There were no windows, only one door to her left. She pushed off the ground a little with the balls of her feet and felt the pull of the rope loosen slightly. There was no way she could untie those ropes. She wiggled her left finger and realized that he had taken off her ring as well, which had a little curved hook she could pop out for emergencies. Out of any better options, she closed her eyes and prayed, _Cas I don't know if you can hear me, but I got jumped by an angel, I think. Come and get me please, I need help._ She looked around and waited for the familiar rustle of a trench coat but the room was silent. She was so totally fucked.

            The door creaked and the man from before stepped in. She finally had the chance now to get a good look at him. He was tall, very tall, and had a huge muscular frame like a swimmer. He wore black slacks and the same white shirt she had cut through from before. He had rich olive skin and dark black hair. His large brown eyes shined and his lips curled in a small half smile. He was by most standards incredibly handsome, but the sight of him only made Alex want to throw up. Her arms gave a painful throb but she turned her hands to grasp the ropes, readying herself to kick out at the man if he came toward her.

            "Good to see you are awake, beautiful," the man purred at her. The panic was rising up in her, she was a day's drive from the boys and apparently out of angel earshot. She knew they would come eventually, but she was beginning to think eventually would be too late.

            "Where is Sara?" she growled at the man.

            "Who? ... Ah yes, the woman. She is back in the motel room, fully intact.” His voice had a soft drawl to it, like he had all the time in the world.

            "You work for Raphael, I assume." At the name Raphael the man hissed and glared at her.

            "No, darling. A hatred for Raphael is something we share in common," he said in a low tone, and the look he gave her could have melted stone. He quickly shook it off and plastered back on the leering smile.

            "But you are an angel?" she asked, hoping she could keep him talking long enough to get a plan together.

            "Why, how rude of me to not introduce myself. I am Rosier," He waved his hand with a flourish and bowed to her.

            "Never heard of you."

            "Ha!" he barked out a laugh, "You are a feisty one, aren't you? I like that." He strode around the table, running a hand over all her things. His movements were smooth and lithe like a cat, and she felt ominously like a mouse in a trap.

            "You don't seem like any angel I ever met." This was true, he had a cocky kind of arrogance more akin to a demon and she was wondering if she had guessed the wrong species. He picked up the angel blade, gave it a twirl and stabbed it into the table, then, picking up her silver knife, began walking toward her.

            "Oh sweetheart, I'm no angel... at least, not anymore," He winked and flashed white eyes at her that quickly turned back to normal. The only white eyes she could remember were Lilith’s.

            "Demon," she spat, as he got slowly closer to her. Her heart rate was picking up and she strained to keep her voice level and clear of any fear.

            "No, like I said, I was an angel and now I am… something else. Fallen angel, if you will."

            She tried to think about his name, Rosier. She was sure she had heard it once before, but she was unsure where. He was only a foot or so from her now and it felt like her heart was in her throat. She swallowed hard, waiting for him to be just the right distance. He paused a moment, cocking his head to the side, and she pulled up both her legs, barrel-kicking him in the chest. She put all her force behind it and he barely moved an inch. He was in front of her in a second, his face inches from hers.

            “Now, that’s not playing nice is it?” he purred, and made a flicking motion with his hand, her legs suddenly pinned to the wall. He smelled of rich middle-eastern oils and jasmine as he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “The rope is just for show, Alexandra. I don’t need it to hold you here. ” He was right, she couldn’t move a muscle. It felt like she was a magnet getting pulled to the wall.

            “Fuck you,” was all she could think to say.

            He tutted at her and drew in a long breath, breathing in her scent. “Is that an invitation?” he said in a lower voice now. She felt the cool steel of the blade against her collarbone and she gave an involuntary shiver. He tipped his head, looking down her shirt and hooked the knife around the chain of her necklace, pulling out the pendant Dean had given her. She gritted her teeth, trying hard to steady her breathing.

            “How lovely, sapphire blue like your eyes,” he mused. Dropping the necklace, he leaned his body into her and ran his two thumbs  down the collar of her shirt, pulling it down until it was below her bra and pushing up her breasts. He kissed her jaw and her whole body tensed at the touch.

            “You better get the fuck off me. My family is coming and they are gonna fry you alive,” she growled with all the confidence she wished she felt. “You have no idea who you are messing with.”

            He kissed her jaw again and ran his hands slowly down her sides, resting them on her hips. 

            “The Winchesters, you mean? Oh yes, you already told them you were fine and that you saved Sara from a nasty bunch of vampires. Nifty little things, cell phones.” He moved back from her a second, pulling out a glass vial from his back pocket. “The cavalry, my dear, is not coming for you.” He took the knife and drew a small but deep gash right along her collarbone at the base of her throat. Alex did not cry out, she wouldn’t give the smug bastard the satisfaction. She felt the rush running down her chest and he pressed the vial against her skin, catching the flow of blood.

            “Twisted piece of shit,” she spat at him.

            “Oh sweetheart, as delicious as this is,” he looked her up and down a moment, “this is for business, not pleasure. Blood of Sara’s lover,” he mused and capped the vial. He brought it over to the table holding it up he began to speak in something that sounded like Latin. There was a flash of light around the bottle, then he quickly popped it back in his pocket.

            “Something to remember me by,” she gave a tight laugh fighting the rising tide of panic.

            “I don’t think I’ll be forgetting you anytime soon.” He sauntered back over to her and her body shook as he pressed his hips and his large erection up against her leg. “I wish we had more time, beautiful. I would love to take you for a test drive, but unfortunately I have places to be, spells to cast and angels to fuck over.” She turned her head away from him as he kissed at her jaw one last time and hooked a finger in the top of her jeans giving it a tiny tug, making her cringe. “You won’t be forgetting me either, will you?”

            “I’m going to kill you, and so help me if Sara isn’t safe and in one piece I am gonna make it slow,” Alex put every ounce of venom she had into the threat, and meant every word.

            “‘Til later, lover.” He pushed off the wall and in a few long strides was out the door.

            Alex felt her body go limp against the ropes. He didn’t come back, and the pain in her arms and shoulders was almost unbearable. She fought back tears, pulling at the ropes, but finally giving up and drifting in and out of consciousness. Hours passed, or so she thought at least. She called for help, called for Castiel and even called for Eve a few times but to no avail. She was pretty sure that it was night time again and her mouth was so dry.

            “Allie! Allie, are you here?” a raspy voice called out. Alex tried to lick her lips to say something but she couldn’t form the words. She really didn’t have the energy to even lift her head. There were footsteps entering the room now and she heard a familiar voice call her name.

            “I got you. Allie, look at me,” she listened and opened her eyes to lock in on Sara's.

            “Took ya long enough,” she wheezed out with a half-hearted smile and she felt the ropes give way and she cried out in pain as she crumpled into Sara's arms.

  
            "I'm so sorry, Allie. You're safe now, okay?” Sara stroked her hair and held her to her chest a minute. Alex was pretty sure she was gonna pass out again, but knew they had to get out of there.   
              
            "Let’s go," she managed to get out. Sara pulled Alex's shirt back up over her and grabbing her side, lifted her to her feet. The pain in her upper body was intense and it hurt to even lean against Sara, but she was too weak to walk on her own. Slowly, they made their way down a long hallway and out a heavy metal door into the cool night air. Sara sat Alex down next to her car and ran back in to get her things. Alex tipped her head back, closing her eyes. She jumped a moment later when Sara put her hand on her face.  
  
            "It's just me, Allie. Here, drink some water." Sara held up a bottle to her lips and she drained the whole thing, knowing she hadn't had a drop of water for over twenty-four hours. "Hun, I think your shoulders are dislocated, and the joints are too swollen for me to pop them back in." Alex had no doubt that Sara was correct and just nodded.   
  
            "Ca- Cas, If you're done helping the boys could you pop on over here?" she said in a  quiet voice. They both waited a moment and there was no sound. "He must be hunting that mother monster bitch still," Alex huffed out with an effort.   
  
            "We gotta get you to a hospital," Sara said and leaned in to grab her but Alex shook her head in protest.   
  
            "Please, please don't touch me, I'd rather just wait for Cas," She couldn't bear the thought of moving again - she would certainly throw up or pass out from the pain. An idea struck her then, and it was a long shot, but worth a go. "Balthazar! hey I'm praying to you, handsome, if you could spare a moment?" there was quick whoosh of wind and Alex blinked up to see Balthazar standing over her, head cocked to the side.   
  
            "Oh my, you do look a fright don't you," Balthazar curled up his lip in something like disgust.   
  
             "Never thought I would be glad to see you," she gave him a weak smile and noticed Sara, crouched in a defensive position, angel blade in hand. "Easy, Sara. He's a friend."  
  
            "Oh I am, am I? Who knew we were on such close terms? You do know I am in the middle of a war don't you?"  


            "Just get your feathered ass over here and heal her," Sara snarled and Alex would have patted her back if she was able to lift an arm.

             "You wouldn't have come if you weren't willing to help me. Do I need to say please?" Alex looked at him and for all his bluster and show she knew there was a good heart buried in there.   
  
            "Alright, since you asked so nicely." The blonde angel sauntered over to her and knelt in front of her. He touched two fingers to her forehead and a warm feeling ran through her whole body. The blood was gone, cut and bruises healed. She gave her shoulders and wrists a little test roll and they felt good as new. Sara reached out a hand and pulled her to her feet.   
  
            "Thank you," she said to Balthazar and Sara.   
  
            "We'll call it my good deed for the day," he gave her a little wink.   
  
            "Say, have you heard of an angel named Rosier?"

            Balthazar gave her a strange look. "Well, there was a Rosier, but he fell from grace aeons ago. He's long dead now."  
  
            "Humor me. What do you know about him?"   
  
            "Rosier, the patron demon of tainted love and seduction. He rebelled against heaven back when Luci did, it was all the rage with the whiny, petulant angels. He felt that angels should be able to enjoy all the pleasures of the flesh that humans did. Rosier fought alongside Lucifer, but when the tides began to turn he took off, trying to fortify his own forces. I believe it was good ole' Raphie who took him and his minions down. No one has heard from him in centuries." Alex tried to take that all in. "Do you mind telling me why you ask?"  
  
            "He's the one that kidnapped me. He took some of my blood and said something about the blood of Sara's lover," she flushed a little saying that last part out loud and she felt Sara stiffen next to her.   
  
            "It couldn't have been him. Like I said, he's been gone for centuries now, but I tell you what, I'll ask around and see if there have been any rumblings about him."  
  
            "I'd appreciate it. Good luck out there." She leaned in and gave him a hug which seemed to surprise him a bit, and he gave her an awkward pat on the back.   
  
            "Yes well, I'm off then. Oh, and if that was Rosier who you tangled with... be careful, he was very cunning and very powerful. Steer clear, alright?" and like that he disappeared into the night. Alex sighed. Even though he had healed her she still felt oddly shaky. She put on her coat and tucked away her weapons.   
  
            "Are you okay?" Alex asked, scanning her eyes over Sara, now who seemed unharmed.  
  
            "Don't worry about me, I am fine," she said through gritted teeth and Alex knew to drop it. "I'll drive," Sara said, holding up her keys.   
  
            "How did you get my car here?"  
  
            "Hot wired it, of course, and I tracked your cell phone. I would have come sooner but it took me a while to break out of those ropes," Sara said apologetically.   
  
            "This wasn't your fault Sara, and we both made it out alive so I call that a win," Alex smiled at her reassuringly, seeing the guilt etched across her friends face. "Let me just call the boys before we go," Alex pulled out her phone and saw the texts between her phone and Dean's saying all was well on her end.   
  
            It only rang three times before Dean picked up, "Hey, we got her," Dean answered in a less than enthusiastic tone.   
  
            "That's good, and you're all okay?"  
  
            "Yeah we're all in one piece," he said again in a distant tone.   
  
            "Everything okay?"  
  
            "Yeah, everything is fine, we can talk when you're home. How's everything with Sara? Vampires, huh?" Alex paused. Here was her moment, her moment not to lie, but she couldn't make the words come. She couldn't stand to hear the fear that would come in his voice.   
  
            "It's all handled now. I'll tell you about it later. I'm tired so I'll sleep here and drive home in the morning."  
  
            "Sounds good, get some rest."  
  
            "You too. Night, Dean."  
  
            "Night, Lexi." And with that she hung up and crawled into the passenger seat of her car. Alex and Sara drove to a motel on the opposite side of town, even though they were fairly certain that he wasn't coming back. Alex was exhausted but decided to put a few angel warding sigils up and salted the windows, while Sara went and got her bike and stuff from the other motel. Alex crawled under the covers fully dressed, wrapping the blanket tight around herself. Sara came back and switched off the light, sitting on the edge of Alex’s bed a moment. She put her head in her hands.

           “Sara?” Alex said tentatively, not feeling the strength to sit up.

           “You came for me,” Sara said in a low voice.

           “Of course I did. You think I wouldn’t?”

           “No… you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. I’m… I’m so sorry,” Sara’s voice sounded tight. Alex reached a hand from under the covers and gave Sara’s a little squeeze.

           “Don’t, okay? It's what we do for each other. I’m okay Sara really, let's get some sleep,” Sara nodded and planted a kiss on Alex’s cheek before climbing in her own bed.

           Alex did not sleep well that night, tossing and turning. She woke early and took a long, hot shower. The heat soothed her aching muscles, which were still feeling stiff even after Balthazar had healed her. She pulled on a clean pair of jeans, a tee shirt and her favorite green coat. Sara was up and getting dressed as well. An awkward silence hung in the air, and she knew Sara had something on her mind.     

           “Alex?” Sara said in a low hesitant voice. “What did he do to you?” This was not the question she expected and it took her back a moment.

           “You know what he did. He strung me up and cut me for my blood.” She gave Sara a strange look.

           “And that’s all he did?” she asked again.

           “Yes.”

           “You’re sure? ‘Cause you can talk to me, Allie,” Alex looked at Sara and understood what she meant.

           “Sara, I'm okay. He didn't do anything else to me, I promise.” It was true, he hadn’t, well, except for kissing her jaw, but she didn’t feel that warranted making a fuss. Sara stared at her intently for a moment, then seemed to either believe her or give up pushing. She nodded, grabbing her bag.

           “I was headed to Calgary before that guy jumped me. There's a case there, I think - some strange deaths. Think I will head south and check it out,” Sara said, brushing her wavy blonde hair back behind her shoulders

           “I’d go with you but I think I need to touch base with the boys,” Alex said apologetically.

           “It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting you to come. But I'll track this guy down, Alex, and we won’t let him get away with this.”

           “You don’t have to, Sara. Let me handle this one. He was gunning for me, not you, and I would like to find out why. I'll hit the books and if I find anything, I promise to let you know.”

            Sara didn’t seem pleased with that but nodded and eventually agreed to back off on finding Rosier. Alex gave her a long hug before letting her go and watching her ride off on the roar of her bike. She felt strangely nervous once Sara was gone. She hadn’t realized how much her presence had comforted her. She knew what she needed, or more like who - she needed to see Dean. Hopping in her car, she sped for home. The drive was long and tiring and Alex blasted her music the whole way to try to drown out the unpleasant thoughts in her head. She sang along to her favorites until her throat actually felt tired and strained.

            Pulling into the salvage yard, she felt a minor jolt of anxiety all of a sudden. It seemed completely uncalled for but there it was, the lump in her throat. The sun was low in the sky and lights were glowing from inside the house. Alex turned off her car and sat for a moment closing her eyes, taking a few steadying breaths. They were going to ask her what happened, and the thought of that made her feel ill. Adding something else onto their plates right now just felt wrong. She sat there warring with herself, trying to decide what to say before she went in, when there was knock on the glass of her window.

            Jumping a mile, she turned to see Dean leaning against her car and giving her a strange look. She rolled her window down and smiled at him, though admittedly it was half-hearted.

           “Hey, what you doin’ out here?” Dean asked, examining her face.

           “Nothing, just taking a minute to myself.”

            He raised an eyebrow, “Eight hours alone in the car weren’t enough?” 

           “I guess not,” she gave a soft chuckle and opened her car door, getting out. Dean pulled her into a tight and comforting hug. She settled in there, pressing her face to his chest and breathed in his familiar scent.

           “We’ve got a problem… a problem with Cas,” Dean said in a strained voice. That was not what Alex had expected him to say and she pulled back too look up at him. “Crowley is alive.”

           “But Cas killed Crowley. We saw him?”

           “That’s the problem,” Dean sighed. “Come on, let’s go inside and we can tell you all about it. Alex frowned at him a moment and nodded. He moved to walk toward the house but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back to her. She reached up on tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He looked at her and leaned in to kiss her back with just a little more heat. She sighed into his kiss. They parted and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before  they both headed into the house to meet their inevitable fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter almost immediately after finishing the last one, Rosier will be a big player going forward and I hope you all like his introduction. Thanks for reading :)   
> PS: Special thanks to Chuck and Ruby for helping me work thru finding the balance in this chapter and as always Ellen for the edits love you all <3


	27. Chapter 27

_~ You know, I've...I've been here for a very long time. And I remember many things. I remember being at a shoreline, watching a little grey fish heave itself up on the beach and an older brother saying, "Don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish." I remember the Tower of Babel...All 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell, they howled 'divine wrath'. But come on - dried dung can only be stacked so high. I remember Cain and Abel...David and Goliath...Sodom and Gomorrah. And, of course, I remember the most remarkable event - remarkable because it never came to pass. It was averted by two boys, an old drunk, a girl, and a fallen angel. The grand story. And we ripped up the ending and the rules...And destiny...leaving nothing but freedom and choice. Which is all well and good, except... Well, what if I've made the wrong choice? How am I supposed to know? I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything…. ~_

Alex had sat at the kitchen table and listened to Bobby, Dean, and Sam retell the story of hunting the monster mother Eve. She listened to each of them tell it with their own sides and opinions until her head was swimming with information.

 

            “Okay, let me see if I have this right… you tracked down Monster mom Eve who had filled a town with new monsters, and you guys let Dean name the monsters Jefferson Starships?” Alex looked at Dean, who gave a little shoulder shrug and smile, while Bobby rolled his eyes. “Castiel’s powers were useless in the town, because Eve had basically grounded him so to speak?” She looked around at more nods from the men. “So, you two numbskulls stroll into a diner and have a little chat with monster bitch mother. And she tells you that she came back from purgatory because Crowley is torturing her monster children and she wants to put a stop to it?” Again she got nods of confirmation. “Alright. So she bites Dean and ingests the phoenix ash in his blood because you decided to eat the ash for good measure? This kills the mother of all monsters? 

            “Basically, yeah, that’s what happened,” Dean said, crossing his arms.

            “Now you three are worried that since Crowley seems to be alive and still hunting down purgatory that Cas somehow faked Crowley’s death because they are in on this purgatory thing together?”

            “No, that is what Sam and Bobby are worried about. I, however, don’t believe Cas would do such a thing, not to us.” Dean glared at Bobby and Sam after this statement and they gave him exasperated looks.

            “We have to at least look at the facts,” Bobby said to Dean with a serious look. Alex felt frozen to the chair for a moment. It was too much too take in, she just didn’t have the brainpower to make any sense of it.

            “I’m going to bed,” she said, standing up. “If we are going to start looking for Crowley I need some sleep first.”         

            “But Lex, what about Cas?” Sam asked, putting a hand on her shoulder as she moved to pass them.

            “Sam, Cas wouldn’t lie to us. He’s not the problem. Crowley is the problem and its a problem that can wait till morning. Goodnight.” She patted Sam’s arm and gave Bobby a kiss on the cheek before heading up to bed. She heard Bobby move to the basement, probably going to keep working on things and the boys stayed murmuring in the kitchen together. Alex crawled into her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She thought about Cas, how strange he had been the past year or so. She knew Cas had his secrets, but didn’t they all? And just because he had them didn’t mean they were bad. She had avoided talking about her own little battle with Rosier and felt it was for the best. She would have to start in on researching him as well at some point. She couldn’t ignore that he was very likely up to no good, but she just had nowhere to start.

            As she began to fall asleep, she heard her door creak open and the shadow of a figure in the frame. Her heart skipped a beat and she immediately scolded herself for being a coward.

            “Hey Lexi, you still up?” Dean asked in a whisper.

            “Yeah I’m up.”

            “Can I come in?”

             She smiled in the dark and moved over so Dean could come and lie next to her on the tiny full sized bed. She turned around and Dean aligned his body with hers, sneaking under the covers and wrapping an arm around her to pull her in. She felt the full length of his body against hers and she wiggled closer to him. Her body was finally relaxing for the first time since she encountered Rosier. Dean’s hand grabbed the pendant on her chest and he played with it absentmindedly between his long fingers. Alex felt herself begin to drift off into sleep.

             She was startled awake in the middle of the night by a dream, but she couldn’t remember what it was. She just knew she felt like she had been pinned down and couldn’t move and couldn't breathe. It made her feel sick to her stomach and panting for breath. Dean was still there in bed with her and he hushed her a little, stroking the top of her hair.

             “You okay?” he asked in a whisper.

             “Yeah, I think so, bad dream,” she whispered back, catching her breath.

             “Wanna tell me about it?”

             “No, I don’t remember it. I’m okay... go back to sleep.” She let out a breath. Dean planted a kiss on the top of her head and she slowly fell back asleep.

             Despite Dean being there most of the night, she woke several times and felt like shit in the morning. He hadn't said anything or asked her what was keeping her up and she was grateful for that. He snuck out early in the morning before Bobby would notice where he was. She took another long hot shower and joined the boys downstairs for coffee. Sam had made the coffee though and it was too weak as per usual. 

             Alex refused to discuss the topic of Cas when they brought it up, and literally put her fingers in her ears going “la-la-la-la-la” when Bobby kept pressing the point. She was up for hunting Crowley, all on board with that, but not for one second was she going to entertain the idea Cas had anything to do with him. Luckily for her, Dean was on her side. They spent the next few days hunting down demons that may be close to Crowley. Alex did reluctantly agree not to tell Cas what they were up to for the time being, but was unsure if she could stick to that.

            Alex and Dean found a few moments to steal away together, fooling around in the back seat of the Impala on several occasions. This new-found physical aspect to her relationship with Dean was an excellent distraction from any worrying thoughts. In those moments with Dean, it felt like the world slipped away and there was no heaven or hell or angels or demons or monsters, there was just them and their need for each other. She was loving getting to know his body and having him get to know hers. She knew on some level they were both burying their fears in each other and eventually that may all come bubbling out, but for now she just didn't care. They hadn’t discussed either what all this fooling around meant, and again Alex didn’t feel concerned. She just cared that he was there with her, in the here and now. Thinking too far ahead wasn’t on her to do list.

          They persisted in their demon hunting and Alex managed to find time to research Rosier when the others wouldn’t notice. As far as she could tell he was a pretty powerful angel who became an even stronger demon during his fall. Known for becoming infatuated with mortals, he wanted to rule on earth with a demon army. She couldn’t find much connecting Rosier to Raphael, and she also saw no traces of him in modern times at all. She began to doubt that he had been who he said he was, but that kind of power was no joke.

          It was a Saturday afternoon and Alex had come into the house flush-faced from the rain. Dean had shown her just exactly what he could do with his mouth in the back seat of her Firebird and it left her a bit flustered. If she had had any doubts about their physical chemistry, the last week had thrown them out the window. 

          “Hey, Al honey, I think we might have a lead,” Bobby said, walking into the kitchen. He glanced up at her and she hoped he didn’t notice her rosy cheeks. 

          “Oh yeah, what is it?” she asked, pointing at the table of papers, trying to draw his dubious stare from her face. Right then, Dean burst in through the door, looking equally flushed.

          “You two alright?” Bobby asked, giving them both a look.

          “Never better. You find anything?” he asked, walking over to stand next to Alex.

          “I was just telling Al we have a lead on one of Crowley’s hunters - a Demon named Red. Only thing is, we have two separate leads.” 

          “Come again?” Alex asked. 

          “Well, I did a scrying spell which puts him in Omaha, but I just got a call from Milton who said that a Demon named Red beat him to a hunt in Grand Rapids. So he’s likely still in one of those towns.” Bobby sighed, setting down the papers in his hands. Sam came in the kitchen as well.

          “Lets split up then. We need to get a hold of a Demon actually working for Crowley or we will never find him. Bobby and I can take Omaha, you guys take Grand Rapids?” Sam suggested.

          Alex eyed him suspiciously. He hadn’t said a word to her about Dean but had stayed out of their way a good deal. Sam was being a bit obvious, though, and even Dean glared at him a moment.

          “Works for me. The bus leaves in five, Sam,” Bobby replied and gave Alex a kiss on the forehead before walking back into the library to grab a few essentials. She was surprised that he didn’t argue, or point out that normally she would go with her dad and the boys would go together. She couldn’t argue with it though. Having a chance to be alone with Dean somewhere other than the back seat of a car sounded like just what she needed. Sam and Bobby headed out first, taking Bobby’s charger, and Alex flitted around the library making sure she had the books she wanted. 

            “What’s taking so long?” Dean grumbled, walking in from the kitchen. 

            “Almost ready… Ah! Here it is. Okay, let’s go,” Alex turned with an arm full of books, trying not to drop any. 

            “Really? Like, really?” 

            “Yes, let’s go and don’t start on me about the books.”

            “You aren’t taking a few books, it’s the whole damn library!” Dean grouched after her, locking up the house. Alex didn’t reply but ran the books through the rain and dropped them carefully in the back seat, along with her bag before hopping in shotgun. Dean already had the engine running, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

            Dean hit the gas and they were off and headed for Michigan. Alex stretched, arching her back languidly on the seat, throwing her arms above her head and leaning backwards. Her body felt stiff from all the recent late nights, hunched over books.  
  
            "I meant to ask - when did you get that tat?" Dean asked, glancing over at her.  
  
            "The anti-possession one on my shoulder? You were with me when I got that years ago." Alex asked, confused.  
  
            "Not that one, the one on your left hip," Dean pointed at her stomach. Alex leaned back, pulling down the front of her jeans just a little and saw a small, red symbol she didn't recognize. Her heart sped up at the site of it not having noticed it. How long had it been there? Where did it come from? Dean cleared his throat and she looked up at him.  
  
            "Uh -- I dunno?" she said honestly and looked at it again.  
  
            "You don't know?" Dean said in alarm. She panicked for a moment, not wanting to scare him, at least not when she didn't know what it was.  
  
            "Yeah uh, crazy week in Vegas, you know how it is," she gave a chuckle and hoped he would buy it.  
  
            "Vegas, huh? Yeah, been there done that," he gave a laugh, looking back at the road and she gave an internal sigh of relief. She pulled out one of her demonology books and leaned against the door, flipping back to the part about Rosier. There, at the bottom of the page, was a symbol just like the one on her hip. It was his sigil. She thought back to that moment on the ropes when he pulled at the top of her jeans and pressed his thumb against her, she hadn't thought anything about it at the time but now she was certain that's when he left it.

 

             She glanced up at Dean but he was just humming along to his Zeppelin cassette. She flipped through the book and couldn't find anything about what the sigil would mean or what it would do. Deciding not to freak out, she closed the book and tossed it in the back seat.  
  
            "May I?" she asked, pointing at Dean's box of cassettes and he smiled and nodded. She wanted something to lift her mood, but couldn’t decide on one and just grumbled to herself, digging through the options.  
  
            "Alright, take it easy, you'll break one. I've got it." Dean snagged a cassette out and popped it in, turning up the volume and Alex smiled wide as the guitar riff started. They both began singing at the top of their lungs.  
  
            " _Get your motor runnin’, head out on the highway! lookin for adventure, and whatever comes our way!_ "  They both sang their hearts out and Alex felt the tension drain from her shoulders down to her toes. Dean drummed the steering wheel with his hands, smiling and Alex bobbed her head to the song. She got a momentary sense that everything would be okay.  
  
            Hours passed and Alex was feeling sleepy, leaning up against Dean now, legs curled up. Dean had one hand on the wheel and the other draped on her shoulder. The steady beat of the rain and swish of the wipers was lulling her to sleep.  
  
            "I know you're upset about something, and you don't want to tell me," Dean said quietly out of the blue. "I think I know what it is, too." Alex froze a moment, wondering how he could possibly know.  
  
            "Oh yeah?" she said noncommittally.  
  
            "You're upset about Cas, worried about him," Alex let out a sigh, it was true she was worried about Cas, a lot in fact, but that wasn't what was keeping her up at night. "I'm worried about him too."  
  
            "Yeah it's hard not to worry."  
  
            "You believe Cas don't you? That he thought Crowley was dead?" Alex could hear the doubt in his voice, the doubt screaming to be heard that he was so desperately trying to push down.  
  
            "Dean, I do not believe he is working with Crowley...but--"  
  
            "But?"  
  
            "Yes but, if he was, and that's a big IF, then I have no doubt he did it for a reason, a good reason."  
  
            "How can you say that?"  
  
            "Because Cas is good, I believe he does what he thinks is right, and for the greater good, and that doesn't mean he won't make a mistake, but I just know in his core... he's... he's on our side." She hadn't vocalized those thoughts out loud yet, but she felt better just putting it into words. "I still don't think he is working with Crowley, and that is what I am going with until proven otherwise."  
  
            "I'm with you, Lexi, I don't think Cas would do that either," Dean sounded just a little more sure than before.

They arrived to town and grabbed a bite to eat at a local diner. Alex got herself a big bowl of soup and a grilled cheese, wanting some comfort food. Dean, in typical fashion, got the biggest burger on the menu.  
  
            "I was thinking we could hit up those docks tonight down by the river walkway. I think that's where Red was spotted last," Alex suggested, finishing the last bite of soup.  
  
            "You don't wanna wait and check in the morning?"  
  
            "Yeah, cause bad guys always do their bad stuff in the morning, good plan, Dean." She rolled her eyes.  
  
            "I just mean it’s been a long day, and I would much rather go get a motel room then walk around in the rain all night."  
  
            "The vamps that he was hunting were coming out at night, and killing by the waterfront, so we should head there to try and catch him, shouldn't we?" Dean frowned at her but couldn't refute the logic. "Come on, cheer up. How often do you get to hunt vampires and a demon all in one night?" He did perk up at that.  
  
            "Alright, but we are getting a room before we go out, I am not sleeping in the car tonight," Dean said with conviction. Alex couldn't argue with that, so just shrugged. Dean was watching her now and she could feel the heat of his stare. He was plotting their night, and not the hunting part. They finished their meal and drove to the closest motel, grabbing a room from the smelly, wiry man at the desk. It had a king bed, which was a nice change of pace and it seemed clean enough which she was thankful for.  
  
            "Let me change and we can head out."  
  
            "Change?"  
  
            "Yeah, you'll see," she smiled a little. Alex went in the bathroom and pulled out her tiny makeup bag that she hardly ever used. She applied a thick layer of eyeliner and plenty of mascara. Then she found an old purple lip stick that had been Sara's and put that on as well. She threw her hair in a messy bun and put on her brightest purple laced bra and underwear. Pulling on a black lace top, she dug through the bag until she found the final pieces to her ensemble - a way-too-short jean skirt and knee-high black boots. She came out into the room to find Dean sitting on the end of the bed checking his phone. she cleared her throat, making him look up. His eyes went wildly wide, taking her all in.  
  
            "What the hell are you wearing!" he exclaimed, jumping up.  
  
            "You like it? The vampires in town have been killing women of the night down by the water. I figured I could be bait, and if I draw out the vampires you can grab Red?" she thought it was a genius plan, two birds one stone.  
  
            "You can't go out like that," Dean stammered.  
  
            "I can and will. Now let’s hit the road." She gestured at the door but Dean stood stock still, looking shell shocked. "Come on, the sooner we go and get this over with the sooner you can take these clothes off me." She smiled at him and he narrowed his eyes at her.  
  
            "For the record, I don't like this," he grumbled, handing her a coat. Dean seemed incredibly on edge the whole drive there, fidgeting and glancing over at her. Alex wasn't sure what had him so jumpy. She had seen him take girls off for one-night stands who wore less than she had on now.  They got to the docks and Alex checked the dead man’s blood she had stashed in her left boot and the small machete she had tucked in her right boot.  
  
            Alex gave Dean a kiss on the cheek and his arm a squeeze, "I'll be fine. Just stay upwind so they don't catch your scent and remember we need Red alive. Let me handle the vamps."  
  
            "Bobby would skin me for letting you do this," he grumbled again.  
  
            "You don't LET me do anything, Dean, and neither does he. See ya down there." She hopped out of the car and jogged down to where two girls were huddled under the bridge. She shrugged off her coat. She offered the other two women a hundred bucks to go and get a coffee, not wanting innocent bystanders in the way. It was cold night with the rain but dry under the bridge so Alex shrugged off her coat and lay it on the ground. Now she waited. She knew Dean was nearby and wouldn't take his eyes off her and she also knew that she could handle a few vamps. Her phone buzzed and she checked it, seeing a text from her dad to her and Dean.  
  
**Dad:** We got Red! he was here after all, you and Dean should head home we got him trussed up in the back of the charger.  
  
            Alex frowned, they had come all that way for nothing. She pocketed her phone and saw a group of three business-looking men walking by, whispering to each other. They paused, hesitating, staring at her. After huddling together, one of them sauntered over. She wondered if it was one of the vamps or not. She pushed out her breasts a bit and tilted her head. The man's eyes went straight for her jugular and not her breasts. Vamp. As if to confirm, the man smiled and lowered down a row of sharp teeth.  
  
            "No! Get away!" she cried in a high pitch voice. Leaning down, she grabbed the machete from her boot. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. As the vamp descended on her she swung up hard, cutting clean through the vamp’s neck in a big spray of blood. She didn't hesitate, but charged the remaining two who had lowered their fangs and dropped into crouches, ready to  spring at her. She stabbed the one on the left with the dead man's blood right in the throat and managed to sever the other one’s head with ease. The now drunk one stumbled and cried out, falling to its knees.  
  
            Dean jumped out into the path, machete in hand, and with one stroke took the third vamp’s head clean off. Alex panted, hands on her hips a moment. All of a sudden another fourth vamp leaped on Dean's back and sank its teeth into his throat. Dean grunted and stumbled forward onto his knees. Alex flew at the vamp, hitting him hard and punching him in the eye. The vampire hissed and pulling its mouth off of Dean to fly at her. She was ready, though, and dodged his grasp, swinging her machete high. She brought it down square on the top of his head, splitting it in two. The shock of the blow reverberated up her arms. The vamp fell the ground with the machete sticking out of him.  
  
            "You okay?" she called back to Dean. He was grasping his neck but waved at her that he was okay. She marched up to the dead vamp and, planting her boot on his neck, pulled out her machete and wiped it on the wet grass before tucking it away. She went over to Dean, but it was too dark to see his wound.  
  
            "Let’s just get out of here," Dean groaned a bit and Alex nodded, helping him to his feet. She drove the car back to the motel, her whole body still vibrating with adrenaline. Dean was all amped up as well by the look of him. They got back to the room and Alex dropped everything pushing Dean to sit on the bed so she could inspect his neck wound. It had already stopped bleeding and she tapped on a bandage with slightly shaky fingers.  
  
            "You okay?" Dean asked, a bit breathless.  
  
            She looked at him, all five o'clock shadow, wet hair and smelling like the fresh cut grass he fell in, and couldn't contain herself any longer. She jumped into his lap straddling him and began kissing all along his neck, pulling at his shirt. Dean didn't skip a beat, tearing off the shirt and pulling hers off over her head in one quick movement. Everything with Dean had been slow, calculated, like he was studying every inch of her. This was primal, and hot, and rose from a deep and desperate need to consume each other. She fumbled with his belt buckle, biting down so hard on her lip she thought she might leave a mark. Dean made quick work of her panties and picked her up, digging his fingers into her butt. She gasped for breath and he spun her around and pressed her up against the motel wall. He pushed into her and she let out a cry, dragging her fingernails down his back. She'd never felt anything quite so intense as he pushed her closer and closer to the brink, and she drew in a long breath and let out a silent cry as her whole body shook violently with her release.  
  
            "Oh god!" Dean cried out as he thrust into her one last time going suddenly stiff and still. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tipped her head back catching her breath. A calm stillness with the release settled in over both of them. He blinked a few times looking up at her. He leaned in and kissed her softly on her swollen lips. "I've wanted to do that with you after a hunt so many times I lost count," he chuckled softly.  
  
            "Hmm, me too," she said, raking her fingers through his hair and giving it a little tug. He gently carried her to the bathroom where they took a quick hot shower together. They crawled into bed, not feeling the need for clothes. Dean rose to the occasion once he felt her body under the covers, and sliding up behind her they made love, slowly and gently this time. In the darkness of the room Alex just reveled in his body pressed up behind her, the only sound of their labored breathing, as he slowly brought her to the edge two more times. She was completely spent and draped across his chest before he was done with her. He ran a stray finger up and down her spine making her giggle at the tickling sensation. His finger stopped and froze suddenly going stiff all over.  
  
            "Uh Lexi?"  
  
            "Yeah?" she asked, worried now by his tone.  
  
            "We didn't uh, I mean we forgot... we didn't use protection." He said this last word even more hushed.  
  
            "That's okay, Dean, I am on the pill," she replied, sighing with relief that was all it was.  
  
            "Oh... phew," he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head. She was on the pill but it was mostly out of habit. Alex couldn't conceive even off the pill. Not feeling the need to have that discussion, she moved shelved it for another time. They both fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, not waking until late in the morning. Alex had to work hard to keep the goofy happy grin off her face, something she found impossible to do when she saw Dean doing the same thing. They decided on grabbing waffles before they made the long drive home, Bobby having texted that him and Sam were working on interrogating the demon back at the house already. The drive back was long but the weather was much better and they even put the windows down. As the sun beat down on her face she didn't even notice she had begun singing under her breath.  
  
            " _Sunrise, sunrise, looks like mornin' in your eyes, but the clocks held 9:15 for hours...Sunrise, sunrise, couldn't tempt us if it tried 'Cause the afternoon's already come and gone. And I said hoo...to you..._ " she sang softly.  
  
            "What song is that?" Dean asked.  
  
            "Nora Jones," she answered and he just smiled nodding his head.  " _Surprise, surprise, couldn't find it in your eyes, but I'm sure it's written all over my face... Surprise, surprise, never something I could hide, when I see we made it through another day. And I said hoo...to you..._ " She hummed the the melody and put her hand out the window, feeling the wind push it up and down like a sail. "It’s a better song with the piano," she said, hearing the notes clearly in her head.  
  
            "I like it.. I mean it’s no Zep, but.." he glanced at her, smiling, "It'll do." She chuckled and before she knew it the sky was darkening again. The tension was back in her shoulders as they got closer and closer to the house. Her worries about Cas and Crowley were growing with every mile they got closer to home. She climbed in the back seat and began digging through her books, looking for something on Archangels when there was a flutter of movement and Castiel appeared in the front seat next to Dean, making both of them jump.  
  
            "Hello, Dean.. Alexandra. Are you alright?" Cas asked in a strangely conversational tone.  
  
            "Yeah, I'm...I'm fine, we're fine. How are you?" Dean replied, trying to ditch the tension from his voice and failing.  
  
            "Just wanted to check in."  
  
            "So, any word on, uh, Satan Junior being alive?" Dean asked slowly.  
  
            "I'm...looking, believe me. I just don't understand how Crowley could've tricked me," Cas frowned a bit.  
  
            "Well, he's a tricky son of a bitch, that's how," Alex replied giving Cas's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  
  
            "Doesn't matter. But if he is up and kicking, then what does matter is finding him, ripping his head off, and shoving it up his ass," Dean added, glancing at Cas.  
  
            “What about you? Have you found anything?" Dean stole a glance to Alex and she felt a tightness in her chest at the idea of lying. She could tell Dean didn't want to either, but he trudged on anyway.  
  
            "No, nothing yet." he said with a little shrug.  
  
            "Where's Sam?"  
  
            "He's keeping busy. He's tracking a Djinn in Omaha as we speak. In fact, I'm heading out there right now to meet up with him," Alex couldn't believe how badly Dean was lying and only Cas wouldn't pick up on it.  
  
            "Well, I'd come if I could," Cas said apologetically.  
  
            "Yeah, no, I-I get it. No worries. But, Cas, you'll call, right? If you get into real trouble?" Dean looked at Cas, searching his face, seeming to will him to talk. Cas just nodded and with a flutter of trench coat, their angel was gone. Dean and Alex shared a sad look and no words were needed, they both understood the other’s fears. She sat forward, putting her arms around Dean's neck and kissing him on the cheek. He put a hand over hers.  
  
_~ Crowley wasn't happy about my visiting the Winchesters. Even less happy the denim wrapped nightmares, as he called them, were hunting him down. Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters' guardian. After all...they taught me how to stand up...What to stand for...And what generally happens to you when you do. I was...done. I was over. And then the most extraordinary thing happened. I was put back. And we had won. We stopped Armageddon. But at a terrible cost. And so I knew what I had to do next. Once again, I went to harrow Hell, to free Sam from Lucifer's cage. It was nearly impossible, but I was so full of confidence, of mission. I see now that was arrogance...Hubris...Because, of course, I hadn't truly raised Sam -- not all of him. Sometimes we're lucky enough to be given a warning. This should have been mine. ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All, thanks for reading this far! I decided to do some Cas narration thru out the S6:E20 chapters because while its from Alex POV you can't really tell this story without Cas's side to things. Hope you all like it. Thanks for the edits Ellen of Oz <3


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All! This is a longer one but I think this episode warranted the extra time. Hope you all enjoy I loved this heart breaking episode, only hoped to do it justice <3

            They finally got home to the salvage yard and could see lights on in the house. Dean and Alex shared a glance before heading into the house. When they walked in they heard an unfamiliar and strained voice.  
  
            "Read the papers, redneck. The king is dead." This was followed by grunts of pain and a sizzling sound.   
  
            "Crowley's alive. You prove it just by being, you poor, dumb jackass. Crowley's alive. His nets are still out. Except now he's using you schmucks to hunt his monsters," Bobby said with a merciless laugh.   
  
            "Up yours!" the demon, likely Red, growled at him. Alex and Dean walked into the kitchen and Dean caught Sam's eye, nodding at him to come over. Sam handed Bobby the demon blade and came into the kitchen.   
  
            "Red...Where's Crowley? No? Nothing? Oh, okay, then. Here, hang on to this for a bit," Bobby stabbed the knife right through the demon’s hand, sending off sparks and screams from the demon.   
  
            "We saw Cas," Alex told Sam in a low voice.   
  
            "So? What'd you tell him?"  
  
            "Nothing, Just relax," Dean frowned, crossing his arms as Bobby came in to join the conversation.   
  
            "What's the hubbub?"  
  
            "We saw Cas. He popped in on Alex and I about two hours back."  
  
            "What'd you tell him?" Bobby looked between Alex and Dean who both narrowed their eyes.   
  
            "Nothing, all right? Told him we were on some crap monster hunt. He doesn't know that we're getting close to Crowley. You know, he's our friend...And we are lying to him through our teeth."  
  
            "I'm with Dean. This feels wrong, guys," Alex chimed in.   
  
            "Dean...Alex..." Sam started in a sympathetic tone.   
  
            Dean cut him off, "So he burned the wrong bones. So Crowley tricked him."  
  
            "He's an angel," Bobby replied, obviously getting frustrated.   
  
            "He is the Balki Bartokomous of Heaven! He can make a mistake!" Dean growled now.   
  
            "Like no one here has ever made a stupid ass mistake," Alex added, crossing her own arms.   
  
            "Nobody's saying nothing yet," Bobby said, trying to pacify them.  
  
            "You think that Cas is in with Crowley. Crowley?" Dean furrowed his brows in disbelief now.   
  
            "Look, I'm just saying I don't know. Now, look, I hate myself for even thinking it. But I don't know," Bobby looked at Alex for some kind of understanding.   
  
            "No way. Cas wouldn't do that," Alex insisted.   
  
            "Look, he's our friend, too, okay? And I'd die for him. I would, but...Look, I'm praying we're wrong here." Sam's eyes went soft with sincerity and Alex knew he meant it, but he didn't want to believe it. She glanced to see the tension in Dean's face, the warring thoughts in his head.   
  
            "But if we ain't...If there's a snowball of a snowball's chance here...that means we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite," Bobby said, looking at Dean and then Alex.   
  
            "This makes you Lois Lane," Dean tried to crack a joke at Sam but his heart wasn't in it.   
  
            "Look, one problem at a time here. We got to find Crowley now, before the damn fool cracks open Purgatory," Alex grumbled, refusing to continue the conversation. Bobby nodded and followed Sam into the library to finish interrogating Red. After a bit more persuasion, Red gave up the name Ellsworth - the demon running all the hunts for Crowley. Dean and Alex hung back in the door frame. Dean wore the same worried look across his brow that she had. She knew he was fighting off that inkling of doubt in the back of his mind like she was. She was relieved that at least Dean was still on her side though, that Cas couldn't have gone dark, he just... couldn't.

  
  
_~ So - they already suspected. And the worst part was Alexandra and Dean, trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling them otherwise. If there was a demon counterpart to Bobby Singer, Ellsworth would be it. Ellsworth and his demons would lead the Winchesters to Crowley, and Crowley would tear their hearts out. They had to be... dealt with... before the Winchesters or Singers found them. I had no choice. I did it to protect them. Or to protect myself. I-I don't know anymore. ~_

_  
_  
            They all agreed to head out in the morning for Ellsworth's last known location, that the Demon Red gave them. Alex decided to distract herself by cooking the boys dinner. She made a huge cheesy lasagna that the boys devoured in a matter of minutes. Dean burnt the roof of his mouth, not heeding her warning about the heat. She had to laugh as he fanned his mouth.   
  
            "How you holding up, Al?" Bobby asked, drying dishes as Alex washed them. She just gave a noncommittal shoulder shrug. "How was the hunt?"  
  
            "Took down four vamps so it wasn't a complete waste of time," she smiled at him.

"You and Dean been spending an awful lot of time together," Bobby said, staring down at the plate he was drying. Alex stole a glance over her shoulder at Sam and Dean sitting on the couch arguing over something, she couldn't tell what.   
  
            "No more than normal," Alex said trying to keep her cool. She wasn't sure why she didn't want her dad to know. Maybe she just wanted her and Dean to really get on solid ground before she told him. She still felt like Dean might lose his nerve any minute and call the whole thing off.   
  
            "Mm-hmm," Bobby said, grabbing the pile of plates and putting them up in the cabinet. "For the record Al, I just want you to be happy okay? All's I care about," Bobby kissed the top of her head.   
  
            "Thanks dad. I love you, you know."  
  
            "I love you too, Al," Bobby stretched a minute and said in a louder voice, "Alright ya idjits, I am goin' to bed."  
  
            Alex sat up with the boys another hour and they talked about the vamp hunt in Grand Rapids, and Sam told them about catching Red. Alex eventually turned in and it was only a few minutes before Dean was sliding into bed next to her. She could get very used to this, she mused, as he wrapped an arm around her.   
  
            "You know that get up you had on, for the hunt?" Dean whispered.  
  
            "Yeah?"  
  
            "You looked great, don't get me wrong but... I prefer you just like this," he ran a hand down her side and nuzzled into the back of her neck.   
  
            "I'll remember that," she gave a soft chuckle. She fell asleep and found herself running through the dark. She didn't know where she was running to or who she was running from but she was in dark woods, feet beating hard along the path in front of her. She turned a bend and nearly ran right into him, skidding to a stop there he stood... Rosier. He wore a clean white shirt and grey slacks and was holding a red rose, twirling it between his fingers. He gave her a leering grin and her heart nearly skipped a beat. She turned to run but he was on her in a flash throwing her over his shoulder and laughing as she struggled. Alex kicked and fought and bolted up out of bed panting. "Fuck," she whispered to herself, looking over to see Dean was still asleep.   
  
            No way was she going back to sleep now so she snuck out of bed, pulled on some yoga pants and tip toed down stairs. She was surprised to find a light on in the kitchen, and Sam was sitting in a chair hunched over the table rubbing his temples.   
  
            "Hey, you're up late." Sam turned and smiled at her.   
  
            "So are you. You feeling okay?"   
  
            "Uh, yeah, just can't sleep. You?"  
  
            "Same," Alex replied, taking in his tired appearance. The wall was holding but she suspected there were cracks and it was starting to take its toll on him. "You want a hair cut?"   
  
            "Huh?"  
  
            "A haircut. Come on, you could use one. I'll just take off the ends."  
  
            "It's been awhile since you cut my hair," Sam chuckled, "but so long as you're awake enough, why not."  
  
            "It’s been awhile since anyone cut your hair, Fabio. Come on over to the sink then," Alex dragged a chair to the sink for Sam to sit in, and he plopped himself down. She grabbed a towel, tying it around his neck, and dug through her bag for her favorite tea tree oil shampoo. "Alright, tip your head back," she instructed and Sam obliged, tipping his head back over the sink. She made sure the water was warm and began washing, running her hands through his hair.

             “That stuff smells good,” Sam’s face began to relax as she massaged his scalp. “So, you gonna tell me what’s really keeping you up at night?”

              “You gonna tell me how your wall is really doing?” she retorted. Sam gave a short laugh. “Rutabaga?” Alex asked. Sam laughed out loud now.

              “Yeah, rutabaga,” Sam eventually replied and Alex went back to scrubbing his hair. When they were kids they had come up with a codeword for making the other one spill a secret, but you couldn’t call rutabaga unless you were willing to give up a secret yourself.

              “So, you first,” she said, running the hot water over his hair to rinse out the suds.

              “The wall is up… but it’s not… perfect,” Sam finally got out. “I’ve been getting flashes, from when I was soulless and a little bit from the cage.”

              Alex had suspected as much but Sam hadn’t confirmed that. “Is it getting worse?”

              “About the same, and it’s manageable, I promise.”

               Alex wrung out his hair and began drying it with the towel. “You’ll tell me if it’s getting not manageable?”

               “Yeah, Lex, I will… So, your turn to spill.”

               Alex sighed as Sam scooted the chair to the middle of the kitchen and she found her comb and shears. She ran the comb through his hair and he closed his eyes, tipping his head back.

               “You always loved getting your hair cut,” she chuckled, “just not too short.”

               “What is it Lex? Just tell me.”

               “Well, when I went to find Sara, it wasn’t vampires. She was kidnapped by a fallen angel named Rosier, I think he grabbed her as bait for me.”

               “Why would he want you? Was he with Raphael?” Sam said in a calm voice that gave her just enough courage to keep going. She focused on the snip of the scissors as she worked her way through his hair. 

               “He isn’t with Raphael, but I did some digging. He fell at the same time as Lucifer but went off on his own when Lucifer was losing, and I think he has an issue with Raphael. Anyway, there’s no record of him past his fall, not in any of the books I have read.” 

               “That’s all very interesting, but what did he do… to you?” Sam was so easy to talk to,and Alex felt comfortable talking to him in a way she just couldn’t with anyone else. 

               “Well, he knocked me out, tied me up. I came to and he ranted about Raphael and hating angels and then he took some of my blood, saying he needed the blood of Sara’s lover. So I assume that’s what he wanted with me, but why on earth he went through that much trouble is beyond me.” She sighed, fluffing out his drying hair and checking the sides. “So he said some kind of spell over my blood and left me tied up. Sara found me and Balthazar healed me, said he would look into it but haven’t heard from him. Shocking, I know.” 

               “Well fuck,” Sam said as Alex stood back admiring her work.

               “Yeah...fuck is right.”

               “Well we will figure it out, who this guy is and what he wants… I gotta ask though, why didn’t you tell us before, and why not Dean?”

               “We had enough on our plate, I didn’t want to add to it. Lets just get Crowley and then I can tell Dad and Dean.” Alex leaned forward and scruffed up his hair with the towel another minute and it was already almost dry so she started to brush it out so it wouldn't dry funny. 

                “I’m gonna look into this guy too. In the meantime, I think we should tell them, but if you really don’t want to I will keep my mouth shut,” Sam said as he ran his fingers through his hair. Alex held up a small mirror for him. “Looks great, thanks Lex.”

               “I have many skills- “ she finished with a yawn.

               “Let's try and get some sleep,” Sam suggested and Alex couldn't argue that. She was feeling much more relaxed with just a little of the weight off her shoulders after talking to Sam.

               She gave Sam a hug and dragged herself back up the stairs. She tiptoed in to find Dean still asleep. He looked surprisingly peaceful laying on his stomach his head cocked to the side. She knelt next to him a second and ran a hand lightly through his hair. She liked seeing him like this, so peaceful without the weight of all their problems weighing him down. She slowly snuck in the bed and Dean gave a little moan rolling on his back and she slipped in next to him nestling herself into his side. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his body next to hers.

               When she woke it was with a chill and she looked about to see that Dean was gone and she had thrown off her blanket. Getting dressed, she found the boys downstairs and ready to leave. She hustled to double check her bag and tossed it in the back of her Firebird. “Come on, Dad!” she called, patting the top of the car lovingly, “let’s go get a demon blue bird.”

               Dean gave her a wink as he hopped into Baby, but the smile didn’t touch his eyes and she could see the worry hidden behind them. She smiled and winked back at him, ducking into the driver seat. Bobby hustled out and they hit the road. Alex turned an oldies station on low and put the windows down. Bobby spent most of the ride reading through texts and Alex was fine with silence. Her thoughts rattled around the whole ride between worry for Castiel and worry about Dean and worry about Sam. She glanced over, thankful to have her dad there. Alex was a hunter and she knew better than most people that no one is ever really safe. Somehow when she was with her dad, she still had a little childlike feeling of security, as if nothing could go wrong because dad was there. She clung to that feeling as they pulled up to the location.

              Alex followed Sam to the back of the house while Dean and Bobby took the front. Sam crept in, gun at the ready, and Alex covered his rear feeling like the place was eerily quiet. It was completely empty, and Alex looked around for any signs that someone had been there, but it looked completely vacant.

             “Hey. Clear from the back,” Sam called as they all met up in what seemed like a living room.

             “Demons get tipped and bugged out?” Dean asked, peering around. 

             “Maybe they run from us now. I mean, that would be a nice thought, right?” Alex shrugged a shoulder still feeling a bit anxious despite the lack of any evidence showing a demon.

             “Yeah, if that's what happened.” Bobby said skeptically.

 

~ _Hiding...Lying...Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure. After supposedly "saving" Sam, I finally returned to heaven. Of course, there isn't one heaven. Each soul generates its own paradise. I favored the eternal Tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in a bathtub in 1953. I had come back… god had brought me back, and the other angels were desperate to know what god wanted. So I told them God wants you to have freedom… “but what did god want them to do with it?”... If I knew then what I know now...I might have said..."It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it." Those first weeks back in heaven were surprisingly difficult. Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like teaching poetry to fish. And then there was Raphael… he wanted allegiance, my allegiance to him, to help him restart the apocalypse. After all we had done, all that was sacrificed he was ready to undo it all and I could not stand by and let him… I'm not ashamed to say that my big brother knocked me into next week. ~_

 

            “Hey...The place is clean.” Sam ran a finger over a large desk sitting in front of the fireplace.          

            “Yeah, but it's...It's like "Mr. Clean" clean, you know? It's kind of OCD for your average demon,” Bobby scowled around the place.

            “Yeah. So what now?” Sam asked, hands on his hips.

            Dean said the exact words on her lips, “We’d call Cas.”

            “What?” Sam turned to him confused.

            “This is usually the point where we would call Cas for help,” Dean scowled himself, looking between Bobby and Sam.

            “We talked about this,” Bobby started.

 

            “Yeah Dean,” Sam finished.

            “No, you talked. I listened. This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one...And we were stuck - and I mean really stuck - he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freakin' times. This is Cas! Don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least?” Dean’s voice almost cracked with its pleading tone.

            “He’s family… its that simple,” Alex said crossing her arms. Sam pursed his lips a second and nodded.

            “Castiel...This is really important, okay? Um...We really need to talk to you,” Sam said closing his eyes and praying to Cas. They all held their breath, waiting and listening.

            “Castiel...Come on in,” Dean added and still nothing. 

 

_~_ _But I didn't go to them...Because I knew they would have questions I couldn't answer...Because I was afraid. ~_

 

“Cas we could really use your help, please, if you can?” Alex looked around at the ceiling and let out a sigh. Alex wandered back toward the kitchen a minute and she felt the hair raise up on the back of her neck. 

            She heard Sam yell before she felt the arms bowling into her and knocking her to the ground. She banged her head against the beam behind her and heard a crash, looking to see her dad falling through the glass door of to the kitchen. Head ringing she looked up to see black eyes descending on her and hands wrapped around her throat tight with a vicious grip. She kicked trying to get some kind of leverage but the hands only tightened on her windpipe. 

            “Crowley says hi!” the demon growled at her. She glanced around to see Dean and Sam grappling with their own demons and not faring any better than she was. 

 

~ _Crowley sent his very best. I was caught as much by surprise as the rest of them. And it left me with yet another choice. I could reveal myself and smite the demons. Of course Crowley wouldn't like it. But on the other hand, they were my friends. ~_

 

            Alex fought for air, scrambling for her gun and she looked up over the demon and saw cool blue eyes looking down at her. Castiel laid a hand down on the demon’s head and smited him with bright light shooting from the demons eyes. The power Castiel wielded was immense and absolute and it blinded her for a moment. She blinked and sucked in a ragged breath, coughing and rolling onto her knees, pushing the now limp body of the demon off of her. She was overwhelmed with relief as she saw the flutter of a trench coat smiting the demons who were either too stupid or too slow to flee. Castiel turned to her and offered her a hand with a small satisfied smile on his face. She grabbed it and he pulled her up, placing two fingers between her eyes and the pain in her throat and head were gone. 

 

~ _For a brief moment...I was me again. ~_

 

            “Cas,” Alex sighed and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He patted her back and she let him go smiling at him. 

            “It is good to see you, Cas,” Dean gave him a warm, relieved smile. 

            “You alright?” Cas asked, looking around at them all.

            “Yeah. Perfect timing, Cas,” Sam smiled, relief stretched across his own face too. 

            “I'm glad I found you. I come with news,” Cas pursed his lips a bit. “I firmly believe Crowley is alive.” 

            “Yeah. You think, Kojak? Well, Bobby, what do we think about Cas saving our asses...Again?” Dean raised his brows at Bobby who walked up, shaking his head.

            “I think we owe you an apology,” Bobby replied, looking a bit embarrassed.

            “Why?” Cas gave a confused tilt of the head, looking around at them.

            “We've been hunting Crowley this whole time...And keeping it from you,” Sam said in a truly apologetic tone.

            “We thought...You were working with him,” Bobby lowered his voice.

            “You thought what?” Cas asked in surprise.

            “I know. It's crazy, right?” Dean nodded decisively.

            “I knew you wouldn’t do that Cas,” Alex said in a low whisper to him.

            “It's just that you torched the wrong bones. It doesn't matter. We - we were wrong,” Bobby added in, looking at Cas and waiting for a reply.

            “You know...You could've just asked me,” Cas gave a crooked grin.

            “And we should have. We never should've doubted you. It's...I just hope you can forgive us,” Dean said with all the sincerity he could muster and all four of them looked to Cas now, hoping their friend would not be too hurt by their momentary lack of faith in him.

 

~ _Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. ~_

            “It’s forgotten,” Cas said with a warm smile on his lips. They all thanked him for going so easy on them, maybe it was the angel thing that made him forgiving, or maybe it was just Cas. “It is a little absurd, though,” Cas chuckled now which was odd for him. Alex had never heard him laugh before.

            “I know, I know,” Bobby shook his head.

            “Superman going to the dark side. I'm still just Castiel.” His words took a second to register. They were familiar words, familiar because they were the exact words Bobby had used to described Cas. The air in the room went very still for a moment. Alex looked up at Dean.

            “I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right?” Dean choked on a fake smile, teeth gritted.

            “Exactly,” Cas nodded and Alex could feel the tension filling the room. Cas had been watching them, spying on them. Not trusting herself to speak, she bit down hard on her lips, keeping her mouth shut, trying to process. Cas said a farewell and with a flutter of his coat, was suddenly gone and seemingly none the wiser to his monumental slip.

 

~ _Of course, I didn't realize it at the time. But it was all over. Right then - just like that. Crowley was furious with me of course for destroying his demons. He insisted the Winchesters and Singers be dealt with but I made myself clear where I stood on the matter. I asked myself, "what was I doing with this vermin?" As if I didn't already know the answer. I had no other choice. Raphael was stronger than me. I wouldn't survive a straight fight. So I went to an old friend for help. But watching him, I stopped. Everything he sacrificed, and I was about to ask him for more. Dean had done enough for the world and enough for me. It was then that Crowley came to me, and said he had the solution to all my problems. I was no fool. I knew who Crowley was and what he did. But I was smarter than him, stronger. I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool. Crowley padded my ego, god’s chosen angel, I was meant to lead heaven. I can’t say Crowley put those thoughts in my head but he gave voice to them. And what he proposed… opening purgatory for all those souls, all that power, was just maybe crazy enough to work. I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment… I took souls from Crowley as a peace offering and used them to knock Raphael in the dirt and declare for all the angels that they were either with me or against me. And so went the long road of good intentions...The road that brought me here. ~_

             Alex was numb. She needed things to slow down, she needed time to process. There was a swirl of voices but she didn't hear what they were saying. She just kept rolling over everything in her mind.  
  
_Cas lied!  
  
I've lied, Dean's lied, Sam's lied, hell, Dad's lied.   
  
But Cas spied on us.   
  
But he always watches out for us, he is an angel after all.   
  
He faked Crowley's death.   
  
But we don't know that for sure.   
  
He could be working with Crowley all along.   
  
But he may have a really good reason.   
  
Is there a good reason to work with the king of hell?  
  
.....Fuck.   
_  
            Alex looked up to see the boys having likely the same discussion she just had in her own head.   
  
            "I'm getting some air," she said, bolting out the front door of the house and taking a few deep breaths of the cool air. She didn't know what was the truth or not with Cas, but she did know she had a choice to make. The funny thing was, it didn't feel like a choice. She knew where her loyalty would be and she only prayed that she could stick to it. 

             She went to her car and grabbed a coat, feeling a chill that didn't match the temperature outside. The sun was starting to set and she took a few breaths trying to somehow bolster up her courage. Turning, she saw flames in the window of the house, and shock overrode her fear as she bolted for the door.  
  
            "What are you doing?" Cas looked stricken, standing in a circle of flames. Holy oil.   
  
            "We gotta talk," Dean looked wildly uncomfortable and Alex resisted the urge to go to him.   
  
            "About what? Let me go!"  
  
            "About Superman and Kryptonite." Alex could see a slow-burning anger starting in Dean now.   
  
            "How'd you know what I said?"   
  
            "How long you been watching us?"  
  
            "You know who spies on people Cas? Spies!" They all growled at him in turn.   
  
            "Okay guys, just wait," Alex jumped in, only to be interrupted by Cas.  
  
            "I don't even know what you mean!" Cas's eyes shifted between them.  
  
            "What about this demon craphole? How is it so, uh...'Next to godliness' clean in here?" Sam asked, not too kindly.   
  
            "And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones?" Bobby added and Alex knew that glare, the “disapproving father” stare.   
  
            Cas buckled under the stare, staring at the ground and scrambling for words, "It's hard to understand. It's hard to explain. Just let me go. Let me out and I can -"  
  
            "You got to look at me, man. You got to level with me and tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley." It was a plea, Dean was pleading now and it all but broke Alex's heart. Cas looked at Dean and they locked eyes for a moment before Cas turned his eyes to the ground again. Alex couldn't believe it, she really couldn't fathom it.

            "You son of a bitch!" Dean spat out at him.   
  
            "Let me explain," Cas was the one pleading now.  
  
            "You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time," Dean threw his arms up, turning what Alex knew was hurt into anger.  
  
            "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you," Cas pleaded again and his gaze fell on Alex.   
  
            "I believe you," Alex said in a low, reassuring voice.   
  
            "Protect us how? By opening a hole into monster land?! " Sam's voice was raised as well, and Alex began to feel like she was on a freight train she couldn't stop, barreling towards a cliff.   
  
            "He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam?" Bobby said in a more level-headed tone.   
  
            "To get the souls. I can stop Raphael. Please, you have to trust me."  
  
            "Trust you?! How in the hell are we supposed to trust you now?" Sam was almost yelling now.   
  
            "This is Cas, Cas, our friend," Alex spat back.   
  
            Cas turned to Sam now, "I'm still me. Sam...I'm the one who raised you from Perdition."  A silence fell over the room a moment and you could hear a pin drop. Alex had suspected, of course she had, had seen it coming, but still it felt like a shock.   
  
            Sam struggled for words, "What? Well, no offense...But you did a pretty piss-poor job of it. Wait. Did you bring me back soulless...On purpose?"  
  
            "How could you think that?" Cas said in a hurt, smaller voice.   
  
            Alex moved a little towards Sam, "He wouldn't do that, he did the best he could, and he did it for no other reason than to save his friend." Alex felt appalled to see Sam turn on Cas so quickly.   
  
            "Well, I'm thinking a lot of things right now, Cas," Sam stared Cas down now and there was hurt in his voice as well. Dean was biting his fist, deep in thought and Alex could see the building storm there.  
  
            "Listen. Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice," Cas was starts to raise his own voice in something like desperation.   
  
            "No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one," Dean said as he lifted his head.   
  
            "You don't understand. It's complicated," Cas sounded like a guilty child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Alex took a step closer to the fire and farther from Dean.   
  
            "No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!" Dean was furious, and Alex knew there was wisdom to his words. She knew that Dean wasn't wrong, that Cas should have came to them.   
  
            Castiel's face dropped a moment at that. "It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?"  
  
            "I was there. Where were you?" Dean stood firm and tall and the two men stared at each other.   
  
            "You should've come to us for help, Cas. you should've come to me," Alex said in a softer tone.   
  
            "Maybe," Castiel started, but he was interrupted by a vibration. Looking around, Alex saw there was a black cloud of demon smoke coming at the building from all sides. Cas stared at them, wide-eyed. "It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't!"  
  
            "It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!" Dean yelled over the now howling approach of demons.   
  
            "Dean, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!" Cas yelled at all of them. Bobby, Sam and Dean gave Cas a final look, and bolted for the door.   
  
            "I'm right behind you, go!" Alex put the keys in Bobby's hand as he ran. Alex knew she would catch shit for it but she pretended to run out with the boys, only to lock the door behind them. Cas stared at her, stunned. She didn't have anything to put out the holy fire, so she ran at it, making a big leap, Castiel catching her in the middle of the circle.   
  
            "What are you doing?" Cas yelled at her and she pulled out her angle blade, crouching for the fight, heart pounding out of her chest.   
  
            "Picking a side," she yelled back at him. Suddenly the rumbling sound stopped. There was a creak at the door. Crowley, in his fine black suit, sauntered in with his usual cocky grin. Alex gritted her teeth and kept her blade at the ready.   
  
            "My, my. Playing with fire again?" Crowley crooned and with a snap of his fingers, the fire disappeared.   
  
            "If you touch the Winchesters..." Castiel began to threaten, but Crowley cut him off.   
  
            "Please. I heard you the first time. I promise -- nary a hair on their artfully tousled heads. Besides, I think they've proven my point for me. It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end? We try to change. We try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who got to claw into our sides and hold us back. But you know what I see here? The new God," Crowley pointed at Cas, "and the new Devil, working together... with a little hunter sidekick?" Crowley cocked a head at Alex now.   
  
            "Fuck you, asshole," Alex spat at him.   
  
            "Touchy little thing, isn't she. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh right, you can't."  
  
            "Enough. Stop talking. And get out of my sight." Castiel's voice boomed across the room.   
  
            "Well...Glad I came. You're welcome, by the way," Crowley spun on his heels and headed for the door, but stopped before leaving, "You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?" With a smirk, Crowley and his demons were gone. Alex turned to Cas who was avoiding her eyes.   
  
            "Why?" Cas asked in disbelief, finally looking at her.  
  
            "You're my family too, Cas, and even if I think you are wrong, and I think you are probably really wrong on this one... I'm still with you." Alex had a weakness, she knew she did. She had blind faith in her family, and Cas was family. She was mad as hell at him but she needed him to understand he wasn't alone.   
  
            "I'm not wrong, Alex," Cas said firmly.   
  
            "I think you're making the wrong decision for the right reason. I wanna help you Cas. I will do anything to help you fight Raphael, to win your war... I won't, however, help you open purgatory," Alex paused a minute. "To save the earth from burning by drowning it in water, that doesn't help anyone."  
  
            "You need to understand..."  
  
            "I understand Cas, I do, I know why you are doing what you are doing... that doesn't make it right." They looked at each other a moment. She tried to think of some way to make him see, make him understand he was going down a dark road. A painful tightness clenched her chest.  
  
            "They will be worried about you. They have only just noticed you aren't with them," Castiel sighed.  
  
            "Cas, please don't," Alex pleaded, fisting his trench coat in her hands. He placed his hand on her forehead and she was suddenly stumbling to the ground on the side of the highway. She looked up to see the boys and Bobby yelling at each other.   
  
            "I thought she was with you!" Bobby yelled.  
  
            "Well she isn't with us!" Dean yelled right back.   
  
            "Get in the damn car then," Sam said, bolting back for the Impala.   
  
            "I'm here!" Alex called over to them, dusting herself off and walking over. Dean was over to her in a few strides, pulling her into a rib-crushing hug.   
  
            "Where the hell were you?" Dean said, letting her go.   
  
            "Standing by my friend... trying to talk him out of his suicidal plan, something I am tired of doing all the time, by the way," Alex grumbled and Dean turns beet red.   
  
            "You idjit! You could have been killed," Bobby growled, scuffing her upside the head.   
  
            "Hey! I wasn't going to leave him there surrounded by demons all alone," Alex glowered.   
  
            "Surrounded by his new buddies," Sam scoffed.   
  
            "Shut it, Sam," Alex said, turning her stare to the younger Winchester.   
  
            "Alright, let's just get home and figure out our next move," Dean said, marching off for his car. Sam followed him and Bobby, keeping her keys, got in the driver’s seat of the Firebird.   
  
            The ride home was uncomfortably silent, and Alex could only imagine the Impala was the same. It was a while before her heartbeat slowed and she felt like she was able to think properly. She needed to stop Cas, or better yet, she needed an alternative to beating Raphael. She racked her brain the whole ride home. All four of them entered the house, but no one wanted to be the first to talk. Bobby, without a word, began painting angel sigils on the window. Alex wanted to protest, but deep down, she understood and knew she wouldn't win that argument. The mood in the Singer household was a grim one. Bobby finished with the sigils and headed to bed without a word, just a pat to Sam's and Dean's shoulders.

_Well, he's still pissed at me... great_ , Alex thought.   
  
            Sam headed up to the spare bedroom upstairs to sleep and Alex turned to Dean, "Are you coming up?"

            His back was to her and she feared the thoughts that may be running through his head. Suddenly, he turned to her with glossy eyes, and pulled her into him, taking in a raking breath. His chest shook a little and she held him tight a moment. "It will be okay, Dean, we can figure this out."   
  
            "I'm so tired of losing everyone," Dean whispered into her hair.   
  
            "Me too, but we haven't lost Cas, not yet. Why don't you come up to bed?"  
  
            "No," Dean said, letting her go and wiping at his eyes. "I wanna stay down here, just to keep a look out. Go get some rest, okay?" He planted a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. She looked at him, unconvinced she should leave him alone. "I'm fine. Just go to sleep, I'll be right here." Nodding, she turned to head up the stairs. She hesitated at the top for a moment and sat down with her back to her bedroom door, just listening to the stillness of the house. She almost nodded off sitting in the hall when she heard a familiar voice downstairs.  
  
            "Hello, Dean."  
  
            "How'd you get in here?"

Alex held her breath, determined not to interrupt them, and feeling only slightly guilty for eavesdropping.  
  
            "The angel-proofing Bobby put up on the house -- he got a few things wrong."  
  
            "Well, it's too bad we got to angel-proof in the first place, isn't it? Why are you here?"  
  
            "I want you to understand."  
  
            "Oh, believe me, I get it. Blah, blah, Raphael, right?" Dean said in such a condescending tone, it made Alex cringe.  
  
            "I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you."  
  
            "Because of me. Yeah. You gotta be kidding me."  
  
            "You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will --"  
  
            "You're a freakin' child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean that you get to do whatever you want!"   
  
            "I know what I'm doing, Dean."  
  
            "I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it."  
  
            "I don't understand."  
  
            "Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man."  
  
            "Or what?"  
  
            "Or I'll have to do what I have to do to stop you."  
  
            "You can't, Dean. You're just a man. I'm an angel."  
  
            "I don't know. I've taken some pretty big fish."  
  
            "I'm sorry, Dean."  
  
            "Well, I'm sorry, too, then," with Dean's last words, Alex heard the flutter of a trench coat.   
  
            She had trouble seeing for a moment, and realized she had started crying. She felt like it was three years ago all over again, standing in that motel hallway having watched Sam and Dean beat the crap out of each other. Dean had given an ultimatum then too, the demon or his brother, and Sam had walked out the door. Here Dean was again issuing an ultimatum and watching his brother walk off with the devil. It broke her heart. Dean was stupid and foolish and condescending and a terrible listener, but he loved Cas, and his heart was breaking.

            She crept back down the stairs, Dean turning his back to her as she approached in the dark. She snaked her arms around his waist and placed her head against his shoulder blades. She eventually went to sleep on the couch, Dean taking the floor, unwilling to abandon his pointless post for the night. Alex felt the weight of the night settle on her chest, and threw up a prayer, that if there is a God out there, for him to please help her friend, help save her family.  
  
_~ So, that's everything. I believe it's what you would call a... Tragedy from the human perspective. But maybe the human perspective is...Limited. I don't know. That's why I'm asking you, Father. One last time. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me...A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don't...I'm gonna just-- I'm gonna do whatever I... Whatever I must. ~_

 


	29. Chapter 29

        Alex woke early, when the sun was barely up. Dean was curled up on the floor with a fretful furrow between his brows. She stepped lightly over him and, putting on a pair of shoes, went out into the yard.

        She needed a plan, a really good plan to fix this divide with Castiel. The answer was kill or stop Raphael... sure, sounded simple enough. Just find a way to kill an archangel that didn't involve purgatory or stealing millions of souls. She began pacing the yard trying to think of something, kicking herself for not putting more energy into this problem from the get go. Cas had said he could handle it and said he didn't want her help, but she should never have listened to him. She knew the boys well enough to know all they would care about now would be stopping Cas from opening purgatory, and while she agreed that was a terrible idea, she also knew that stopping him was pointless if they couldn't find another way to stop Raphael.

        She knew Cas too, in a way none of them did. She knew how he thought, and he had a one track, mission-oriented mind. When he set a goal for himself it was like tunnel vision. He wasn't going to be derailed from this path, not now that he set himself to it. She remembered back to being his vessel - how determined he was to rescue the righteous man, to free Dean from purgatory. When weaker angels began to doubt or even retreat, Cas pushed on. Alex always felt that it was his spark of humanity, his innate sense of what was right and wrong that fueled him, and it was that part of Cas that made her love him. She knew he was doing what he thought he must, and that he believed it was for the right reason, making him ignore the fact it was the wrong thing. Her best chance of stopping him was by stopping Raphael, so that Cas didn't have to.

        Eve was the first thing that came to mind. She was likely strong enough to kill Raphael, judging by the fear in his face at the sight of her. She hadn't killed him though, she had the chance and didn't. Alex didn't think Eve would kill another angel. She still tried, closing her eyes and praying for Eve to talk to her. She was greeted with nothing but silence. She ran through a list of options in her head, from the Colt which they didn't have, to Lucifer's cage which they didn't want to mess with, to spell work, both good and dark. Nothing... she had been racking her brain for hours now and had nothing to show for it.

        "Hey, you want some coffee?" It was Sam's voice, his head leaning out the front door.

        "Coffee sounds good," she called back, sighing and heading in toward the house. They were all awake now and Sam handed her a mug as she came into the library.

        Sam and Dean were both flipping aimlessly through books, and Alex thought she may as well join them, looking for a book on angels she had left by the piano.

        "Well, you know what? At least you tried," Sam said to Dean consolingly. Alex figured they must have been talking about Castiel's late night visit.

        "Yeah, fat lot of good it did. Why did he even come, right?" Dean slammed his book down.

        "Because he cares about us, Dean. He cares about you," Alex replied in a soft voice and Dean avoided her eyes.

        "Well, Samuel's journals are pointless. I mean, I'm sorry, but uh, Jebediah Campbell has squat to tell me about how to stop Cas from cracking Purgatory," Dean growled and Alex looked up to see her Dad walking in. 

        "Well actually, it's not about the journals we have, it's about the one we don't." Bobby got all their attention with that.

        "Meaning what?" Sam asked.

        "Well, that's the bad news. Our pal Cas didn't stop in last night just to mend fences," Bobby's words made Alex cringe a little and she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the rest.

        "What did he do?" Dean asked in a dark voice.

        "Stole something."

        "What?" Alex chimed in.

        "The journal of one Moishe Campbell."

        "Well, uh, so we gotta get it back, right?" Sam stood up with Alex by his shoulder. Bobby pulled out a large envelope of papers and handed it to Sam.

        "Or just read the copy I'd already made. Hi, glad to meet you. Bobby Singer. Paranoid bastard," Bobby winked at Alex who gave him a warm smile. She had spent so many hours copying books and stashing them for her dad through the years. She had always teased him that he was a paranoid hoarder, but she had to admit that it came in handy now. Dean went into the kitchen to get more coffee for him and Sam, and Alex followed him while Bobby started reading through the journal.

        "How you holding up?" she asked him as he poured the coffee.

        "I'm fine."

        "Uh huh. You know you can talk to me, right Dean?" She watched his face, eyes fixed on the floor but looking like his thoughts were miles away.

        "Yeah, I know, Lexi." Dean gave her a weak side-smile and headed back to the library, coffees in hand.

        They all spent the next few hours digging through texts and trying to find useful information. Bobby found something in the journal about Moishe Campbell interviewing H.P. Lovecraft about some events back in 1937. 

        "Am I supposed to know who that is?" Dean looked perplexed at all of them.

        "Horror writer. At the Mountains Of Madness, The Call of Cthulu?" Bobby said, looking flabbergasted that Dean still didn't know who he was talking about.

        "Yeah, it's - no, - no, I was too busy having sex with women," Dean rolled his eyes and Alex elbowed him in the side.

        "Well, anyhow," Bobby said, rolling his eyes at Dean, "there's one notion that comes up over and over again in his stories. Namely, opening doors to other dimensions and letting scary crap through."

        "Wait, so you're saying you think Lovecraft knew something about Purgatory?" Sam squinted at the journal page a moment. Bobby shrugged noncommittally and they all returned to their research.

        Dean's phone rang and he checked it before picking up, "Ben?... What?... What are they?" terror was creeping across Dean's face, but his voice was calm and collected. Alex stood in front of him trying to figure out what was going on. "Did you see their eyes?... Teeth?" She quickly realized that Ben was in some kind of supernatural danger. Sam and Bobby were quickly at her sides watching Dean along with her. "This is important Ben, I need to know... Okay, where are you now?... Can you get to your mom's closet? I left a shotgun in there... Okay, Ben, listen to me. Go to your window and jump...  Any bones you break won't compare to what they're gonna do to you, Ben. You've got to jump... I'm coming right now," Dean stood up, ready for action and Alex could feel the tension vibrating off him. "I'm coming to get you and your mom, I promise. You with me, Ben? Ben?... Ben?" Dean's face very suddenly froze and grew dark. "Crowley, let 'em go now, or I swear... I am going to kill you... I'm telling you, last chance to let 'em go easy..." Dean slowly lowered the phone, closing it. A heavy silence hung in the air.

        "What's the story?" Bobby asked cautiously. 

        Dean looked white as a ghost, and Alex was almost worried he was gonna throw up. "He said Lisa and Ben keep breathing as long as we sit on our thumbs." Alex watched him closely and her heart broke for him. She wanted to put a comforting arm on his shoulder but she could tell he didn't want to be comforted.

        "You think Cas knows about this?" Sam said in a low voice.

        "We gotta assume he does," Dean replied immediately.

        "Wait, you can't actually believe Cas would have something to do with this?" Alex’s jaw practically dropped in shock.

        "So what are we gonna do?" Sam asked, ignoring her.

        "I'll tell you what we're not gonna do - sit here. I'm going after 'em."

        "I'm coming with you," Sam and Alex volunteered in unison.

        "No, Sam, Lexi. You guys, and Bobby should stay on the Lovecraft thing, okay? Cas is already way ahead of us."

        "You gotta be nuts if you think I'm gonna let you do this alone. Bobby can take care of the case."

        "I'm with Sam on this Dean, we are going with you," Alex crossed her arms firmly.

        "Bobby, this is a big ball, okay? We can't drop it now," Dean looked to Bobby and his voice almost cracked. Alex could tell the fear was bubbling up in his chest.

        "I'm fine, I got this. But how are you guys gonna find Lisa and Ben?"

        The answer to that wasn't easy. Alex tried a scrying spell that Celeste taught her, but she didn't have anything of Lisa's or Ben's to pull from. They threw around ideas for a few hours, but coming up empty. The anxiety was eating away at Dean and he rebuffed all her attempts to console him. She had just turned her energy back to finding Lisa and Ben, when something occurred to her.

        "Balthazar!" she said, leaping up. “Let’s see if he can help.”

        They gathered the ingredients to summon him, while Bobby packed up his car and headed out on Cas's trail. It was getting dark as they finished the spell and added the last ingredient. Balthazar popped up on top of a few crushed cars, champagne glass in hand and irritated look on his face.

        "I'm sorry boys, do I look like a man-servant to you? No? No? Then quit ringing for me, please." Balthazar grumbled. "Is this about Rosier?"

        "No, it’s not," Alex said hastily, and Dean gave her a queer look for a second. "This is important, Balthazar."

        "I was drinking '75 Dom out of a soprano's navel when you called. That was important."

        "Crowley's alive," Sam interjected.

        "Well you've been scooped. Cas already told me."

        "Well did Cas tell you that he is Crowley's butt-buddy, you smug little dick?" Dean added. 

        A flash of shock crossed Balthazar's face, "Excuse me?"

        "Handshake deal. Go halfsies on all the souls of Purgatory. He fill you in on that?" Sam crossed his arms and raised a brow at him.

        "Well, yes, yes. Yes, of course he did. Yes," Balthazar looked incredibly flustered now.

        "Oh, yes, of course. We can read it all over your face." Sam added.

        "Look, Crowley and Cas took two people who are very important to me," Dean forced himself to speak slow and clear.

        "And I care about this because?"

        "Balthazar," Alex said in a scolding tone.

        "Because Alex here believes in you for some reason, and maybe there is a shred of decency underneath this - this snarky crap," Dean said and Balthazar took a sip of his drink, seemingly debating. "They're innocent people and I'm asking for your help."

        "Hmmm. I see. Fair enough," and with that comment he disappeared from sight.

        "Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled.

        "Look, Dean. Let's just call Cas. Maybe he doesn't know anything about this," Sam suggested cautiously.

        "We are not calling Cas."

        "Yeah, but Dean." Alex started to say, but Dean cut her off.

         "We're not calling Cas!" Dean glared at both of them.

        "So what then?" Sam looked to Dean, giving him the lead. Dean shook his head and just walked off.

         The next twenty-four hours were rough. A cold mask had slipped over Dean’s face and stayed there. Alex wanted desperately to comfort him but every time she so much as laid a hand on him, he would go stiff and shrug her off. She instead focused on Demons. She and Sam summoned and trapped them all through the night, delivering them to Dean for interrogation. She kept her eye on Dean, trying to get him to sleep or eat, both of which he refused. Alex took a quick catnap on the couch for a few hours and so did Sam. When Sam woke up he had come to find her, leaning against the old garages metal siding, cringing at the sounds of screams coming from inside. Sam was on the phone with someone and hanging up as he came over.

        "You know it’s good we aren’t in earshot of anyone,” Alex said to Sam, who handed her a mug of coffee.

        “Just got off the phone with Bobby.”

        “And?"

        “He says that Lovecraft was trying to open a dimensional door and that everyone that was there that night was dead within a year… all except the maid and her son, so he is going to interview the son now.”

        Alex nodded. “Are you going to check on him or am I?”

        “Rock paper scissors?” Sam said, quirking a brow. Alex threw rock and so did Sam, so they did it again and Alex got paper while Sam threw rock again. Sam took a breath and headed into the garage. Alex hung back near the half open door and listened.

        “Next customer."

        “Look, I don't know anything,” a Demon pleaded from within.

        “Yeah, we'll see.” There was a yell and sound of static as Ruby’s knife undoubtedly just killed the Demon. Alex shook her head. That was the fourth one so far

        “Dean.”

        “Yeah?”

        “Look, man. You - you're running on what, uh, whisky and - and coffee and whatever else you're taking?”

        “Yeah, and?”

        “And we're grasping at straws here, man.”

        “Look, I kill enough of these demons, eventually one of 'em's gonna tell me where Crowley is. So we good?”

        “Well look, you've been at it for a while, why don't you at least let me take over? You deserve a break.”

        “No thanks.”

        “Dean.”

        “Sam, back off. Lisa and Ben, wherever they are, that is a hundred percent on me. And if they are hurt... I'll yell if I need you.” Dean’s voice was ice cold, but there was a twinge of pain behind it that she knew Sam could hear as well. Sam came back out and just shook his head at her. They headed away from the back garage till they were out of Dean’s ear shot.

        “I think it’s time, Sam,” she said, looking up him.

        “My thoughts exactly.”

        "Really? Cause you weren’t riding the Cas train earlier.”

        “Look I don’t think he would do this, we should at least try.” Alex nodded and Sam closed his eyes rubbing his hands together. “Castiel, it's Sam. Um, so look, I don't know if you're in on this whole Ben-Lisa thing, but if you have any heart whatsoever, bring 'em back to us, man. C'mon. Please. I'm begging you... I am begging you, do you understand?”

        Alex and Sam looked around, listening to the stillness in the yard.

        “Cas! Please, we need your help,” Alex peered around and nothing happened. She sighed and looked at Sam who pulled her in for a quick hug.

        The hours ticked by slowly and she managed to convince Dean to eat a few power bars mixed in with the whiskey. It was late at night and Alex sat slumped in a chair, fighting to keep her eyes open as Dean stalked the next demon strapped to the chair.

        “I promise you, pal. Start talking,” Dean slunk toward the weak looking demon. If Alex hadn’t been so tired and the circumstances so dire she would have acknowledged how hot Dean was when he lowered his voice to a growl. “Or I swear, I will rip your skin off, strip by strip. And then I'm gonna kill you. And then I'm gonna do it to the next demon. You hear me?” Dean leaned over the Demon.

        The Demon’s eyes flashed black and a grin broke across his face, “Yeah, I hear you.” The demon grabbed Dean and threw him across the room banging into the side of a van. Alex leapt up off her chair and raced for the holy water but she was tired and her reflexes were slow. The demon flung her against another car and she felt the hard steel against her back and head. She shook her head to try and clear the spots from her eyes and saw the Demon standing over Dean. In the blink of an eye Castiel appeared behind the demon and smited him where he stood. Alex blinked a few times and tried to speak but her head lolled and eyes closed. She could hear faint voices but the pounding in her head made her keep her eyes shut and stay very still.

        “She will be fine Dean, she just took a bump to the head,” Castiel said and Alex felt a hand on her shoulder.

        “I didn’t ask for your help.”

        “Well regardless, you’re welcome.”

        “Why are you here?”

        “I had no idea Crowley would take Ben and Lisa.”

        “Yeah right.” She felt Dean’s hand leave her shoulder and tried to blink her eyes open but it was struggle.

        “You don't believe me.”

        “I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth.”

        “I thought you said that we were like family. Well I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?” Castiel’s voice sounded pleading and Alex wanted to reach for him but the room was spinning.

        “Cas, I just can't…”

        “Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing.”

        “Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?”

        “I've earned that, Dean.” Dean scoffed, “I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.” She could practically feel the shift in Dean’s mood at Castiel’s words.

        “You're asking me to stand down?”

        “Dean,” Alex said in a weak voice, and she felt his hand on her shoulder again.

        “That's the same damn ransom note that Crowley handed me. You know that, right? Well no thanks. I'll find 'em myself. In fact, why don't you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass,” Dean downright growled at him.

        “Cas… Dean… don’t do this,” Alex pleaded, squinting between them. Castiel’s face was hard. He planted two fingers to her forehead and the pain in her head was gone. Dean offered her a hand and pulled her to her feet. She watched Dean’s shoulders and carefully approached them.

        “Dean?” she said cautiously, and he stalked out of the garage without a word.

        A few hours later, Alex was sitting in the kitchen hunched over glass of whiskey as Sam came in, yawning and pouring himself a glass as well.

        "Drinking your feelings, Sam? I thought that was your brother's bag.” They both whipped their heads around to see Balthazar standing in the middle of the kitchen.

        “Stressful times.” Alex replied.

        “Well, we need to talk.”

        "Why?” Sam asked.

        “Because - I know I'm gonna live to regret this - but I'm officially on your team... You bastards,” Balthazar dramatically rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

        Dean walked into the room, “And we should believe you why?”

        “Would you believe I had a shred of decency?”

        “No,” Sam said and Alex immediately elbowed his side.

        “Oh. That hurts.” Balthazar puts a hand on his heart in a mock-injured tone, and Sam raised his eyebrows. “Okay, you're right. It's survival. You see, I asked Cas some questions and I disliked his answers. He seems awfully sure of himself for a man who wants to swallow a million nuclear reactors. I mean, these things can get a bit Chernobyl, you know? So, voilà. Consider me your double agent. Oh, and I took the liberty of searching for your friends. Uh, took a while. Crowley's a clever one.”

        “You found them?” Dean’s voice had a smidge of hope to it.

        “Well, the upside is yes, uh, the downside is no, I can't get them for you.”

        “Why not?” Alex asked.

        “Because Crowley's angel-proofed the whole bloody building. I guess he doesn't trust Cas. Seems that marriage is going swimmingly.”

        “Okay, well get us as close as you can.”

        “Sure. But then you're on your own.”

        Dean nodded and headed outside with Sam to grab supplies. Alex stood with Balthazar for a moment in the kitchen.

        “Balthazar?”

        “Yes, dear?”

        “Is there anything else we can do to stop Raphael? So that maybe Castiel will abandon this plan?” 

        “Darling, if I knew the answer to that, I would have done it by now, believe me.”

        Alex sighed, her shoulders slumping. She tossed back the rest of her whiskey with a wince.

        “Thanks… for helping us.” She managed a smile at him.

        “About your other little problem,” Balthazar said in a lower voice.

        “Rosier?”

        “Most of the rumors are… unreliable at best, however some are saying that Rosier is active again, though staying low on the radar.”

        “So it really could have been him. I think he left his mark on me,” Alex moved the top of her jeans down with a thumb to show Balthazar. His eyebrows raised at the sight of the mark and she quickly pulled her shirt back down.

        “It seems so my dear,” Balthazar said with a pitying look.

        “Well what the hell does that mean?”

        “No one knows what he is up to but if I had to venture a guess… I would say he is trying to free his old buddy Asmodeus, something he can’t do, mind you, till Raphael is dead.”

        “Who is Asmodeus?”

        “Believe me, you don’t want to know. Look, none of this will matter if we can’t stop Cas and kill Raphael so let’s take on one problem at a time, shall we?” Balthazar nodded at her and she followed him out to the yard, where the boys were waiting. She grabbed her gear, sending Bobby a text about where they are headed and moved to stand between the Winchesters.

        She knew that this would be a dangerous mission, and Crowley would likely have the place loaded with demons. She felt ready to take action, however - ready to finally be able to do something to ease that pain behind Dean’s eyes. She looked up at the two tall, stoic hunters standing beside her and she slammed a magazine into her pistol.  They all turned a moment to look at her. “Let’s go get them back, shall we, gentlemen?” And with a nod, they prepared for battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All! slightly more normal length chapter, I plan to have about 3 more chapters to finish out season 6, hope your all enjoying! <3


	30. Chapter 30

        "Alright. This is where I get off. God be with you and what not." Balthazar disappeared in a flash leaving Alex and the boys crouched outside a dimly lit building. Alex double checked the salt rounds in her shotgun and had her favorite silver blade in a thigh holster for easy access, just in case. Dean carried Ruby's knife and the duffel of supplies, while Sam had a shotgun like Alex.   
  
        There was one demon on patrol, and Dean took the lead. He moved quiet and lithe, like a cat on his feet. Alex felt on high alert, her nerves tingling in anticipation. She also felt like Cas may have given her a little extra boost when he healed her head, since none of her joints or muscles hurt, and she moved with ease into the building after Dean had taken down the demon on guard. 

        Dean turned his dark eyes to her and Sam, "Alright, be careful."

        Dean headed down a flight of stairs and Sam ducked off to one corner. Alex decided to follow Sam, covering him as they moved slowly down the hallway.  ****  
** **

        In the blink of an eye, the demons were on them. Alex didn't even get a shot off before her gun was knocked to the ground and she was pinned to the wall. She saw in her peripheral Sam go down, but hard hands were clasped around her throat.   
  
        "Don't kill them. King's orders," a rough growl of a voice came from behind the demon with a vice grip on her throat. She struggled for air, as she tried to keep her cool and think of how to break the grip, but she was seeing spots and she could feel herself slipping into unconsciousness. The last thing Alex saw was everything turning as black as the eyes that were glaring back at her.   
  
        Alex woke to a terrible throbbing in her throat and blinked her eyes, trying to adjust to the dark. She looked around as the sound of gunfire barely registered, taking in her surroundings. She spotted Sam sitting up, and rubbing at the back of his head. Fear dropped in her stomach and she scrambled over to Sam, putting an arm on his shoulder and looking him over. She opened her mouth to speak but only a wheeze came out.   
  
        "Hey Lex, you alright?" Sam looked her over and Alex was relieved to see he looked okay. She nodded at him, still not able to get a word out. He ran his long fingers along her throat and frowned. She pulled his hand away and gave it a little squeeze to let him know she was fine, and they both stood up to begin looking for the exit. They heard more gunfire, maybe a shotgun? They started to move quicker to find a way out. They located the only door pretty quickly, only to find it was locked.   
  
        Alex and Sam started banging into the door, trying to bust it open. The gunfire was getting closer, and then they heard Dean's voice.  

        "Dean!" Sam yelled, since Alex still could barely whisper.   
  
        "Sam?" Dean's voice was by the door now.   
  
        "We're in here!"   
  
        There was another loud bang and the doors flew open. Alex looked past Dean to see Ben crouched down by Lisa, who was holding her stomach, covered in blood. _Shit!_ ****  
** **

        "Come on, we gotta get to a hospital. Ben, give the gun to Sam. Alex, we need a ride."  
  
        Alex didn't hesitate, but nodded and jogged past them out of the building. Running was hard since every breath caused a searing pain in her throat, but she found a car quickly enough. It was unlocked, and she looked around to find car keys sitting in the cup holder.   
  
_Jackpot!_ Alex pulled the car around and the others rushed up to her, Lisa in Dean's arms. Sam slid into the front seat while Dean and Ben got in the back with Lisa.   
  
        "Go, go, go, go," Dean shouted and Alex peeled out of the driveway, heading straight for the highway. Sam checked his phone and told her to head south to get to the closest hospital. Alex glanced in the rearview to see Dean cradling Lisa in his arms, and the amount of blood was alarming.   
  
        "She's fine, Ben. She's fine. She's gonna be just fine. Almost there." Dean's voice cracked a little. Lisa seemed to be unconscious, her head falling limp. "Hey, hey. Stay with me," Dean's voice rose and the fear there turned Alex's stomach to stone. "Alex, you gotta go faster!" Dean pleads and Alex hit the gas a little harder, not wanting to take the shitty car much over 90 miles per hour. "You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be just fine."   
  
        Alex turns to glance at Sam who was wearing an equally worried look. She asked him a silent question, _she gonna make it?_ Sam pursed his lips and gave her a small shrug. _Fuck!_ ****  
** **

        Alex got them to Oakview Memorial Hospital in record time, thankfully not running into any speed traps on the way. Sam helped Dean to carry Lisa in, while Alex hung back with Ben.   
  
        "Ben, I want you to go in there and sit in the waiting room, okay? I'll come find you in a minute," she croaked out. Ben gave her a terrified look, but did as he was told.  ****  
** **

        Alex parked the car as far away as she could so it would hopefully avoid notice, and jogged back to find Ben.   
  
        The wait was a long one. Ben sat between Alex and Sam in the waiting room, dozing off on her shoulder at some point. Dean refused to sit, instead pacing back and forth, biting at his nails and grinding his teeth. Alex and Sam were silent. Sam suggested calling Balthazar or Cas, but Dean ignored him.  ****  
** **

        Lisa ended up admitted to ICU, and Dean took Ben up to see her. Sam and Alex hung back a moment.   
  
        A passing doctor stopped and eyed Alex suspiciously, darting a glance at Sam. "Miss, have you been seen by a doctor?"   
  
        Alex quirked an eyebrow at the small, balding man and saw his eyes dart from Sam to her throat and back to Sam again. Sam gave her an alarmed look and she vehemently shook her head at the doctor and smiled.   
  
        "I'm okay," she mouthed in barely a whisper. The doctor didn't seem impressed, so she cleared her throat and pointed at Sam, whispering, "Brother."    
  
        "She's my sister, and she's okay. We already had her checked out. You should see her boyfriend though, after I got through with him." Sam gave the doctor a conspiratorial smile and the doctor nodded his approval, walking off. "You sure you are actually okay?" Sam asked her now that they were alone. She didn't want to try talking again, so she just nodded at him. She was far too worried about Dean to care much about her injured throat. There was nothing a doctor could do for it either. She was pretty sure she just needed to rest it and let the swelling go down.   
  
        She couldn't believe that Cas had anything to do with this. It just didn't make any sense. She realized then that she didn't believe it, not a for a second. She knew Dean would be furious with her for calling him, but everything in her was screaming to reach out to him. Cas could fix this, they just need to give him the chance, right?   
  
        Sam told her he was going to run home and grab their car, and she nodded her approval. Before she had a minute to second guess herself, she left Sam and ran outside, finding a spot alone. Closing her eyes she concentrated hard. _Castiel, it's Alex. Look, I need your help, Dean needs your help. Lisa is hurt really bad. I don't know if she will make it. Please help us, Cas._ ****  
** **

        There was a familiar flutter of a trench coat and she span to find her angel, rumple-haired and weary-eyed, looking down at her.   
  
        She hadn't had a moment alone with Cas since they were at Ellsworth's house. She moved in and wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face in his coat for a moment and breathed him in. She had so much she wanted to say - she wanted another chance to reason with him. To pull him off his self destructive path. There was no time, though, and if she didn't act fast, Ben could be an orphan within the next few hours.   
  
         She pulled back from him and he scowled at her a moment. "You're hurt," he states and, holding up two fingers to her throat, suddenly she could draw in a deep, smooth breath. "You really should be more careful, Alexandra. This is the second time I've healed you in twenty-four hours."   
  
        "It's what happens when you mess with demons," Alex retorted and saw his face go stiff. "Easy does it, Cas, I don't wanna fight with you. Lisa is hurt pretty bad, and Dean... well Dean didn't want to call you."   
  
       "But you went against his wishes?"   
  
        "Well. yeah. I mean, you can help her, right? You didn't know about any of this?" She searched his eyes for the truth to her words.   
  
        "No, I didn't. I will go to her... thank you... at least someone has faith in me," Cas gave her a sidelong glance and disappeared.   
  
        "Don't make me regret it!" she yelled after him, but he couldn't hear her. She headed back inside and went up to ICU, hoping to find out how Lisa was. When she got there, Cas was already standing by her bed and a very anxious Dean was warily watching him from the opposite side. Cas leaned down, placing a hand on Lisa's forehead.   
  
        "She's fine now. She'll wake soon. Dean, I said I'm sorry and I meant it."   
  
        Alex hesitated by the door, neither man spotting her yet.   
  
        "Thank you. I wish this changed anything," Dean said with a tired lilt to his voice.   
  
        "I know. So do I. All else aside, I just wanted to fix what I could," Cas moved to walk out of the room, approaching Alex, and Dean set eyes on her.   
  
        Dean flushed a little red at the sight of her, which she found strange, and said "Lexi, can you give Cas and I a second?"   
  
        "Sure, Dean, I'm glad Lisa is okay," Alex tried to give him a smile but he was avoiding her eyes. She planted a kiss on Castiel's cheek as she walked back down the hall.   
  
        Finding Sam, she sat and waited with him by the window. The sun was up now and the morning was getting on. She tried to think of when she last slept. The look in Dean's eyes worried her. She hadn't seen him that withdrawn, well... since Sam died.  ****  
** **

        Sam reached over and grabbed her hand in his, running a thumb over the back of her knuckles. She leaned on his shoulder and tried not to think about it. Sam had a way of reading Alex like a book. He knew when she needed to talk and he knew when she needed space and he knew when she just needed him to be there. She liked to think it was unique to her but really, it was just Sam - he could read people. He had worry stretched across his brow as well and she wondered if he was as concerned for Dean as she was. Dean was and always had been a grief mop, soaking up all the badness and guilt around him until it looked like it was going to physically crush him.   
  
        After a few minutes Castiel came down the hall and they both bolted up.   
  
        "What's up, Cas?" Sam asked and got a troubled look in return.   
  
        "I have cleared Dean from Lisa and Ben's memory." He had his usual deadpan delivery, then looked perplexed at the shocked looks on their faces.   
  
        "Come again?" she asked calmly.   
  
        "They won't remember him or you or monsters or anything else. It's how Dean wanted it. Now I must go," he said, pushing past them both.  ****  
** **

        Sam and Alex moved to follow him as his coat swept around the corner behind him. When they turned the corner, he was gone.   
  
        "Damn it, Cas!" Sam cursed, running his hands through his hair. His phone buzzed as he got a text. "Dean wants us to meet him by the car in ten minutes."   
  
        Alex bit her bottom lip, looking back down the hallway. She wasn't about to push Dean at that particular moment. She was shocked he would do such a thing, to change their lives so drastically. Did he really think he had brought only bad to their lives? Alex had seen the way they looked at Dean, and she knew it was bullshit, they wouldn't have wanted to forget him. She reluctantly pulled Sam's sleeve and they both headed out to the Impala. The both leaned on the hood of the car, watching the front doors for Dean to emerge. The foreboding feeling was growing with each passing second and Alex wasn't sure what to do about it. _Dean will be fine, he just needs time, they will be fine_ . She continued this mantra until Dean came out, his stride long and determined.   
  
        "Well?" Sam asked, looking Dean up and down.   
  
        "Well nothing," Dean grunted, pulling open the door and sliding into the driver's seat. Sam looked at Alex and slid into the front seat, and she slid in back.   
  
        "Dean, you know, you've pulled some shady crap before, but this - " Sam shook his head, "has got to be the worst. Whitewashing their memories? Take it from somebody who knows -"   
  
        "If you ever mention Lisa and Ben to me again, I will break your nose," Dean's voice was dark, and thick with tension.   
  
        "Dean," Sam tried again, only to be cut off.   
  
        "I'm not kidding," Dean turned to Sam, who opened his mouth a moment and stopped. Alex saw the tears cresting in Dean's eyes, threatening to overwhelm him. She wanted to hold him, to reassure him, to tell him that it wasnâ€™t his fault that bad things happen to good people. She moved to put a hand on his shoulder but he flinched away, turning the key and starting up the car. Slinking back into her seat, Alex continued the mantra in her head, _Dean will be fine, he just needs time, they will be fine_ . A smaller, cruel voice whispered in the back of her head... _lies_ .   
  
        Back at home, Bobby gave them the rundown on what he had found out. Ellsie Visyak, the collector who Dean and Sam met on their Dragon hunt, was there the night that Lovecraft opened Purgatory... and she was what got out. Bobby said she was in hiding and refused to stay with them for safety. Bobby also guaranteed them all she was the friendly kind of monster, whatever that meant. Alex could tell her dad had a soft spot for this Ellsie, and wondered if maybe it was more than that.   
  
        Dean avoided Alex that first night and didn't come to her room like he had been doing. Alex wasn't surprised and wasn't even very alarmed. She knew he would need space to deal with the stress from the past few days. What she wasn't expecting was how skittish he was around her the whole next day. If she came into a room, he would stiffen and bolt out on some lame excuse. She spent the day helping cover phones so Bobby could work on the Purgatory issue. Garth had nearly gotten himself strangled by a ghost, and she rubbed at her own throat sympathetically at his tale.   
  
        Evening came and Dean was still shifty and restless. She saw Sam try to talk to him several times, but Dean just brushed him off. Alex couldn't stand the tension anymore and decided maybe space was best, so she headed outside with a bottle of whiskey, planning to clean up her car.   
  
        "Hey, blue bird," she purred to the car and put on her radio while she worked. She took a shot of whiskey, swaying her hips to the smooth smokey beat of the song. She threw out trash, which there wasn't much of, and cleaned the seats with some leather cleaner. A Black Keys song came on and it was a slow, silky song with a great deep bass line. She took another shot and sang along as she ran a dusting rag over the outside of the car, moving her body to the beat of the snare drum.   
  
        " _I've been tried, and I've been tested. I was born tired, and never got rested. Harder than marble stone, I'm better off, better off left alone_ ." She thought the singers voice sounded like pure sex, the way he hung on each line, even though she knew it was a sad song. She took a third shot, and this time she felt it and her head swam a little. " _Cause I'm not the one, no I'm not the one. You wanted it all, but I'll give you none, cause I'm not the one_ ." Alex felt some tension drain as she moved to the opposite side of the car. She even let herself close her eyes and imagine Dean's hands on her hips, tracing her every swing and shift of weight. " _You think that I'm normal, but all these years, I'm just just trying to warn you, you'd do good to move on. No it won't hurt me none_ ."   
  
        She looked up and saw Dean standing a few feet away, watching her from across the car. His face was hard to read in the dark, a shadow cast across it by the overhead lights.   
  
        "What band is that?" he asked in a strangely husky voice.   
  
        "The Black Keys," she replies. "You'd probably really like them. I can probably make you a cassette," she offered, knowing he wouldn't accept but hoping none the less.   
  
        "That's okay... say, uh, can we talk?"  ****  
** **

        She froze, watching him a moment. She fought back a nauseous feeling and managed a smile at him.   
  
        "If you come out of the dark like a creeper, sure," she gave a small, choked chuckle that died in her now tight throat. She walked back around to the picnic table and poured another shot, tossing it back before pouring one and handing it to Dean. He barely winced as he drank, handing the shot glass back, careful not to let their fingers touch. They both leaned back against the table, side by side.   
  
        "I uh- I wanna thank you, for all you did for- well for all you did," Dean said, staring at his boots. Alex reached over a hand to the back of his neck but he jumped up on his feet.   
  
        "You know better than to thank me for that, Dean." Alex narrowed her eyes at him, searching his face.   
  
        "Look I- Fuck, I'm not- I really..." He ran his hands through his hair, still staring at the dirt. She waited for him to find his words, her own mouth gone dry. "I can't do this anymore... you and me, whatever this is, with us... I- I can't Lexi." She sucked in a deep breath and felt a tiny shiver run through her as she let it out. She took another shot of whiskey and looked up at him. His face was stiff and still, almost like a statue.   
  
        "Dean, don't do this. Don't pull away from me." She stood and took a step toward him, but he physically jumped back, almost as if she was going to hit him. She held her hands out now, like someone approaching an injured animal. "It's me, Dean. You know me, I won't hurt you." She kept her voice low and maybe a little pleading, but every word felt like an effort.   
  
        "I know you won't- that's not, that isn't what this is about. Look I just can't, okay? This was a bad idea and I'm ending it."   
  
        "Is this about Lisa? I'm not her, Dean."  ****  
** **

        He shook his head at her and walked in a circle. He rubbed his hands over his eyes before resting them on his hips. She saw a flash of something across his face, and the stiff cold stone exterior was starting to crack. She could see it clearly now, the pain in his eyes was burning him alive.  ****  
** **

        "Dean," she said, but it barely came out, her throat feeling like it was full of rocks.   
  
        "Please, Lexi..." His voice caught in a painful way, "I can't. Please, Lexi, I just can't, I can't..." He was pleading now, silent tears streaking down his face. She bit back tears and moved swiftly towards him, pulling his head down to her shoulder. He resisted a second, and then softened into her as she hushed him, trying to keep the waver out of her voice. She stroked the back his head with one hand and rested the other on his shoulder. She felt his hands fist into the back of her jacket as he took a few ragged breaths.   
  
        Time slowed a moment and she realized she knew what to do. She was certain that pulling her kidney out and handing it to him would be less painful than what she was about to do, but she also knew that causing Dean this much pain was something she simply couldn't bear. Taking a slow, deep breath, she told the biggest the lie of her life.   
  
        "It's okay, Dean, I understand. It's okay." She continued to stroke the back of his neck, feeling him start to settle a bit. "It's over, if that's what you want. It's over." She couldn't help but silently plead for him to change his mind.   
  
        "I'm so sorry, Lexi," his voice was hoarse and strained. "I can't do this, but I- but I don't wanna lose you."   
  
        It was a herculean effort but she swallowed down any tears that were fighting to break free and pulled back from him, standing tall and confidently, holding the sides of his arms.   
  
        "Dean," she waited, but he was still looking at the ground. "Dean Winchester, look at me." He raises blood shot eyes up to her. She was taken aback by the sight of them but pushed on, anyway. "I want you to hear me now, okay? Like really hear me... I am not going anywhere. You can never lose me. I will never choose to leave you. You're my family. Whether we are together or not, won't change that."  ****  
** **

        Dean let out a huge sigh and a small amount of tension left his shoulders.   
  
        "Your sure? I mean I'd- I'd understand if you - if you didn't wanna see me," Dean rubbed at the back of his neck nervously now, but his voice was a little steadier.   
  
        "And who would pull your ass out of the fire then, huh?" She laughed, she actually managed a laugh. Heaven help her, Dean seemed to have bought it, and gave her a small smile. "Come on, enough with the chick flick moments, alright? Go on inside and make sure Sam isn't chatting dad's ear off."  ****  
** **

         Dean examined her for a moment. "Thanks Lexi, I... thanks." Dean put his hands in his coat pockets and, hunching his shoulders, headed back into the house.  ****  
** **

         Alex swayed a little where she stood, feeling light headed. The hole that she had just torn open in her chest ached - physically hurt more and more with every breath. She grabbed at it, trying to steady her breathing, but it wasn't working. She snatched the bottle and jogs through the salvage yard, heading for the far south end. Tears began to blur her vision but it didn't matter since her feet knew where to go. She kept running, despite the growing ache in her chest until she reached an old oak tree at the far end of the property. She ducked around the back of it and fell to the ground, gasping for breath.   
  
_Get a hold of yourself, Singer!_   
  
_It's over...it barely started and it's over._   
  
_Get a grip, you knew this could happen._   
  
_He doesn't want me._   
  
_He said he doesn't want to lose you._   
  
_I'll only hurt him...I have to let him go._   
  
        She desperately tried to silence the conflicting thoughts in her head. She leaned back against the hard bark of the tree and buried her face in her hands, pulling her knees to her chest. She listened to the still night air and realized that unrequited love was one thing, but rejected love... well that was a whole new monster, and boy were its teeth sharp.  ****  
** **

        That night, brick by brick, with whiskey and tears, Alex began to put the wall back up around her heart, and prayed that this time she would have the will to keep it up. She had work to do, and monsters to fight, angels to save, and heartache was just gonna have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All, I know things have gotten pretty angsty, I am trying hard to stay true to who these characters are and as true to cannon as I can. I just don't see Dean feeling worthy enough for love after what happened with Lisa (though we all know he is more than worthy, he is Dean Winchester). Regardless I promise Alex and Dean are end game but its gonna take a little more time to get there. Hope your enjoying the ride, I am already plotting part 2 into season 7. <3


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All!!! so sorry this took a while to get written ( I had a very bad stressful work week and I just didn't have time to write). I have two songs in this chapter, Blue Bird by Sara Bareilles, and Yellow Submarine by the Beatles. Hope you all enjoy! <3 PS: Special thanks to Ruby for all the beta reading and brain storming on this one, love you girl <3

_ I told him I saw this coming, _ __   
_ That I'd practically packed up my things. _ __   
_ I was glad at the time that I said I was fine _ _   
_ __ But all honesty knows, I wasn't ready, no

        Alex rested her pounding head on the steering wheel of her Firebird, staring down at the dull blue paint, and fixating on a small speck of rust on the hood. She was regretting finding the bottom of that whiskey bottle the night before. 

_ And so here we go bluebird, _ __   
_ Back to the sky on your own. _ __   
_ Oh, let him go bluebird, _ __   
_ Ready to fly, _ __   
_ You and I, _ __   
_ Here we go. _ _   
_ __ Here we go.

        She stole a deep breath, listening to the soft melancholy voice singing through her radio. She pulled up the grocery list and once her stomach felt a little more settled, finished turning the ignition and felt the rumble of the car below her. 

_ This pair of wings worn and rusted, _ __   
_ From too many years by my side. _ __   
_ They can carry me, swear to be, _ __   
_ Sturdy and strong but see, _ _   
_ __ Turning them on still means goodbye.

        Sam ran out in the drive behind her trying to flag her down, but Alex just hit the gas leaving a cloud of dust in her wake. She needed to get some space from Dean, just a moment to clear her head and focus on the task at hand. She was also not ready to answer Sam's growing questions as he had watched her nurse her hangover that morning.

_ And so here we go bluebird, _ __   
_ Gather your strength and rise up. _ __   
_ Oh, let him go bluebird _ __   
_ Oh, let him go bluebird _ __   
_ Oh, let him go bluebird _ __   
_ Ready to fly, _ __   
_ You and I, _ __   
_ Here we go. _ __   
_ Here we go. _ _   
_ __ Here we go…

        “Oh, what do you know,” Alex grumbled, flicking off the radio and fighting down a thick lump in her throat. She wished she could fly away on her blue bird. She’d never do it though, not when her family still needed her. She felt torn inside between the urge to flee and be alone and the stronger urge to be held and loved. Her arms were shaking a bit and she could feel the alcohol coming out of every pore in her skin, even after a very long shower. Suddenly she made a sharp left turn, and her car pulled up to a familiar driveway of a small ranch home. 

        Alex threw the car in park and was suddenly pounding on the front door feeling downright frantic. There was a shuffle of feet and Alex felt like she was holding her breath before the door swung open and Jody stood there with big round brown eyes looking at her in shock.

        “Alex?” 

        Her shoulders shook and all the tears came pouring out of her like a floodgate had opened. She didn’t remember what happened next but she was on Jody’s couch with her head bowed in her hands and a soothing hand rubbing circles on her back. Jody sat silently next to her for a few minutes until Alex started to regain enough composure to feel horribly embarrassed. 

        “I’m- I’m sorry,” Alex took a few shaky breaths and Jody handed her a tissue. 

        “Nonsense, now you wanna tell me what this is all about?” Jody’s voice was calm and firm, and it gave Alex the courage to try and slow her breathing and form a few more coherent words. 

        “Dean,” she said at last hiding her face in her hands again. Jody took a firm hand and pulled Alex’s closest hand free, forcing her to make eye contact. 

        “You wanna elaborate?” 

        “I don’t even know where to start.” That was honest enough. 

        “Try the beginning.”

        “It’s complicated,” Alex shrugged, feeling a little more composed. 

        “Honey, it’s always complicated with men. Now come on, let’s have it.”

        Alex steadied herself before beginning and then all the words came tumbling out of her in a torrent. 

        “I’m in love with Dean Winchester.” God it felt good to say that out loud, she wasn’t sure she ever had. “I have been for as long as I can remember. He never felt the same way, though, and I was fine with it. Dean is my family. I wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything, not anything. I know he has loved me like a sister, in his own way, but recently… this past year things have changed…” Alex wasn’t sure how to phrase it. “He started looking at me different, his gaze would linger, his touch would be just a little too long. When he broke up with his ex and kissed me I thought this is it, you know? He figured it out.” Alex gave a painful laugh.

        “So what happened?” Jody pushed a little when Alex was quiet for too long. 

        “Well, we uh… we slept together,” Alex wasn’t sure why she was blushing. Jody had been the one to give her the birds and the bees speech anyway. “We’ve been kinda fooling around on the down low for a few weeks now and I really thought…” the hope drained out of her voice at the end, “I really thought he might be falling for me.”

        “Let me guess, he changed his mind?” Jody said with a small sympathetic smile. 

        “Yeah, he called the whole thing off… got spooked when his ex got really hurt recently.” Alex lay back on the couch and felt a weariness settle on her bones. “He doesn’t want me, not like that anyway.” Those words stung the most but she felt like she had to say them out loud.

        “Hun, it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t want you, it sounds like he is scared that he does want you,” Jody gave her shoulder a squeeze and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. 

        “I dunno any more, Jody. Maybe Dean doesn’t want to be with anyone like that. Maybe he can never love someone that way. Or maybe… he just can’t love me like that.” her voice dropped to a whisper. 

        “Alexandra Claire,” Jody started in a firmer voice. “Now I don’t know those boys very well… not until… well, those zombie things showed up. But what I do know is they are brave, and strong and some of the finest people I ever met. That does not mean they know their ass from their elbow when it comes to love.” Alex couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Look I don’t know if Dean loves you or not, Alex, but it doesn’t sound like something you just give up on. That being said, you can’t sit around and wait for his dumb ass to figure it out.” Jody smiled at her again and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “If he can’t see the beautiful, strong woman sitting right in front of him than he doesn’t deserve you.” 

        Alex looked at Jody in awe. She was one of the wisest, strongest women she knew and Alex loved her so much in that moment. She lunged forward a little awkwardly and wrapped her arms around Jody, pulling her into a tight hug. 

        “Thanks, Jody. I love you, you know that?”

        “I love you too, Alex. You wanna stay for lunch?”

        “Nah, I gotta hit the grocery store and get back, we got a shit ton of work to do.” Alex stood and, giving Jody another hug, headed back out to finish her mission on retrieving groceries. She felt a bit calmer after talking to Jody and was ready to plaster on an everything-is-okie-dokie-face when she heard yelling coming from the house. Her arms were full of groceries as she crept in the front door. 

        “What the hell, Dean?”

        “What do you want from me?!”

        “I want the truth! Did you dump her, man?”

        “No! What are you talking about, dump who?” 

        “You know who I am talking about - Alex. I know you two have been sleeping together for weeks now.”

        “How do you know that? You been spying on us?”

        “No, you dumb ass, any idiot can figure it out, watching the two of you together. Honestly, I’m just surprised it took you guys this long.”

        “Well there’s nothing going on. Not any more.”

        “What? Why would you ruin it? Is it about Lisa?”

        “Shut your cake hole right now, Sam. This is none of your damn business.” 

        “Sorry, Dean, but it is my business. When you hurt my friend, when you hurt Alex, it sure as hell is my business.”

        “I didn’t hurt her, I would never hurt her. Why do you think I ended it? She is better off this way and so am I.” 

        “You know, you’ve done some dumb shit in your time, Dean, but this, this really takes the fucking cake. News flash, Dean, you’d have to be blind not to see how much she is hurting right now and that’s all on you.” Dean flinched at that, and Alex had heard enough.

        “Sam!” Alex was impressed at how steady her own voice was. They both turned shocked and embarrassed looks to her. “Sam, can you give me and Dean a minute and go outside, get the rest of the groceries?” Sam looked at her for a moment and glanced at Dean before slinking out the front door. Dean was staring down at his shoes, averting his eyes. 

        “Dean, I am only gonna say this once. Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself and I will be just fine. I don’t break that easy. You’ve made it clear what you want and I respect that. Don’t listen to everything Sam says, okay? He’s a few cards short of a full deck these days, anyway.” That earned her a small, half-hearted laugh but she would take it. 

        “Sure you're okay?” he asked again, looking at her. 

        “Yes,” she lied through her teeth, but some things he just didn’t have to know. He seemed to take that at face value and she saw his shoulders relax. She turned on her heel to deal with the other Winchester who was fuming and pacing in front of her car with one small grocery bag in his hand. 

        “Alex, I swear, I'll knock his block off!” 

_         Oh good he is being calm and reasonable _ . “Sam, you need to drop this right now. You hear me?”

        “Don’t feed me that ‘I am fine’ line, alright, it’s horse shit and you know it.” 

        She looked at Sam for a moment and knew she would have to give him some truth or he really wouldn’t drop it.

        “Dean called things off between us, okay? And does it suck? Yeah, it sucks, and no I am not fine, but I will be... eventually. We have bigger shit on our plate right now then your brother not loving me back. And I love you for wanting to ‘Knock his block off’ but I can handle that myself if I need to. Now please, Sam, I am begging you to drop it, go easy on him okay?” His eyes searched her face as his lips pressed together, getting smaller and smaller as he concentrated. 

        “I think he’s being a real jerk,” Sam let out a sigh. “If that’s what you want though, I promise to drop it. At least for now.”

        “Thanks, Sam.” She gave him a little smile and he pulled her into a hug, the groceries knocking into her back. “Love you, ya big moose.”

        “Love you too, Lex.” he kissed the top of her head and they went back inside. 

        Dean was poring over a text at Bobby’s desk, a whiskey in hand. Sam helped her put away groceries in silence and they all settled back into a semi normal routine researching when Bobby came bursting in the front door. 

        "Ellie just sent me a text. She wants to meet up," Bobby huffed, coming into the room and plopping down a few books on the counter. 

        "Where were you?" 

        "Just hitting up the local library. Come on let’s get the lead out.” Bobby clapped his hands and all three of them got up, heading out the door. 

        Dean insisted on driving and Sam and Alex took the back seat with Bobby up front. She was fairly carsick by the time they reached the meeting place and not for the first time that day was cursing her hangover. 

        "Where is she?" Dean grumbled, looking around the alley way.

        Bobby shrugged his shoulders, "She said to meet her here. I'll try her again." Bobby pulled out his phone to call her when they all hear a ringing phone by a dumpster. Bolting for it they found Eleanor, lying against a pile of pallets, looking half-conscious. Alex watched her dad kneel down in front of her, a truly pained look on his face. "El?"

        "Hey. I guess I could've used your help after all."

        "Just be still."

        "What happened?" Sam asked softly, standing by Alex.

        "They took me. I got away." She opened her coat to show her shirt soaked with blood across her stomach.

        "Oh, Ellie. What have they done to you?" The tone in Bobby's voice is soft and a little broken. Alex realizes, watching his face that he must have had real feelings for this woman, and that broke her heart for him.

        Eleanor gave a little chuckle. "Everything. The demon I could've handled, but when the angel stepped in, I -" Bobby sucked in a breath at that, but stayed silent. "I told him, Bobby. They have enough to crack Purgatory wide open."

        "Tell me. I need to know," Bobby pleaded with her. 

        "They need virgin blood. That's a milk-run for them. And they need the blood of a Purgatory native, and well, they've got plenty of that now." Alex began to feel a little sick at the thought of Cas torturing this woman, much less how he would acquire virgin blood. 

        "Have they opened it yet?" Dean sounded wary, like he is holding his breath. 

        "Tomorrow. The moon - an eclipse. I'm sorry, Bobby." Bobby soothed her and told her it was okay, and Alex watched as the light faded out of her eyes, and her body went limp in Bobby’s arms. Resigned, Bobby took his hand and gently closed her eyes. Alex put a hand on his shoulder giving it a small squeeze to let him know she was there with him. There was a flutter of fabric and they all turned to see Castiel standing behind them with a forlorn look. 

        "I'm sorry this had to happen," Castiel sighed as Bobby stood up. "Crowley got carried away."

        "Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley, you son of a bitch!" Bobby lunged at Cas, only to be caught by Sam and Dean holding him off. 

        Dean turned a dark glare to Castiel. "You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!"

        "Enough! I don't care what you think. I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen. So let me make this simple. Please, go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again." Alex moved in between Dean and Cas, putting a hand on Castiel's chest. She wasn't sure if the gesture was to hold him off or to comfort him. Warring emotions rattled through her head. Half of her wanted to punch Castiel, and the other part wanted to hug him.

        "Cas," is all she managed to say, and she knew it just came off like a weak plea. He avoided looking at her.

        "Well, good, 'cause I think you already know the answer," Dean grunted at Cas.

        "I wish it hadn't come to this. Well, rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down." Alex felt her stomach turn, her gut screaming that something terrible was about to happen. 

        Dean’s voice was faint in the background of her ringing ears, "Save Sam from what?" Alex moved her fingers to clutch at Castiel's coat, to hold him in place until she could think of way to slow everything down. 

        In the blink of an eye Castiel had disappeared from under her hand, and reappeared behind Sam. Two fingers to Sam's temple was all it took and the huge six foot four frame crumpled to the ground. Dean barely got there in time to catch him before he would have broken his nose on the concrete.

        "Sammy!" Dean yelled, clutching at his brothers shoulders. All three of them had swooped in on the limp form of Sam on the ground. Alex looked around to lock eyes with Cas for a moment, tears pricking at her eyes. She knew he could read the betrayal there. If there was a line in the sand, Cas had just crossed it. She tried to read his face, and she thought there was genuine regret behind those eyes, but before she could blink... he was gone. 

        "Come on, talk to me Sam, wake up. Sammy!" Dean had Sam draped across his lap and his two hands holding Sam's face pleading with him. Bobby shot Alex a look and she knew what he is thinking. 

        "Dean... Dean I think- I think his wall has been broken," she said tentatively. Dean didn't reply, but hunched in over the still form of his little brother. "Let's get him home, okay? Then we can figure out how to fix him." She felt terrified inside, but managed to imbue her voice with confidence. 

        Dean nodded and the three of them managed to get Sam into the back of the Impala. Alex sat with his head in her lap as they drove for home. It was completely silent in the car except for Alex, who occasionally talked to Sam while running her fingers through his hair. 

        "Sam, you gotta wake up for us, okay? Please wake up. I need you here, and so does Dean and Dad, so no quitting on us." She continued to run her hands through his hair but he was out cold. She tried pinching his arm but no reaction, not the slightest flinch.

        "Say, if you wake up, I will give you my Flash comics, all of them and not just to borrow," she chuckled lightly at the thought. "And hell I will throw in that Green Arrow one you liked so much. You remember that Sam? Reading comics and books together all night in our awesome fort? You didn't think I could make the broom stay standing but I told you duct tape can do anything. You wouldn't stop playing that song on Dean's cassette player, the Yellow Submarine. Do you remember that? You said our fort was like the submarine?" She watched his face but it was completely still. On impulse she cleared her throat and softly began to sing. 

_ In the town where I was born _

_ Lived a man who sailed to sea _

_ And he told us of his life _

_ In the land of submarines _

        She glanced up and caught Dean watching her in the rear view and he gave her a little side smile. He remembered how much Sam loved that stupid song too, apparently. She flushed red and kept singing. 

_ So we sailed up to the sun _

_ Till we found the sea of green _

_ And we lived beneath the waves _

_ In our yellow submarine _

 

_ We all live in a yellow submarine _

_ Yellow submarine, yellow submarine _

        She couldn't help but smile as she sang the silly chorus over and over again trying to remember all the verses. Even Bobby gave a chuckle from the front seat. When she came to the end of the song, Dean's deep voice came in with the echoing harmony from the front seat. 

_ As we live a life of ease (A life of ease) _

_ Everyone of us (Everyone of us), has all we need (Has all we need) _

_ Sky of blue (Sky of blue), and sea of green (Sea of green) _

_ In our yellow (In our yellow) submarine (submarine) _

        The mood was lightened in the car for a moment, but as the silence stretched over the long miles the fear seemed to settle back in on all of them. It was a few hours before they were home and had Sam safely lying down on the cot in the panic room. Alex sat by the bed, her laptop open, searching for something that might be able to help Sam out of his catatonic state. Dean paced and drank and drank and paced, moving around the room like an agitated tiger in a cage. Bobby stayed upstairs, still researching and trying to figure out what to do about purgatory. The silence in the panic room was thick enough to cut with a knife. 

         “Sammy? Come on, snap out of it.”

        "Anything?" Bobby asked as he came into the panic room. It had been a day already with no change. 

        "I can't just sit here, I've got to help him," Dean ran his hands through his hair, looking at the still form of his brother on the cot. 

        "Dean," Bobby started in a sympathetic tone.   
  
        "You know, Dream-scape his noggin. Something."    
  
        "You know what Cas did. The dam inside your brother's head is gone, and all hell's spilling loose. We don't know what's going on inside."   
  
        "We just need to give him time," Alex sighed, hoping that was true.   
  
        "I don't care. We have got to do something!" Dean threw his hands up in frustration.    
  
        "And we will, but right now we got sixteen hours 'til they pop Purgatory. I'm down one man. I can't afford to be down two," Bobby gave Dean a stern, though not unkind, look.    
  
        "Yeah, and how's that going, huh? We've got no line on Crowley. We got no line on Cas. Balthazar's MIA. I mean, all we've got is Sam, going through whatever the hell this is!"   
  
        Bobby moved over to the small side table, "You know, this is exactly what Cas wants. For you to fall to pieces. Just try to think of what Sam would want." Bobby poured three glasses of whiskey and held two out to them. Alex and Dean paused before taking them, looking down at Sam again. How had they gotten to this point, Alex wondered to herself not for the first time.   
  
        Dean stepped over to Bobby pointing a finger at him, glass in hand, "Find Cas, Bobby. Find him now." Alex couldn't help but cringe a little at the tone of Dean's voice.    
  
        Bobby took his glass and went up to the library to continue trying to do just that. Alex and Dean took two seats on either side of Sam and sat watching him. Dean leaned forward once shining a light in Sam's eyes, but nothing changed. Alex was flipping through a scanned copy of a text on Enochian magic when Dean cleared his throat.    
  
        "You know, it wasn't that long ago it was Sam and I sitting here watching you in this cot... waiting for you to wake up," Dean didn't lift his eyes to her, they seemed glued to his brother.    
  
        "I woke up, and so will Sam."   
  
        "Always the optimist, Lexi," Dean scoffed a little.   
  
        "Someone has to be." She gave him a little scolding look.   
  
        "True... you got your work cut out for you with our lot." He finished his whiskey and poured another glass.   
  
        "I guess I will just have to stick around then," Alex continued flipping through pages of the PDF on her screen.   
  
        Dean was quiet a few more minutes before he started up again out of the blue, "Why do you do it, Lexi?" Dean was looking at her now.   
  
        "Why do I do what?"   
  
        "Stay... here I mean, dealing with all this shit?"    
  
        "Why do you?"    
  
        "No, I asked first." Alex had to pause for a minute to think through her answer.    
  
        "I do it because I want to. This is where I want to be."   
  
        "You don't want a normal life? You didn't even consider it?" He seemed genuinely interested in her answer.   
  
        "Now you're sounding like Dad...No I don't want a 'normal life', whatever that even means. I'm a good hunter. This is what I was meant to do."   
  
        "It would be a lot easier," Dean sighed, and leaned back in his chair a bit.   
  
        "Can't argue that. Someone has to do it though." Alex had never really considered it, leaving the life. She hadn't known anyone that did it successfully - even Dean only lasted a year. But beyond that she never felt a pull toward it, no matter how hard things were, or how tired she got. What she did, it mattered, and she did it with the people she loved most. What more was there?   
  
        "So this is our future then, keep fighting ‘til the end, guns blazing." Dean sighed. 

        Alex wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. Alex never really thought about the future, certainly not like most people do. Getting married, buying a house, having kids, retiring, and getting an RV. She didn't have any long term goals because she never knew how long she would have.   
  
        "I don't know about the future, Dean, no one does. All I know is that I am right where I am suppose to be right now... with my family."    
  
        She looked at Dean's tired eyes, glossy in the low lamp light and worry lines stretched across his brow. She wanted go to him and hold him tight, run her hand through his hair. She couldn't do that though, not anymore, and that stung. 

        Suddenly, Sam started thrashing and convulsing on the cot. Dean and Alex leapt forward putting a hand on his chest to try and still him, but his whole body shook and arched off the bed.    
  
        "Sammy! Sam!" Dean yelled and all at once Sam's body went slack again, falling back onto the bed.   
  
        They both collapsed back into their chairs once he showed no sign of waking up.    
  
        "Look what the cat dragged in." Bobby stood in the door frame with Balthazar standing behind him. Dean and Alex moved over to them with a rush of relief at the sight of the angel.   
  
        "Well, at least you mudfish finally got the angel-proofing right. How's Sleeping Beauty? You didn't steal any kisses, I trust?" Balthazar winked as Alex who rolled her eyes.   
  
        "What the hell took you so long?" Dean grumbled at him.   
  
        "Honestly? I was having second thoughts."   
  
        "About?"   
  
        "About whether to help you. I was thinking maybe... Maybe I should rip out your sticky bits instead," Balthazar scowled at Dean.   
  
        "And what did you decide?" Alex asked, knowing the answer.   
  
        "Well..." With a flourish, he pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Dean. "Cas and Crowley are there. That's where the show gets started."   
  
        "Alright, well give us a minute to pack up and then zap us there."   
  
        "Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think so." Balthazar stepped back, holding his hands up.   
  
        Alex gave him a warning look, "Balthazar."   
  
       "I'm betraying a friend here. A very powerful friend. We all are. So I think I've stuck my neck out far enough already. Good luck." and as quickly as he came, Balthazar was gone. The word betrayal hang heavy in her chest. Bobby didn't hesitate to snatch the address and began packing up their gear. Dean and Alex stood by Sam's bed as Bobby threw the last of his weapons in the bag.    
    
        "Time's up, kids." 

        Alex frowned, she couldn't bare the thought of walking away from Sam right now, but she also knew she was needed more elsewhere. 

        "Yeah, just a second," Dean said, then leaned over Sam, putting the piece of paper with a gun on it by his side. "Alright, this is where we're gonna be, Sam. You get your lazy ass out of bed and come and meet us. Sammy, please."   
  
        Alex moved over and planted a soft kiss on his head, saying, "See you soon, Sam."

        The three hunters moved in silence, none wanting to speak aloud their fears of how completely unprepared they were. If ever Alex wished she could see the future… now was it.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! finally made it to the finale! This is the end of Part 1 to the Wayward Daughter Series, the final chapter to round out season 6 (I did dip a little into episode 7:01) I will figure out how I want to post the next the part to AO3 and I have plans for the first few chapters. Thanks for all the comments, Let me know how you are liking it and if there is anything you wanna see in Part 2. All the love to my SPN Family and thanks to WaywardAF67 & waywardjenn for reading and helping me work out this story, and of course I couldn't do it with out my edits from ellen of oz. Thanks guys <3

        "I count a dozen mooks, probably more," Bobby grunted, staring at the building through his binoculars.   
  
       "Demons?" Dean asked warily.   
  
       "Angels."   
  
       "Fucking figures," Alex grumbled.   
  
       "Well how the hell are we gonna take out that many angels?" Dean took the binoculars and examined the guards standing post at the building. Alex leaned against the Impala and sighed.   
  
       "We don't, We'll ninja our way in," Bobby shrugged his shoulders.   
  
       "Awesome. Yeah, 'till they hear your knee squeak."   
  
       "Shut up." Bobby stilled suddenly.   
  
       "Oh what now you got thin skin?"   
  
       "No, shut up. You hear that?" The three of them froze and there was a building rumble in the distance that shook the ground. It made Alex's stomach lurch.   
  
       "What the hell is that?" Dean's voice was rising in irritation.   
  
       "T-rex maybe?" Alex half-heartedly joked as she saw ripples in the puddle on the ground.   
  
       "Holy mother of-" Bobby began to exclaim and they turned to see a huge black demon cloud of smoke descending on them.   
  
       "Get in the car! Get in the car!" Dean yelled and they bolted for the doors. Alex jumped in the front seat next to Dean and Bobby climbed in the back right as a huge black cloud slammed into the side of the car. Alex tried to brace herself on the dashboard but the car shook and with a huge bang flipped and crashed upside down on the hood. Alex tumbled in the car like a ragdoll as the black cloud swept over them, heading for the building.   
  
       "Lexi? Lexi wake up," Alex blinked her eyes a minute and groaned in pain. She must have blacked out at some point. She turned her head to see Dean crouched on the upturned ceiling of the Impala, one hand on her shoulder.   
   
       "Dad?" Alex coughed and tipped her head to see Bobby moving to get up as well.   
  
       "Come on, we gotta go." Dean kicked the bent driver's side door open and Alex gingerly flipped to her hands and knees to crawl out, trying not to cut herself on the glass more than she already had. They all stood up in the night air a minute, catching their breaths. They were bruised, cut, and sore as hell but they all seemed intact. Baby, on the other hand, had seen better days.   
  
       "So do we have a plan at this point? And what do we do if we see Cas?" Alex hated to be the one to bring that up.   
  
       "We stop him, that's what we do," Dean's body tensed as he gripped the angel blade. They only had two and Alex and Dean decided to take them.   
  
       "We save Cas, from himself if need be, but we save him." She gave them both a look making it clear where she stood, but neither contradicted her and they slowly moved through the woods toward the building. Alex could move with the most stealth so she did a loop around the building, calling it all clear before they moved in.

       Alex crept down the hall with Dean and Bobby at her back. No angels were in sight and the smell of sulfur hung heavy in the air. Her shoulder gave a bit of painful throb and she was sure she had landed on it earlier. They followed the voices and eventually made out the sound of Crowley talking in what sounded like Latin.   
  
       "Sed nunc stamus ad limen huius ianuae magnae et demisse, fideliter, perhonorifice, paramus aperire eam. Creaturae terrificae," Crowley crooned and Alex peeked around an open door to see Crowley down a set of metal stairs. But he wasn't with Castiel, he was with Raphael. There was a large red sigil painted in what looked like blood on the white tiled wall.   
  
       "Quarum ungulae et dentes, nunquam tetigerunt carnem humanam." Crowley continued as Alex turned back to look at Dean in question. She mouthed, “Now what?”   
  
       Dean pursed his lips and with a shrug, took aim and threw his angel blade at Raphael's back. It soared through the air, heading straight for its target but in the blink of an eye Raphael twisted and caught the blade. _Well, fuck!_ Alex cursed to herself. Crowley turned and with a flick of his hand all three of them were sent hurtling down the stairs. Alex cringed before her already sore body impacted with the hard ground, knocking the wind out of her. Luckily she kept her hand clutched tightly to their last remaining angel blade.   
  
       "Bit busy, be with you in a moment," Crowley replied in a bored tone before continuing his chant. "Aperit fauces eius ad mundum nostrum, nunc, ianua magna aperta tandem!"   
  
       Alex struggled to think and get to her feet, flinching a bit when Crowley yelled the final words. They held their collective breaths and the room stilled. Nothing happened. No portal opened... nothing.   
  
       "Hm-hmmm. Maybe I said it wrong?" Crowley furrowed his brow. That's when Alex heard the tell tale sound of a rustling trench coat and all eyes turned to Castiel who was standing a few feet from her with an empty blood-stained jar in hand.   
  
       "You said it perfectly. All you needed was this." Cas placed the jar down on the table near him. He had a serene sort of calm to his face. Alex was feeling incredibly human and ill-equipped for this standoff as she looked at the two angels and King of Hell.   
  
       "I see," Crowley turned, walking to his sigil and touching the blood. "And we've been working with…" Crowley tasted the blood on his fingers, "dog's blood. Naturally." Crowley's voice was nonchalant but Alex could hear the fear in it. She felt Dean's hand wrap around her elbow and they both slowly rose to their feet. She saw Bobby walk up on her other side, but she felt only slightly better standing between the two hunters - they were still sorely outmatched.   
  
       "Enough of these games, Castiel. Give us the blood!" Raphael growled at him and it made Alex quake a little.   
  
       "Game's over. His jar's empty. So, Castiel, how'd your ritual go? Better than ours, I'll bet," Crowley nervously licked his lips and all eyes were glued to Castiel now. Castiel's beautiful blue eyes glowed a moment before he was surrounded in a bright and blinding light. Alex had to cover her eyes with her arm but she could still feel the light burning its way to her eyes. Her heart sank as the light drained away. Cas had done it, he had opened the portal and taken in all those souls.   
  
       She blinked her eyes open at Castiel's voice, "You can't imagine what it's like. They're all inside me. Millions upon millions of souls." There was a dreamy quality to his voice and Alex swallowed hard to keep her cool. Tension radiated off of Dean in waves.   
  
       "Sounds sexy. Exit stage Crowley," and in a blink the King of Hell had disappeared from sight.

       Cas turned his gaze to Raphael who wore, for the first time, a face of fear. It would be stupid to not be a little nervous, seeing a scared archangel. It was obvious that Raphael was trying to flee but their feet were stuck to the ground.   
  
       "Now, what's the matter, Raphael? Somebody clip your wings?" Castiel said in a mocking tone. There was a dark cruelty in his gravelly voice.   
  
       "Castiel, please. You let the demon go, but not your own brother?"   
  
       "The demon I have plans for. You, on the other hand..." Castiel snaps his fingers. That was it, that was all it took and Raphael, Archangel of the Lord exploded with a scream.

       Alex took a moment to reflect on how oddly similar this was to when Lucifer had blown Cas to pieces barely a year ago.

       There was a clanging sound as the angel blade, once in Raphael's hand, fell to the floor. Then it was just them - Team Free Will, minus Sam of course. She waited for the relief to flood over her, but all she felt was a deep and growing fear in her gut. 

       "So, you see, I saved you," Castiel's cool and unnatural voice sent a shiver down her spine.  
  
       "Sure thing, Cas. Thank you," Dean gave him a strained grin and stepped just slightly in front of Alex, inching closer to Cas.   
  
       "You doubted me, fought against me, but I was right all along," Castiel held his chin out, and Alex couldn't help but feel that this wasn't Cas, it must be some warped version of him. It felt wrong, all wrong, and she was so glad when Dean answered since she couldn't find words.   
  
       "Okay, Cas, you were. We're sorry. Now let's just defuse you, okay?" Dean's voice was low and he held out his hands to Cas like he was some kind of wild animal.   
  
       "What do you mean?" Cas cocked his head to the side.   
   
       "You're full of nuke. It's not safe. So, before the eclipse ends, let's get them souls back to where they belong." Dean put a little authority behind his voice now in a vain attempt to take control of the situation.   
  
       "Oh no, they belong with me." Cas said, almost as an afterthought.   
  
       "No, Cas, its it-its scrambling your brain," Alex stuttered out.   
  
       "No, I'm not finished yet. Raphael had many followers, and I must punish them all severely."   
  
       Dean put a hand out to silence Alex a moment and cleared his throat. "Listen to me. Listen, I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too. You don't need this kind of juice anymore, Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all." Alex was sure she felt her heart break just a fraction more at the sound of desperation in Dean's voice.   
  
       "You're just saying that because I won. Because you're afraid," Cas shook his head a moment, and that's when Alex saw Sam. Sam was creeping up behind Cas, and he had an angel blade in his hand. Cas continued, "You're not my family, Dean. I have no family." The angel's words, her angel's words sliced through her heart, but she looked up to see Sam raising the blade and stabbing Castiel straight through the back.   
  
       "No!" Alex cried out, lunging forward only to be blocked by Dean's outstretched arm. She waited for it, the burst of light, the crumpled body of her friend and the black singed wings stretched out upon the ground. But none of that happened. Sam stumbled back, looking like he was almost intoxicated. Cas just stared down at the blade and, reaching his arm around slowly, pulled it out without so much as a drop of blood.

       Alex wasn't sure what to do. Part of her wanted to run to Cas, to hold him, to plead with him. But the other part of her wanted to run to Sam, who was by some miracle standing before them. She did none of those things, feet practically rooted to the floor and hand braced on Dean's still outstretched arm.  
  
       "I'm glad you made it, Sam. But the angel blade won't work, because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you."   
  
       Time stood still for a moment. Alex was, for the first time, scared of Castiel. Maybe a wiser person would have been scared of him all along. He was a soldier of heaven, a warrior, and was full of immense power even before his recent soul power-up. She never feared him though, not once - she had trusted him implicitly from the first time she heard his voice. What had her friend done to himself? And he'd done it all to save them. She turned her head a little when she saw her Dad kneel down on the floor. Dean had moved his hand to her wrist and held it lightly, either in comfort or warning.   
  
       "Well, all right then. Is this good, or you want the whole ‘forehead to the carpet’ thing?" Bobby asked, looking up at Cas. He then turned his eyes to the rest of them, "Guys?"   
  
       The three of them hesitated, Sam slumped against a table, but they all slowly started to sink down to their knees.  
  
       "Stop." Castiel's voice halted them in their movements. "What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me. Not love, not respect, just fear."  
  
       "Cas..." Sam's cracked voice came out barely above a whisper.   
   
       "Sam, you have nothing to say to me - you stabbed me in the back. Get up."  
  
       All of them slowly stand back up and Dean licks his lips, choosing his words carefully, "Cas, come on, this isn't you."  
  
       "The Castiel you knew is gone."  
  
_I could have told you that_ , Alex thinks.  
  
       "So what, then? Kill us?" Dean said in a stilted bravado.  
   
      "What a brave little ant you are. You know you're powerless, you wouldn't dare move against me again. That would be pointless. So I have no need to kill you. Not now. Besides...once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me."  
  
       "Cas, I love you. Please come back to us, please.” Alex was not one for begging but if ever the moment called for it, this was it.   
  
       "I'm God, I am not Castiel. And if you stay in your place, you may live in my kingdom. If you rise up, I will strike you down. Not doing so well, are you Sam?" Sam swayed a little and Alex saw sweat on his brow as he blinked his eyes to try and focus.   
  
       "I'm fine..." he cleared his throat a little, "I'm...fine."  
  
       "You said you would fix him- you promised!" Dean growled out with his first wave of anger at the sight of his struggling brother.   
  
       " _If_ you stood down, which you hardly did. Be thankful for my mercy. I could have cast you back into the pit." Castiel's words stung and Dean looked like he had been smacked across the face. Alex drew in a ragged breath. How could he even say such a thing?  
  
       "Cas, come on, this is nuts! You can turn this around, please!" Dean's voice was now taking on the same pleading tone that Alex's had. Dean didn't want to lose Cas any more than she did.   
  
       "I hope for your sake this is the last you see me."

       Without a sound, Castiel vanished.

       Alex blinked back tears as her world flipped upside down. She had four people, four that she was suppose to protect, to stand by, to love, and yet she could never seem to keep them all safe. Alex felt the wave of failure and regret flood over her. She pushed that feeling down though, deep down, until it was just a pinprick of pain. Her family still needed her if this past year had taught her anything, and all hope of saving Cas was not lost yet... it just couldn't be...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All! I have started part II in the series so if you want to see how Alex's journey continues just check out part II attached to the Wayward Daughter Series, much love 10-02-17


End file.
